Content Notes: Past child abuse and neglect (discussed), past sexual abuse (discussed), minor canon character death.
A special thanks to my beta reader EmeraldSnakes who has spent the past two months listening to me chatter about my fic and Harry Potter, and who graciously has edited this fic.
This fic updates on Saturdays and is cross-posted on AO3.
"Do you have your cloaks and your scarves?" Gemma asked the assembled group of Slytherin first years. "Daphne, Pansy, go back into your dorm room and get your scarves, it's cold out there."
Daphne and Pansy left the group, Pansy shooting back a scowl in Gemma's direction.
Rachel bounced on her toes. Today was the first Quidditch match of the season and it was Slytherin versus Gryffindor. While she had gone with Draco several times now to use the school brooms to fly on the grounds, she had only heard about Quidditch. They'd tossed a Quaffle around the last time they'd gone flying and Draco had talked about wanting to fly on the Quidditch pitch some time when the House teams weren't training.
"I'm going to go out for the Quidditch team next year," Draco said, something they'd heard him say a lot as Quidditch season came closer.
"Well, you'll get a chance, both Ismelda and Terrance are graduating this year," Gemma said. "Competition is tight though, a lot of people want to play on the team."
Draco just smiled, apparently confident with his Quidditch skills.
"Alright, are we all here now?" Gemma asked as Daphne and Pansy returned with their green and silver scarves draped over their shoulders.
"Let's go before all the good seats are taken," Blaise said eagerly.
Gemma led the way out of the common room and they walked up to the main level of Hogwarts and then out onto the grounds.
Rachel pulled her cloak around her more closely. Gemma had been right, it was freezing. And she'd heard that Quidditch matches could go on for hours.
They climbed up to the Slytherin section of the stands and then were free to find seats wherever they could. Rachel climbed up to the seats in the back that were less crowded, Millie following right behind her.
"First and second years, if you need a warming charm placed on your clothes, just ask me," Gemma called, looking out over them before sitting down with a group of fifth years.
"I think I'm going to need that warming charm pretty soon," Millie said, wrapping her scarf so that it covered her mouth and her neck.
Rachel copied her.
Down on the pitch two teams assembled and then got on their brooms. A loud whistle from Madam Hooch started the game and the players vaulted up into the air.
Rachel quickly tuned out the commentator, who was clearly biased toward the Gryffindor team, and just watched the players fly and the Quaffle move smoothly back and forth. It was hard to tell from the stands, but she was pretty sure the Beaters on the Gryffindor team were the two red-haired twins she kept seeing in detention with Professor Snape.
One of the Chasers, who the announcer identified as Marcus Flint, blocked the Gryffindor Seeker and earned Gryffindor a penalty shot. Rachel had seen Marcus sitting with the upper years in the common room, but he hadn't paid any attention to the younger years. Most of the upper years generally didn't, apart from the prefects and the students who had signed up to lead the study sessions.
A few minutes later Marcus scored and Rachel waved her hands as the rest of the Slytherin section cheered loudly.
"Let's go get a warming charm from Gemma," Millie said once the cheering had calmed down.
Rachel nodded. Her fingers felt frozen stiff.
They carefully made their way down a few rows.
Gemma knew what they wanted immediately and pulled out her wand. "I'll put the warming charm on your inner robes so it will last longer," she said, pointing her wand at Millie. "Calidum aerem."
She repeated the process for Rachel and Rachel immediately felt a rush of warmth clinging to her body. Rachel hadn't realized how cold she had been until she felt warm again.
"Thank you!" Millie said and she and Rachel returned to their seats higher in the stands.
The game went on for another thirty minutes before the announcer called out "Terrance Higgs is after the Snitch, Allison Barnes close on his tail."
Rachel leaned forward, watching eagerly. Of all the positions on the Quidditch team, Seeker was the one that interested her the most. She wasn't strong enough to be a Beater, she didn't think she would like being a Keeper very much, and Chaser seemed okay. But Seekers had to be fast and watchful.
