September 1st

Hogwarts Express

Lily didn't have many positive opinions on the purists in her year.

After spending three hours sitting with them on the train, her opinions had grown worse.

After leading the prefect meeting with Regulus Black, who'd been chosen as head boy, she found herself sitting in the long train car the Slytherins traditionally occupied. Lily was staring at her book trying to block out the sound of Cressida and Cecily describing their summer in France. She looked up, Emmeline giving her an amused look when Cecily declared she'd been engaged to a wizard who was a German prince.

"Got anything to say, Lily?"

Lily met Cecily's smug stare and shook her head.

"Congrats," she replied, recalling how her father had given her clear conditions when he dropped her off at the station that morning. One step out of line and she wouldn't be allowed to visit her mother on the weekends.

"Watch your tone," Cecily growled. "It's not my fault James realized what a whore you are and dumped you."

Lily's lips thinned and she looked back to her book as the other Slytherin girls laughed. After an hour, she excused herself to the restroom eager to escape. When Lily came out of the stall, Emmeline was reclined on the sink counter smoking.

"You shouldn't do that in here," Lily said, wrinkling her nose. Emmeline shrugged.

"Only way I can get through Parkinson and Goyle's presence," she replied, taking another hit.

"So you can't stand them too," Lily surmised.

"They're vapid," Emmeline matched. Lily nodded and her old friend glanced at the mirror, fixing her makeup.

"What is it you like about my brother?" Lily asked cautiously. Emmeline looked at her in the reflection and smiled.

"I like that he's not fake," she said. "Everything he feels and thinks is there…. At least with me."

Before Lily could answer, the door to the loo swung open revealing Marlene and Mary. The four girls stared at each other before Emmeline extended her joint.

"Wanna hit?"

Marlene wrinkled her nose.

"You're not the best head girl," she commented, directing her gaze at Lily. Lily shrugged.

"I'm pretty sure they only chose me because the board wanted two purebloods," Lily replied. Marlene's face tugged into a frown and Lily faced Mary cautiously.

"Mary," she greeted.

"Let's go, Marlene," Mary said, the pair leaving. Lily was silent before Emmeline laughed loudly.

"It's going to be a fun year," she declared.

Four days into the term, Lily was ready to hex Regulus Black. She glared at him as the prefects streamed out of the Heads Dorm following their first meeting of the year.

"You were late."

He looked up from the stack of papers in front of them.

"I had quidditch practice," Regulus replied.

"You were an hour late," she snapped. "Not to mention, somehow Fawley managed to get here on time."

Regulus shrugged and rose.

"Where are you going? We have to finalize the prefect routes," Lily said, watching him.

"I'm sure you can take care of that," Regulus answered.

"James and Erica did these together last year," she noted.

"Well we're not them are we," he mused. "The way I see it is you pick up my work and I'll give your dad a glowing review of what you're up to here."

Lily's jaw locked.

"The way I see it," she hissed. "You do your own bloody share of the work or I'll go to Dumbledore and have you sacked."

"Now Lovely," he drawled, sending a shiver down Lily's back as she realized how much he sounded like Sirius. "Let's not get the year off on the wrong foot. James and Jason aren't here to cover for you anymore and I really do intend to teach you your place."

Lily's fists balled as he left.

She spent the night finalizing the prefect route, finishing when Regulus returned with Cressida in tow. Lily rolled her eyes at them, snapping her work shut and going to her room. Only, she couldn't sleep, hearing the two of them all night. In the morning, she waited for Regulus.

"Next time can you use a bloody muffling charm," she requested. He raised a brow at her.

"You could join next time," he offered, looking over her body. Lily scoffed.

"I'll have to pass," she replied. He shrugged, walking alongside her to the Great Hall.

"No reason not to," Regulus quipped. "Everybody knows that James is horrifically over you."

She was silent, peeling away from him when they reached the great hall and joining Emmeline. The school was emptier than she'd ever seen it, with many students not returning this year on account of the growing tension politically and nationally.

"It's a beautiful morning to read about more murders," Emmeline said in a low voice, passing her the prophet. Lily turned the cover over, knowing there was reporting of another attack on it. "There's even a nice spread of your dad at Edinburgh after the attack."

