Hey Everyone! Just wanted to give you all a bit of an update! I just finished school up so ill be able to update much more frequently now. This story was kind of just a "see how it goes" kind of thing for me but now that it's been rounded out a bit I think ill see it through to its end, although I'm still not real sure where that will be. Anyway, I'm glad that you all seem to enjoy it, of course I don't own the Vampire Diaries or its characters, and as always R&R!

Four Years Ago

The early morning sun streaming in through Stefan's curtains stirred me awake. His arm was still lightly thrown over my hip and his chest was against my back. I could feel his steady breaths against me. I smiled to myself, thinking about his innocent unconscious face. I tried to convince myself to go back to sleep, I snuggled closer into Stefan causing him to tighten his hold on me reflexively, but my stomach roared ferociously. I rolled my eyes at my own humanness and gently lifted his arm off of me. He barely moved as I shimmied my way out of bed. I walked on my toes as quietly as possible to the door and eased my way out of Stefan's room. Once I reached the bottom of the staircase that led to Stefan's room I released a breath and started walking normally towards the next flight. I was just about to the stairs when Damon's door swung open beside me, causing me to jump and hold my chest in surprise.

"Damon!" I yelped. I swallowed and backed subtly away from his door. His eyes flashed to my feet, not missing a thing.

"I am allowed to leave my own bedroom, you know." He said skeptically. There was a hardness in his voice that didn't quite reach his eyes. I felt embarrassed for a moment but composed myself quickly. Tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and set my face into a blank expression. I was determined not to let him affect me. I didnt want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he scared me. I met his gaze levelly.

"Sorry," I said flatly. "You just startled me, that's all." Damon watched me closely, carefully. His eyes eventually focused in on my fist at my side, clenched so tightly my nails were digging into my skin. When he didn't say anything else I started to move towards the stairs again. He reached out a hand quickly and caught my still closed fist. It jerked me back towards him. I gasped and looked up at him, frightened despite myself. His eyes widened for a moment and then returned to normal. He gently brought my fist up to his chest level and worked his fingers between mine and my palm. There were angry half circle indentions on my skin that he ran his cool hand over. I watched him silently, still frozen from fear. Once my hand was flat and relaxed he released me and met my eyes again. There was an emotion swimming in his eyes that I couldn't put my finger on. The same one from the previous night, when hed been angry. There was something else there and it was here again now. He grimaced.

"Your heart is pounding," he murmured. "You don't have to be afraid of me, I'd never hurt you." I cleared my throat hoping to mask the sound of my fear, which I had forgotten he could hear so clearly.

"Well I am," I said. I could hear Stefan's voice in my head now, asking me not to hold last night against Damon. My anger and fear faltered for a moment but I clung to it. He leaned on the wooden frame in his doorway.

"I know," he said. "And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I scared you last night, I'm sorry that you were upset by my actions. I'm sorry that I made you think so low of me that you believe I'd ever hurt you, or want you to be hurt." The sincerity in his voice and the slumped posture of his shoulders didn't escape my notice. I crossed my arms and physically planted myself in my anger. Stefans voice rang through my mind again, telling me that Damon was terrified to lose me. I mentally shook myself.

"You kill ruthlessly Damon," I told him. "I can't excuse that."

"I'm not asking you to," he said. "I just want you to try and understand that I don't do it without reason. It doesn't bring me joy."

I just glared at him. My heart was wavering, trying to convince me, as hard as he was, to just forgive him, to take away the pain so evident in his eyes. But if I did that, what kind of person would that make me? If I cared so much about a person who was capable of so much darkness? What made me different from the people who hurt me in my life? My mind kept regaling me with memories of all the things Damon had done for me. All the ways in which he'd made me feel cared for over the years. I let out a sigh.

"You lied to me," I finally whispered into the silence between us. Damon's eyes widened innocently.

"No," he denied. "I never lied to you."

