CW: mentions of war, teaching and school

Chapter 8: Teaching Turmoils

It had been several sessions since that incredibly emotional confrontation. Harry and Jannie were still working on the complexities regarding Harry's relationship with himself, but only when Harry consented to do so. And, after that first session, Harry was in no hurry to go back to those feelings. He'd never had someone tell him how valuable he was, without any possible conditions to overrule that. Jannie hadn't just been saying he was valuable - Harry knew that she meant it.

That was enough for him. But for now...

Harry was pacing again, annoyed by the sheer mass of essays on his desk. He was so much happier as a DADA teacher than he had been when he tried out the Auror academy, but the paperwork was a nightmare.

His students were also being a little bit of a nightmare. Though he hadn't returned to the school right at first, most of the student body knew his name and had been affected by the wizarding war. The oldest students, some of which had actually fought in the Battle of Hogwarts, were the best about it. They left Harry alone, only showing him the same respect as they did the other professors who protected them.

But the newer students, the ones who hadn't understood what was going on at the time, held the same romanticized view that Harry had fought all of his teenage years. He knew he had lived an extraordinary life, knew that it wasn't really their fault, but Harry hated all the staring, whispers, and giggles that followed him everywhere he went.

It was with this frustration weighing on his head that Harry flew over to Jannie's office. Ever since they'd flown together for a session, Harry had taken to flying anytime he had to travel. It made him feel alive, made him feel proud of himself in a way that was entirely positive. He was good at flying because he had talent and he worked hard for it, not because of a legacy he'd never asked for in the first place.

Of course, Jannie noticed immediately. She never missed anything, much to Harry's ire. He was so used to hiding things from most people that he'd been frustrated with her for a few sessions because of her astute observations. Now, though, Harry appreciated this part of Jannie. It meant he could just get right into venting about his students and the pile of work still on his desk.

"And it's just so irritating!" Harry finished, gesturing with his hands to emphasize his point.

"Well," Jannie crossed one leg over the other to get more comfortable. "What part of the situation is irritating you the most?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is it that the students see you as a hero? Or is it because of the mountain of paperwork involved with your job?" Jannie clarified.

"Oh," Harry pondered this for a few moments. "Well, the paperwork is certainly annoying, but that's my own bloody fault. I guess it's the students then, though it's a little more complicated than that."

He pushed his hands through his windswept hair.

"My whole existence in the wizarding world, I've been pushed and pulled around by the public's opinions of me. I guess it was naive of me to think that it would all stop when Voldemort's terror did."

Jannie thought for a moment, watching Harry fold into himself. Whenever he felt overwhelmed by something, Harry would make himself smaller.

"Harry," She pondered aloud. "Do you remember when you told me about the time you interviewed with that woman?"

"You mean Rita Skeeter?" Harry looked up, startled.

"Yeah, that one." Jannie waved her hand. "What I'm getting at is this. You told the truth then and it really helped people not just understand what was going on around them, but understand you. You have the ability to control your own narrative, Harry."

Harry stared at her for a minute, then shook his head briskly.

"That could seriously backfire."

"Yes," Jannie acknowledged. "It absolutely could, and you should only do this if you trust the writer. You could even write it yourself."

Harry tilted his head, eyes widening comically.

"Jannie...that's absolutely brilliant. But I'm not going to write it - Hermione and I will write it together."

Jannie remembered Hermione - Harry talked about her all the time. Last time he'd mentioned her, she had just returned from Australia with her parents.

"Okay, does that seem like something she'd be interested in doing with you?" Jannie asked.

"Yeah, I think so." Harry nodded, standing up and pacing around excitedly. "She's been dying for a project. Oh, this is a brilliant idea, Jannie! I can finally tell the story accurately…"

Harry stopped pacing as quickly as he'd started, so still that he reminded Jannie of those wax figurines muggles made of people.

"You've just realized something, Harry."

Harry nodded, slowly sinking back onto the couch.

"I...I'd have to tell the story again. At least, all the bits Hermione wasn't around for, and she'd have to relive it all again too. Can I honestly ask that of her after everything I've already put her through? I don't even know if I'm ready to talk about all of that again."

"I understand that." Jannie acknowledged. "You did go through rather a lot."

Harry laughed incredulously. He'd never understand how Jannie managed to make him feel understood and laugh about his messed up circumstances at the same time. When he was finally able to stop laughing, he said.

"Well, Jannie, I think we're back to the drawing board here."

"Not necessarily." Jannie said amicably. "You are still in control of your story, Harry. You don't have to share it if you're not ready to, and you cannot always change other people's perception of you, but who you are will always outshine all of that."

"If that's true, I wish it would hurry up about it." Harry grumbled.

Jannie laughed, with Harry joining in after a moment.

"Well," Jannie chuckled. "I think our time is up for now. Same time next week?"

"Yeah, sure." Harry grinned, getting up to put on his coat. "I'll see you next time, Jannie!"

Notes:

Well, I thought we all could use a lighter chapter after that last one. Therapy isn't always about getting into the super dark parts of ourselves, but in learning how to navigate the every-day struggles.

Happy Reading!