Chapter 8: A Secret Revealed

She ran a thin layer of pink lip gloss to complete that simple make up that suited her very much. It was a long time that she didn't see some make up on her face, that she didn't see her in that way. A woman, a real woman. She smiled at her reflection in the mirror: it was nice to be herself.
She put the lip gloss in her purse, with the intention to retouch make up after finishing dinner. She wanted to show herself at her best, especially next to a woman like Jodie who certainly didn't struggle to be beautiful and elegant. She fixed her hair one last time before heading out of her room and going to the kitchen, where Doctor Agasa was preparing dinner just for him.

- Wow, you are so elegant tonight! Are you sure you're not going out with some guy?- joked the scientist, smiling at his own joke.
- This dress is too good to be wasted on a boy!- she answered in kind, but without being sharp - Rather, are you sure that you don't mind being alone tonight?-

It seemed a question a bit stupid, since before her arrival the Doctor had lived alone in the house for years, but after more than a year in which they had spent every day together it was natural to believe that if she was gone, he would miss her. Or at least that was what she hoped, because she would miss that funny messy scientist as hell.

- Don't worry, go and have fun with Jodie-sensei!- he reassured her.
- If you want some company you can always go to Shinichi with an excuse-
- No need to do it, I'll use the occasion to work on my new invention!- he raised the index finger, satisfied.

She grimaced, narrowing her eyes: she would have liked to believe him, but the suspicion that this was just an excuse was stronger than she was. She knew well that, in her absence, the Professor always took advantage to eat unhealthy things, the ones she forbade him to keep him on a diet. She had noticed it when one day, while she was bringing out the garbage, from the pierced trash bag it had come out the packaging of a famous brand of candies. However, she said nothing, she didn't want to ruin her mood giving him a lecture. Tomorrow she would have him made an even more drastic than usual diet.
She gazed again at her reflection in the window's glasses, being proud of that new dress which she had bought to make herself a gift. She found herself beautiful, a beautiful girl who no one could consider a monster who had created a poison and was part of a criminal's gang anymore. It was so long she felt that way. She thought that this was the first time she went out with a friend, which was quite strange for a girl of her age. At eighteen you should go out often, have a group of friends, doing crazy things and have fun: she had never done any of that. The only hanging out that she remembered were the ones with her sister, rare and fleeting, since she wasn't allowed to take too many liberties. She could only dream a normal life, a life in which she wasn't a slave. And now here she was, radiant and serene, aware that she can go out without the fear of having their eyes on her. She had become an ordinary girl.
She was rummaging in her bag, to check if she had taken all with her, when the doorbell rang. Jodie had arrived. She went to open the door, finding Jodie with her infectious smile.

- Hello!- she greeted her warmly.
- Come in a moment- she invited her to come in, smiling back at her.
- But how beautiful you are tonight! I really like your dress!- she congratulated, watching her from head to foot.
- Thanks, you too are beautiful-

It might seem like a cliché, but it really was what she thought: Jodie was even more beautiful in less formal style than she used to work. A neckline a bit more pronounced, a heel a bit higher, a fine and not too flashy necklace, and here that an already beautiful woman became wonderful, even with those big glasses that tasted a bit retro. She immediately thought that if Akai had seen her he would certainly not remain indifferent, although he wasn't the type who expressed himself too much either with words or gestures.

- Hello Professor Agasa!- she greeted the scientist who was watching them with a smiling.
- Good evening Jodie-sensei! Thanks to have convinced her to come out, you know, she's always at home...-
- That's not true…- she grumbled, although in fact he had a point.
- Don't worry, I won't take her at home too late!- she winked.
- Look, I'm not a child, I can stay out at night even after midnight- she complained, feeling like if they considered her younger than she actually was.
- No no, you're not of age yet!- Jodie joked, making smile even the Doctor - Come on, let's go!-
- Have a nice evening!- greeted them the Professor, watching them as they walked toward the door.
- You too, Professor!- returned the blonde.
- And don't eat junk food!- she warned him with a frown.

She didn't have time to see the expression on his face but she figured that he had assumed that discouraged hangdog face he did every time she forbade him to eat sweets or greasy things. Served him right, so he was payback for having made her look like a brat.

