Thank you to all of the people who gave me feedback on my chapter lengths! Almost everyone preferred shorter chapters, so I'll be working with smaller updates from now on.
I feel Alice's eyes boring into me as I lay on the couch numbly. I already know what she's going to say.
"You need to hunt."
"I know."
"So why don't you?"
"It's just another thing that separates me from her."
"Edward, that's ridiculous. You're a vampire. It doesn't take a vision for me to know what would happen if Bella ever found out you died." Her tone is exasperated, but her worried thoughts differ.
"I won't kill myself, Alice."
"You won't? What's stopping you? I mean, you isolate yourself in this room and torture yourself. I know it's hard, but-"
I scoff quietly. She doesn't know.
"It's not fair to this family. We can't - We can't lose you Ed."
"You won't." I say it sternly. And I mean it. I wouldn't do that to my family just because I missed her, especially when my own morals were the only thing in the way of her and I. That would be pathetic.
"We're going hunting today, whether you like it or not. It's going to be one of the only cloudy days of the year today, and you aren't wasting it on my watch."
"No offense, Alice, but I'm not really in the mood to go out and enjoy the weather."
"Well no offense, but I don't care." She's angry with me.
Maybe she's right - just because I'm still breathing doesn't mean that I'm not hurting my family, and I've hurt enough people recently.
She smiles when she sees my decision in her premonitions.
"Ugh, we are definitely not going in those sad little woods that you've been going to. There's a nice big forest just twenty miles North."
"Fine."
"Jasper?"
He appears from the bedroom doorway a moment later, clearly relieved that the argument is over. He set a calm atmosphere into the room and I let it wash over me. Though I usually resented his impromptu attempts at manipulating my feelings, I need it right now.
"Ok, well the clouds will last all day, so we'll have plenty of time, but I think we should go now." She pauses for a moment, concentrating. "And we will, so there's no point in procrastinating Edward."
I sigh and follow them out the door.
We run along the brownish woods that I've hunted in for the past few months for about ten minutes, until the ugly yellow shades around us transition into a lush green. Though the trees aren't like the ones in Forks, the greenery still brings unwelcome memories to the forefront of my mind. The memories distract me until Alice and Jasper come to a stop in front of me.
"Ok, this should do. There's two deer coming in one minute from the North, and a black bear coming in five from the West. And a handful of rabbits in the West too. I call the deer!" Alice runs off a moment later, leaving Jasper and I alone.
"I'm taking the rabbits. Take the bear. You need it." That's all Jasper says before sprinting off as well.
I take a deep breath to gather my thoughts and focus on the smells surrounding me. The bear's blood immediately catches my attention, so I allow my senses to take over and pursue it without thinking.
I stop my sprint and leap to a nearby tree when I'm just a few feet away from my prey. Here I am, throwing away my humanity once again. But I force myself to remember what Alice said. My family can't lose me. What kind of person would I be if I hurt them too?
My teeth sink into the fur and flesh of the black bear before I can convince myself to do otherwise, and I quickly realize that I'm much more thirsty than I thought. The scalding flames in my throat slowly extinguish when I gulp down the blood, causing me to emit a satisfied sigh.
I hunt another bear and four rabbits that day, blocking out whatever memories I can to satisfy my extreme thirst. Neither Jasper nor Alice make a comment on my large appetite - they expected it. Both of them settled for the deer and the rabbits, not wanting to cut in on my meal, and though I didn't want to admit it, I was grateful.
I drink the last rabbit dry when the sun is setting and the humidity has thickened. Alice and Jasper seem to be in a hurry to get back, and for a moment I don't know why. Jasper's thoughts give it away though, and I find myself instantly wishing that I didn't know. Their desired activities are much too intimate for my taste, so I excuse myself for an evening walk before their minds get any more detailed.
They sprint off towards the house with embarrassed grins on their faces. One of the greatest disadvantages to my gift comes to my attention whenever my siblings decide to have intimate thoughts such as those - there's no off switch, so their inappropriate desires are broadcasted into my mind whether I like it or not.
I decide to remain in the forest, heading South in a slow, human-paced jog. Earlier in my life, I would've despised running at such a low speed. But a lot has changed about me after I left. My brain is constantly flooding with those torturous thoughts that fill me with longing for Bella. Sometimes I find myself wishing for her, but not quite like I usually do. Like I just need one more look, one more touch, one more kiss. Though these desires are slightly more realistic than my others, they are the most painful. Because these things are so small, so simple, yet so impossible.
The evening's orange tint fades to the familiar purplish dusk that I used to resent so much a thousand years ago. Twilight always marks the end of the day, the beginning of the night. I used to think of it's consistency as mocking - I have to endure a thousand twilights and a thousand more in my existence. But now, the dark sky gives me a sense of peace. I've made it through today. And so I just watch the stars beginning to peek through the purple haze and try to forget about all of the other days that I'll have to make it through.
We're getting closer and closer to the eventual climax, when Edward finds out that Bella jumped off a cliff, but there's still a couple more months to go. I apologize for the longer waiting period, but I had an idea for a one-shot story that I simply had to get on paper as soon as possible, so I've been writing that pretty religiously for the past few days. I'll probably release it in a month or two, but there's a lot to right. I'm not giving anything away quite yet, but as I progress the story I might give a couple of hints. Also, if you haven't already, please check out my other fanfic, Comet. It's the story of Alice's newborn experience and her meeting Jasper and the Cullens, through her perspective. I've had my hands full with writing Solstice, Comet, and the one-shot, but I really do enjoy writing, so hopefully that will keep me on pace.