A Matter of Honor

by wingkia

A story that developed from a Reddit challenge 'A Mother Like No Other' (I go by MetusR there), this one follows a Commander as he discovers his past and builds a future for himself.

9. Chapter 9

Part Nine – Mirror, Mirror

It had been a couple of days since I awoke in the port, in that time I hadn't left me… nor had I really let anyone on to me. I had learned, through trial and error how to make myself move, it felt different than before… My head! I place a hand up to it; the pain hurts so much…

I blink a few times to clear my vision; I see that I'm on the floor again… Walking has proven to be difficult; I have memories, that don't feel like mine, of me walking… I have memories that don't feel like mine of wanting to know what it feels like to walk. I roll onto my back and take deep breaths, closing my eyes, I see myself from above, I can see my chest heaving up and down. From the view above myself, I see someone walking over to me, I know her… I know that dark hair with white streaks in it… she's dripping water down from her swimsuit. She's leaving wet footprints behind her, she comes to a stop just before standing over me. I watch as she looks up at the camera I'm using right now, running a hand through her wet hair and smiling up at me before she bends at her hips over my body and says, "What are you doing on the floor again?"

"Walking is hard." I watch as my body says back to her.

I watch as she stands back upright and walks around my body before turning to face it, bending at her hips again to take hold of my arms, it is a strange feeling to be able to feel her doing that, but watching it happen from above. I hear her say to me, "Common, open those red eyes of yours, and let's get you up."

As I open my eyes I see her looking in my eyes, it's still really disorienting to be switching view angles like this, and I can see a smile on her lips as she pulls me into a standing position. After a moment I lean forward and topple over again, pushing her down with me.

The two of us lay like this on the ground for a moment, I hear and feel her sigh under me as she says, "What am I going to do with you…"

I put my hands on either side of her and push myself off of her as I say hoarsely, "Sorry."

Once I'm in a sitting position she gets herself into one and says to me, "I know, balance is tricky… doubly so when you can see yourself from the outside."

I nod as she adjusts her hair and says to me, "You going to let anyone else on soon? I'm getting asked a lot... And you know me and people…"

I sigh and look at my decking as I say, "I… I know I should, but I don't know how to face them… not without knowing who I am."

She places her arms behind her and leans back and looks up while she says, "I get it; you're not Mitchel Thatcher or Thunderer anymore, you're both and neither at the same time."

I nod again as I say, "I'm getting flashes of memories, but I… I know they're mine, but they don't feel like mine. And sometimes I know faces, but I don't know names… or I get feelings towards a name but not the face."

Her head tilts to the side and she asks, "So why did I come through this unscathed?"

I shrug as I say, "You made an impression on Thunderer, a very strong one at that."

I sigh heavily while my brow knits together before adding, "The ones Thunderer felt are more clear… the ones that Mitchel felt are…"

"Hazy?" she asks me.

I nod again, drawing my knees to my chest as I say, "I know the one with the purple-pink hair…" I pause searching my mind for the name, "Gneiseinau, she meant something to Mitchel, but his feelings towards her are…"

"Confusing?" she asks again.

"Yeah…" I say in confirmation before adding, "But it's not just her… the one with brown hair, she made him feel warm, but he felt guilt towards her for something… and one with these colorful flying insects…"

"Butterflies." She says for me.

I snap my fingers and nod before I continue, "He found her interesting, and then there was this one with grey-white fox tails… She was challenging."

U-47 adjusts how she's sitting, splaying her legs out and looking up as she says to me, "For now, shelve that stuff, and focus on what you want to be called. I know Wales wants to see you, desperately, but she's trying to give you space to figure yourself out a little."

I run my hands through my hair and take a deep breath before I say, "I can't be just one or the other…"

"Nope, you can't." she says to me, looking down and smiling at me as she says, "For what it's worth, I like 'Thunderer', the name speaks of strength… but no matter what you chose, you'll always be Thunderer to me."

That's it!

"I am both, I will do my best to respond to both… at least till I decide which I prefer," I say to her.

She nods at me before she stands back up and bends at her hips, arms out, feet planted as she says, "Now, let's try this whole standing thing again."

When I place my hands in hers, I notice that they don't feel wet or cold, but warm. I like spending time with U-47, Thunderer liked spending time with U-47… she is my friend after all.

Once I'm up, I place a hand on the bulkhead to keep my balance as I take a deep breath before I use the bulkhead as support while I try to walk the length of this corridor, U-47 staying close by to help me if I stumble.