"But you said-"

"I said that I told my father I'd do whatever it took to protect his plan. And I plan to. I plan to allow him to break the curse. But that doesn't change what I've told you. I want to find a way to save your life," he explained. I opened my mouth to argue and remind him that we already had a way. He grabbed my hands and took them in his, silencing me.

"A way that doesn't take away all of the possibilities for your life," he said. "I can't even begin to explain to you how complicated it is, but I want to save your life, Elena. More than almost anything."

I sighed, losing the battle quickly with my anger and my righteous judgement of him. There was a vulnerability in everything he was saying, in the way he was holding himself, the way he was holding my hand. He seemed so different than I'd ever seen him before. He was desperate.

"Damon," I sighed. He looked up at me, a light forming in his eyes, hope maybe. I decided that I at least owed him the truth.

"I don't trust you," I told him. His face fell. "I don't like how you do things sometimes. I think you're stubborn and self centered and maybe a little ruthless, and I don't want to care about someone who's like that." His mouth opened as if he was going to say something. I squeezed his hands still holding mine to stop him. He closed his mouth and looked down at our joined hands.

"But I was wrong last night," I said. His face snapped back up to mine, hope again springing to the forefront of his expression. "You've spent your entire life caring for Stefan more than you've ever cared about yourself, and for what it's worth you haven't been awful to me since I got here. You aren't like your father, I'm sorry I said that." When I finished I squeezed his hands one last time and then removed mine from his grasp. I turned and walked back towards the stairs again, stepping down in the first step. Then I heard his quiet voice call to me.

"So there's hope then?" He asked. I turned to look at him with a confused expression. There was a small smile on his lips that was coated in sadness.

"I haven't lost you forever?" The need in his gravelly voice, the effort it took to ask something so vulnerable pulled a small chuckle out of me. I looked into his eyes and promised myself I'd give him every facet of the truth, because no one deserved to be lied to.

"We'll see," I told him. His answering smile almost broke what little resolve I had left. I almost forgave him on the spot and told him that he would never have to be anything but himself and that he could never lose me. But I turned around instead and finished my journey to the kitchen. I was determined to make Damon work for it. If he didn't want me to hate him he was going to have to do more than survive, he was going to have to care, and change. I was determined not to let him weasel his way back into my good graces with emotional eyes and tender words.

When I cooked that morning though, I set out three places on the bar, and I made enough food to fill them up. Putting my plate right in the middle. Despite my better judgement, and the logical part of my brain telling me I was right in what I had decided, my heart wavered. And I couldn't help but to wonder if maybe I didn't have the capacity to hate Damon Salvatore at all.

Today

It was dark when I finally stirred awake. The drapes in my room were always open, always allowing whatever natural light in that wanted to come in. Right now the waning moon was shining brightly on to my bed. I strained my ears for sounds of the boys still hovering outside of my room but all my human ears could pick up was the steady ticking of my bell alarm clock on my nightstand beside me. I cursed my ordinary hearing.

"Stefan?" I whispered into the darkness. I knew if he was anywhere near my door he'd hear me. My door cracked open and a head peaked in.

"Sorry to disappoint," Damon replied.

"Damon?" I asked. My groggy mind couldn't make sense of his being there.

"Stefan left a while ago, but I heard you so I thought I'd come check on you, I hope you don't mind," he replied. He was looking at me now with concerned eyes, but still he didn't enter my room.

"You can come in, I promise I won't throw myself at you again," I finally said. He gave me a tight lipped smile and stepped inside, shutting the door with a quiet click .

"Are you…?" his question trailed off, but I could imagine what he was going to say. I wiped my hand down my face and sighed.

"No, I'm not. But I won't start crying again if that's what you're worried about." I said dryly. My hand was still covering my face but suddenly he was there beside me, his gentle fingers pulling mine away from my eyes. He sat on the bed and held my hand in both of his. I curled my fingers around his, watching the way he cradled my hand like a small child's. He was always so gentle with me.