Terrance and Allison flew across the field, Allison slowly gaining on Terrance. The Chasers kept going, seemingly oblivious to their Seekers plight, while Beaters from both teams moved off to send the Bludgers toward the Seekers.
At last Terrance lurched forward and grabbed the Snitch. The Slytherin stands erupted in shouting and cheering.
Rachel and Millie leapt to their feet clapping as the rest of the Slytherin Quidditch team flew up to congratulate their Seeker.
"And that's the match to Slytherin, one hundred and sixty points to twenty," the announcer called, sounding much less enthused than he had during the game.
"Look, I think Hagrid is over in the Gryffindor stands. Do you want to go say hi to him?" Millie asked.
Rachel nodded, but put her hand on Millie's arm.
Millie looked around and then looked back at Rachel. "Want to wait until people aren't getting crushed on the stairs?"
Rachel nodded quickly.
"Seems like a good idea," Millie agreed and sat back down.
Rachel joined her and they watched as their celebrating Housemates made their way out of the stands.
"There you are, we were hoping you'd be able to find us," Hagrid said as Rachel and Millie finally approached.
"We were waving at you from the Gryffindor section but we weren't sure you saw us," Hermione said.
"We didn't, but we saw Hagrid," Millie said.
"Why don't you come on down to my place for a cup of tea. It's right cold out here," Hagrid said.
"Yes, please," Neville said, shivering so hard his teeth were chattering.
"Why didn't you ask one of your prefects to perform a warming charm on your clothes?" Millie asked Neville as they started walking.
Neville shrugged. "I didn't think to ask them."
"They didn't offer?" Millie asked.
"No, they didn't. Did yours?" Hermione asked.
"Yes, Gemma offered to all of us when she led us to the stands," Millie said. "Though my warming charm is starting to wear off. Maybe this is one we should look up in the library and see if we can learn to do it. I think we're going to need it if it gets any colder."
"Ah, it will get colder yet, just you see. When the winds whip through the January frosts you'll be downright frozen in your Herbology classes," Hagrid said.
Rachel was not looking forward to that.
"In that case I'm going to put warming charms at the top of my research list," Hermione said, nodding firmly. "It seems like your prefects are really helpful. They lead your study groups and they took you to your classes the first week. I wish ours would show more initiative in helping us. I had to ask Professor McGonagall how to get to the library during my first week."
"Professor Snape is always strict with his prefects," Hagrid said, opening the door to his house and grabbing onto Fang's collar before he could leap out at them. "He likes to run a tight House."
"I have to admit, I'm a little jealous," Hermione said, holding out her hands to try to prevent Fang from jumping on her. "Our prefects aren't much help at all."
"I'm not jealous, I think it would be scary to have Professor Snape as our Head of House," Neville said, sliding by Hagrid and Fang to take a seat. "He's even scarier than Professor McGonagall."
Millie shook her head. "Professor Snape is not that scary. He's just really strict in class."
Neville moaned. Potions class had not gotten much better for him after his first melted cauldron.
"Ready for me to let him loose?" Hagrid asked as he shut the door behind all of them.
Rachel held out her arms and a moment later Fang was jumping up so his front paws were on her shoulders and he was licking her face. She closed her eyes and eagerly pet his head and scratched behind his ears.
"We know who Fang likes best," Millie said.
"He's a sucker for anyone who doesn't get tired of petting him," Hagrid agreed as he put the kettle on the fire.
A short time later they had cups of tea in front of them and Fang had settled his head in Rachel's lap.
"Hagrid, you know lots about all sorts of unusual creatures, right?" Hermione asked.
"I know my way around plenty of creatures," Hagrid said easily. "Acromantulas, Runespoors, Ashwinders, Unicorns, of course. I'd love a dragon, I know lots about them."
Rachel exchanged a glance with Millie and Neville. So they were doing this then.
"What about Cerberus'?" Hermione asked, her voice carefully casual.
It didn't work. "How do you know about Fluffy?" he demanded.
"Fluffy?" Neville asked incredulously.
"That's his name, though I don't know how you'd know about him. That corridor is off limits!" Hagrid said, unusually serious. "You could have been hurt or killed sneaking around there."