Lily grimaced, reaching for the toast.

She'd received an icy reception from both sides of students who returned, the purists not welcoming her and everybody else associating her with her father. She'd never felt more alone, this being even worse than last year.

After class that day, she returned to the head's dorm, handing Regulus the final prefect route for the month. He was sitting with his friends in their shared common room and Lily ducked Crabbe's eager eyes.

"I can't patrol on weekends," Regulus said, frowning at it. Lily crossed her arms.

"One of the two heads has to patrol every night," she replied. "I'm going home every weekend this month so you'll have to do it."

Regulus shook his head.

"Can't Lovely," he answered, dropping the route on the floor.

"Then you can go and tell Dumbledore why we're breaking protocol," she huffed. Lily tensed when Evan Rosier lifted his hand to her hip.

"Why don't you join us Lovely?" he asked. "We can relax and talk about this like adults."

Lily pushed his arm off her hip.

"Black I'm serious," she said.

"No that's my brother," Regulus joked. Lily sighed in frustration when Evan stood, trying to get her to sit on the couch with him.

"You know," she said, glancing at the couch with a knowing look. "You lot should find somewhere else to gather."

"Why would we do that?" Regulus asked, stretching out on the couch.

"I don't think there's a surface in here James and I didn't have a go on last year," Lily said crudely, watching as the boys' eyes went wide and Regulus leaped up from the couch. "Cheers."

That Friday, Lily eagerly returned home, excited for the excuse to get away from the tension in the castle. She tromped through the house, arriving at her parents' bedroom and entering. Her mother was sitting in bed with Quaffle resting to her side.

"Lily," she greeted. Lily smiled, trying to hide her panic when she saw her mother's much frailer form.

"Maman," she greeted, sitting by her side and hugging her. She was skin and bones.

"How has school been?" her mother asked.

"It's been okay," Lily responded, plastering a tighter smile. Her mother looked at her knowingly. "It's been wretched… So many students didn't return."

Her mother nodded, holding her hands.

"And classes?"

Lily waved her hand.

"They're going well," she said. "I'm helping Professor Flitwick in some of the younger years' charms classes."

"That's marvelous," her mother declared. "I'm so proud of you Lily. Head Girl and top of your class."

Lily nodded and her mother squeezed her hand.

"But you look miserable," she said suddenly, looking down at their hands interconnected. "How are you really?"

Lily bit her lower lip, wanting to lie to her mother and say everything was fine.

"I feel awful," she admitted. "None of my friends will speak to me… I'm not allowed anywhere near Order work and dad's in the lead."

Her mother was silent.

"But it's all worth it," Lily quickly added. "Seeing you makes it all worth it."

"No," her mother argued. "Seeing your maman die is not worth giving up this war Lily."

Lily stared at her as her mother looked up and smiled sadly at her.

"I've been selfish by letting you do this," she said. Lily shook her head adamantly.

"You're not selfish," she protested.

"I am," her mother said, reaching up and running her hand over the necklace Lily was wearing. "You… you ought to do what's right."

"If I make one wrong step they won't let me see you," Lily said in a hoarse voice. Her mother shook her head.

"I won't let them," she vowed. "I'll put my foot down for you and Jules— I should have done that weeks ago."

"It's not worth it," Lily said. "It's not worth antagonizing them more."

"This war will shape your world," her mother said firmly. "If I asked you to stay out of it for me, I could never forgive myself."

Lily embraced her mother, fighting back tears as she realized her mother was giving her blessing to choose to fight instead of their family.

"What if dad keeps me out?" Lily asked.

"We'll get to that hill when we do," her mother promised. Lily left that night after her mother fell asleep, scrawling a note to James and receiving one back. She apparated in front of the Potter family townhouse, knocking on the door and waiting for him.

He opened it and smiled knowingly at her.

"Six days," he noted, closing the door after Lily. "I was right."

"I'm here to talk," Lily interrupted. She had her hand on her wand and James caught the motion, his expression going serious. "My mother's dying."

James nodded, something flashing in his eyes as she sat on the arm of his couch.

"I'm not supporting my dad anymore," she said. "I can't do it… and my mother's given me her blessing on that."

James's gaze narrowed and she met it.

