[Vintage tee, brand new phone, high heels on cobblestone. When you are young they assume you know nothing. Sequin smile, black lipstick, sensual politics. When you are young they assume you know nothing.]
"I think we should have sex."
The sudden statement by Addison took Mark by surprise. So much so that he nearly spit his drink out. It was only a couple weeks ago that Addison firmly told him she wasn't ready. And granted he would love to have intimacy brought into their relationship, his main concern was Addison and making sure she was ready and comfortable. She had worked so hard to get this far, he didn't want anything to mess that up. So as much as he wanted to, and as much as he missed it, it wasn't a priority to him. She was the only priority to him.
"Addie..."
"We should have sex tonight, I'd...I'd like to have sex tonight..with you."
Mark didn't know how to respond. Of course he wanted to have sex with Addison. God, how he wanted her so bad. He wanted to kiss her body and touch her all over and show her how incredible she is and how she should be treated. He missed the passion and fire between them. Of course he wanted that back. But he wasn't confident she was ready. He worried what how happen if they tried and she wasn't ready. However, he didn't know if it was his place to question that. Who was he to tell her if and when she's ready.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Its a big step Addie.."
"I said I was sure Mark."
"If you're absolutely sure that you're ready then okay."
Addison nodded. She honestly wasn't sure if she was ready or not. But she was sure that she wanted to try. She craved Mark. A lot. Alot alot. He was hot, like ridiculously hot, to the point to was hard to concentrate around him. And she knew the sex with him was always mind blowing. They had amazing sex before. Back in New York they were dangerously sexual, as in they couldn't keep their hands off each other, they were risky with the places with the places they chose to explore each others bodies. Elevators, cabs, on call rooms, dinner tables even. They had fun. Not that she wasn't having fun with him now, she just missed the sexual fun. She wanted sexy fun back.
[But I knew you, dancing in your Levi's, drunk under a streetlight. I knew you, hand under my sweatshirt, baby kiss it better right. And when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someones bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite. A friend to all is a friend to none. Chase two girls, lose the one. When you are young they assume you know nothing.]
They tried after dinner. Mark hesitated the entire time. It felt off to him but if Addison wanted to try then he wanted to try for her. She got onto the bed, slowly peeling her shirt and then sliding off her skirt, revealing herself to him. Mark took a long moment to appreciate the woman in front of him. Laying eyes on her never got old to him. Beautiful didn't do Addison justice. She was...perfect. So incredibly perfect. He placed his hands on her hips, looking her over one more time and smiling.
"Wow.."
It was Marks turn to undress now. Addison tugged his shirt off, running her hands over his muscular figure. Her craving for him grew even more. She swore he had a body built by the gods themselves. She felt herself getting more comfortable with the idea of being intimate again. She was starting to think she might truly be ready.
Addison laid back on the bed, guiding Mark on top of her. He connected their lips in a passionate kiss before moving down her body. It was then that Addison was unfortunately hit with the sudden realization that she wasn't ready. She stared at the ceiling, trying her best to hold back the tears the were fighting to fall from her eyes. She thought maybe if she just laid there, the fear and panic would pass. Maybe if she just toughed it out then it'll get better, it would get easier. But Mark noticed her breathing was heavy and it wasn't from their interaction, he immediately stopped.
"Addison...?!"
"I-I-I-I can't, I can't do this! I'm sorry, I can't..." Addison said before breaking down and sobbing. She rolled onto her side, not wanting to see Mark's reaction, afraid he would be disappointed in her. But of course, he wasn't. He reacted, as he always does, in the perfect way she needed him to. Loving and supportive.
Mark pulled the blanket over Addison to cover her, and make sure she was comfortable. He kisses her temple before laying next to her, pulling her close against his chest and holding as she cried.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" She said softly as she cried.
"It's okay Red, there's nothing to be sorry for."
"I just want to have sex with my boyfriend..."
"There's plenty of time for that in the future, we don't have to worry about that now. I'm so freaking happy just holding you, and eating Chinese with you, and have coffee on our balcony with you."
"Mark..."
"I love you Addison. I love you. Its okay. Its going to be okay."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
That was the first night in a while that Addison cried herself to sleep. The next morning Mark woke up to a note from Addison saying she went to work early. He let out a sigh as he placed the note back down, knowing she went to work early to avoid him rather then to actually work. He could tell he was in for a long day.
