As Jo was putting her hair in her scrub-cap in the scrub-room,she was attempting not to be a servant to her emotions.Turning on the tap,she began viciously scrubbing her arms,cleaning them in order so that she was sterile.She heard the door open behind her but took no notice as she continued to scrub.Immediately recognising the cologne as the person began to scrub,she knew it was Alex.
Continuing to scrub,the tension tangible,both stared straight ahead at the patient.After finishing scrubbing Jo said nothing as she walked past him,being gowned as she entered the O.R and stood near the patient,her back turned to him.
Even though she wasn't looking at him,she could feel Alex staring at her through the glass,shortly afterwards he finished scrubbing,was gowned and joined her near the table.
"You ready?"Alex asked,Jo nodded.
"10-blade,"Jo called out holding out her hand.
1 hour later
"Suction,please,"Alex called out as Jo was working on the removal of the kidney.
Looking up from the body,Alex stared at her,she didn't reciprocate as she was focusing on the patient,"I'm sorry about earlier,I shouldn't have done that,"Alex said calmly and sincerely.
In a way Jo didn't want him to apologise,because she kissed him back,but swallowing her pride she remembered once again what he had done to her,"No.You shouldn't have."
"And about what you said-"
"Alex,we'll talk.After the surgery,okay?"Jo said in a more firm accent.
"Okay,"Alex said in a gruff-like manner.
2 hours into the surgery
"Retraction,please"Jo called out as Dr. Bailey walked into the OR holding a mask over her face.
"Dr. Wilson,Dr. Karev?"Bailey asked warily,"is everything alright in here?"
"Yes Dr.Bailey the patient is doing well,the procedure is going very well,"Jo answered
"Myself and Dr.Wilson are fine as well,"Alex answered knowing what Bailey really meant.
"Good to hear,"Bailey said as she began leaving the room before turning round,"Are you two going to the fundraiser gala on Thursday?Avery has asked me to ask you?"
"I'm not sure if I am Chief,I didn't plan on going."Jo responded.
"Me either Dr.Bailey."Alex added
"Well now you're both going.And that's final.This hospital needs good representatives."Bailey said despite their exhaling protests as she left.
"Typical Bailey,"Alex joked,releasing a laugh from Jo.He'd missed hearing her laugh.
"Irrigation,"Alex called out.
Near the end of surgery
"Now I just have to connect the Renal Vein to the inferior vena cava,then we can close,"Jo told Alex.
"Got it."
Alex loved watching Jo operate,her hands delicately orienteering around parts of the body,she was confident in herself,but never arrogant when discussing her skills or job for that matter.
"Okay,I think I'm done,"Jo told Alex.
"Do you want me to close?"Alex asked.
"Yes."Jo barely breathed out,leaving the room as quickly as she could.
Alex walked into the scrub room just as Jo was finishing taking of her mask,"I'll page you when I'm ready to talk."
"Yeah,no problem,"Alex said reassuringly as she left the scrub-room.
After checking a few post-op patients and seeing how McKays stat's were,about 45 minutes had passed.After hesitating and putting her phone down multiple times,Jo finally paged Alex to the Doctor's Lounge,2B.Jo paced around and circled the room frantically as she waited for Alex to arrive,and he did so within minutes.
Walking in and instinctively shutting the door behind him,his eyes scanning past the already shut blinds,he approached a now sitting on a couch Jo and sat beside her,not too close though.
"I need some answers.I need closure." Jo told him calmly,Alex nodded.
Taking a deep breath in Jo said,"Were you in love with Izzie the whole time?"
"No.I wasn't,"Alex simply answered.
"Was I.."she hesitated out of pain,"Was I just a second choice for you the entire time."
"No,not at all,"Alex completely told her with full meaning.
"If..,"she hesitated and inhaled,"If Izzie didn't have your kids,would you have left to be with her regardless?"
"No."
Jo stood up and walked around the room,Alex could see the cogs in her brain turning,ready to ask her next question.
"Why, why did you send me a letter?"she asked, her hurt and anger far more evident for this question.
Alex stood up,approaching her slowly,"I knew it was a cowardly thing to do,I knew if I saw you face-to-face, I'd never be able to leave."
"That's not an excuse,"she said coldly.