"I'm going to rejoin the Order," she declared.

"Why did you come here?" he asked in a low voice. Lily looked at him and felt a flush lick at her cheeks.

"I don't know," Lily said softly. "To say goodbye?"

He nodded, his lips tearing into a frown as he tore a hand through his hair, looking down at her in desperation.

"You know there's a certain appeal to sleeping with an enemy," he said after a moment.

Lily blinked at him and a laugh broke from her lips.

"You want to keep shagging?" she asked, her eyebrows raised in shock. James met her gaze intently.

"Why not?" he followed.

Because they were awful for each other.

Because they'd be on separate sides of this war.

Because whenever she thought of him, Lily's heart wore out a little more.

But none of those statements came from her mouth as Lily met his gaze.

"Why not?" she repeated.

End of September

Hogwarts

"Are you sure I should be here?" Lily asked Michael nervously. He glanced at her from across the room with a shrug.

"If anyone's going to convince this lot to join us it's you," he replied, crossing his arms. Lily nodded weakly, looking at the door as they waited for the Ravenclaws they'd invited to this secret meeting.

A year ago, James had shown her the room they were currently in.

"The only one not visible on the map," he'd drawled, hungrily watching her. "The room of requirement."

"So my brother can't see us then tonight," Lily noted, recalling that Jason and Sirius had the map. "Perfect."

With the Marauders handing Regulus the map, Lily had made her first order of business since rejoining the Order to finding the room again so the Order members at Hogwarts could meet without being tracked by the Slytherins. Weeks ago, she'd found the room and they began meeting here after she explained the properties of the map Regulus possessed.

Not all of them had taken to her rejoining the Order well, with Michael of all people being the warmest. Marlene had mentioned to her that it was partially due to the guilt he felt over leaving her behind during the summer.

"They'll be here any minute," Willow Weasley quipped from near the front of the room. Lily swallowed, shaking her hands out. They were trying to recruit new members from the sixth and seventh years into the Order, primarily focusing on the Ravenclaws that evening. She heard the door swing open and watched as ten of them peeled in, gaping at the room around them.

"Welcome," Michael declared. "Thank you for coming."

Mitch Westin narrowed his gaze at them.

"I thought you said this meeting was for like-minded individuals," he noted, eyeing Lily. "What's Everett doing here?"

Lily bit her lower lip as they launched into the speech they'd practiced over and over. By the time the Ravenclaws left, she slumped over at one of the desks.

"Do you think we convinced them?"

"Definitely Bones and Lowell," Michael said. "Westin's lot might need a bit more work."

Lily nodded, looking over at Willow and Marlene who were putting chairs away.

"Is your mother… is she doing well?" Michael asked suddenly.

Lily's face turned into a grimace. In the past few weeks, her mother's condition grew even worse. But Marie had put her foot down, insisting that all of her children be allowed to visit or she would leave. Her father had begrudgingly agreed, making it clear to Lily that this decision had cost her any ties to him and Jason.

"The healers say it's months at this point," Lily answered. Michael's face scrunched up in concern and she sighed. "It's torture to watch."

"I guess I'm lucky in that regard," he noted. "One killing curse from Abraxas Malfoy and my dad was dead in seconds."

Lily met his gaze and he shrugged.

"It's good to have you back," Michael said suddenly.

"It's good to be back," Lily returned.

October

Potter Townhouse

"What are you doing?" Lily asked, jolting in surprise at the dripping sensation on her back. She looked over her shoulder to see James straddling over her, a wicked expression on his face as he dribbled a spoonful of melted chocolate over her.

"I'm hungry," he answered. "And you make quite the perfect snack."

Before Lily could protest, she felt his mouth on her skin, trailing over her spine as he licked his way up. Lily's breath hitched when James's hands ran over her sides, his grip dominating.

Since their conversation two weeks ago, she'd found herself flooing to Potter Townhouse often. She was hooked, unable to break the sordid affair she'd started with James.

Lily felt James bring one hand to her bum, squeezing it before he parted her legs. Her breath hitched as he nipped at the small of her back.

"All done," he said, bringing his lips up from her back.

"If you've made my back a mess," she warned.

