DECEMBER 10 MONDAY

Six squibs sat around a fire singing merry squib empowering songs in the Eerie Swings forest.

"Fooor he's a squibby old fellow, for he's a squibby old fellow..."

"It's so nice to be out with my fellow squibs!" said one squib when they weren't singing.

"Despite what the media says I am proud to be a squib!" said another squib.

Little did they know they were being watched by Dark Wizards.

The Dark Wizards in questions were the brothers Orion and Betelgeuse Black of the purist club Tojours Fromage. They looked very alike despite not being twins: they both had slick black hair with slick black robes to match and both carried long black wands. They were incredibly dishy.

And they were Dark Wizards. But the similarities ended there.

Orion was a "family man", and Beteljuice was a bacherlor romance novelist.

Neither saw the appeal in sitting around a fire singing about it. But then, squibs were capable of little else.

Orion glanced at his brother and sighed.

"I just noticed you're wearing the same as me. Again."

(Wand profile: Rosewood, shelob web.)

"We're Dark Wizards, Ri," said Betelgeuse. "Robe options are a little limited."

(Wand profile: Hawthorn, scorpion tail.)

"You do realise that Chenilles has more than one set of black robes in their collection, don't you Betty?"

Betelgeuse ran his long slender fingers along his slim waist.

"The other robes just weren't black enough."

The brothers resumed their squib watch. Orion turned up his nose in disdain.

"Just look at them. How dare they?"

"I know!" Betelgeuse hissed. "Staining our pure woodland with their dirty existence!"
Orion raised his wand and sneered.

"If they want to be with their fellow squibs, I know where there are plenty of them."

He and Betelgeuse laughed scornfully. Betelgeuse raised his wand as well.

"In the grave!"
"Don't explain it!"
The brothers killed the squibs in two black flashes and put up the Black Mark (a spider on a web) as a reminder that the Tojours Fromage were to be feared.

After a short walk through the forest they came to a nice spot for putting up their tent. They ordered their servant Lumiere to set it up.

The inside of the tent was a partial replica of their hunting lodge in Marseille. Orion and Betelgeuse sat down in luscious chairs with ornate lattice work. A cozy fire crackled. Lumiere brought them Café Au Lait and madeleines and turned himself into a candlestick.

"This is nice," said Orion, slouching back and slurping coffee.

Betelgeuse took a bite from his madeleine.

"Is it nice being away from court on a Monday?"

"The court, the horrible wife. Is it nice getting away from the romance novelling?"

"I'm having a terrible case of writer's block at the moment."

They slurped their coffee quietly for a moment.

"So," said Orion, "When will you stop calling off engagements and get married already?"

"When I feel like it."
Orion looked at his brother.

"You're not gay, are you?"

"No Ri, I am not gay."

"Because I have many colleagues who are gay and married to women, it can be done."

"My dear brother, are you really so close minded to believe that if a wizard hasn't married by a certain age he is either gay or mentally ill? You hate your own wife, you're disappointed with your kids, yet the notion of refusing to be married baffles you."

"It does baffle me. It is up to us to keep the pure bloodline going. Don't you care about that at all?"

"Sure I do. I just think it's enough if you do it." Sluurrrp.

"Come now. What's really the matter? Problems in the bedroom?" Smirk.

"Certainly not."

"Oh right. You just don't want to be tied down."

"Last time I was tied down that caused some real problems in the bedroom! Thank you, thank you, I'm here on Thursdays. I just can't be bothered with the parent stuff."

"Here's a tip: get a nanny!"

"Besides, how could my own heirs be half as delightful as my darling nephews?"

"Have you been drinking?"

"Yes."

"Pour me some of that."

Betelgeuse poured some Ciroc in Orion's Café Au Lait. Orion swept the lot, and sighed heavily.

"Sometimes I just want to go back in time and smother them in the crib."

"Why?"

"Oh... Just something the missus said..."

"Ohhh..," Betelgeuse leaned closer. "Do you suspect the milk wizard?"

"If only. I asked the maid to make some, ahem, changes to the genealogical tapestry but she just lost both hands so I had her killed. The GT can't be altered. Mind you I am a bit suspicious of the fact that there aren't more milk wizards and secretaries on there."

"Well bastards don't count, I learned that from the book I never finished reading, Shagging Nobles."

"Yeah so did I… I mean I AHERM I of course always knew that. Of course you are right. It doesn't register illegitimate kids."
"How's that for an awkward Christmas 'though! What did the missus say anyway?"

"Oh that. One time she caught Sirius tidying up in the library."

Betelgeuse spat his spiked coffee.

"Tidy up?! Who taught him to tidy up!"
"He was having some friend over and so he was removing certain books that were 'too dark', so his friend wouldn't take offence."

"Weird!"

"Hm..."

"I'm sure it's nothing! Remember when I had friends over?"

"I looked for a new addition to the pet mausoleum the next day but I didn't see any. What's he doing hanging out with easily offended people? I feel like I have no control at all. I want to send him to Baguette Magique."

"Well I hear good things about Baguette Magique and its dark fostering program."

"The queue, 'though."

"To think that, when we were young, our parents wanted us to attend Hogwarts for their dark fostering program. How things change. I hear such bad things about the Slytherin house nowadays. Apparently they accept anybody who can stir together instant coffee. But at least they haven't done away with it. It's still better than the other houses."

Orion filled his cup to the brim with ciroc.

"That's another thing I've never mentioned. It's so embarrassing but... He's not in the Slytherin house."

Betelgeuse spat out his coffee.

"WHAT! But then you simply must arrange for him to change house stat!"
Orion wiped the coffee spit from his face.

"It can't be done because some hat won't allow it. Have you ever heard a dumber excuse? At Baguette Magique they would sew together the mouth and throw it to the moths."
"There must be circumstances under which they would make an exception."

"Perhaps if he was being bullied, but he's not being bullied because only weaklings are bullied."

"Now you listen to me. You must forget everything your missus has read in dark fostering books about how emotionally distant fathers create dark mindstates. I have had many cats and I can tell you that the way to get a cat to not do what you don't want is to always give it what it wants."

Orion nodded. "I hear what you're saying. If there's something wrong with the bitch-"

"No. Now look. What does every boy desire above all else?"

"Well he is 13 so I would guess-"

"That's right, his father's approval. I know it sounds a bit communist but hear me out. My editor Demonica Crool said this to me. If Sirius gets enough approval from you, he won't need to seek it out in un-dark places."

"Are you sure about that?"

"I am DEAD sure!"

They finished their Ciroc and madeleines. They stepped out of the tent and told Lumiere to pack it up.

"Now let's go to our real hunting lodge!" said Betelgeuse. "But we must be on our watch, because there's a full moon out!"
"I told Lumiere to pack our special bayonets and silver bullets."

They shared an evil laugh.

"Why are we laughing?" Betelgeuse asked. "Werewolves are excellent for keeping the squib count down and non-purists fear them."

"Well they're invasive and I still don't want them near my house."