[But I knew you, playing hide and seek, and giving me your week ends. I knew you, heartbeat on the High Line, once in twenty lifetimes. When I felt like I was an old cardigan under someones bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite.]
Addison walked down the hospital halls with Meredith Grey as she caught her up to the updates of their case. Addison listened intently as Meredith explained how their preemie baby did over night. She nodded, pleased to hear that the little girl was doing well and on the road to recovery.
As they turned the corner, Addison saw Mark standing in the hall way talking to Derek. She quickly turned back around and turned the corner so Mark wouldn't see it, rushing to the nearest supply closet. She ran he fingers through her red hair, closing her eyes and sighing to herself. She was over reacting, she knew this. She hated that she was over reacting and she hated that she couldn't help it.
Addison's sudden flee in the hallway didn't go unnoticed, nor did it get ignored. There was a soft knock on the door before Meredith let herself in.
"Addison? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"Did you and Mark get in a fight or something?"
"No...yes..no."
Meredith was silent for a moment, studying Addison's frustration. She could tell that it stemmed from embarrassment rather then anger, and her feelings were aimed toward herself rather then Mark.
"It's okay if you don't want to talk...but I am here for you if you do."
Meredith felt it was a little weird for her to be comforting Addison, they weren't exactly friends. But they also weren't...not friends. Meredith did care for Addison, and she was concerned about her. Though it was a little weird since she was dating her ex husband, and they didn't exactly have the simplest past, Meredith liked Addison. She saw her as a good person and a good doctor, and after everything she had been through, Meredith wanted good things for her. Addison deserved good things.
Addison hesitated to talk to Meredith. It seemed inappropriate given she was dating Derek and they weren't exactly friends. However Meredith was nice, and she did seem to say the right thing to make Addison feel better, at least she did last time. And, if she was being honest, Addison needed a friend to talk to.
"I tried having sex with Mark last night...and it didn't exactly go well.."
"oh...oh!" It took Meredith a moment a put the pieces together, realizing Addison meant it was the first time for her after the rape.
"I kinda...freaked out..before we got anywhere."
"And now you're avoiding Mark?"
"Yeah...I just feel so...embarrassed.."
"You shouldn't though. You're reaction is completely understandable."
"I want to have sex with Mark. I should be able to have sex with Mark. He didn't hurt me, he's been nothing short of perfect to me throughout this whole thing, yet the second I lay on my back its like I'm...there all over again."
"Addison...you'll get there, you'll be ready. Maybe not now but in time."
Addison nods and tries to force a smile.
"Maybe you just...need to try being in control."
"What?"
"Sorry, I'm being out of line...it's probably dumb advice anyways."
"No, please. Tell me?"
"Maybe you should try being in charge...like in the bedroom. If its being on your back that triggers you, you could try something else, so you're in control."
The smile that took hold of Addison's lips was not forced this time. The idea was genius, genius enough that it just might work. It was definitely worth a try. Addison reached out and gently squeezed Meredith's hand, grateful for her help.
"Thank you Meredith, really."
[To kiss in cars and downtown bars was all we needed. You drew stars around my scar, but now I'm bleeding. Cause I knew you stepping on the last train, marked me like a bloodstain. I knew you tried to change the ending, Peter losing Wendy. I knew you, leaving like a father, running like water. When you are young they assume you know nothing.]
Addison waited two weeks before trying anything again. She wanted them both to have some time to let go of what happened last time. This time was going to be different. This time she felt different. She felt confident and sure of herself. She felt excited instead of nervous. Well, she was still a little nervous, but more excited. She decided this time, she would plan something cheesy. Their previous date nights Mark had planned, they were cheesy and cute and special, now Addison wanted to plan that for Mark.
Addison had lit a couple candles around the room, not so many that it was overwhelming and a border line fire hazard, but enough to set the mood and make it romantic. She sat in the middle of the bed waiting to greet Mark when he got home, a black silk robe tight around her and nothing else.
Marks jaw nearly hit the floor when he walked in and saw Addison. This was the last thing he expected to come home to tonight, though he most certainly was not complaining.
"Hey..." He said, not taking his eyes off her for a single second.
"Hi.."
"Whats um...whats going on?"
