Welcome to the reign of King Sauron! Our conniving dinosaur and his dear arachnid insane girl made their moves. The Royal Guard is down, Spidey is down, Kitty is down, Wade is down and no one else knows that Sauron has usurped the throne, so now all hope lies…on the Dragon and the Baby Land Shark. This is your time to shine, boys! Make your fandoms proud!
Enjoy the reading!
SPIDER-MAN AND KITTY PRYDE: ROYAL PAINS
Chapter 9: Under New Management
Jeff keeps his nose forward, following the trail of blood left from the bite Itsy Bitsy gave to the Night Wolf, while Lockheed flies nearby him to keep an eye on any potential danger. They both reach Sauron's laboratory, but the trail actually goes around it, avoiding the main entrance, which means that whoever attacked the Royal Guard, must have taken them elsewhere.
"MRRRF! MRRRRF!" Jeff growls at Lockheed, prompting the dragon to fly around the location, finding what seems to be the window that leads to a basement, flying back to Jeff's position to let him know.
"Rwoooo!" Lockheed roars, prompting Jeff to follow him back, finally reaching the place. Jeff looks down the window and discovers the location of the tied-up Royal Guard, all looking defeated and almost losing all hope.
Jeff signals to Lockheed, indicating their location and then he takes a few steps back, taking enough distance to gain momentum and rush towards the window, hitting it in an attempt to break it. The first hit is heard inside the room, attracting the attention of the Royal Guard, looking up in curiosity.
"What is it?" Zrrgo asks the group, all of them having the same question in their minds.
"Seems that someone is trying to break in" the Night Wolf replies, hearing another bang on the small window. Jeff keeps trying, but Lockheed decided to intervene to ensure he stops hurting himself.
"Arooo! Rwaark" Lockheed tries to calm him down, but Jeff shakes his head in denial.
"MRRRRF! MRRRRF!" Jeff takes a deep breath and takes one last shot, taking further distance and running faster, lowering his head to hit the window's glass, finally breaking it and getting inside "MRRRRF!"
"Jeff!" the Night Wolf exclaims, amazed to see the Baby Shark breaking inside, and Lockheed following him inside "And the Dragon companion!" he exclaims, now regaining a sense of hope. Jeff approaches the Night Wolf, biting the rope that ties them up while Lockheed burns the rest of the ropes.
"Thanks for the help" Chet thanks both of them once they are all untied, gathering in the middle of the room.
"Thank you, Jeff" the Night Wolf thanks the Lad Shark and then looks at Lockheed "And thank you too, you have the gratitude and respect of the Royal Guard, brave 'Brood-Slayer'" he bows his head to Lockheed in gratitude for their help.
"We must find King Wade and take down this new enemy" Kohlaab speaks, finally reunited with all of its pieces.
"If they are not here, we must search for them, but I don't have their scent" the Night Wolf replies "Yet we must first head to our headquarters and rearm ourselves".
"Rwoooo" Lockheed replies, to which Quonian begins to gesture with his hands in sign language.
"A Psychic Link?" the Night Wolf asks and then looks at Lockheed "You have a psychic link with your female companion?" he asks him, to which Lockheed nods in response, confirming his mental link with Kitty, but right then Quonian gestures again "A weak link…it must mean that she is far, or something is blocking the connection"
"Sauron" Kohlaab interjects, further establishing the evil doctor as the biggest threat to deal with.
"Is time to set priorities…Kohlaab, you, Chet and Zrrgo, son of Orrgo the Unconquerable go to the Throne Room, rearm yourselves and bring us our weapons" the Night Wolf looks at Kohlaab as he issues his orders, to which the three mentioned men nod in response "Quonian, Bün-Bün, Jeff and Lockheed are coming with me, we're searching for our King and the heroes" he then focuses on Lockheed "We'll find way to reconnect your mind link to your companion" he assures him "Let's go, Royal Guard!" he leads the way with renewed determination, ready to bring the fight back and find the heroes.
MEANWHILE, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ISLAND
Itsy Bitsy had the group at her mercy, with the three of them tied up and no escape thanks to the Power Inhibitor hanging above them, but right now, she is having a difficult choice to make…
"Which one of you should I kill first?" Itsy Bitsy poses the question "Decisions, decisions, decisions…" she starts to swing around the trio of heroes, stopping first in front of Wade "Maybe I should kill you first, you always hated me, you just denied me and, let's face it, with what Sauron just did, I might as well finally have my retribution and he secures his new job, it's a Win-Win!" she faces him closely with a grin visible on her facemask.