"We didn't, it was an accident," Millie quickly explained.
"Well don't go back there, it's not safe," Hagrid said firmly.
They all paused for a moment and Hagrid took a gulp of tea. Rachel ducked down to focus on petting Fang. She felt a little nervous - she didn't like that Hagrid had gotten so upset.
"How did you get a Cerberus? They're supposedly quite rare," Hermione ventured.
"That they are. I got him off a Greek bloke that I met down at the pub, sometime last year," Hagrid said. "He wanted to get Fluffy off his hands before he grew - the puppies are only as big as Fang here, you know - and I thought he might be useful around here," Hagrid explained. "Sure enough, I lent him to Dumbledore to guard the -"
The four of them looked expectantly at Hagrid.
Hagrid shook his head. "You lot should keep your noses out of this. It's Professor Dumbledore and Nicolas Flamel's business, none of yours."
"Even though whoever let the troll in the castle on Halloween was definitely trying to steal it?" Millie asked.
Hagrid frowned. "Don't go off investigating this. Professor Dumbledore has it under control and it's not safe for you to get tangled up in it."
They all nodded, though Rachel knew the topic wouldn't leave their minds just because Hagrid had told them not to investigate.
They were on their way back to the castle when Neville asked "Who's Nicolas Flamel?"
"That's a very good question," Hermione said. "I think Nicolas Flamel and warming charms are our next priority in the library. Let's go get rid of our cloaks and scarves and meet at our table in the library in thirty minutes."
Severus sat in the waiting room outside Torey Halls' office. It was a room that he'd become quite familiar with over the past month. He'd begun to bring a book with him to read while he waited for Rachel, though today Rachel was not in the office.
He'd written to Torey after the last time Rachel had seen her and asked if she would give him an update on how Rachel was doing. The response he received requested that he come to her office so that they could discuss the matter.
The office door opened and Torey stepped out. "Severus, come on in," she said, waiting for him in the doorway.
Severus went inside her office and took a seat in one of the chairs.
Torey sat down in her desk chair and picked up a file from her desk. "How are you doing?"
"I am well," Severus said flatly. "And yourself?"
"Also well. I appreciate that you contacted me about Rachel, as I had intended to speak with you soon. How would you say Rachel has been doing in her communication at school and her communication with you?" Torey asked.
"I haven't heard any complaints from her other professors. She still doesn't speak in class, but she writes her essays and her tests. With me, about three weeks ago she wrote a question for me on the bottom of her essay," Severus said. "This is progress, as before she wouldn't write down any questions for me."
Torey nodded and took down a few notes. "That is progress. Can I ask what she wrote to you?"
"She asked what would happen during the holidays and told me that she would pay me back for the clothing and glasses that I had purchased for her. I had her come to my quarters for dinner and explained to her that she would remain with me during the holidays and that she did not have to pay me back for her expenses as those were now my responsibility," he explained.
"I suspect she isn't used to having someone taking care of the things she needs," Torey said. "I requested her records from her previous school and they are certainly cause for concern."
"The muggles at the school suspected she was being abused?" Severus asked.
"They weren't quite sure what to make of her," Torey said. "She rarely had her homework finished, but did well on tests and class work. The specialist Rachel was seeing when she first stopped speaking noted that Rachel's clothes were often ragged and unwashed, and that Rachel herself was often unwashed. Which brings me to my main point. Up until Year 3 there were no real comments on Rachel's reports - she was a fairly average student. In Year 4, when she returned to school shortly after she turned eight years old, she had stopped speaking entirely."
"That was over three years ago," Severus said, wondering if Rachel had been silent all that time.
"When her relatives were contacted by the school, they indicated that Rachel was just stubborn and that she wasn't speaking at home either. She saw a specialist for six months, who reported no progress, and then Rachel was returned to her classroom full time without any supports," Torey said, her frown creasing the corners of her mouth. "Based on the medical records you sent from Hogwarts, it stands to reason that the incident which caused the scarring in her throat took place during the summer she turned eight years old."
Severus nodded. "Our Healer thought it was likely that Rachel had ingested some sort of corrosive muggle potion."