"Let me double-check," James answered, kissing his way up her spine. Lily relaxed into him as he toyed with her clit and his mouth reached her shoulder. She turned herself, frowning at the button-down James was in.

In the past two months, he hadn't removed his shirt once in front of her, Lily once addressing it with him.

"You're still ridiculously fit," she'd noted one night back in September. James's lips twitched at that.

"You're not one to sing praises," he replied.

"Why won't you remove your shirt around me?" Lily demanded. His countenance went stone-cold immediately and he asked her to leave, ending the discussion.

"I want to be on top," Lily said, trying to tug James to the side. He remained firmly above her, even as Lily brought her legs around his waist.

"Do you now?" he purred in response, running the length of his member over her entrance. Lily swallowed, nodded as James continued to stroke her clit lightly. He turned them, lifting Lily with his muscled arms over him. She positioned herself, letting out a shaky moan as James filled her.

Before she could move, his hands caught on her hips and James took over, giving her no room to change the pace.

"James," she pouted, trying to pry his fingers off. "Let me."

"You like this more," he replied. Lily bit her lip as he changed the angle, hitting that perfect spot in her. She gave him a peeved look, leaning over James. He brought his face up, capturing one of her nipples between his lips and Lily cried out as he continued to manipulate her hips, causing her to buck around him as she came. James soon followed, groaning in her hair as he finished.

She slid off of him, listening to James pant for air. But Lily didn't waste a moment, grasping the wood side table for her wand. She looked over her shoulder, seeing that James had moved onto his stomach. She leaned up, hitting James's hands with a binding spell.

"Lily," he warned as she moved over him, straddling his waist from behind. Lily ignored his tone, bringing her hands to his shirt, running them under the fabric. James cursed into his pillow.

"I miss your body," she crooned.

"Don't."

But it was too late. Lily frowned, feeling a change in texture to James's smooth skin.

"Lily stop," he ordered.

"What is this?' she demanded, undoing the binding spell. James managed to get her off and she stared as he faced her, anger flashing in his eyes. Without another word, he unbuttoned his shirt and turned around.

"Oh Merlin," Lily gasped, gaping at the thick scars on his back. James's skin had been flawless months ago. But now discolored lines tore through the skin. She reached out to one and he made a displeased sound. "What happened?"

"King's Cross," he replied, not looking at her. Lily ran her finger over one of the scars.

"This is why you didn't take your shirt off?" she asked. "I don't care about a few scars."

He didn't respond and she leaned forward, bringing her lips to hover over one. She kissed his back and James suddenly wrenched himself from her.

"You should go."

Lily stared at him as he forced his boxers on.

"Obviously we need to talk about this," she said, tugging the sheet to her chest. He turned to her and Lily froze at his icy expression.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Don't be absurd."

His jaw locked and James tore a hand through his hair as he shoved his pants on too. Lily held his shirt from him when he reached for it and James let out a noise of frustration.

"It took me over a week to be able to leave Mungos," he snapped.

"I didn't know how bad your injuries were," Lily protested weakly.

"Because you bloody left!"

"Because you killed our classmates," she shouted. Lily's face was turning red and she watched as James's eyes darkened.

"No," James said with a cruel chuckle. "You can't act all holier than thou when you come crawling to my bed every night for me to f-"

She moved to slap him but James stopped her, catching her arm in his grip. Lily squirmed against him.

"You should go," he said, dropping her arm and turning away. She scrambled for her clothing, as James moved to the bathroom.

"I'm leaving," she called in a shaky voice. James didn't respond and she nodded to herself, moving robotically downstairs and flooing back to Hogwarts. Lily could hear Regulus and Cressida again but moved to her room. Only when she closed the door did she let herself cry.

Mid-October

Hogsmeade

Lily hadn't been inclined to go on the Hogsmeade trip. However, the heads were required to go monthly, ensuring that order was maintained amongst the younger years. Lily had finished ticking off students leaving the carriages with Professor Flitwick before traipsing towards the Three Broomsticks to join her friends for drinks.

"Oi Lovely!"

At the sound of her nickname, Lily turned, locking eyes with Sirius Black. She stilled as he neared, lopping over with wide strides before he stood before her. She could see Regulus behind him, the two coming from the direction of the Hog's Head.