Now approaching her even more so as she was stood against the wall he reiterated,"You deserved more than that,and I'm sorry,I'm going to keep saying I'm sorry."
"Alex.."she sighed out of desperation,"I thought,you were the person I could count on,the person who would always be there for me no matter what.I was so in love with you.I would've done anything to help you.All you had to do was ask."
Hearing the word 'was' could've given Alex a heart attack right then and there,"It hurts to think how much you must hate me,"he added,meaning it.
Their bodies dangerously close now,"I don't hate you Alex,believe me I've tried,I've tried to hard,believe me I've.."her words trailed off as she stared at his jaw and lips.
Recognising and hearing her pause in speech and seeing her eye placement,Alex slowly lowered his forehead so that it was touching hers.She tried again,"I've..."but once again could not make our the words.As their lips inched closer together,almost acting like a heart,breathing,or in other words beating simultaneously.Their eyes were both closed,their lips millimetres from each other.In a way Alex could tell what he was do was unfair and morally reprehensible,he knew Jo didn't want to kiss him,but genuinely just couldn't stop himself ,lowering his head he leaned forward slightly initiating the kiss and Jo didn't immediately reciprocate,her feelings towards Alex still hateful and hurt,after a few moments,Jo angled her lips slightly into his.It was a tender kiss,still not aggressive but more passionate than before.Alex slowly walked her back to the wall as he kissed her softly.
It was like Jo was unable to think as he kissed her,she couldn't communicate with her brain or do anything.The second her back was pressed against the wall,the kissed changed from a tender kiss to a slightly more aggressive kiss,both of their hands now roaming around each other's backs gently.The kiss was stopped when Alex felt Jo push Alex away from her with force,Alex had expected it but it still came as a shock to him.
"Oh my god that was.I shouldn't have done that and neither should you,"she said as anger fused into her words.Jo was now realising it was her internal conflict that was causing this.On one hand Jo was driven by anger and sadness,someone she cared for so deeply had abandoned her,and on the other,the man she had loved,the man she had once longed for was telling her she was the love of his life,and all Jo wanted to do was run into his arms,kiss him and fantasise about killing him.
And it was destroying her.Twice-Little Dragon"Alex we shouldn't,we shouldn't see each other,I- I have to go,this was a mistake."Jo told him and before he could even get a word in she quickly left the room.Upon leaving the room she was quickly met with Izzie walking down the corridor.
Jo continued walking pretending she wasn't there before Izzie called out,"Dr. Wilson."
Jo stopped in her tracks and turned around,speaking in a poised manner she responded,"Yes?"
"I was just wondering how did Mckay's surgery go?"
"It went well,"Jo responded,not showing any emotions really.
Izzie hesitated for a moment before saying,"Can I talk to you?"
Jo knew what she was trying to do wouldn't let her,she didn't need her pity,"I don't think that's necessary."
"Listen,I'm sorry for what happened to you,"Izzie pleaded.
Usually Jo would've responded to any other person by saying they didn't need to be,or that it was fine but now she was just angry,"As you should be."
A look of shock appeared in Izzie's face at Jo's cold remark,"What?"
Jo sighed deeply out of anger,"It was Alex's choice to leave me and he did so,"Jo explained as Izzie stared at her,"but you kept his children from him for five years."
"I'm sorry I don't understand-"Izzie responded just as Alex left the room he'd previously been arguing with Jo in,now staring at the scene before him,Jo unaware of this.
An extremely frustrated Jo said,"Your kids are six now right?"Izzie nodded,"So that means you must've found out you were pregnant about seven years ago."Izzie was confused about the point Jo was trying to make,"Seven years ago I could've handled Alex leaving,seven years ago we weren't married and we weren't engaged,and yes it would've hurt when Alex left,but nowhere to the degree of how he left when we were married.Seven years ago if Alex had left me for his children and ex-wife through a letter,yes I'd be hurt,but not like this."
"I'm sorry."
Jo exhaled deeply,before turning around to walk away her eyes meeting Alex's but she quickly ignored his presence,walking down the corridor to the nurses' station balcony,Alex proceeded to follow her.