"Likely bleach or a cleaning solution," Torey said. "And given her age and that fact that her relatives were also beating her, it seems likely that it was a forced ingestion rather than accidental."
"The scarring on her throat is gone now," Severus said, containing his horror at the thought of Rachel's muggle relatives force-feeding her a corrosive solution. "We saw a Healer at Saint Mungo's who suggested a potion for the scarring. Our school Healer has been monitoring Rachel and says that the potion was effective at removing the scar tissue."
"The scarring on her throat may be gone, which is a good thing, but the effects of such a trauma are certainly not gone from Rachel's mind. In most cases intervention for children who don't speak are undertaken within six months to a year of when they first stop speaking, and they typically will still speak in their home environment. Rachel likely hasn't spoken to anyone for over three years," Torey said, tapping her pen impatiently against her file.
"You're saying you can't help her?" Severus asked, his hand resting on the pocket where he kept his wand.
"I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying this is going to take time. Rachel is both used to not speaking and used to people ignoring her. We need to start having Rachel involved in conversations, even if she's not verbally speaking in those conversations yet," Torey explained. "Having her write questions to you is a good first step. Encourage that if you can. I would also recommend having dinners with her regularly, at least once a week if possible, and engage her in conversations. Ask her about her classwork and how her week went and put those questions in a way where she can answer yes or no."
Severus nodded slowly. It wasn't ideal, but he could do it if it was necessary for Rachel to begin to speak again.
"How is she with her classmates? Do you notice any of them seeming friendly with her?" Torey asked.
"She seems to be fast friends with one of her dormmates, a girl named Millicent Bulstrode. They pair together whenever we have group work in my class and I rarely see them outside of each other's company in the common room or the Great Hall," Severus explained. "I've also asked one of my prefects who is in charge of the first years to check in on Rachel and keep an eye on her. My prefects often notice things happening in the common room before I do."
"Good," Torey said. "That's very good. That will help Rachel build a support system. I'm hoping that she can generalize the skill of writing down notes or questions to her friend, maybe to me and to her other professors as well. It's a good first step."
"You don't think she'll become dependent on writing for communicating?" Severus asked.
"No, I don't. I wouldn't encourage it in someone who has just stopped speaking, but in this case it's a start for her to make connections and to practice overcoming the embarrassment associated with communicating. Once she's doing that regularly, I'm going to ask her to start trying to whisper words to herself when she's alone. Just a single word to start with, and then a few words, and then sentences. After that we'll follow up with trying to whisper to me, you, or to a friend. Once she's comfortable doing that, we'll see if she can whisper to other people."
Severus nodded, understanding the idea. "And after that, talking normally to herself, and then us, and then people in general."
"Yes," Torey said, nodding. "But it's going to take time and patience. Don't expect her to be talking within a few months of treatment."
"I understand," Severus said. It would not be what Albus wanted to hear, but it was necessary.
On a Thursday evening, near the end of November, Rachel approached where Gemma was sitting alone at one of the tables in the Slytherin common room.
"Hi Rachel, can I help you with something?" Gemma asked, looking up from the book she was reading.
Rachel sat down next to her and pulled a few scraps of parchment, a regular quill, a bottle of ink, and a penknife from her pockets and handed Gemma one of the scraps of parchment with a note asking her how to sharpen a regular quill and use the bottle of ink.
"Sure, it looks like you've got the hang of writing with the self-inking quill," Gemma said. She picked up the quill Rachel had placed on the table and the penknife. "Okay, this one is a little dull so it will be good to practice on. So the first thing you want to do is extend the slit that is in the center of the shaft. Then you're going to use diagonal strokes to trim a little from each side. Once you've done that, cut horizontally across the bottom to give it a sharp edge. Now you try."
Rachel accepted her quill and her penknife back and got to work copying what Gemma had just shown her.
"Trim a little more from the left side," Gemma said when Rachel paused.
Rachel did so, and then made the horizontal cut across the bottom.