- You should be a bit nicer with the Professor!- pointed Jodie, but without malice or blame in tone.
- I'm even too kind to him!- she replied, sitting in the car.

It was the first time she set foot in that expensive Mercedes, unlike Shinichi that instead had had the honor to travel there several times. There was nothing to complain about: it totally worthed all that money. Leather seats, retractable sunroof, comfort of all kinds. FBI agents had to earn a lot to afford a car like that. She wondered if she might one day drive a car like that.

- Do you like it?- asked Jodie, noticing how she was observing every detail from top to bottom.
- Who doesn't like this car?- she smiled.
- James has always had good taste in cars- she puts the seatbelt, starting the car - So, where do we go?-
- In a revolving sushi restaurant. It's not too far, the Doctor took us there for lunch once, along with the Detective Boys. I mean when me and Shinichi were still two kids- she pointed out - It's good for you or do you prefer a proper restaurant?-

She had to admit that she had had some hesitation in proposing that place, because she did not know what standard of living Jodie was accustomed to. A woman who travelled on a luxury car, always dressed elegantly and perhaps with brand clothes, maybe didn't like to dine in an ordinary local as that. On the other hand, however, she couldn't afford to dine in expensive restaurants: she hadn't a job and what she obtained was only thanks to the Doctor at that time, who offered to give her something in return for her help in the repair or construction of inventions.

- No no, it's perfect! I like those places where plates passes in front of you and you can get anything you want!- she agreed enthusiastic, almost excited as a little girl who is going to visit a magical place.

The more she knew her and the more she was amazed by her personality: Jodie was the most lively person she had ever known. She could be a snob, burdening to other people the fact that she had a lot of money, or she could always behave in a formal way and never break down, proving to be an agent of that investigative entity which America described as its own "proud"; instead she did nothing of all this. Simply she had fun when she could, like a normal woman still young, sometimes showing the same happiness and light heartedness of a child. She didn't know if this way of doing was to be considered as a thoughtlessness, which certainly didn't help to her work, or whether it was a sign of a great inner strength and ability to face life with a smile even after so many tragedies. In that case she should take a leaf from her.

- Well, I point you the way- she smiled, glad she hadn't disappointed her new friend.
- Ok!- raised her thumb the blonde.

….

After about fifteen minutes they reached the sushi restaurant. It wasn't too crowded, so they could talk without an annoying background noise. They sat at the counter, while a group of guys not far from them was watching them making comments softly. She ignored them, as Jodie also did, too busy staring at the dishes that passed before her eyes on the conveyor belt.

- Wow, everything looks delicious!- her eyes lit up
- Don't tell me you've never been in a restaurant like this- she asked her, not understanding how it was possible to be so happy for some fish and rice carried by a conveyor belt.
- Well, not many times to tell the truth- she admitted - You know, when I'm with my colleagues we go to high quality restaurants or in less traditional places. I rarely eat alone when I'm out, so I adapt to. I went to a place like this only a few times, together with a friend-
- I see, that's why you're so happy-
- I can't wait to taste these delicacies! Let's start now!- she invited her to take from the conveyor belt the first dishes of the evening.

She shook her head smiling: it would have been a funny evening. She liked how Jodie knew to have a dignified behavior at work but at the same time a lively and crazy spirit in private life. Both of them moved towards the mouth the first bite of that rice and fish dinner. It was as good as she remembered it, or maybe even more.

- Boy, this is delicious!- she heard Jodie's voice beside her.
- Do you like it?- she smiled.
- Of course!- nodded the blonde, widening her big eyes of the same color of the sky.
- I'm glad!-
- But we are a bit delaying…- she suddenly returned serious, staring straight into her eyes - We had to see us to talk about a particular issue, right?-
- Are you referring to my conversation with Akai-san?- she smiled mischievously, knowing what her friend was eager to know.
- Obviously!- she prepared herself to listen.
- I must say it was better than I expected , and it's all thanks to you. If it wasn't for you I would never have known the truth-
- I knew it!- she almost jumped on the chair for the happiness - That's why Shu today was no longer gloomy as the past few days! I'm really happy!- she clapped her hands a couple of times, as if to make an applause to herself for how much she had been good at resolving the situation.

