Eventually, the group found the exit that led to the Male Ward, Miles struggling as he carried an unconscious FG. "Remind me...to tell this guy...to lose some weight." he grunted as he finally leaned the Beastman against the wall. "Guess this is the place...now we gotta find that doctor and...let him work his magic, I guess."
"Hey, Miles." Aster said as he laid Sword against the same wall. "I think you deserve an apology, we shouldn't have dragged you into this mess."
"Certainly won't stop you." Miles said.
"...I'm really sorry, Miles." Aster apologized. "This was just supposed to be a simple job, and now...now you're being forced through all this. You have to get your mind pushed to its limits, become the host for some dark spirit demon thing...you don't deserve it."
"Well, I don't mind doing the right thing or going on an adventure every once in a while...but it's kinda hard to enjoy it when the people you're with don't take your decisions into account."
Aster looked down at the floor. "Miles, if you didn't agree after everything, we would've left. We'd have fought through everything in this hell to get you out if it came down to that. Not just because you're paying us, either. You...you're one of the good guys, Mr. Upshur. Right now, with everything happening around the Multiverse...it needs all kinds of good guys, not just the ones that fight evil directly. Someone like you shouldn't have to deal with all this...crazy religious stuff."
"No, no I should not." Miles said. "And yet, here I am, cause I'm one crazy-ass reporter." he chuckled before he sighed. "God, what a world I'm living in: I'm talking to a fairy, with a Brundlefly rip-off and a Stormtrooper in the same room, going ghost-hunting. Man, if this happened two years ago, I'd probably be driven to drink. Now it's actually the least interesting part of this whole damn thing."
"It is pretty crazy, isn't it?" Aster chuckled as the two shared a laugh.
"I'll drink to that, once we get out of this hellhole." Miles said. "You know, Aster...you want my opinion on the whole 'dragging people into your problems' complex you got? That's probably you wanting attention."
"How do you mean?" Aster asked.
"Well, who was the first group you did it to? The Neo-Dimensional Heroes?" Miles asked, Aster nodding his head. "Right, well...I think, part of it was that you wanted to prove you could stand alongside that Tulip chick. Not in a, you know, romantic kinda way, but more like 'I can kick as much ass as you can' kinda deal. Now, I'm not saying that's a bad thing; everyone's got something to prove. But, when you let that need for approval drive ya...well, you get clusterf***s like what happened with them."
Aster was silent for a moment before he sighed. "Maybe you right…" Aster said. "Maybe I did want her to see me as this...capable merc. I don't love her, not that way, but...I didn't want to be just 'the fairy prince'. I wanted her to see someone else...someone I thought I was."
"Oh, so you don't see yourself as the badass you want to be." Miles said. "Well, you know what? You're not, but if you try...you can be that guy."
"But...I can't. I'm not like Sword or Marty: they're strong enough to go toe to toe with people like The Walker, and my fire spell barely fazed him. They can charge head on into foes, I have to stay and hide in the back. Even you, you stood up to that guy back in the sewers while I almost died. I'm...I'm not like all of you." Aster said sadly.
"And there's your problem, Tinkerbell." Miles said. "You're not us, you're you. This Multiverse we're living in...I like to think of people like they're snowflakes. Nobody's exactly alike, everybody's unique. I mean, there's the obvious stuff, like race, hair color, size, all that...but there's also memories, experiences, outlooks on life. You know there's multiple versions of the same people running around the Multiverse, clones, s*** like that...but they all have their own experiences, go through their own journeys, leaving the originals behind. So yeah, maybe you're not like these two sleepyheads, but you don't have to be. You just find what works for you and stick to it."
"...Heh, now that's what I'll drink to when we get out of here." Aster smiled. "Never took you for a philosopher, Miles."
"Oh hell no, I'm just saying what I think." Miles laughed. "Right now, I'm thinking we should get a move on; looks like the fellas are starting to stir."
The reporter was proven correct when Sword groaned as he and FG came to. "Ugh...f***, that's going to sting later...wait, where the hell-?" he asked as he looked around.
"The Male Ward. Otherwise known as Dr. Horrible's Vacation Home." Miles said. "Welcome back to the waking world, fellas."
"W-What happened?" FG asked. "We were fighting that Walker guy…"
"Miles knocked him out with Sword's blade." Aster answered. "With any luck, he won't cause any more trouble for us tonight."
"Well holy hell, Miles, not bad." Sword said.
"Thanks, Sword. Now come on, I got an appointment to get to." Miles said as the group got up and headed off.