"Good job. You'll know when you need to sharpen it when it starts blotting ink on your papers," Gemma said. "Now, for inking it yourself. Dip the nib entirely in the inkwell, draw it out slowly, and wipe the excess on the inside of the inkwell. You can always redip it if you need more ink, but until you learn the spell for getting rid of ink splotches it's easier to redip than it is to clean up messy ink," Gemma explained. "In general, after you get the hang of using an inkwell, I would go ahead and keep using the self-inking quills because they're much easier. The only time you will need a regular quill and an inkwell is for exams, because they don't allow any type of spelled quills in exams."
Rachel nodded. That didn't sound too hard. She handed Gemma her next next note, asking how Owl Ordering worked. She had overheard Draco and Blaise talking about Owl Ordering sweets - as if the sweet packages Draco's mother regularly sent him weren't enough - and Rachel was hoping she could use it to order Christmas presents for her friends.
Gemma read the note and nodded. "Owl Ordering is pretty easy. Shops that take Owl Orders put out catalogues, showing what items they offer and how much they cost. Write down what you want and include the money in your envelope and you send it to the shop by owl, and then they'll send you your stuff. You can also ask them to wrap the items and ship them to different people for gifts. I'm guessing you're hoping to do Christmas shopping?"
Rachel nodded again.
"Wait here for a minute," Gemma said, getting to her feet and walking toward the girls' dorms.
Rachel looked around the common room as she waited and noticed that apart from the handful of people who were studying by themselves, most were gathered by year. The common room was about half full, with some older students probably still out and about in the castle and some of the younger ones already in their dorms. A group of upper years, including most of the prefects, was occupying the coveted couches around the fireplace.
Gemma returned with a thin stack of parchment and placed it on the table. "Here are some catalogues I have. You can borrow them and use them to order for this year. When you write your letters, request that they send you a catalogue so you can have your own. If a shop you're looking for isn't here, you can post something on the noticeboard asking if someone has a catalogue you can borrow, or you can write directly to the shop and request one."
Rachel flipped through the catalogues and figured everything she needed was there. There was one from Flourish and Blotts, one from Gladrags Wizardwear, and one from Honeydukes. The catalogues looked thin at first, but every time she turned a page another page appeared. She pulled out another prepared note, this one thanking Gemma and asking how the owl post worked.
"Magic," Gemma said with a smile. "The owls are enchanted when they are owlets and taught how to match an individual's magic signature with their name. Names carry magical power, as you've surely heard in classes by now, and when the owl is given a letter, it matches the name on the letter to the magic signature of the person and homes in on them. That's how your mail in the Great Hall always comes to you and not just a general location. For businesses or muggles you have to include the address, and the owl will know where to go because of the locator spells it was enchanted with while it was young. Owls are very useful, you might want to consider getting one at some point, even though you can use the school owls for sending things. Most people prefer to have their own."
Rachel hesitated and then picked up one of the scraps of parchment she'd put a note on and then dipped her quill pen in the ink like Gemma had instructed. She quickly wrote out 'I like cats' and shoved the parchment toward Gemma while blushing. Her hands were shaking a little bit.
"Cats are good too, especially if they're part Kneazle. They're very smart and loyal," Gemma said. "My suggestion is to put in on your wishlist. You never know what Father Christmas might bring."
Rachel frowned. She had known for a long time that Father Christmas was just your parents, and as Rachel didn't have any parents she'd never gotten gifts at Christmas. Besides, it was way too much to ask for a pet. Pets required a lot of work and care. She knew some of the students at school had cats, but she didn't know how they were fed or how they used a litter box or anything.
"Anything else?" Gemma asked.
Rachel shook her head and wrote out 'Thank you' beneath her last message.
"You're welcome," Gemma said.
Rachel gathered up all her stuff and went back to her dorm, intending on looking through the catalogues to see what sort of things could be purchased in the wizarding world. She'd only had a brief look through Diagon Alley and after all the reading she'd been doing in the library she knew the shops she'd seen only contained a small amount of what was possible.