She absolutely deserved that applause, she had done too much for a matter in which she had nothing to do either. She could give a damn, instead she had helped two people at once. Yet it was not clear if she had done it more for Akai than for her, but in any case she had treated her like few people had done until then, so she couldn't contest anything. Jodie was the heroine of her story. But this didn't forbade her to tease her friend a bit. After all, she was always one of the bad who had become good, and you know that the bad always retain a hint of audacity.

- You seem happier for him than for me- she smiled again maliciously, with the intent to emphasize her obvious interest in her colleague.
- W-what?! But no, no no!- she shook her hands as a sign of denial, trying to conceal the embarrassment with poor results - I'm happy for both of you, of course!- she added.
- Are you sure?- she persisted.
- Y-yes!- she smiled, but in a forced way not spontaneous as before.

She hoped to get an answer to the question that she had done her a few nights before, that is if she had feelings for Akai, but again she had denied, while continuing to betray herself with her voice and with her eyes. Even a blind man would understood she was lying, but for some strange reason she preferred to continue that act while knowing she wasn't credible. Perhaps she didn't trust her? Ok, they were friends for less than a week and among them there was a large age difference, but by the way what it cost her to confess? Surely she was not going to rat to Akai, she certainly didn't have the confidence to make a similar gesture, not to mention that she cared more for their new friendship than to establish a confidential relationship with her sister's ex-boyfriend.

- By the way, you made peace with Cool Guy too, right?- she asked, trying to change the subject.
- Yes, everything is all right even with him- she nodded.
- Good, I'm happy! And...you changed your mind about Shu now?- she asked hesitantly, probably fearing to give her another reason to think she was in love with him - I mean, you don't think he's a monster anymore, right?-
- No- she smiled, trying to reassure her - I don't trust him fully yet, it will take time for this, but I no longer think he's a monster-
- I'm glad- she smiled back, this time in a sincere way - How he behaved during the conversation? Shu is a very closed type and rarely makes personal speeches, so I was wondering if he had spoken to you in a straightforward manner, or if he had trouble. Sometimes when he doesn't want to confess to much he's capable of getting rid of you with strange phrases!-

The more she talked about him and the more her eyes lit up, not to mention that smile that extended more and more to every word. She described that man as if he was a unicorn, a rare being that you couldn't see every day. Ever since she had known him under the guise of Dai Moroboshi, in her eyes Akai had always been a man like many others, a man rather closed and unable to show his true feelings, self-confident enough to look like a braggart at times. She had always wondered what her sister saw in him, what was so special about him to make her so happy, and now she was wondering the same with Jodie. She felt like going back in time, when Akemi spoke to her about him. Maybe it was also for this reason that she liked so much Jodie's company: she felt that fate had given her the opportunity to have something similar to that beloved sister she had lost.

- He maintained his impassibility even while he was telling me everything that you had already told me the day before, or that he really loved my sister. But this is typical of him, I don't think he's the type who cries a lot, isn't he?-
- Since I know him I've never seen him cry, at least not in the presence of other persons- she nodded.
- Nevertheless I must admit that in the end he told me really beautiful words and I realized that behind his cold attitude there is more kindness and altruism than he wants to show. I confess that we're alike in that way-
- It takes patience, Shu is like that!- she smiled shrugging - But at least he didn't behave like an ogre, I was afraid he would spoil the effort I had made in convince you to go back to him!- she laughed at it.
- Don't you want to know what he told me exactly?- she tried again to tease her, but being careful not to be too explicit as before.
- I wouldn't be too intrusive, they are personal matters after all, though I have to confess I 'm curious!- she took on an embarrassed girl's expression.
- I thought so- she smiled - However he told me that before she died my sister had sent him a message asking him to protect me if her mission hadn't been successful. He has kept his word and said that I can call him when I want and I can rely on him for anything-

Hearing those words still had an effect on her, the emotion that they had given her was strong. While not considering him a "friend", it had made her happy to know that there was someone who cared about her so much. She wondered if she would ever really relied on him, but only time would give her an answer. Maybe it was just this side of him that had made both her sister and Jodie fall in love with him.
She watched Jodie's face, which seemed genuinely surprised. Apparently even she wouldn't have expected such a statement, knowing Akai better than her.