The Male Ward, as it turned out, was rather sparse in terms of Variants. The occasional voice and that one tied up in a straightjacket were the only signs that anyone was present. The group took the time to explore, scouring the place for any sign of The Doctor.
"If this asshole's out for lunch, I swear to God…" Miles said as he entered a room set up like a medical ward, lined with beds covered by drapes; however, a couple corpses were scattered across the room. "...It's probably a bad sign that I'm used to seeing s*** like this…" Miles said to himself as he noticed a piece of paper lying on the floor. Picking it up, he saw that it was a letter…
"PATIENT STATUS REPORT"
by Rick Trager
This patient also, unfortunately, didn't make it. I tried my best, but I'm just a doctor, not a miracle-worker. And I'm pretty new to this whole "doctor" thing, so I'm still working out all the kinks.
Anyhoo - somebody's gotta cut the fat from this PROJECT WALRIDER disaster. We've been bleeding money ever since this thing went tits up on account of that Billy kid. But I've managed to slim back personnel by more than eighty people. Which means short term savings in salary and long term savings in pension and health care costs.
AND I've been figuring out a lot about biology. I was on the fence about it before, but now I can say with absolute certainty that a person can't live without his kidneys. You learn something new every day."
"...God, this guy's sick." Miles said in disgust as he walked out of the room. "Man, this is gonna be all kinds of not fun."
He then heard the sounds of shouting and combat from a bit away, causing him to quicken his pace. He then entered a room where FG stood over two Variants, having clearly beaten them both down.
"Oh, hey Milez!" FG waved after he noticed the reporter. "Theze guyz were a little bit antzy, zo I had to calm them down. Zorry you mizzed it."
"Eh, it's fine Marty, I'm not really looking for action shots anyway." Miles said.
"It...It's coming…" one of the Variants said. "We have to kill Billy...it's the only way…"
"Walrider, WALRIDER! You f***ing demon c***! I'll kill you, I'LL KILL YOU!" the second yelled frantically.
"Steady, boys, and watch your f***ing language." Miles addressed them. "I don't think The Walrider is gonna-"
.̴̢́.̡̕.̴̕͏̷̷Ú̶͞p̛͘͟͢͜ş̛̀͡h̶҉̧́́ų̷͠͡r̀͜͞.̸̢̀͠͞.̵̴̧.̸͟҉
The reporter's blood ran cold as he heard the sound, a speech he could not understand. Slowly, he turned around and saw a black smoke advancing down the hall. FG, acting quickly, grabbed Miles and flew away, the black smoke forming into the shape of a person as it floated after them.
"Guyz! GUYZ! I think the Walrider'z chazing uz!" FG shouted as he saw Sword and Aster down the hall.
"What?!" Sword yelled back as he saw the apparition as well. "Ah hell, run for it!"
The group took off through the halls of the Male Ward, The Walrider in hot pursuit.
"What the hell do we do?! I don't think we can actually hurt this thing!" Miles said.
"Just keep running!" Sword said before they burst into a room with a dumbwaiter. "Ah s***." he cursed as the Walrider phased through the wall.
"Zo, thiz iz how we die: at the handz of a ghozt." FG said. "At leazt we'll go down fighting."
"I'm not sure I'm okay with that, guys!" Miles said before a buzz sounded out behind them, coming from an intercom.
"Who's down there? You're not one of them, are you? Quick! Get in the dumbwaiter if you want to live!" the voice over the intercom said as said dumbwaiter came down and opened up.
"Guezz you don't have to!" FG said, shoving Miles into the small elevator and shutting it. "Go, take him!"
"Guys!" Miles called out as the dumbwaiter started rising up, the last sight he took in being The Walrider looking straight at him.
"Well, that's taken care of, time for us to fight this overgrown shadow." Sword said as the trio turned back around to face their enemy…
...which was no longer there.
"...Well, it'z gone. Good work team." FG said.
"Where did it go?" Aster asked. "After Miles was gone, it just...left us alone?"
"Because it's not after us. It's after him." Sword realized. "Come on, we have to get to Miles before it does. Let's move!"
Meanwhile, Miles was crouched in the dumbwaiter as it ascended into the upper floors.
"Damn it all...stuck in some stupid elevator while the guys are facing that God damned devil dark spirit thing." Miles grumbled. "I'm probably jinxing myself, but I don't care: this can't possibly get any worse."