Severus stalked down the Defense corridor, irritated and aware that he was running late for his dinner with Rachel. He had taken to placing eavesdropping spells on Quirrell's office. They'd had no indication that he was having conversations with the Dark Lord by floo, or that Quirrell was using the floo at all. Either Quirrell was lying low after the failed attempt on Halloween - which Severus had come to believe had not been a real attempt, just a feint to test their defenses - or he had other ways of communicating with the Dark Lord.
He made it all the way to the dungeons, lost in rumination, and found Rachel waiting outside his office door. "I hope I haven't left you waiting long," he said by way of apology.
Rachel shook her head.
Severus let her into his office and closed the door behind him. "Go on through and take a seat at the dining table, I'll be right there," he instructed.
Rachel looked at him and then placed her hand on the blank spot on his wall and sank through a moment later.
He gathered the essay that Rachel had handed in yesterday from the stack on his desk and followed her into his quarters. He ordered food using the floo and joined Rachel at the table just as two plates appeared, with pork chops, roast potatoes, and carrots. A goblet of pumpkin juice arrived for Rachel and a glass of red wine for Severus.
"Did you have a good week?" Severus asked, not wanting to jump straight to the question she'd written on the bottom of her essay.
Rachel nodded and started working on cutting her pork chop.
Severus blinked and reminded himself that Rachel had undoubtedly not been taught table manners by her relatives. "Try like this," he said, catching her attention and then holding his pork chop still with his fork and using his knife to cut up against the side of the fork.
Rachel obediently changed how she was cutting her pork chop, looking to him after she'd cut a piece off in the way he'd demonstrated.
"Yes, like that," Severus said. "It's a similar technique as to what you'd use to cut stiff roots for potions ingredients."
Rachel nodded again and resumed eating.
"Are you having any problems in any of your classes?" he asked between bites of his own dinner.
Rachel shook her head.
Minerva had come to him again, lamenting that while Rachel's essays and test scores were good, she was falling further and further behind magically. Severus had assured her that he shared her concern and that treatment was being provided.
Severus searched for topics that he could talk to her about. Complaining about his students was out. He certainly couldn't talk to her about the situation with Quirrell. She would undoubtedly be bored if he started talking about the latest articles in Brewers Monthly. "I understand you have an inter-House study group?" he settled on.
Rachel nodded again, spearing her carrots one by one.
"You're still attending the study groups in the common room?" he asked, though he would have heard by now if she was skipping them.
Rachel nodded, looking briefly at him before returning her attention to her plate.
"That's good. Having extra study time is a good habit and will serve you well once you start taking extra classes in your third year," Severus said.
He was now out of things to say until he addressed the question Rachel had written. He had been dreading it ever since he saw it, but he knew it had to be done. She needed to know why people called her the Girl-Who-Lived, before she got the information from a less reliable source. Severus couldn't believe Albus had left the matter this long, though he suspected Albus simply hadn't realized that Rachel had no way of knowing. Severus hadn't realized either.
They finished their meals in silence and Rachel ate a small bowl of rice pudding for dessert while Severus finished his wine.
"Let's go over to the couch," Severus said.
Rachel watched him, her gaze cautious yet curious, and followed him over to the small sitting area by his fireplace. She sat down on the couch and Severus sat down in his armchair across from her.
"You asked at the end of your essay why you're called the Girl-Who-Lived," Severus started, wondering exactly how much of this he was supposed to tell her. "Do you know how your parents died?"
Rachel shrugged and then shook her head, which Severus took to mean she knew some but not the details.
"Do you know who Lord Voldemort is?" Severus asked.
Rachel shook her head.
"Alright. Lord Voldemort is a dark wizard who believes in blood purity. I'm sure by now you've heard your Housemates discussing their blood status," he said.
Rachel nodded.
"In some pure-blooded circles there is an attitude of superiority. They believe they are better than half-bloods or muggleborns, and that wizards shouldn't marry muggleborns or muggles. There became a rift in wizarding society, and then a war. The Dark Lord led a group of people called Death Eaters, those who believed in blood purity and were willing to attack and kill other people to get their way. Professor Dumbledore and the Ministry worked in opposition," Severus explained, his hand going to his Dark Mark beneath his sleeve automatically.