"Black," Lily greeted. He threw her a cold smile.

"I insist you join us for a pint," he said, throwing an arm over her shoulder.

"I have plans," Lily said tightly.

"Well I suppose whatever it is will have to wait," Sirius returned. "You and I need to have a little conversation."

Lily scoffed at him, trying to pull back but Sirius's grip remained strong on her shoulder.

"Let go of me," she hissed.

"Sure and then I'll be sure to tell your brother about the many floo trips Reg's noticed you've been making," Sirius replied. Lily glared in the direction of his brother and Sirius chuckled, walking her on.

They reached a clearing and he dropped his grip on her, turning to face Lily.

"You look well," she said, crossing her arms.

"You don't," he answered, leaning against a post. "Sleeping properly?"

Lily blinked at him.

"Suppose you're not," Sirius drawled. "Not with all the rendezvouses you've been making to James's."

"I don't see how that's any of your business," Lily said icily. Sirius's eyes flashed and he brought his hand up, pointing to her.

"It's my business when you broke him," Sirius snapped. "He's been a mess ever since you called it off."

"He seems fine," Lily answered. "In fact, James doesn't particularly care for me anymore."

"That's bollocks… You of all people shoul… should know what you meant to him."

"I mean nothing to him," Lily replied.

"Don't be dense— he's been in love with you for years." Sirius countered. "Whatever you two are doing it's going to destroy him and I won't let that happen."

Lily was silent as Sirius rose from the post, looking at her in frustration.

"You'll never pick him over anything else."

"He didn't pick me over this bloody war," Lily returned. Sirius didn't respond and she nodded, turning towards the path. "Great seeing you Black."

"Stop it before you break him," Sirius called after her.

That evening, Lily found herself in front of the Potions classroom. Professor Slughorn gave her access to the supplies to brew for a supposed independent research project. Little did he know thatLily was actually using the time to brew draughts for the Order.

Lily pushed the door open, pausing at the sight of Severus Snape hunched over a desk. He turned to face her, his face unreadable as he met Lily's gaze.

"This is a private session."

"I'm just checking on a draught," Lily replied. "I'll be out in a mo."

She moved to the back of the room where two massive pots contained blood replenishing potions.

"You're researching blood replenishing potions," Snape said skeptically from behind her. Lily jumped, clutching her chest.

"Merlin you startled me," she said, giving him a peeved look. "Yes, why?"

"Rather an elementary potion," he replied. Lily shrugged.

"Lots to experiment with," she said evenly. She ignored him, capping the cauldrons and noting the time. She'd have to return in 24 hours to check on them.

"You should have a tad more humility."

She paused, looking up to see that he'd gone back to his desk and was measuring out a powder.

"What?"

"Well everybody knows that you ran off with the Order and were shite enough at that— got caught in what was in six weeks?" he sneered. "Not to mention Potter tossing you. Not to be a cad but I warned you."

Lily ignored the shock pooling into her as he looked at her with disgust.

"Fuck you," she spat. "I'm better off this way."

"Reg's told me about your nightly floo trips," he continued. "Couldn't stay away from him? Is that twat fucking you so well it's worth the entirety of society thinking you're a whore?"

Lily looked at him with new consideration and scoffed.

"As I told you last year it's none of your business."

Snape blinked at her.

"So it's true then," he laughed bitterly. "You really are fucking him."

"Once again you've amazed me with your ability to stick your greasy nose into my life," she snapped. "Stay the fuck away from me Snape."

"You crawl back to him over and over," he called as Lily turned to the door. "But if you knew the truth you'd hate yourself."

Lily's hand hovered over the doorknob and she bit her lower lip, turning to face him. Snape's cheeks were flushed slightly.

"What are you going on about?" she demanded. He smiled at her.

"Can't say," he replied with a smirk. "They've got tongue-tying jinxes on everybody who knows what perfect Potter did. But if I were you, slipping a little veritaserum to him and asking him about last June might be enlightening."

Lily stared at him in confusion as Snape suddenly gagged, choking on his own tongue.

"I told you," he gritted, saliva dripping from his mouth as his tongue twisted. She scoffed at him.

"You're ridiculous and wasting my time," Lily declared, leaving the classroom.

R&R