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Another few days had gone by since the last time U-47 stopped by, in that time I had gotten walking down, enough that I felt I could actually leave me and greet others. I still hadn't returned to the port, staying anchored just offshore, I'm not ready to actually face the port yet…

I'm leaning against the bulkhead, using it to support me as I walk towards the wardroom inside of me, I had a couple of guests in there, it was strange I could hear them talking with each other like I was in the room with them… if I closed my eyes I could see them too.

I'm almost there when I kick myself in the back of my left ankle and I tumble down to the deck plating again. I hear the approach of shoes on my decking as I hear my mother's voice say, "Are you okay?"

I push myself off the deck plating as I say, "Walking is hard."

I see her bend at her hips, smiling at me warmly as she extends her hands to help me up, as she pulls me up as she asks me, "Is that why you've kept everyone away?"

I sigh and brace myself against the bulkhead again as I say, "That is one reason… the other, is more complicated."

I watch as she folds her arms under her chest and sighs as she says, "I heard from 47, you are having some trouble figuring yourself out."

I nod and turn to lean my back against the bulkhead as I admit, "I am… 47 has been a big help."

She nods and mimics my stance, just with one foot pressed against my bulkhead as she says, "Which is odd, considering what Bismarck has told me about her, she is normally a bit of a loaner."

I shake my head as I correct her, "Not so much of a loner, more that she does not care for crowds and loud noises."

She looks at me, I can see hurt in her eyes as she sighs again, outstretching a hand like she wants to touch me, but stops herself as she says to me, "Whoever you want to be, Mitchel, Thunderer, or someone else, I'm always going to be your mother, and I am always going to worry about you."

I nod and slide along the wall to lean my head on her shoulder as I say, "You are one of the clear memories, I remember feeling warm and safe when you would hold Mitchel."

That seemed to be all she needed to hear as the next thing I know, I feel her arms around me, my nose touching the side of her neck, her hands rubbing my back as she says, "Then all you need to do is ask, and I'll hold you close."

I close my eyes, and for the first time since I awoke like this, I don't see myself from above. I can smell her, I feel so safe, so warm… a word forms in my mind, mom. That is what she is, Mitchel… I don't have many memories of this, but I like this. I place my arms around her and I say, "Thanks, Mom."

I feel something wet hit my cheek, and I hear her make a noise like she's crying… I know she's not sad when I hear her say, "That's the first time you've ever called me that."

From behind me, I hear a voice asking, "Wherefore all of these drops of sorrow out h're?"

Followed quickly by feeling like I'm being hugged from behind as another voice says; "Family hug!"

I open my red eyes, and I feel a liquid slipping down from them as I say, "Let's go sit down in the wardroom… Mom, can you help me get there?"

Wales smiles at me, I can see tears in her eyes as she says to me, "Of course."

Once we're all seated, I look around the table; I see my mother, another blond, and a red-head… I know them… rather Mitchel knew them. The one with red hair tilts her head up and back as she says, "What kind of charm hast taken holdeth of thy brain? Has't thee nay mem'ry of us?"

It was strange, I understood her… Mitchel never did…

I close my eyes for a moment and let out a slow breath as I say, "No magic. Just… it's hard to explain."

The blond nods, leaning forward to touch my hand as she said, "Mitchel died right?"

I nod and add, "So did Thunderer… I don't know who I am… at least not yet."

The blond smiled at me and patted my hand as she said, "I'm your aunt Howe, Wales is my older sister as is Yorkie… Duke of York. You also have another aunt, but she's in England right now."

The redhead asked a question that I guess they all wanted to know, "How much controleth doth thee has't of this hull?"

I turn my attention to her, as I will my main battery to reload, the sound echoing through me as I say, "Total."

My mother cleared her throat and asked, "Would you mind terribly unloading your guns, while you are so close to port? The Manjuu are still working on repairing the airport…"

I felt my cheeks get warm as I willed my guns to unload as I mumbled, "Sorry about that… Thunderer didn't fire those rounds… the Admiral did… that action made Thunderer very mad, it was what pushed him over the edge to kill the Admiral."

My mother shook her head, closing her eyes as she did so, likely remembering what Thunderer had done to them as she said, "Let's put that behind us. For now, we have more immediate concerns… We need to register you with a fleet… For the records, I suggest we keep the name Thunderer on the books."

