Wednesday, January 5, 1977
"It's good to be back together on a Wednesday afternoon, isn't it?" Sirius observed, glancing up from the essay he had been absorbed in for the last fifteen minutes.
"Yes, it is," Mary agreed, frowning down at her own essay. "I didn't miss the homework, though. What the hell am I supposed to put for the second part of the question?"
"It was that stuff Flitwick was saying about the theory behind countercharms, right near the end of class," Sirius said before returning to his parchment and scrawling another sentence.
"I missed that bit because I was too busy laughing," Mary protested. "Remember, you passed me that note that was just a drawing of Flitwick lounging on the beach in a bikini?"
"Oh right. James drew it - I can't take credit for that, but it was my idea to have him reading Witch Weekly." He grinned. "I bet he does, too. You might not know from looking at him, but Flitwick's got the dirtiest mind. You should have seen him trying not to laugh when I signed Hugh G. Rection on Remus's homework."
"I can imagine him laughing about that in his office after class," Mary said through peals of laughter. "Anyway, the point is I missed the information I need for my homework, and it's entirely your fault."
"It's lucky I'm good at multi-tasking, then," Sirius said, thrusting his parchment at her. "Take a look at mine, I'm about finished."
Mary studies Sirius's essay for several minutes, then began scribbling on her own parchment. Once she had finished, she rolled up her essay and tucked it into her bag, then handed Sirius back his own essay.
"Thanks, Black," she said, standing up and stretching before leaning casually against Sirius's chair. "Shall we go upstairs, then?"
Sirius gestured around at the empty common room and raised his eyebrows. "We have the whole common room to ourselves. Seems a waste of time and energy to go up to the dormitory."
Mary's eyes darted to the door. "What about that bloke in the year above us who's usually in here, what's-his-face, the prefect?"
Sirius waved away her objection. "I saw him go into the library. I doubt he'll be back before dinner." He reached your and grabbed her hand, then guided her down into his lap. "Besides, I'm lazy and don't feel like climbing stairs, and the fire is so nice and cozy."
"It is nice here by the fire," she assented, turning her head to kiss him softly. "But let's at least move to the couch, yeah?" She slid off his lap and grasped his hand, pulling him up to a standing position.
"I like the way you think, Macdonald," Sirius said, making his way over to a nearby couch with Mary trailing after him. He sank down onto the plush cushions, pulling Mary down on top of him, and for a while the thought of being interrupted was completely forgotten.
"What the hell is going on here?!" The loud male voice, full of a combination of shock, disgust, and outrage, startled Mary so badly that she squealed and toppled off the couch. Sirius merely swore loudly and looked around for the source of the interruption.
The seventh year prefect stood staring at them, his arms full of books and a horrified expression on his face. He looked from Mary to Sirius, seemingly unable to tear his gaze away despite his obvious discomfort.
"Was that question rhetorical, mate, or are you actually not able to figure out what's going on?" Sirius inquired. "Because I feel like the lack of clothing combined with the compromising position you've found us in should be a dead giveaway, and if it's not, then the education system and your parents have done you a real disservice."
Mary, who was clutching one of the couch cushions in an effort to cover herself, pressed a hand to her mouth to cover her sudden burst of laughter and nearly dropped the pillow in the process. The seventh year prefect finally managed to look away from Mary and Sirius, instead staring down at his feet and blushing furiously. He opened his mouth to speak, but only spluttered incoherently for several seconds before throwing his hands up in exasperation and fleeing back out the portrait hole.
Sirius and Mary glanced at each other before collapsing into the couch again, laughing hysterically. When they finally recovered themselves, Mary stood to retrieve her clothes, but Sirius grabbed her wrist.
"Don't," he said, smiling slyly. "We still have plenty of time, so we may as well finish."
Her eyes widened in surprise. "Are you kidding? He's probably off to tell McGonagall on us."
Sirius shook his head. "Nah, he's far too embarrassed to say anything. I'd guess he's going to go hide out in the library and won't show his face back here for ages." He gently tugged on her hand until she gave in and joined him on the couch again. "All right, where were we?"
Wednesday, January 19, 1977
"I don't much feel like doing homework," Sirius admitted, eying his Charms book with distaste.