"I wouldn't mind if you did cry again, you know," he said quietly.

"Great, now you're lying to me," I said. He just stared at me, bewildered for a moment before I smiled. It wasn't an easy smile, I definitely had to force it, but it was a smile.

"You're right. I can't do crying. I absolutely can't stand it. If you even so much as sniffle I'll leave you here and run as far away as I can as fast as I can," he smirked. A laugh bubbled out of my chest abruptly. A real laugh. The sound of it was totally wrong to my ears, too hoarse and surprised. It made me laugh more the more I thought about the sound. Suddenly I was lost in a fit of giggles. Damon held my hand and watched me, his own surprised smile dancing on his lips. After a few moments I pulled myself together and wiped some moisture from my eye with my free hand. I sighed through the last few giggles then looked at Damon sincerely.

"Thank you, Damon," I said quietly. He smiled but it didn't touch his eyes. I reached my free hand out and traced the side of his face lightly with my fingers. His eyelids slid shut and his body tensed but he didn't pull away from me. I wanted to lean in and kiss him again, but I knew I shouldn't. I knew it would only hurt him more. So I dropped my hand from his face and covered the tops of his hands with my second one. Slowly he met my gaze again.

"Last night, I came to your room because I wanted to tell you something, but I think I was too drunk to really put it into words," I said. Damon smirked.

"Oh I think you got your point across anyway," he teased. I slapped his arm playfully.

"That is not what I meant, though that needed to be said too, I guess," I replied. Damon nodded slowly, maybe as reluctant as me to acknowledge what happened, reluctant to feel the pain of it never happening again.

"You think you could tell me now?" he asked. I nodded and he waited with his eyebrows raised.

"I wanted to tell you," I started. "Thank you."

"You just did that, you're welcome," He teased again with an eye roll. I pulled on his hands so he would look at me.

"I'm serious Damon, let me say this," I pleaded. He sobered up and leveled his eyes on me. I peered as far as I could into the blue depths of his eyes. I wanted to drink him in, every nuance, every awful deed, every hurt facet, every good piece of him. I wanted to know it all and I only had a few moments left so I had to take advantage of every one.

"I wanted to say thank you, for everything you've done for me, for taking care of me, for caring about me when you never had to. You made this place a home for me, and I didn't really think I'd have anything to miss or leave behind when this time came but I'm glad I do. I'm glad something has started to matter to me. And-" He cut me off with a finger to my lips.

"Please," he whispered. "No goodbyes, not yet." I frowned and sighed.

"We don't have a lot of time left Damon," I said.

"I haven't given up, Lena," he said. "We still have a little bit of time." Damon said. Despite my assurance that I wouldn't cry again I felt tears spring to my eyes. I looked towards my window and lost myself there for a moment. How I longed to wake up tomorrow and find out that Damon had conjured up a way to save the day, to give everyone what they want so I could be safe. But I knew it was no use. All the research they'd done in the last four years had yielded nothing in the way of an answer. There was no answer to be found, especially not in four days.

"Lena?" He murmured. I turned my wet eyes back on him and he gently touched my cheek with the pads of his fingers. I'd often dreamt of what that felt like. It felt like the softest of blankets, and it felt like electricity. I leaned into his touch.

"You hungry?" He asked, dropping his hand. The question was like cold water being dumped on me. Suddenly I was acutely aware of how hungry I was, and how badly I needed to pee. Damon noticed my sudden tension and stood, offering me his hand with a sly smirk. I shook my head.

"I need to shower. Can you make me something?" I asked, getting out of bed to stand beside him.

"Anything special you'd like?" He wondered.

"The leftover spaghetti is fine, thank you," I said. I reached up and kissed his cheek quickly causing him to go as rigid as stone, but I just continued past him like I didn't notice to grab some clothes from my walk in closet. When I emerged from the closet to go into the bathroom, he was gone.