At that exact moment, the dumbwaiter reached its destination, opening up to the sight of a skeletal-looking man with most of his hair looking as though it had been ripped off, with his scalp being scarred. His appearance looked to be that of a twisted surgeon, with a surgical mask hiding his no doubt evil grin as he looked at Miles.
"You made the right choice here, buddy." The Doctor said as he grabbed Miles before proceeding to punch him to the floor.
"(Yep, totally jinxed myself.)" Miles thought as The Doctor loomed over him.
"Hey, you're that little s*** priest's guy aren't you?" The Doctor asked. "The... Messenger or whatever. You must be exhausted. Let's take a break, huh, buddy? The old two martini lunch, have a little confab." he suggested as he hoisted Miles up and onto a wheelchair. "...heavier than you look. A little cardio wouldn't kill you. Okay. Here we go. Arms and legs inside the car at all times." he instructed as he placed restraints on Miles' limbs and started pushing him, taking him through the halls of the Upper Male Ward.
"Say, as long as we're having that 'confab'..." Miles said. "You're Richard Trager, aren't you? Saw your report downstairs."
"The one and only." Trager said. "Would you believe that I got locked up here? They must think I'm crazy or something! It's not so bad, though...I get a lot of patients that come through here."
Trager then pushed Miles into a room filled with tied up Variants, some living, many dead. One struggling Variant tried to call out to Miles, but could only make gurgling noises.
"Shhh, shh. You weren't putting that tongue to any use anyway. Truth be told, I was just tired of licking my own stamps." Trager shushed the Variant as he wheeled Miles into a filthy bathroom, one wall having the words '"FINGERS FIRST, THEN BALLS, THEN TONGUE' written out in blood.
"Here we are, then." Trager announced as he put Miles in the center of the room. "Thanks so much for coming by. We'll begin your consultation in a moment, I'll just need a second to wash up and… oh!" The Doctor said as he picked up Miles' camera. "Home movies! ...And it'll give us a chance to talk."
Trager then placed Miles' camera onto a nearby sink before he turned back to the reporter.
"Say, if it's alright with you, mind if I bring a...special guest? Just picked them up today and I can't for the life of me figure out what to do with the little tyke." The Doctor asked as he walked out of the room.
"Little...tyke?" Miles said to himself in confusion before Trager came back in, this time with a wheelchair holding-
A kid.
A F***ING KID.
They couldn't have been any older than 14. They...no, she was wearing a purple shirt, yellow cape, brown shoes, but it was the purple with a yellow stripe hat that seemed to draw the most attention.
She looked nervous.
"Now, you just stay here and watch, kiddo. Younger people like you gotta toughen up to this kind of stuff." Trager said to her as he walked back over to Miles. "You know, I'm a bit worried how much time you and your three friends have been spending with Father Martin and his circus of The Walrider. I know... I hope you haven't been letting him confuse you with his... holier-than-thou bible thumping. No offense to the man, but I sometimes worry he might just be a little bit... crazy."
"You're not exactly Mr. Sane yourself." Miles spat, clearly angry. "At least Martin knows when to compromise."
"No, no, no, I'm not saying he's a bad guy, just a little...what's the nice way of saying it?" Trager said as he searched through a table littered with tools. "That's it, stubborn! He's so focused on letting that Walrider thing out, he hasn't taken the time to see what it's put into his head. But, of course, I really can't blame him, it's understandable, people get scared, they're as like to turn to God as anything else."
"I prefer a visit to a rage room myself." Miles said. "You know, this place reminds me a lot of those places. Maybe I should smash a few things in here...starting with your face."
"Ha! Quite the testy one, this guy here!" Trager laughed as he picked up a sharp, rusty blade and held it up to Miles' throat. "But you're plenty smart, aren't you? You don't turn to God, God died with the gold standard. We're on to more concrete faith now."
Trager then put the blade back on the table, walking around to a toilet that Miles couldn't look at; judging from the look on the kid's face, though, it couldn't be any good.
"You have to rob Paul to pay Peter, there is no other way. Murder in its simplest form, but what happens when all the money is gone?" Trager asked before he came back into Miles' view, holding a rather large pair of bone shears.
"Well, money becomes a matter of faith. And that's what I'm here for." The Doctor said as he positioned the bone shears over one of Miles' fingers. "To make you...believe."
"Don't you dare, don't you f***ing-!" Miles yelled before the shears snapped shut, causing him to yell in agony as the finger was sliced off. His pained shout was cut off by Trager slapping him across the face.
"You paying attention? Don't pass out on me, there's still a lot for you to absorb." Trager said, moving onto Miles' other hand and slicing off the matching finger, causing Miles' to scream out again.