"Neither do I," Mary agreed. "Want to put it off until later?"
"Yup," Sirius said, tossing his book aside with relish. "Want to play Exploding Snap instead?"
"Yup," Mary said, grinning. "Shall I run upstairs and grab my cards?"
"No need," Sirius said, reaching into his bag and pulling out a deck of cards. "I always have these in my bag, just in case."
She chuckled. "Of course you do." She glanced across the room at the seventh year prefect. He had his nose in a book and seemed determined not to look either of them in the eye, as he had been doing ever since walking in on them two weeks ago. He turned a page, accidentally looking up and meeting Mary's eye, then hurriedly turned back to the book, blushing furiously.
"Do you think we should ask him if he'd like to join us?" she asked.
"Why would we do that?" Sirius replied, glancing across at the prefect dubiously.
"Well, I feel a bit bad about what happened before," she admitted, keeping her voice low. "He obviously feels awkward around us now, and we're always the only ones in here every Wednesday afternoon…" Her voice trailed off, and she looked at Sirius expectantly, but he made no reply, so she plowed on. "I dunno, don't you think it would be a nice gesture?" Sirius continued to stare at her blankly. "And I suppose it doesn't hurt to be on good terms with a prefect," she added.
"That is actually a good point," Sirius said, nodding slowly. "And Exploding Snap's not nearly as much fun with just two people." He raised his voice and waved across the room. "Oi! You want to play Exploding Snap with us?"
The prefect looked around in confusion, eyes wide. "Me?" he asked.
"No, the bloke next to you," Sirius said sarcastically. "Yes, you. Come on over, we need a third person."
"Oh, that's okay," the prefect said, looking uncomfortable. "I have to finish this essay."
"What's it on?" Sirius asked. "Maybe I can help."
"Doubt it," he replied, frowning. "Unless you know anything about the Homonculus Charm."
"It just so happens that I am somewhat of an expert on the Homonculus Charm," Sirius said, grinning and joining the prefect at his table.
"You are?" the prefect asked incredulously. "How? Flitwick doesn't introduce it until seventh year."
"Oh, I learned it on my own for a sort of side project," Sirius said evasively. "Took bloody forever to figure out, too, because the theory is so complex, but I understand it perfectly now. What are you stuck on?"
The seventh year frowned and pointed to his parchment. "I think I'm all set with everything except how to establish the boundaries. I don't quite understand what Flitwick was saying about that, and the textbook isn't very helpful either…"
"Oh, all right," Sirius said. "Got it," and he launched into a complicated explanation as the seventh year prefect scribbled hastily on his parchment.
Five minutes later, the seventh year was rolling up his parchment and placing it in his bag along with his quill and ink.
"Thanks," he said gratefully.
"Don't mention it," Sirius said, beckoning for Mary to join them at the table.
She took the seat next to Sirius and dealt cards to each of them.
Sirius picked up his cards and handed the other pile to the prefect. "It's Jones, right?"
The prefect nodded.
Sirius narrowed his eyes in concentration. "Hang on, don't tell me your first name… Is it Randall? No, that's not right. Ralph?"
Jones shook his head, amused. "It's Matthew."
Sirius laughed. "Shit, sorry, I wasn't even close." He extended his hand. "Well, nice to officially meet you, Matthew Jones. I'm-"
"Sirius Black. I know," Jones said, shaking Sirius's hand. "And you're Mary Macdonald," he added, addressing Mary. "I had to tell you off last year for wandering the corridors after hours." He smiled ruefully.
"You did," Mary agreed, nodding. "Several times, if I recall correctly. Mind if I go first?" She glanced at her cards, then selected one and placed it on the table.
"Why were you wandering the corridors, Macdonald?" Sirius asked, smirking and setting down a card on top of Mary's.
Mary rolled her eyes. "Oh, sod off, Black. You know I was meeting Stebbins." She glanced at Jones. "My ex-boyfriend," she explained sheepishly.
"Right, red-headed Hufflepuff bloke?" Jones asked, setting a card on top of Sirius's. "I had to kick you two out of the second floor broom cupboard once."
"Yes, that was our usual spot," Mary admitted, looking sheepish and throwing down a card.
