Elsa jumped when a hand touched her shoulder.
"Hey, hey. It's me," Katherine was immediately worried. "Are you okay?" Her gaze traveled downward, and Elsa followed it, realizing ice was spreading from under her feet again.
"These are Hodgevike men," Elsa said gravely.
Katherine nodded slowly, understanding the implications of the ambush.
"How are our soldiers?" Elsa tried to forget about Oddvar for now. There were more pressing matters at hand.
"They all seem okay, but unconscious. I think we're going to have to wait for them to come to."
Elsa agreed, so they placed the boys near the carriage before sitting together at the front of it. They both got lost in their own thoughts for a while, trying to process what they had just gone through.
"I don't know why you have me around," Katherine broke the silence after a while. "You can do way more than I can. And your powers clearly keep you safe."
"I think you handled yourself quite nicely, actually. Besides, I think we work pretty well together, don't you?" Elsa smiled.
Katherine chuckled. "I guess. We were pretty badass."
"Right?" Elsa laughed and they sat in companionable silence for a while.
As the queen turned over in her mind what had just happened, a light bulb turned on in her head. "The nightmares… Is it because of your job?"
Katherine was taken aback by the question. How did she—
"I heard you while we were in Stanheim. You sounded terrified."
The soldier put two and two together. "Is that why I found you sleeping outside your room? I'm so sorry, I—"
"No, no. It's fine. I couldn't sleep anyway. I, uh, planned to check if everything was okay, but I wasn't sure if you'd be comfortable with that, so I just decided to sit there for a moment and then leave, but I fell asleep instead."
Katherine's heart softened as she noticed how Elsa seemed bashful all of the sudden. "Sorry to have worried you." She lowered her gaze. "No. It's not the job, per se…"
Elsa cocked her head to the side and waited her out, sensing hard memories were resurfacing.
"You know why I became a soldier?"
Elsa shook her head no.
"My father brought me to Arendelle when I was eleven years old. We left Vaatmark because of the war. My, uh… my mother died because of that war. My father decided to leave after that, so I could be safe."
Elsa nodded slowly. Her eyes filled with sympathy. She knew what losing a parent could do to a person. "I'm sorry to hear that. I had no idea."
Katherine shrugged, unable to meet Elsa's gaze. It was the first time she told someone her story, and while she felt safe to do it with Elsa, it was still very difficult to get through. She thought she would burst into tears if she looked at the queen, so she just looked at the trees in front her.
"She was attacked by the enemy soldiers who had taken our town. It happened because she left the house one night, even if Father had told us never to leave alone. But she went out anyway. Because we had no more food. And I was hungry." The familiar feeling of guilt wrapped itself around her abdomen, and she swallowed hard, pushing back the tears.
Even though Katherine's gaze was now trained on the ground, she sensed that Elsa was going to tell her what her father had told her plenty of times already, so she beat her to it. "I know it wasn't my fault. I thought it was for a long time, though."
"I can only imagine how hard that must have been."
"It was hard. Very hard. But my father helped me a lot to get through that. You know, I started dreading going outside. I was terrified the same thing would happen to me, even after the town was liberated from the enemy troops."
Katherine finally felt solid enough to keep the tears at bay, so she allowed her eyes to fall on Elsa. She was met with so much kindness, she couldn't but feel glad she was sharing this with her.
"He didn't want me to be afraid. He taught me a way to transform that fear by showing me how to defend myself. He didn't want me to hide. That's why I became a soldier. Because he taught me to be one. And I was good at it. And that way I could maybe keep what happened to my mother from happening to other people."
Elsa was touched. She couldn't help comparing what her parents had done to the way General Magnus had reacted to unbelievable tragedy. He had empowered his daughter while her own parents let her hide behind her fear. Not that she blamed them for it. They did as best they could in an impossible situation. But thanks to her father, Katherine was able to turn what happened to her into a life mission to help others. She had the opportunity to carve out her own place in the world.
"That's very brave and noble of you."
Katherine shook her head. "It seems to be the only way I can live with that."
"So your nightmares are about what happened to your mother?"
Katherine nodded. She had almost forgotten why she had started telling her story in the first place. "Uh… Yeah, well, they usually involve a younger me seeing my mother in danger and never being able to save her."
Elsa's heart broke. That sounded horrifying. She now understood the screams she had heard that night.
"It's silly. That's over. I'm a soldier now. But I can't help it."
"I get nightmares too, sometimes," Elsa said in a quiet voice, surprising herself. "What I mean is… It's not silly."
"What are they about?"
Elsa sighed and leaned back in her seat, gazing at the men that lay motionless on the ground in blocks of ice. "That I hurt the people I love with my powers."
Katherine's eyes filled with understanding.
"I've already done it, which is why I got locked away in the first place. And then, once I dared get out and take off the gloves, I did it again." As Elsa felt the ache in her chest that always accompanied the memory, she looked down at her hands. She was amazed how they were capable of so much destruction. She stared at them, entranced, as she kept talking. "Anna is the most important person in my life, and she almost died because of me."
Katherine took a moment to consider it all. She saw the torment in Elsa's eyes, the heaviness in her heart was visible in her furrowed brow, and she could imagine the guilt that had gnawed at her for so long. It was probably similar to her own.