"Considering that without my powers, the cancer is already doing that job, you could just end it quickly…" Wade replies in a very unusual seriousness, pointing out his cancer.
"Awww…you had to turn this into a Lifetime movie, didn't you?" Itsy Bitsy replies with annoyance, now swinging towards Spidey "How 'bout I kill you first? After all, you were the one who built the weapon that almost killed me; you were the one who tried to kill me in the first place and frankly, you're way too 'Goodie-Two-Shoes' for my taste, you deserve to die" she giggles after she says the last words.
"Oh no, you're not gonna push me again, you may be a crazy arachnid psycho but the moment I'm free…you're getting wrapped up and cured of that crazy condition you got" Spidey replies, thinking it could work to heal her before arrest her, but she frowns at his response.
"I'd rather die than being depowered!" Itsy Bitsy replies in disgust and then swings towards Kitty "Maybe I should kill you first" she looks into Kitty's eyes "You're the odd one out, so maybe by killing you, I hurt my daddies and double the damage" she shrugs her shoulders.
"Look, you may be a crazy psycho, but I actually agree on something with you…I don't like Deadpool at all" she comments with surprising honesty, shocking both Spidey and Wade "In fact, I hate him!" she exclaims with visible anger "But if you think for one second that you will kill either of us, girl…you got another thing coming" Kitty replies almost in a threatening tone, because she has been in this position before and she managed to escape them.
"Chillax 'Babe Ruthless'…" Wade quips at Kitty and then turns to Spidey "Again Bruh, you really should reconsider picking your partnerships in the future" he adds after hearing Kitty's words "You're practically teaming-up with Wolverine minus the Multitasking; Hell, she's been at this for Forty Years and she NEVER had her own solo ongoing book!"
"Wade, I swear to God and everything that is sacred that if you don't stop, the cancer and Itsy Bitsy will be the least of your concerns" Spidey replies, also starting to become frustrated with his attitude.
"Oh Itsyyyyyy! I'm Baaaaack!" the voice of Sauron is entering the room, prompting Itsy Bitsy to jump down and greet him.
"Oh My Dino-Doc!" Itsy Bitsy giddily exclaims "Oh should I call you…King Sauron now?" she asks coyly, to which Sauron nods with a grin on his face.
"King Sauron indeed!" Sauron replies and then looks up "And look what we have here! The fallen Spider, the fallen Cat and the now deposed King…"
"Deposed King?" Spidey asks quizzically.
"Itsy Bitsy was right, the people around here have the brain capacity of a Pre-Rampage Hulk and practically buy anything they watch" Sauron begins to reveal his now successful plan "So with the help of your suit, a mannequin, a pre-recorded tape, an acid grenade and a fake fight, I exploited this absurd 'Monster Law' of 'Kill the King, Become the King' and Voila! I'm the NEW king of Monster Island" he ends with a reverence in front of the hung heroes, with Wade squirming as he tries to break the rope holding them.
"So can I kill them now?" Itsy Bitsy asks him while she unsheathes her katanas.
"I thought you did that already" Sauron replies, wondering why she did not pulled it out already.
"I procrastinated, my bad" Itsy Bitsy shrugs her shoulders.
"Very well, you can slaughter them and bathe in their blood, for all I…" Sauron replies but he is interrupted by the tune of the classic song 'She Blinded me with Science', his standard ringtone "Oh wait…" he grabs his phone and sees the name calling him "Finally…" he mutters and then picks up the call as he walks out of the room "Essex…"
"Karl, dear, I know I'm calling late but I was oh so busy, running a country and managing a team of runts is quite a messy job" the voice of Sinister is heard through the call "I was doing inventory of my database and I remembered you wanted one, do you still want the sample of this Jelby thing?" he asks.
"Of course I do!" Sauron exclaims "I need it to further my goals"
"Good, meet me at the Krakoan Gate in New York, the one at the Washington Square Park" Sinister replies, ending the call.
"Ugh…pompous idiot" Sauron mutters, walking back to the room to see Itsy Bitsy ready to make her strike "Uhhhh, my dear, I'm sorry to disturb you but I require your assistance with a little something" she calls her, gesturing with his head to follow him outside.