"Your parents joined Professor Dumbledore as part of a group that fought against the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters. After a while, because they were targets, they had to go into hiding. They were betrayed and the Dark Lord found them, when you were just a baby. He used the Killing Curse on your mother and father. The Killing Curse is unblockable, shield charms are useless against it. It causes instant, painless death. The Dark Lord then went to kill you, but somehow you reflected the Killing Curse back at him, causing him to die. The curse gave you that scar on your forehead," Severus continued. He paused and looked at Rachel. She seemed concerned but otherwise not upset.
"The remaining Death Eaters went into hiding and the war ended. You are largely credited with ending the war. However, there are two things you should know. First, Professor Dumbledore and I believe that the Dark Lord is not entirely dead. We believe he is out there, biding his time to return. This theory is not widely accepted, wizarding Britain would much rather believe the Dark Lord is gone for good," Severus finished. He took another breath and convinced himself that it was better to do this now rather than later. "The other thing you should know is that I was a Death Eater in my youth. It is something I regret greatly. I defected and joined Professor Dumbledore's group and spied on the Dark Lord."
Rachel showed no more reaction to this than she had to the rest of the information he had just given her.
Severus supposed that she had little context for any of it. She couldn't understand the fear that just the name Death Eater had brought back in those days, and the fear it still conjured now in those old enough to remember.
"If you have any more questions, or if you'd like to know more about your parents, you can ask me," Severus said when the silence had gone on too long.
Rachel nodded.
"Are you ready to return to your common room?" he asked, worn out by the day, mostly by the last five minutes.
Rachel nodded again.
Severus escorted her out of his quarters and office, went back to his armchair, and summoned a glass of Firewhisky.
Rachel sat on her bed with two books open around and a blank sheet of parchment she'd planned to use to take notes. She had a headache and a very strange shivery sensation that had come over her as she read.
After hearing Professor Snape explain what had happened to her parents, Rachel had gone to the library the next day and searched for books that might give her more context for what had happened. Hermione had found her looking at recent history books and had recommended Modern Magical History and The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts. Now that she'd read the relevant chapters, she realized that Hermione had known what had happened to her parents, though Hermione probably hadn't realized that Rachel hadn't known. Considering how famous she apparently was, probably everyone at Hogwarts had known about her parents before she did.
Although the reading had helped, it still left her with a lot of questions.
Professor Snape had mentioned that someone had betrayed her parents, but neither of the books mentioned that. Who had betrayed them and why?
Why had the Dark Lord - who all the books had unhelpfully referred to as You-Know-Who - come after her parents in the first place? Had they really been that important to the war? Why would the Dark Lord have bothered to try to kill her when she was an infant? Rachel couldn't imagine that she had appeared threatening in any way.
Why had her aunt said that her parents had been blown up? From the description of the Killing Curse it didn't sound like it actually blew people up. Maybe whoever had told her aunt that her sister and brother-in-law had been killed simply told them it was magic, and her aunt had assumed anything to do with magic involved blowing things up? A lot of Rachel's accidental magic had involved things blowing up, mostly the door to her cupboard after she'd been locked inside.
Why had Professor Snape told her that he used to be a Death Eater? When he told her that he had been, Rachel still hadn't really understood what that meant. Now, after reading some of the descriptions of the campaigns of terror the Death Eaters had waged against wizarding Britain, she had a better idea. The books discussed murder and torture and how the Death Eaters would leave their mark above the houses where they'd been to inspire fear. How could Professor Snape have done those things and still be allowed to be a school teacher?
Why did Professor Dumbledore and Professor Snape think that the Dark Lord wasn't dead? Both of the books had been pretty clear that when the Killing Curse had rebounded off of Rachel that it had killed the Dark Lord. It seemed fairly straightforward, it was the Killing Curse, after all.
Rachel didn't think she'd find the answer to any of her questions in the library and she didn't think her friends would know either. She also didn't think it would be a good idea to write any of these questions down after her essays.