They sat there quietly for a while, Elsa lost in the darkness of her past and Katherine unsure of what to say.
If only Olaf was here. He's the best to lighten the mood, the soldier thought.
That was it!
"You know," Katherine shifted in her seat, hoping she had found the way to bring the queen back into the light. Elsa finally looked up at her when Katherine took Elsa's hands and stared deeply into her eyes. Even without her gloves, Katherine was beginning to get used to the cold touch, no longer feeling the urge to take her hand away.
"I know they were some terrible years, and honestly, I'm amazed that you made it through, that you still have so much light and love in your heart. What you went through, having to hide yourself away like that, as if you were some kind of monster, would have been enough to drive anybody insane. You could have been driven to make everyone be as miserable as you had been. But that's not you. You were strong enough to get out and learn to live your life as yourself, to accept yourself. I know times were hard, you made some mistakes… but you also did so much good. I see that in the way the kingdom is happy and thriving, in the light in the kids' eyes when you do one of your tricks, when you use your magic for good… Also, in the way your sister looks adoringly at you, the way you look at her with so much love. You are capable of much, and it's not all destruction. Wasn't it you who gave life to Olaf?"
Elsa thought about it for a moment and a wry smile crept onto her face as she shrugged. "I also made Marshmallow."
Katherine threw her a quizzical look. "Marshmallow?"
"Never mind," Elsa shook her head slightly and lifted her gaze, serious again, signaling Katherine could continue.
"My point is Olaf is the kindest, loveliest, most innocent and caring creature I have ever met. That's all part of you too. You're capable of so many amazing things. Don't let the darkness take over the great beauty within you."
Elsa was speechless, lost in the message of love and hope that had been given to her, and in the kindness in the soldier's dark eyes, in the reassuring warmth of the hand that was holding onto hers. She sat there in a trance, for a few seconds.
Both of them got lost in the other's eyes. Katherine's were full of empathy and understanding. Elsa's, whose had been brimming with fear and apprehension, were slowly filling with something more tender, more self-indulgent.
It was often hard for Elsa to remember there was a lot to be loved in her, but it was impossible for her to deny it when Katherine was looking at her like that, and telling her all of those sweet things. Usually it was Anna who helped her with that. And since Elsa wasn't quite at the stage of loving herself unconditionally yet, it was important for her to be surrounded with people who did.
Could she count on Katherine for that? Should she?
Finally, Elsa looked downward, suddenly self-aware.
A small smile played across Katherine's lips and she let go of Elsa's hand. Mission accomplished, she thought. But a part of herself missed the chill of the other woman's skin against hers.
"Thank you. I needed that," Elsa broke the silence, her gaze still downcast. "I forget about all that sometimes."
"If you ever forget again, I hope to be there to remind you. As many times as you need."
Elsa looked back up at Katherine, and their gazes held for another moment. Neither of them was sure exactly for how long Katherine would be there for her. But they both hoped she could keep her promise for as long as possible.
Forever sounded very damn tempting at the moment.
Katherine started feeling heat spread over her body, and before her face gave it away, she averted her eyes, clearing her throat.
"We, uh, we should probably start moving again soon. There's not much sunlight time left," Katherine said, jumping down from the carriage. "We can put the guys in the carriage."
"Good idea," Elsa said, stepping down herself to help her.
After the painstaking task of settling four unconscious soldiers in the confined space of the royal carriage, they were on their way again. Katherine was holding the reins and Elsa sat by her side, at the front.
Sensing a sort of heaviness that had settled over them as they continued through the forest, Katherine thought of something to lighten the mood.
"So," Katherine started with a smile. "That Prince Stefan seemed pretty interested in you."
Elsa rolled her eyes, visibly relaxing. "He's not the first."
"I'm sure."
"It's my council who wants to marry me off."
Her subjects had never batted an eye at the idea of having a woman ruling over them. It didn't make a difference, as far as she did her job well. And most of her council hadn't made a case out of it either, but a select few thought she would be happier by meeting a nice young prince who would marry her. As if happiness depended on the presence of a man by her side.
"Sounds annoying. Were they all as condescending?"
Appreciating the understanding in Katherine's voice, Elsa shrugged, more at ease. "No. Many of them were, but they weren't all completely bad."
"Must be fun in a way, to have all those princes showing interest in you."
Elsa thought about it for a moment. She had never seen it that way. "I don't know. I might enjoy it more if it wasn't forced upon me." She shook her head, realizing she was monopolizing the conversation. "But tell me about you. How do you deal with all the boys surely chasing after you?"
Now it was Katherine's turn to roll her eyes. "That doesn't happen."
Elsa was genuinely surprised. How was that possible? "Really?"
"Oh, yeah. I mean, I've always been one of the boys, so they don't really see me any other way."
Elsa found that hard to believe, but before she could comment further on it, she heard groaning coming from behind them. It was the guards that seemed to be regaining consciousness.
So Katherine never got to hear how much of a catch she was, at least according to Elsa.
AN: Thanks for the favorites, follows and reviews! They mean a lot :)