"Awwww" Itsy Bitsy pouts at him, but she relents, sheathing back her katanas and jumping down to follow him "You just bought a few minutes extra!" she points at them as she leaves the room.
"My dear, I need something to further my goals as the King of Monsters" Sauron looks at her "Someone will bring a sample that I require for the next phase of my plan, but quite frankly…I don't trust entirely on him, so since I'm still building my new castle, could you be a dear and retrieve that sample for me?" he asks her gently.
"Hmmmm…but I wanted to have fun with them" itsy Bitsy pouts at him.
"The guy may be a clone so you can have fun with him once you get the sample" Sauron replies, letting her know that she can kill him, knowing that Sinister will send one of his clones.
"Goodie-Goodie-Goodie!" Itsy Bitsy claps and fills Sauron's face with kisses "Wait, How do I recognize him?"
"White skin, black leather suit, awfully tacky cape and a red diamond in his forehead" Sauron describes Sinister.
"Tacky cape, got it" Itsy Bitsy replies, having caught only the 'Tacky Cape' part and then swings away.
"Crazy and with a short attention span…but boy is she hot" Sauron sighs and then leaves, heading back to his plans, and just as he leaves the scene, a group of figures land nearby, watching as the enemy departs.
"HRRRN?" Bün-Bün asks the Night Wolf, who looks at the warehouse where the heroes are captive.
"They will be dealt with shortly, first we must retrieve our King and his allies" the Night Wolf replies and then looks at Lockheed "Seems that your psychic link with your companion is stable again" he comments, to which Lockheed nods in response, then Quonian begins to gesture with his hands, with Night Wolf paying close attention "Yes, we must regroup with the rest once we're done" he then turns to the warehouse "Now we march!" he then jumps, with Quonian, Bün-Bün, Lockheed and Jeff following suit.
"Welp…I guess this is the part where you guys say 'I told you so'" Wade laments, lowering his head and sighing "You were right, Sauron was about to screw me over and he did…and he did big time, so now he has apparently usurped my throne".
"You really expect us to feel sorry for you?" Kitty lashes at Wade, already losing her patience with him.
"We still need to find a way to get out of here" Spidey tries to find a solution, but then he looks up and sees one of the walls being blasted by an explosion, seeing a group of figures stepping out of the cloud of dust.
"Rwooooo!" Lockheed growls, announcing his entrance, to the joy of Kitty.
"Lockheed!" Kitty happily exclaims.
"MRRRRF!" Jeff growls as he jumps off the hands of Quonian.
"JEFF! You magnificent Land Shark!" Wade exclaims with a smile on his face.
"Sire, we have arrived in GAAH!" the Night Wolf steps in but then everyone turns around covering their eyes at the sight of the charred body of Deadpool and something extra.
"Listen, if you guys can put us down, I can spin some web-pants for him until he gets a new suit, so PLEASE PUT US DOWN FROM HERE!" Spidey exclaims, also losing his patience.
Lockheed flies above them, checking the power dampener hanging above them, then he lowers to catch Jeff and with a swift move he throws him at the rope, prompting the shark to bite it in order to cut the rope while Lockheed shoots a massive fireball at the machine, destroying it in the process. The three heroes fall but both Spidey and Kitty jump back up, with Spidey catching Jeff right as he falls, then they get off the ropes as they are greeted by the Royal Guard members.
"It's a good thing we found you" the Night Wolf speaks to Spidey "Jeff and Lockheed were of valuable assistance, especially the dragon's psychic link with his lady friend" he explains, just as Kitty hugs Lockheed.
"Once again, you prove why you're awesome Lock" Kitty comments as she hugs her lifelong friend.
"Now we must return to our headquarters and prepare to fight this Sauron" the Night Wolf adds.
"You mean, fighting your new King" Wade interjects as he stands up, prompting everyone to cover their eyes in disgust and right then Spidey shoots his webbing to cover Wade's certain area "Geez, thanks for the diaper, Webs" he quips sarcastically.
"What do you mean 'Our New King'?" the Night Wolf asks out of curiosity.
"Sauron fooled the people making them think they killed him and now he has usurped the throne" Spidey explains him.
"Sire, you are alive, you are the King!" the Night Wolf exclaims "And our loyalty remains to you, for the people will see the deceit" he bows down to Wade, proving his loyalty to the rightful King.
