Chapter 17- Mrs Darcy, but not Mrs Darcy
Darcy paced his room relentlessly. He had gone to her room to explain his stance on their marriage. Darcy had not anticipated spending a lot of time with her. But he was forced. She had challenged him, questioned him, and critiqued his lack of sense.
He was unaccustomed to being questioned on his decisions by anyone. His sister, his relatives, even his friend Bingley, all of them agreed with him without any hint of disagreement.
How dare she accuses me of lacking sense? After all I have done for her family? Her reputation? How could she?
He had expected her to be in a happy state, welcoming her husband into her chambers.
When he saw her nightdress on the bed, he realised that she was not eager to consummate the marriage.
The one-step she took backward when he entered her room made him realise that she feared the night. He weighed her accusations.
All these days, I never remembered what I said about her at the assembly. She must have overheard me. No wonder she avoided me the next day on the mount.
But she should be grateful that I am offering her a life as Mrs Darcy. She has nothing but contempt towards me.
He could not change his mind about the compromise. He had a firm belief in his judgment about people.
I could have denied marrying her. It would have saved all this conflict. But what was I to do? I was accused by her mother of ruining her reputation. Had I been moral-less, I could have avoided this marriage.
But Darcy knew he could not have lived with the guilt.
I hope she is a little reasonable tomorrow. There are so many matters to discuss to keep this as a namesake marriage.
In the adjacent room, Elizabeth was angry at herself for crying. Dear God! I hope the walls do not carry the sounds of my cries. He would term them as a drama as well. Horrible man.
She was in one way relieved that he had left her alone for the night. Will he be able to keep his resolve all the time? She doubted.
What if he changes his mind and comes in to punish me? She thought.
She looked at the bed and remembered his words.
"It is a comfortable bed. I hope you have a good sleep, madam." She was tortured by what he had said.
She was disgusted with herself for sleeping on it a few hours ago. She got up and pulled out the blanket from the bed. She threw it on the floor. She took one of the cushions from the settee.
I would sleep very well on the floor. She said to herself.
Why do I care about what he thinks of me? I have no affection for him. I do not need his good opinion. If he can live this way, so can I. But I am not going to give him the satisfaction of ordering me around. If I am to be Mrs Darcy, I will be so on my terms. I have never intended to marry without love, and I must be glad that he has the same mind. I do not need to fake that emotion on my end.
Maybe I can still live my life with minimum interaction with him and his arrogance. She looked at the window.
What if I get out through the window and run. I will be the woman who ran away from the most eligible man in England on their wedding night. That would be the only way to punish him. She thought.
But Elizabeth knew she was not that person. I could never do that. I won't be able to live with the guilt.
Her thoughts circled about Longbourn. The years she had spent in her room, talking and laughing with her sister.
I miss you, Jane. I miss you, papa.
She did not know when she slept. But she woke up at 6' o clock due to a recurring bad dream.
It was about her father battling for life in his carriage. She was haunted by the dream for several months. She wondered when she would be free of it.
She ruffled the sheets in her bed. I hope the servants are decent enough not to gossip.
Her maid helped her dress, and she headed to the breakfast parlour. She tried to look unaffected by the night.
As she expected, her husband was there reading the newspaper.
She filled her plate and sat down. He never looked at her.
They ate in silence. Finally, she heard him.
"Please accompany me to the study. There are many matters of importance we need to discuss."
"I have some other business to attend now. Can we discuss this later?"
Darcy looked at her in astonishment. He was never used to denial before.
"And what is it that is so important to you, madam? To disregard the discussion with me?"
"I have some letters to write. I can meet you in your study when I am finished with them. Please understand, I will not be adhering to all your requests or rules, just because you are my husband."
Darcy was angry.
"I expect you to respect my words."
"Respect is earned, not demanded. I will meet you in your study after I am done. If you physically wish to drag me there now, I am up to it. I am sure both of us could use that amusement."
Darcy did not know what to reply. She got up and left the room.
Elizabeth smiled as she walked up the stairs. He needs to understand that I will not obey him blindly.
She wrote letters to her mother, Charlotte and Jane. She had written to Charlotte before she got married. She had specified details about the situation of the marriage in the letter.