"I thought maybe we could try again?"
"Addie..."
"I'm ready, I'm sure. There's just some things that need to be a little different."
Mark walked over to Addison, who sat up in bed to greet him with a kiss. He was still worried and a little hesitant, but he did notice that Addison seemed more relaxed and comfortable. And he did appreciate the romantic setting of their room. It was cute. Not to mention Addison look incredibly sexy, it was hard to deny her.
"Whatever you want Red."
Addison smirks, stripping Mark of his shirts and running her hands up his chest slowly, appreciating his muscular build. She kissed him passionately before fully undressing him. Being fully exposed, Mark felt it was only necessary for Addison to be as well, he reached to untie the her robe but her hand stopped him.
"I want to." She said softly.
He looked somewhat confused but gave her a nod in agreement.
"I want to be in control tonight."
Mark smiled, tucking a strand of Addison's red hair behind her ear. "My hot girlfriend is gonna boss me around in the bedroom tonight? I'm okay with that!"
Addison chuckles. "Yeah?"
"Oh hell yeah Red!"
They exchange a deep kiss before Addison returns to navigating them in bed. "I want you to sit up against the bed frame." She whispered in this ear. Mark replied with a smirk on his lips and did as he was told. Addison then straddled his lap, reaching her hand down between them and stroking his member. Mark moaned against her lips, loving her pleasuring touch. He told himself that he was going to focus on Addison during this to make sure she was okay, however it was hard for him not get lost in their intimacy.
Addison then guided him inside her, gasping softly and then moaning when their bodies connected. God he felt good, so damn good. Great even, amazing. Mark gently ran both his hands through her hair.
"You good?"
She quickly nodded. "So good"
They let their hands explore each others bodies, soaking in every moment of them being together, enjoying each and every touch. Mark put his arms around her as she rocked her hips. They were as close as they could be but somehow not close enough. They couldn't get enough of each other. Mark made sure that Addison set the pace, he followed her every move and motion. She loved it, he loved it. It was pure bliss.
Once they both met their ecstasy, Addison collapsed on the bed next to him, softly panting from their intimacy with the a smile painted on her face. Mark kissed her forehead before pulling her into his arms. He ran his hands along his arms soothingly, then across her cheeks. Her cheek were damp with tears and fear immediately took over him. He sat up further so he could see her more.
"Addie?! Addie, whats going on?! Are you okay?! Are you hurt?!"
"I'm okay Mark." She softly chuckled at his reaction, touched by how concerned he was.
"You're crying!"
"I'm crying because I'm okay, more then okay. I'm good, I'm happy."
"What..."
Addison rolled over so she was completely facing him. She smiled at him, placing her hand against his cheek. "I'm happy Mark, which is such an incredible feeling. When...that night happened, I didn't know if I could ever recover, I didn't think I was strong enough. And the journey was hard, and long. The nightmares, the bruising being a constant reminder, the therapy sessions twice a week. It was a lot, it was exhausting. But now I'm good. The bruises are gone, the nightmares are gone, the heavy heart is gone. And work is normal and good. And now I'm here, with you. The dates, the movies, the dinner in bed, the going out dinners, and now the sex. The sex with you. I'm happy,truly, genuinely happy. And I'm hopeful. And I love you."
Mark's heart swelled at her speech. She was okay, she was good, she was happy. This is what he's been wanting for her, and he was so relieved she finally got there. He wanted to tell her how proud he was of her. How proud he was that she got up every morning and did her best, that she pushed herself to overcome every hurdle. He was going to tell her how amazing she was, but then she said the three words. Addison said the three words to him and left him speechless. All he could manage to do was stare at her with the biggest grin on her face, one that she could't help but chuckle at. Now he was truly, genuinely happy as well.
"Red..."
"I love you Mark Sloan. And I'm okay, and happy and hopeful because of you."
"Addison Forbes Montgomery!" Mark pulled her closer, still smiling as he lays kisses all over her face. "I fucking love you!"
[But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss, I knew you'd haunt all my what-ifs. The smell of smoke would hang around this long, cause I knew everything when I was young. I knew I'd curse you for the longest time, chasing shadows in the grocery line. I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired. And you'd be standing in my front porch light. And I knew you'd come back to me, you'd come back to me. And when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someones bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite.]