"Jo stop-"
Completely unaware of their audience from below that included Meredith,Link and Webber,due to her just being in her own head completely Jo frustratingly yelled,"No.You stop,how dare you come back here and expect that I'm just going to ignore what you've done to me,"he stared at her with a helpless expression on his face,"You need to leave me alone.You need to stop."People could definitely hear their conversation now,"I do not want to talk to you.What part of you doesn't get that?!"Alex looked deeply hurt at her remarks,"You left Alex.You left me and somehow I'm supposed to feel bad for you."
"Jo I don't want you to-"
"Feel bad for you?"she mocked,"Neither do I and I don't,at all,"Jo said harshly,"You chose this,none of this needed to happen;you didn't need to send me those papers,you were my husband and I was your wife,did that title mean nothing to you?Did our relationship mean nothing to you?Did I mean nothing to you?"she asked him rhetorically leaving him speechless.
"What you needed to do was communicate with me.You unilaterally decided our marriage was over,I didn't even get a say in whether my marriage was over,"she scoffed,"Did you really think for a second that I wouldn't share your desire to give your children the perfect lives?Because if so you really are just as stupid as everyone tried to warn me about all those years ago."
"You didn't deserve to be burdened with that.You deserved more than that,"Alex told her pleadingly.
"No,what I deserved was to make that choice for myself.I deserved to be included in the decision,hell the conversation about whether my marriage ended.I deserved for my many,many phone calls and texts to be returned,to be told the truth about where you were going.I deserved not to have found out on a phone call to your mother,that you were not in there,I deserved not to be made to feel as if our entire relationship was a lie."
"Please don't say that-"Alex pleaded,now painfully aware of the the crowd the two were producing,"Can we just talk about this somewhere private?"
"There is nothing else to say Alex,for all I know you could've happily dumped me if Izzie ever showed up in Seattle again,"upon hearing her name from being in the corridor her and Jo were previously arguing in,Izzie moved a little close to the two's argument to hear the altercation.
Jo almost laughed out loud,"It's funny,the one thing you religiously told me when we were together is that you wouldn't abandon me,that you wouldn't just leave me,now look at you."Her voice grew more serious and hollow in an emotional way,in a more honest way,"You have hurt me more than anyone ever has,"hearing the words nearly made Alex want to choke himself,"because I thought you were better.I thought you were the person who I could count on to help me when I was hurting,but instead you caused it,and you can't come back here expecting I'm going to forget that,"Jo spoke in an exhausted manner.
"I'm sorry,"Alex told her.
Jo inhaled,"No,what you are is a coward.A man who couldn't even face his wife,a man who took the easiest option out not caring about the trail of havoc he left in his place,you ran away for your own entertainment and didn't care what it would do to me."
Within seconds,a few tears were falling down here eyes just at the conversation of Alex leaving her,"You leave.You leave for a year,and you don't contact me once,you don't attempt to contact me once,and when you finally return you pull this.How dare you!"she furiously screamed with emotion and rage as she slapped him hard across the face as tears enveloped her face,leaving everyone watching stunned.Alex's face followed in the direction of her slap and he kept it there for a few moments,unable to make eye contact with her.It was the first time Alex had been slapped like that in his life,with such ferocity and force,and anger.
He slowly dragged his eyes to meet hers and the two stood in silence for a little while before Jo spoke up in a calmer voice,"You are not my husband anymore,you're not my partner and you're certainly not my friend,I don't need to listen to what you have to say so please, just leave me alone."Upon saying her finals words,Jo then looked down to see the amount of people at had witnessed the entire argument between the two,suddenly feeling excruciatingly embarrassed.
Alex silently nodded before Jo continued walking along the balcony down to the nurses' station,now suddenly feeling the numerous pairs of eyes on her.She timidly walked out of the large room and into a corridor,feeling the eyes of people on her as she did so,making a break for the first empty room she found which turned out to be a medical supply room,shutting the door behind her and breathing in and out heavily.
She grabbed onto the metal rails holding the supplies as she steadied herself and her emotions,breathing in and out rhythmically.
She was soon joined by Link who walked in immediately talking,"Jo are you okay?"
"I'm fine,"she lied,her voice breaking as she pulled back her eyes keeping out tears,"I'm fine I'm just-"she began to shake her head to the sides as the dam she had put up guarding her emotions finally came out.She collapsed to the ground in tears,Link standing where he was to allow her to pour her emotions out.Her needed to let her,let it all out as she sobbed endlessly.