"Ugh, the one on the second floor is the worst one," Sirius said, shaking his head in disdain. "Honestly, Macdonald, you're well shot of Stebbins. Imagine still having to go to that cramped, smelly broom cupboard to shag."
"As opposed to shagging right in the common room for anyone to walk in on?" Jones said, smiling slyly. When Sirius and Mary merely gaped at him in surprise, he added, "Sorry, too soon?"
"No, not at all," Sirius said, chuckling. "We deserved that."
"We just didn't expect you to joke about it," Mary explained. "You seemed so, I dunno, horrified, we figured we'd scarred you for life and you were going to go through the rest of the year pretending it never happened."
"I was just surprised, that's all," Jones admitted. "You just don't expect to walk into the common room and see two acquaintances completely naked, do you?"
"Not normally, no," Sirius agreed. "Although it does seem to be an occupational hazard of being friends with me, wouldn't you say, Macdonald?"
"He's not at all shy," Mary confirmed. "He stripped down and jumped in the pool at a party this summer in front of loads of people - the entire Quidditch team was there, and Dan Dingle, and bloody Bertha Jorkins, and I don't even know who else."
"Oh yeah, I heard about that," Jones said, slapping the pile of cards and adding them to his hand gleefully. "I think everyone did."
"Well, I suppose that's because Bertha Jorkins was there," Sirius said, shrugging. "Shit, Macdonald, you may have met your match at Exploding Snap. Jones is pretty good."
"Oh, I'm all right," Jones said modestly. "I just play a lot, that's all." He selected a card from his hand and set it down on the table, starting a new pile. "So when did you two start dating?"
Sirius met Mary's eye, and they both burst into laughter. Jones looked from Mary to Sirius, confused.
"What's so funny?" he asked, when it became clear they weren't going to explain.
"We're not dating," Sirius replied, still chuckling.
"Definitely not," Mary added, shaking her head adamantly.
"Oh, sorry," Jones said. "I just assumed, because, well, I see you together all the time, and then the other day when I walked in, you were, you know…"
"We have an agreement of sorts," Mary explained. "We shag, and we do our homework together, and sometimes we play Exploding Snap or throw dungbombs off the roof if we don't have any work or aren't feeling particularly motivated."
"But we don't hold hands or go to fucking Madam Puddifoot's or talk about our feelings," Sirius added. "And we're free to see other people if we like. So it's basically all the benefits of a relationship, without the less desirable aspects."
"It's kind of brilliant, really," Mary said, glancing down at the cards. "Sorry, is it my turn?" She played a card, then glanced at Sirius and beamed. "I don't know why more people don't do something like this, to be honest."
"Because most people are sentimental sods and enjoy holding hands and talking about their feelings," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "No offense, Jones, if that's what you're into."
"None taken," Jones said with a shrug. "I don't actually know what I'm into, to be honest. I've never really dated anyone." He looked down at his cards self-consciously, as though expecting the other two to laugh or tease him, but they merely mulled this admission over for a moment.
"Would you like to?" Mary said after giving it some thought. "Date someone, I mean?"
"Not really," he said honestly. "There's no one in particular, and I have a lot on with prefect duties and studying for N.E.W.T.s, and being in a relationship seems like more than I really have time for at the moment."
Sirius nodded. "I respect that, Jones. But what about shagging someone, because there's always time for that, and it seems like you could really use a bit of fun and stress relief, with all the studying and prefect rubbish you have to do."
"Oh, I don't know," Jones replied, fiddling with his cards.
Mary hesitated, then asked, "Have you ever?" She held up a hand. "Sorry, I know that's a personal question and you don't really know us, but you've also seen us naked, so I feel like that sort of fast tracked us from acquaintances to friends, in a weird way."
Jones grinned. "Yeah, I suppose that's true." He lowered his voice even though they were the only ones in the room. "I, er, haven't, by the way."
"Would you like to?" Mary asked, but Sirius waved his hand dismissively.
"Don't be silly, Macdonald, of course he wants to, why the fuck wouldn't he?" He set down his cards, giving up on the game completely and giving this new task his full attention. "Right, I'm going to make it my personal mission to make this happen for you, Jones."
"Oh no, that's okay," Jones protested, but Sirius refused to listen.