I sighed, I understood why it was already engraved on me… My brow knits together and I ask, "What am I now?"

The room went quiet, I watched as Howe tucked her hands into tight little balls as she looked at my mother, York gave a slightly toothy grin as if she was daring my mother to speak. My mother looked down and said, "We didn't have any choice… we tipped the balance and forced you to be kansen… it was the only way to save your life."

I nodded, I understood why, I knew I was dying that night, I had just been too weak to do anything about it. I thought on this, as far as I knew, I am the only male kansen on the face of the planet now, I balled my fists and ask, "Then that means that Mitchel Thatcher needs to be registered as dead with Azur Lane."

I turn my attention to Wales and I offer out, "You may still call me that though."

I see more tears roll from her eyes as she leans over and holds onto me tightly as she says this next part, "That brings us to the second part; Thunderer arrived without colors or a designator… officially you belong to no nation."

I understood what was happening right now, they wanted to claim my power for the Royal Navy, it made sense… Not only did my hull look like it belonged there, but I was also related by both blood and fabrication to them. I sigh and look around the room as I say, "It only makes sense for my designator to be HMS… Outwardly I look too similar to your hulls…"

York nods and adds, "True, but thy guns cullionly thee couldst beest hath passed off as one of the Kriegsmarine…"

Again I nod, that was true; my turret layout is similar to that of Bismarck, even if they dwarfed her own armament.

I look around the room again as I say, "No, I will stick with HMS…" with a sigh say the name I will be recorded as out loud, "I will be registered as HMS Thunderer."

Somehow saying it out loud made it more real, made it have more weight… the air in the room was heavy as the four of us looked at one another, it was Howe that spoke up, "With that out of the way, the next thing you need to do, is meet with the Queen, to present yourself as a member of the fleet."

I sighed inwardly while nodding as I said, "Okay, but I don't think I can walk that far yet without falling over… can we push it back a week or two?"

My mother reached over and squeezed my left hand as she said, "Of course, let me know when you're ready."

I nod before pushing myself out of my chair, my legs buckle a little and I feel both my mother and aunt Howe slip under my arms to help prop me up as I say, "I'm getting better at walking, but I'm not there yet…"

York nodded at me as she said, "At which hour thou art eft mine own nephew, I shall beest joyous to standeth with thee bef're the Queen."

I give her a nod and start to make my way back to my quarters, this was exhausting enough.

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I roll onto my side when I hear some chewing beside me, this had been my best sleep in days, I wasn't watching myself from above and now someone was ruining it. I open an eye to see my friend sitting in a chair beside my bed, her feet up on my bed. I sigh inwardly and say, "You better brought me something to drink or eat…"

"Of course I did." She says and slides a tray along the floor with one foot.

I sit up before leaning over the side of my bed to pick up the tray, as I put it in my lap, my friend smirks as she says to me, "I think your body looks better than it did in the tank…"

I look down and see that my physic has changed, it's become more defined than what I recall it should look like from Mitchel's memories. My brow knits together and I look to her and she winks at me as she asks me, "How are you doing today?"

"I have chosen a name, at least as far as the registry goes…" I say to her as I take a bite of salty, crispy meat… bacon, that is what it's called.

"Yeah?" she asks me, raising one of her dark eyebrows at me.

"I will be registered as HMS Thunderer." I say to her and watch as she nods.

47 took a moment to sip her drink before she asks me, "What about Mitchel Thatcher?"

"He is dead." I say in a tone that makes it clear that I am not going to change my mind about that.

She sips again before saying to me, "Gneisenau is going to be disappointed… well more so."

I raise an eyebrow at her and she laughs before saying to me, "I had a bit of fun with her in the mess… I told her the last time I saw you, I spent some time under you."

I can't help it, I laugh a little, it was true… she was under me when I fell over. That being said, I understand the implied meaning of what she meant by that and I say to her, "Why would you do that?"

She shrugs as she says, "To have a bit of a go at her, see if I could provoke a response."

I nod and sigh as I say, "I need to find a change of clothes…"

U-47 tilted her head to the side while taking her feet off of the bed and lifting the blanket with one foot, before she whistled and said, "You really do look different down below… Also…"

With one hand I push her foot away and let the blanket fall back down as I say to her, "Biology of this body demands that things like that occur in the morning."

"Okay, but does it hurt?" she asks, her head still tilted to the side.

I shake my head, recalling some of Mitchel's memories as I say, "No, it can be very pleasurable with the correct contact."