"What's the point? I thought people would respect me if I gave them a shot at something, and now look at me….I'm standing here in a web diaper because I let that Jurassic Park reject usurped my throne" Wade starts lamenting himself, sounding more and more depressed with each word.
"MRRRRRR" Jeff rubs himself against his leg, trying to comfort him.
"You don't expect us to feel sorry for you, right?" Kitty asks, getting frustrated by the second "You brought this on yourself and we did warn you" she adds, further scolding him.
"And yet, we're here to help him" Spidey steps in, much to Kitty's chagrin who reacts with a face that says 'WTF!?' at him "Because Sauron was already being hunted by the mutants, and that means he's targeting them, and with bigger resources he'll strike them harder" he looks at Wade and then at the group "We can't let him do that, we must take back the throne" he tries to convince Wade to act "And we must punish Sauron for all the atrocities he committed, including the most atrocious one of them all…" he then takes a deep breath, trying to appeal to Wade's antics "He took his Job!" he exclaims pointing at Wade, who slowly begins to catch Spidey's words.
"He took my job…" Wade starts to whisper "He took my job!" he starts to raise his voice each time he repeats that phrase "He took my Job! He…He took my Job!" he exclaims, getting more and more motivation "HE TOOK MY JOB!" he screams in anger, raising his fist in the air.
"HE TOOK YOUR JOB!" Spidey screams, also raising his fist.
"HE TAHK YAHR JAGBH!" the Night Wolf joins in the exclamations.
"YAHBAHGAHYAH!" Bün-Bün also joins in.
"MRRRRF!" Jeff steps in, raising his fin.
"RWOOOOOO!" Lockheed also joins, much to Kitty's dismay.
"Et tu, Lockheed!?" Kitty exclaims in annoyance.
"That's it! That C-List Scientist Wannabe ain't getting any more stardom in this show!" Wade exclaims with renewed determination "Let's turn this bozo into the fossil he should be!" he adds, ready to take back his throne.
MEANWHILE, IN MANHATTAN
A few minutes after ending his call, the notorious Mister Sinister stepped through the Krakoan Gate leading to New York City, waiting in the empty Washington Square Park for his meeting with Sauron, but he becomes annoyed as he does not want to stay for too long.
"Unbelievable…" Sinister mutters under his breath "There's definitively no respect amongst fellow scientists, what a complete disregard for punctuality" he complains about Sauron's tardiness, yet unbeknownst to him, he is being watched by Sauron's ally and almost lover Itsy Bitsy.
"Tacky Cape, that's the guy" Itsy Bitsy thinks, jumping down from the large structure to land behind Sinister "Yoo-Hoo!" she calls for his attention "Are you Mister Sinister?" she asks him while she walks towards him.
"Depending on who's asking" Sinister replies, sounding suspicious about her.
"Sauron sent me, he apologizes for not being here but he's busy being the new King of Monster Island" she tells him "You brought the genetic thingy he asked for?" she cuts to the chase, also not wanting to waste any more time.
"Poor Lykos, he has lost his touch" Sinister mutters, assuming that she is one of his creations "Well, I came to do business with him, so since he failed to show up he won't even lay a finger on this" he pulls out the small vial containing Jelby's DNA "So with that I say to you, good day miss" he turns his back on her but right then she unsheathes her katanas and quickly stabs him in the back with both of them.
"Big Mistake, Tacky Pants" Itsy Bitsy quips while she grabs her guns with her middle hands and quickly shoots behind his head, dropping him to the floor. She then grabs the vial and sees that the body begins to melt, confirming Sauron's suspicions "Huh, guess he was a clone after all" she shrugs her shoulders and then looks at the vial "Anyhoo, I got what I came for, so is time to go back and do my thing!" she starts to swing back to the island, ready to bring Sauron the next piece of his plans, but unaware that big changes on that front are about to come.
Sauron's reign has begun, but fortunately for our heroes, the Royal Guard is back and the group is ready to bring the fight to the new King! Although Kitty's patience is wearing very thin as the seconds go by, so let's hope things improve before they make their move…not to mention that Sauron's plans are about to jump to the next phase. Stay tuned for more references! More jokes! And More Action!
NEXT CHAPTER: HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE FOR KITTY TO FINALLY SNAP?