"Nope, it's the least we can do," he insisted. "You can't leave Hogwarts and go out into the world a virgin, I simply won't stand for it. What's your type?"
"Er, I don't know that I have a type. You know, you really don't have to do this. We can just keep playing Exploding Snap," Jones suggested hopefully.
"It's too late now," Mary said, grinning. "Once he's excited about something, he'll never let it go." She thought for a moment. "How about what's her name - Hufflepuff prefect in our year?"
"Her name's Abby," Jones supplied helpfully.
"Yes, her," Mary said. "Think she'd go for it?"
Sirius shook his head. "Definitely not. I've tried before, but she's extremely prude. Wouldn't even consider shagging someone she's not in a long-term relationship with."
"Oh," Mary said, her expression making it clear that she considered this a ridiculous way to live one's life.
"Yup. But how about about Greengrass?" He looked at Jones thoughtfully. "How do you feel about shagging a Slytherin?"
"No, that's no good," Mary said before Jones had time to formulate a coherent response. "She's dating Urquhart now."
"Ugh, really?" Sirius said with distaste. "Well, that's probably for the best. We can find you someone a bit better, Jones." He drummed his fingers on the table, then looked up excitedly. "Hang on, what about Unicorn?"
Jones laughed. "Who?"
"Sorry, Danielle, in your year," Sirius explained. "James has ridiculous nicknames for all the players on the Quidditch team, and I've sort of gotten into the habit of using them. Anyway, what do you think of her?"
Jones turned slightly pink. "She's, er, she's nice, and very good looking, I suppose."
"And I think she'd be up for it," Sirius continued. "We've been quite flirtatious several times, and I really don't think she's all talk."
"Well, I don't want to interfere, if you're interested in her," Jones began, but Sirius waved his concerns away.
"Nothing can happen with me and Unicorn,," he explained. "James has this bloody stupid rule that I'm not allowed to snog or shag anyone on the Quidditch team." He rolled his eyes.
"That's an oddly specific rule," Jones observed curiously. "Is there a good reason?"
"Well, yes, there is," Sirius admitted, smiling ruefully. "Remember the first match last year? We lost to Slytherin, very disheartening, almost put us out of the running for the Cup - is this ringing any bells?" Jones nodded, and Sirius continued. "Well, it was partly my fault that Gryffindor lost."
"How?" Jones asked, intrigued.
"I shagged Bernard," Sirius replied, referring to the blonde seventh year who played Beater. "She wanted a relationship, and I didn't, and she was so distraught about it that her Quidditch abilities took quite a hit." He shook his hair out of his eyes and shrugged. "It was a whole thing, but Gryffindor managed to pull it together and win the cup anyway, and Bernard and I are on good terms now, so it's all fine, but the rule still stands to prevent me from causing any more unintentional Quidditch-related fiascos." He laughed. "So long story short, Unicorn is off-limits for me, but not for you."
Mary wrapped a stray curl around her finger as she thought. "How do we do it, though? Throw them together at the next party, do you think?" She frowned. "But when will the next party be? There's not another Quidditch match until, what, March?"
"We can just have a party, there doesn't have to be a reason," Sirius replied, sounding unconcerned. "Let's do it next weekend. Should we come up with a concrete plan for how we'll do it, or do we want to just see how it goes?"
"See how it goes, I think," Mary said confidently. "I feel like planning it too carefully puts too much pressure on it. We'll let the night unfold and figure it out as we go."
"It's settled, then," Sirius said, reaching over and clapping Jones on the back heartily. "Are you excited, mate?"
Jones wore an expression of mingled amusement and incredulity, as though he could not quite believe the events of the previous half hour. "I suppose," he said uncertainly.
"You don't believe this is actually going to happen, do you?" Sirius said, correctly reading Jones's expression.
"Not really, no," Jones admitted.
"That's all right, you'll see," Sirius said, grinning. He looked at his watch and turned to Mary. "Shall we go upstairs before it's time to go to dinner? Unless you'd rather just use the couch again." He smirked at Jones. "Only joking, mate, don't worry!" He stood and headed for the stairs with Mary following close behind.
"See you later, Jones," he called over his shoulder.
"Lovely playing Exploding Snap and chatting with you," Mary added, giving him a wave.
"Bye," Jones said, smiling in bemusement.