- You look surprised- she pointed out - Didn't you say Akai-san isn't what he seems after all?-
- Yes...yes...it's just that I knew the message that Akemi had sent him, but I knew only part of its content it seems...- she became thoughtful.
- You knew about the message?- now she was the one surprised.
- Shu told us about it because it was still a trail that led us to the Organization's moves, but he omitted the part where Akemi had spoken to him about you. I imagine he did it because it was a personal matter that only concerned you- she looked down, becoming sad, something that didn't escape her keen eye.
- I see- she simply replied, fearing that if she added another word she would worsen the situation.

Maybe Jodie was not comfortable to hear about her sister, on the other hand it's not easy to face the woman who has been the girlfriend of the man you love. She had spoken freely, certain that Jodie would listen, but she hadn't thought that some topics might cause her pain. She had to be more careful if she didn't want her friend to turn into an enemy.

- Will you do it?- she asked her point-blank.
- What?-
- Will you call him if you need help?-
- Perhaps, when I will trust him a little more- she admitted.

She had just promised herself to not go too far with Jodie, but she couldn't restrain her curiosity to know. Maybe spending all that time with Shinichi had infected also her. On the other hand she was confessing a lot of personal things, so why Jodie hadn't to do the same? She wasn't asking her anything so secret, only a confirmation of his feelings for Akai. She had to make her understand that she could trust her, but she didn't know how. She had never had a friend, she didn't know what attitude to take in that situation.

- You really care about knowing about Akai and talking about him, right?- she tried to encourage her again.

She expected that Jodie digressed and changed topic as before, instead she just looked at the sushi on the plate in front of her, perhaps without even seeing it, as if she wasn't hearing her. She seemed absorbed in a parallel universe, on her face a melancholy and suffering expression. Here, scratch that: she had taken things too far and now the damage was done. Never as in that moment she realized what Shinichi must have felt when she had told him that their friendship was over. She would have never forgiven herself if Jodie would never spoke to her again because of that stupid desire to know.

- I'm sorry, it's not my business. I didn't want to bother you, it's just that...well, I don't know how to behave with a friend- she admitted, looking down too.
- Sorry, what did you say?- Jodie asked her in return, shaking her head slightly as if to chase away a thought which had become annoying and looking at her - Forgive me, I took my eye off the ball-
- Is everything ok? Did I say something that upset or annoyed you?-
- No no, on the contrary, I really like talking to you!- she smiled.

A forced smile, quite different from those warm and spontaneous that she had done when she went to pick her up at Doctor's home. She could lie to herself, but not to her. She was tired of lies, she didn't want to hear them anymore, even small or innocent as that one. She had been honest, so even Jodie now had to be. At that point it was worth going for broke: if she really had ruined the evening and also their friendship, then what she was about to say wouldn't have changed anything.

- I think you should open up and say what you 're thinking- she said bluntly - I did it with you. I confided in you and I told you personal things, because I feel that I can trust you. Maybe you don't trust me enough and you think I'm a little girl who can't understand certain things, but I assure you it's not like this. I understood very well that you're in love with Akai, the question I asked you last night was rhetorical. Even the walls of this restaurant have understood it, to be honest. But for some unknown reason you deny the evidence and you even seem agitated to feel this feeling. I feel that there's more behind and that's what you don't want to say- she ended.

What had been done had been done. The end of the evening and especially of their friendship would depend on Jodie's answer. In his heart she hoped for a positive outcome, but her head which got used to always think the worst had already given the verdict. After all life had never given her something good, so why deluding herself?

….