"There. Better now, right? Do you understand what we achieved here? We made the consumer into the means of production. This thing is going to sell itself!" Trager mused as he picked up the two severed fingers and placed them into a bowl full of them.
"Y-You...insane...mother…" Miles said as he felt dizzy.
"Oh, don't die on me yet! There's still so much to do with you! Let me get my brass bowl so I can hold your...well, probably shouldn't mention it in front of the girl." Trager said, guestering to the girl in the hat, who now looked positively freaked out.
"W-When I get out of here...y-you're f-f-f-F***ING DEAD." Miles growled, fighting to stay conscious.
"Really now?" Trager asked. "Well, I don't think you'll have the...balls." he laughed as he walked out. "Hahaha! Haaaaa, and they say doctors can't be funny." he chuckled as he vanished from sight.
I am going to die.
This was the one thing flowing through Miles' head as he faded in and out of consciousness.
Huh...I figured I would be scared, but...it's actually kind of peaceful. Like...all the pain is going away.
His eyes fluttered as the room began to darken.
Then again, it's the pain that's killing me, so maybe I'm just imagining it all. Wonder if they'll find my body...wonder who'll find it. Some random psychopath? The 5002'nd? Wonder if they'll take care of-
The kid.
Miles' thought process kicked in as he realized what was happening.
No...no! Not like this. Not in front of a kid. You can die later, Upshur...first, get this kid out of here.
Miles' muscles clenched as he struggled to get out of the restraints. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally managed to escape, standing up and throwing his hands up in triumph.
"F*** YEAH! I DID IT, I DID IT YOU QUA-ohgod…" Miles clenched before the pain and nausea caught up to him and he threw up. "Urrgh...f***. F*** this place, seriously f*** this place, I hope it dies in a fire…" he mumbled as he regained his composure.
He then turned to the child, who seemed a little off-put by Miles' actions...wait, no, that was a 'WTF' expression.
"Uh...hi." Miles said, waving. "Look, you just...stay calm, I guess. I'm getting out of here, and you're coming with me."
The child then nodded before she started struggling against her own restraints.
"Hang on, hang on, I gotcha…" Miles said as he undid the restraints around the girl. "Okay, now all we gotta do is find a way out. Saw an exit while Doctor Mad-Man was taking me here, we could get out that way."
The child then shook her head no, making the motion of holding an umbrella.
"An...umbrella? You wanna risk running into that guy for an umbrella?" Miles asked.
The child looked annoyed before she made the motion of swinging something around.
"Oh, it's a weapon. Yeah, okay, we'll find the damn thing." Miles assured the child. The two then got out of the bathroom, then heard a moaning sound from their right.
"Who's there? Is somebody there? Come closer…" the voice of a bed-ridden Variant called out to the two. Turning to one another and nodding, they walked over to where the Variant was trapped.
"Hi there...fella." Miles said. "Look, I don't suppose you've seen an umbrella around here?"
"I'm not a patient. I'm an executive, just like him... like... Trager. But he got the treatment. He's too alive. Filled with Wernicke's nightmares... It worked... too well." the man said, his voice rising in pitch and fever. "They couldn't control it. And you can't control it! Nobody! Nobody! NOBODY! He'll find you! He'll kill you! He's coming now! Trager! Trager... AAHHHHH!" the Variant yelled, forcing the two to hide behind a nearby pillar as Trager walked up.
"I see what's happening here. You're bored. You want a little attention. Perfectly understandable. Well I'm here for you. I'll give you very special attention." Trager promised the screaming Variant, stabbing him with his shears, bringing the screams to a halt. Satisfied with his work, Trager left, allowing the duo to come out.
"That man...that sick f***...I'm gonna watch him die." Miles stated darkly. "Come on." he motioned to the child as she walked with him.
"Alright, where does this psycho keep an umbrella?" Miles asked as he and the girl looked through the rooms of the Male Ward. Eventually, Miles noticed an open air duct that hung just out of reach. "Hm...well, I can't reach it from here, so maybe if we grab something we can stand on-" he started before the kid waved a finger at him, then positioned herself 5 feet away from the vent. She then took off on a run before she jumped once, twice, three times…
...then dove right into the vent. A short while later, she came back with her umbrella.
Miles couldn't help it; he clapped, prompting the girl to take a bow, smiling.
"Heh, you're one resourceful kid, aren't you?" Miles asked. "Alright, now let's get out of this-"
"Well! Aren't you two quick little buddies?"