"Huh…" she says adjusting how she sat in the chair.

"Anyways I need a change of clothes… the ones I have here need cleaning." I say to her, trying to steer the conversation back.

"That means you need to leave your hull." She says to me.

"It does…" I say looking down at my lap.

U-447 shakes her head and says, "I like you, but I'm not going to let you ride naked on my rigging."

That's right; I haven't tried to see if I have rigging now… that means I will not be able to glide on the water… I sigh and ask, "What about if I get dressed, would you bring me along then?"

"Sure." She says, leaning back in her chair, putting her feet back up on the bed.

I give a nod and pull the blankets back and start to get dressed, as I did that, I saw U-47's cheeks go bright red and I said to her over my shoulder, "What? You've seen it before when this body was in the tank."

"True… but I've never seen it like that…" she said pointing at my crotch.

I shrug as I say, "It's not like your swimwear doesn't let me know what you look like under it... fair is fair."

I catch her looking down at her unzipped top and how tight her swimwear was down below and she laughs as she says, "Fair enough."

Once I was dressed we headed off to my port side and she jumped into the water, summoning her to her before she waved me into the water. With a shrug I let myself drop into the water, she helped me onto her rigging behind her as she said, "Hold on tight."

I wrap my arms around her waist and she squeaks in surprise as she asks, "Will that thing ever go down?"

I feel my cheeks get hot as I feel pressure in my pants grow while she presses her rear against me, I say to her, "It will just don't rub against it too hard."

"Like this?" she says in a teasing tone, making me groan a little as she rocked her hips up and down a little.

"Yeah…" I say hoarsely as she gets us going towards the shore.

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Once we got to the beach, I took off my shoes and socks, putting my feet in the sand, I wiggle my toes in the material, it feels so strange, but a good strange. From beside me, I hear U-47 laugh as she says, "Yeah, yeah… I know, it feels really good… but…"

She didn't finish what she was going to say, as I took a couple of steps and fell face-first into the sand, U-47 moved around in front of me, bending at her hips and smiled at me as she said, "What am I going to do with you…"

I push myself off the sand as I say, "I didn't expect sand to be harder to walk on…"

She shrugged and said, "Yeah… Let's get you into the house."

Once we got to the back door of the kitchen I open the door and notice someone working away in there, she has long silver hair and I rack my brain for the name as she turns around at my sudden arrival, a teapot in her hand. Once her blue eyes land on me, her mouth swung open and the teapot crashed to the ground, shattering on the floor.

It took a second for her words to catch up with her brain and mouth as she asked in a tone of disbelief, "Master?"

I wince at those words, and I get a fuzzy memory of her standing over me, opening a window… I nod at her and she steps over the broke teapot to close the distance to me, stopping only to wipe the sand off of my clothes before she hugs me and says, "The Knight Commander is going to most ecstatic, we all thought you dead…"

From the other side of the kitchen, I see the door swing open and my mother walks in, she is in an oversized shirt, her hair clearly not done for the day. She stretches and yawns as she asks, "Belfast, is the tea ready?"

Belfast… She was assigned to Mitchel by the Queen… I did not think she liked Mitchel much… I pat her on the back as she says, "Knight Commander, look what the cat dragged in."

My mother opens one of her red eyes to look at me as she said to me, "So you finally decided to get off of your hull?"

"Knight Commander?" asked Belfast, looking to my mother, while she still proceeded to try and crush the life from my lungs.

"Hi Mom, do you mind if I get some clothes?" I ask.

"Of course you can, this is your home too, after all, Mitchel." She says to me when she calls me that, I feel… not frustrated at it.

She looks down at the broken teapot and adds, "Tea will have to wait a bit… why not grab a shower and get changed then? I'll entertain U-47 while you get ready."

I give her a nod as Belfast lets go of me and I make my way upstairs, careful not to fall over on the trip up this time. Once I get to the master bedroom, I see that everything was as Mitchel left it; I guess my mother hadn't been staying in this room. I grab a towel and put a fresh uniform on the bed before getting into the shower.

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A/N: Chapter nine, done. Wow, I was surprised how fast this one came together and I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Mitchel/Thunderer is coming to terms with his new status and legs… Next chapter will deal with his introduction to the Queen, the Royal Navy detachment and the start of fallout from Mitchel being declared dead…

Also, if you're interested, I can send you the link to the art that inspired a lot of U-47 for this chapter.