Why didn't I get a reply from her? It is almost two weeks. Mr Bingley also never got a reply from Mr Collins. What could be wrong?
She thought. It was almost an hour by the time she finished her letters.
Now to meet the lion in his den. She thought as she walked to his study.
She knocked on the door.
"Come in." He replied.
He motioned her to sit. He looked intimidating behind his desk.
"My closest relatives are my uncle and aunt. My uncle is the Earl of Matlock. They have returned from Scotland today. They are anxious to meet you. I have not divulged any details about the complications of our marriage. I wish to keep it the same way."
"Do you expect me to thank you for your kindness?"
Darcy frowned. She wants to argue with me for every single thing.
"I am merely stating that I have no intention to allow my relatives to belittle you."
Yes, of course, you want to have that honour for yourself. Elizabeth thought.
"These are the details about the funds you will receive for your use."
Elizabeth looked at the number on paper and blinked. What am I to do with all this money?
"I do not need this. I have everything I need."
"As Mrs Darcy, this is what you will get. You will also get all my mother's jewellery."
"Please stop. I do not want to hear all the monetary benefits I am gaining. I know you think that I have a deep affinity towards all these, but I do not. I like to leave if you have nothing else to discuss."
Darcy frowned. Is she earnest in her words?
"There are a good many things we need to discuss. If you have the patience to listen to me, we can continue this."
"Go on."
"Firstly, I request your permission to address you by your given name. I do not think we can go on longer by formal terms amidst family and friends."
How very nice of you, Mr Darcy.
"My given name is Elizabeth. You can address me so."
"You can call me Fitzwilliam."
"I am not sure how easily I can get to that level of intimacy with you. Even it is for namesake."
"It is up to you. I have instructed the housekeeper to show you the details of managing the Darcy House. Pemberley is a greater property and may be intimidating for you."
I do not find anything more intimidating than you, Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy.
"So, you will grant me all my rights for managing your house?"
"Yes, as I said last night, you will have every right of being Mrs Darcy, except when it comes to the two of us."
That suits me quite well. She nodded.
"We will meet my aunt and uncle tomorrow. And my cousin, Richard."
"I look forward to the visit. Is there anything else to discuss or declare?"
"No. I think this is quite sufficient for the moment."
Elizabeth rose and turned towards the door. She knew she would see him for the meals.
I can endure eating in silence. She thought.
Just then, she heard him call her.
"Elizabeth."
It was so alien, yet so disturbing when she heard her name on his lips. She froze when she heard her name. It took a few seconds for her to face him.
"If you wish to take your meals in privacy, you just have to let me know. I feel it is better that we at least meet during that time, to make this marriage work for domestic reasons."
"I assure you. If you can endure me, I can endure you as well. I shall meet you for dinner, Mr Darcy."
She left quickly, before he could reply.
He thinks he is giving me everything I need, except his trust and goodwill. Insufferable man.
The day passed by swiftly. Elizabeth was sure that he would not visit her in the night. She changed into a normal nightdress. She pulled the covers and spread them on the floor.
His words about her bed kept lingering in her mind. She was sure that she would never sleep on it.
She pondered a few minutes about her life. All I wanted was to be a governess and help my family. Maybe instead of that, fate made me a mistress of his property. I will be tied to him for life and never have the chance to have children. But my chances of matrimony were not bright before. I must allow myself to accept this life.
She remembered the proposal she had received from Mr Collins.
"You must take into account that you may never receive a proposal of marriage again."
Maybe he was right.
She stared at the door that led to his room.
Darcy, on the other side, was staring at the same door. He had met her in his study to discuss their life. But he felt that she hindered their conversation with her sarcasm and aloofness.
He had not meant to call her by her given name. But when she got up and turned around, without knowledge, he had addressed her so.
He saw her freeze.
I must call her so often. I wonder if she will ever call me Fitzwilliam.
He was agitated about his aunt and uncle meeting her. But his biggest concern was her relationship with his sister and Emma.
What if she treats them with contempt? I cannot allow it. I wonder what you are doing now, Emma. I miss you dearly.
At that very moment in Pemberley, the three-year-old girl slept happily, without realising how much her uncle missed her.