The duo stiffened up as Trager walked into the hallway, clearly pissed.
"Really? You're gonna walk on me? If there is one thing I cannot god damned stand, it's a quitter! Come on!" Trager complained, waving his shears around before he took a deep breath. "Well, I guess I was right. I guess I'll just have to kill you outright."
Trager then raced at Miles, shears ready to cut his head off until the reporter ducked, rolled, and jumped to his feet, running away with the child not far behind. Yelling in rage, Trager took off after them.
"God damnit, how big is this place?!" Sword yelled as his team continued to walk around the first floor.
"Relax, this place at least looks a bit different." Aster said. "Still, you'd think we'd have at least found stairs by now."
"Hey, look!" FG pointed out, seeing an actual elevator. "We can uze that!"
"About damn time." Sword sighed in relief. "Come on, boys, let's go."
"Come on, come on, come the f*** on!" Miles frantically pounded on the elevator's return button as Trager advanced on him and the kid with his shears.
"I suppose Father Martin wants you to be The Walrider's messenger boy. Am I right, or am I right?" Trager asked. "The man's preaching a dead gospel. Some dark spirit created by some dark king, and people think it can be controlled? You're going on a suicide mission, buddy. The thing about our new product is, it's gonna buy my way to freedom! So let me...sell you...THE DREAM!" Trager yelled as he once again dashed towards them, preparing to cut them both in half.
However, the child grabbed Mile's shirt before she switched out her hat for another, this one black with a green ribbon. Soon, Trager seemed to slow to a crawl, confusing Miles.
"What the f- wait, did you do that?" Miles asked the kid, who nodded her head yes. "Okay...useful. It's not gonna last forever though, right?" This time, she shook her head no.
"Great...okay, let's see. Mad doctor here, elevator coming up, can't get in and leave him behind...wait...ohhh…" Miles said, getting a rather evil idea. "Okay, that'll work."
Miles then quickly got behind Trager as the hat's power faded away, Trager resuming his regular speed, only to have to stop suddenly before he fell into the elevator shaft. Before he could process what just happened, Miles ran up behind him and grabbed him by the neck as the elevator continued to climb up to the floor.
"Hey, Doc! Remember what I said back in your office?" Miles grinned as he then pushed Trager into the shaft, The Doctor landing on top of the elevator as it arrived on the floor...and the roof met the ceiling. "Well, this is it, buddy: How to Make Trager Juice!"
"Wait, NO-!" Trager called out from the shaft, just before he was lifted into the ceiling, his screams of pain being short, followed by the sounds of crushing.
"Step 1: Squeeze."
The elevator then opened up, revealing the 5002'nd, who walked out onto the floor.
"Miles, good to see you in one piece." Sword said. "What happened? You meet The Doctor?"
"Yep." Miles said. "He wanted to cut my fingers off, along with some other parts. But don't worry, I crushed his dreams."
The kid then stuck her tongue out at Miles, as if to say 'Not funny!'.
"Wait, what the- a kid? There'z a kid here?" FG asked in shock.
"Don't tell me Murkoff was using kids in these experiments!" Aster said, horrified.
The child then tilted her head in confusion.
"Oh, she doesn't know. And she looks normal enough...no, she's not part of the experiments. She's probably from off-world, like us." Sword guessed.
"She can't be all by herself, though." Miles said. "Then again, if she met Trager before me…"
The kid then shook her head no, then made a 'wooshing' sound before mimicking a space shuttle taking off, before switching to someone yelling and snatching something.
"Okay, you were on a zpacezhip...when zomeone zhowed up, yelled at you, then took zomething?" FG asked.
A nod, followed by her rapidly waving her arms and flopping to the ground, then making a motion like using scissors.
"Then you got sent here, by the same person that stole from you, and that's when you met Dr. Horrible?" Miles finished. "That's terrible."
The child made a gesture that screamed 'I know, right?!' before she brought her umbrella out, pointed it to Miles, then gestured to herself.
"Okay, so you want to go with our group." Miles said. "Well, considering we just dealt with almost everything thing in this prison even remotely dangerous, plus the fact that we're so deep in this s*** now...why not? Just stay close and safe, got it?"
The child just grinned cheekily.
"So, you got a name, little lady?" Sword asked.
The girl thought for a moment before she pointed to her hat.
"Your hat...okay, I know this, uh...how about Hat Kid?" Aster guessed, getting a thumbs up in confirmation. "Okay, Hat Kid it is!"
And so, the new member of the little group joined the others in heading out, prepared to face whatever new adventures came her way.