Ever since she had met her and she was still a little girl, victim of the strange drug designed by herself when she was still within the Organization, she had realized immediately her temper, but she never imagined to find herself in front of a girl so determined. Although he was only a few years older than the high school girls who she had taught at Teitan, Shiho proved to be a mature woman instead of a teenage girl. On the other hand the life that she had made hadn't certain allowed her to be a common teenager. Her incredible determination was enviable, it reminded her a bit of herself as a child when she rebelled against James and wanted to be a woman who has lived. Now she had understood to have been unmasked, and certainly all those questions about Shuichi who had asked her had done nothing but foment and confirm her suspicions. She couldn't help it, she wasn't able to hide that love that had never gone.
She felt stupid in being lectured by a girl who was ten years younger than her. She should be the most responsible between the two of them, the one that could act as a "big sister" to the other; instead she found herself acting like a young girl in love whose eyes sparkle when she talks about the boy she likes. She was pathetic and ashamed of herself. Perhaps the fact that she has never had someone to whom she could confide her feelings for Shuichi, both before and after their breakup, had taken her to not be able to keep everything inside and not know how to behave when they touched the subject. She also hadn't had an easy life, come to think of it.
On one thing in particular, more than anything else, she was right: she had told her many personal things, she had answered to all her questions, she had trusted her; now it was her turn. Perhaps what Shiho searched for wasn't so much an answer to her curiosity, as a confirmation of the fact that she trusted her. Until then she hadn't realized how much she cared for their new friendship and knowing it made her happy, because for her it was the same. Although their relationship was born by chance, she liked to spend time with that girl who looked like her in many things.
She took a deep breath, ready to bring out the "secret" that she had held in for all those years.

- You were right- she finally said.
- Eh?- could only say Shiho, astonished by those words that she probably didn't expect.
- When the other day you asked me if I was in love with Akai...you were right-

She had to admit that she felt more relieved now that she had spoken those words aloud, but at the same time she was afraid that now that she had "let go" that secret it would no longer be able to retrieve it if it'd turn out to be a mistake. She didn't want it to come up to the person concerned. He did not want to take another slap in the face from him, just like six years ago.

- I had already understood this- smiled the girl - What I don't understand is why when you talk about what you feel for him you suddenly become sad. A woman who talks about how she's in love should always be happy, right?-
- Not if her love is one-sided…-

She lowered her head again, biting her lower lip in an attempt to dissolve the lump in her throat that those words had caused. She knew within herself, but saying it so openly was even worse. It was like admitting her defeat.

- You don't know that since you continue to hide it to Akai! Maybe he feels the same for you but he doesn't send you signals because he's too proud and closed. You've said it yourself. And then you know that most of the men are like that...- she grimaced.
- Why, you're an expert on male behavior?- she tried to make a joke to ease the tension - However I would like to have your belief...- she smiled, although the sadness in her eyes betrayed her real state of mind.
- Give it a try, remaining silent and pining is worse- she instead.
- Believe me, it is better not- she shook her head - But thank you for the support-
- But why?!-

She opened her eyes wide in front of that impetuosity, which spun all present in the restaurant toward them, causing considerable embarrassment. Of course she had really taken to heart the question! She saw her trying to withdraw as turtles do in their shells: probably she realized that she had exaggerated a bit. This made her smile, although at that time she didn't feel happy at all. Then she had a teenage side.
She returned immediately serious, aware that maybe she was going to reveal another hidden truth of that long history, unless Shuichi had done it before.

- Because the message you were talking about before, the one your sister has sent to Shu before she died...He still keeps it on his cellphone-

From the stunned expression that Shiho made to that revelation, it was clear that Shuichi had omitted this detail. After all it was something very private, so it was usual for him to behave that way. He had probably thought it was superfluous to tell her, confess to her that he loved sincerely Akemi was enough. She herself wasn't aware of that particular because it had been him to tell her. She had discovered I by chance, a day like any other. She still remembered the feeling she had felt when she had read on the screen the name of the sender: a poisoned arrow which aimed straight at her heart. She could have sworn she even heard the noise of the cracks that were expanding, shattering again in pieces that heart which she had spent her life rebuilding patiently. When you break something you can fix it and if it breaks again you can try to repair it once again, but when you damage it too much there's nothing you can do. She knew well that she wouldn't hold another disappointment, she wouldn't have the strength to pick up the pieces. She wanted to avoid suffering more than she already was doing, to be close to him just as a friend was easier than not being able to look at him, or worse still, to get him away from her. Shuichi didn't have to know.

AUTHOR'S CORNER

A longish chapter this time! ^-^ Well, those who expected this "date" between Jodie and Shiho has been satisfied (or at least I hope XD)! What do you think? Did you expect this confession by Jodie? Is there anything in particular that struck you or chapter was boring? I hope not! XD As always, if you want let me know your impressions, your theories, what you think will happen in the next chapter. I'm curious to see if someone guesses! ;) And if you have questions or if there is something not clear, as always I'm at your disposal!
I hope you enjoyed this first part of Shiho / Jodie dinner!