She placed the books on her nightstand to return them to the library tomorrow and rubbed at her temples. Some of the information in the books had been good to learn. She'd learned the date that her parents had died - Halloween 1981 - and that they were considered brave and good people. Even though she'd known since Hagrid's first visit that her parents hadn't died drunk in a car crash, it was comforting to see in print that her parents had been good and kind.
On the other hand, it had felt really strange to read that she was considered the savior of wizarding Britain and that everyone knew who she was. In a sense, Rachel felt like she had just barely learned who she was when Hagrid told her she was a witch.
Rachel looked up when the door opened and found Millie coming in.
Millie dumped her bag on her bed. "Are you okay?"
Rachel nodded.
Millie looked at her, appearing both curious and concerned. "I think I'm ready for tomorrow's revision for our Potions test. Gemma spent some time with me going over ingredient properties and uses."
Rachel nodded again. She didn't feel quite as ready, but their study group tomorrow would help.
"You sure you're okay?" Millie asked, sitting on the end of her bed and looking at Rachel.
Rachel nodded once more, not knowing how she'd write out all of the mixed thoughts and emotions she had broiling inside her.
"Okay, but let me know if I can help," Millie said after a moment.
Rachel gave her a small smile of appreciation. It was nice to have friends.
Severus put down the essay he was grading and opened his office door to find out who was knocking on it. He looked down and found Millicent Bulstrode, who was peering up at him and holding something that was wrapped in a pillowcase.
"If that is a sick or injured pet, Miss Bulstrode, you are better off seeking out Hagrid or Professor Kettleburn," Severus said, wondering just what creature she had in there.
She shook her head. "No sir, it's not a pet. Can I speak to you for a moment?"
"Come in," Severus said, opening his door wider and standing aside to let her in. "How may I help you, Miss Bulstrode?"
"Um, Rachel told me that you're her guardian now," she said, shifting in place as she watched him.
"Told you?" Severus asked. He didn't dare hope that Rachel had started speaking to her friends.
"Well, she wrote it down and showed me," she said. "Is that okay? Was it supposed to be a secret? We won't tell anyone."
"It's fine, it's not a secret," Severus said. It was somewhat of an open secret. He didn't know that anyone beyond the staff of Hogwarts, Lucius Malfoy, and a handful of people in the Ministry were aware. At the very least, it hadn't made the presses yet.
"Oh, good," Millicent said, looking relieved. "Anyway, it's nearly Christmas, which is why I'm here. Because I thought you might like to know what to get Rachel for Christmas. I don't think she's gotten many presents before, she said - well, wrote - that Father Christmas didn't visit her because she didn't have parents, when we were talking about presents in our study group."
Severus nodded. He hadn't given much thought to Christmas presents, as he typically only exchanged gifts with Albus and Minerva. He wasn't surprised to hear that Rachel's relatives had not given her presents. "You said you had a suggestion?" he asked, eyeing the pillowcase again.
Millicent blushed and unwrapped the pillowcase to reveal a battered stuffed toy in the shape of an anthropomorphized bunny. "I know we're a little old to have stuffed animals, but when Rachel sits on my bed she likes to touch and hold it. I think she'd like to have one like it."
"Eleven years old is not too old to have or to sleep with a stuffed animal," Severus said, realizing that Millicent didn't realize how young she really was. "May I see it?"
Millicent handed over the stuffed bunny and Severus took note of the soft cloth fur, the pink stitched nose, and of its general size and weight.
He handed the stuffed animal back to Millicent, who quickly wrapped it back in her pillowcase. "Thank you for the suggestion. I will see what I can find for Rachel," he said, also grateful that she had raised the question of presents in his mind at all so he wasn't left at the last minute trying to figure out what Rachel would like.
Millicent nodded eagerly. "Of course. I just wanted her to actually get presents this year."
"Five points to Slytherin for being a good Housemate and friend," Severus said, knowing it was unnecessary but wanting to do it anyway.
Millicent smile. "Thank you sir. Is there anything else?"
"You can go," Severus said.
He watched as Millicent left and then went back to his desk. He pulled out a fresh sheet of parchment and started a list. At the top he wrote 'stuffed toy bunny'.