8th of October 1995
Another full moon came, and it was just the day after Sirius' talk with Harry, Ron and Hermione. He was almost caught, and that made him feel anxious even more. The first reason was what will Umbridge do to Harry, and the second reason was if she maybe recognised him. Sirius was sure that Umbridge caught a glimpse of him, but he looked better now than when he escaped Azkaban. He told Remus what happened, and he remained quiet, which usually meant he doesn't have anything good to say. He didn't tell Gwen because he now knew her a bit better, and was sure she would make such a drama out of it. And Tonks was an Auror so it was better for her not to know those kind of things.
However, Sirius' mind was restless. He couldn't sleep for a whole night before, so he decided he will spend another full moon with Remus, who shrugged in a sign of agreeing. He liked having company, and Sirius knew that, so Sirius' plan was good for both of them. Gwen decided to invite Tonks over again, already preparing a bunch of Bulgarian banitsas them to munch on. Since the night of the full moon was obviously boys night, why not having them their monthly girls night? Gwen was so focused on the pastries that she didn't even notice Sirius sneaking behind her back. He closed her eyes with his hands, and felt her flinch, as she jumped so hard that her back were now pressed against his front.
"Whoa! It's just me," his hands slid from her face to her waist, hugging her lightly. She turned to face him, and touched his nose with her flour covered index finger. She smiled at him weakly, and then turned again, causing his hands to fall from her body.
"Don't scare me like that, I already told you," she resumed her banitsa making.
"Is there anything for me to eat?" he asked pouting.
"Yes, over there," Gwen pointed into already baked pastries on the counter, and Sirius jumped to get one.
"I'm so surprised I didn't get really fat because of you," he said, taking a bite of the pastry.
"Well, it's magic," she winked at him, while he chewed on the still warm food.
"I agree, you are magical," he said, hopping on a counter, taking another bite. Gwen didn't say anything, just gave him a look. A look which Sirius considered tempting, but couldn't really read what she meant by giving it. Even after months of living together, she was still a mystery to him. Considering he knew almost everything in that house, she was the most interesting thing, or human being there.
"I know I am, I don't need you to tell me that," she smiled at him, and focused on the half-made food in front of her.
"That's true, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't hear it from someone else every once in a while. For instance, I would be delighted if anyone said to me that I was, I don't know… Brilliant, creative, haughty… Anything really," Sirius sighed. Even though he joked, the joke was kind of true. He did miss receiving compliments. Now he was useless, his looks weren't that great, and his creativity hadn't really hit him. He was good at drawing, but when he tried to draw Gwen and Remus one day in the library, he lost focus, and got annoyed with every single mistake he made. The result was him throwing the drawing in the fire before both Remus or Gwen could see it. It was unfortunate because the drawing wasn't that bad at all.
"Since you're so obviously fishing for compliments," Gwen now turned to face him again. "You look better with your beard trimmed like this. And thanks to the all mighty I'm here because you're not so disgustingly thin anymore."
"I wanted compliments, and you tell me I'm disgusting… Not really what I was hoping for," Sirius pouted, and set up a sad puppy face.
"The biggest compliment I could give you, I gave you in the night Sev brought me here. Everything else is just shallow," Gwen washed her hands from flour and oil, wiped them, and now stood right in front of Sirius. "I know you may not understand what I mean when I say that, but trust me… I'm not able to give you a better compliment than that. And besides, I was always terrible with making people feeling better with my words. I can make you dozen of potions to make you feel better, but I can't pick the right words."
"Humph," Sirius scoffed. "Brainy, but bad with words. If you were paler, less self-confident, and mysteriously disappearing once a month, I would say you're Moony 2.0."
"I'm not bad with words, and neither is Remus. Emotions are what makes things difficult, and I must admit both of us are quite bad at emotions," Gwen sighed loudly.
"His problem is being a werewolf, your problem is spending too much time with Severus I-Feel-Nothing Snape."
"Stop mocking him, will you? He has his faults, but so do you," Gwen crossed her arms on her chest, looking at Sirius kind of annoyed. She was really tired of him talking about Snape like that.
"All right, sorry," Sirius said, trying not to roll his eyes. "So, what do you mean you living here is the biggest compliment? I mean, I know the house is… well, what it is, but I don't see where is a compliment here."
"What did I tell you the first night we met? What was the only thing I wanted in return?"
"To not lie to you," Sirius frowned. He remembered that night quite well.
"Exactly. The fact I chose to come to you while in danger, and what I told you that night…" Gwen shrugged. "I can't really explain it, Sirius. You could notice I'm not much of a people person, and that I would rather be left alone most of the times. But, that night when that happened, I just wanted to be close to you. I can't explain why, but with that, my brain gave you the best compliment it could comprehend, I guess."
"So, you're saying that your wish to be with me in hiding is a compliment?" Sirius was now confused.
"Yes, and no. Not the wish, just reasoning. Look Sirius…" Gwen now stepped closer to him, standing almost between his legs. He was wearing his house attire – old sweatshirt, and a training trousers. She, however, was already ready for Tonks' company, and was dressed in a black knitted sweater, and a pair of black jeans. Her hair was tied in a messy bun on top of her head, with many strains falling out. Her hair was just too thick, and there was too much of it. "Trust is the hardest thing for me to give. You may not think so, considering the circumstances of our meeting, but you're the second person who I willingly chose to be someone with whom will I share a space. My privacy."
"Hmm… And who was the first?" Sirius raised his eyebrow.
"A Muggle I almost married," Gwen said without a twitch on her face, and Sirius' eyes widened. He didn't know that. In fact, they never discussed their past romantic relationships in details.
"You're saying you want to marry me?" Sirius decided to joke better than to say something entirely inappropriate. Gwen burst into laughter when he said that, and he joined her.
"I'm over marriages, and love. What good did the love give us? Absolutely nothing," Gwen said harshly, and Sirius frowned.
"Don't say that. I've seen love, and I've seen Harry alive. And that's enough for me," Sirius said, but regretted his words because he remembered the story about Polly and Brianna. "But I do understand you. I gave up on love long time ago…"
"Well, maybe you and me are more similar than you would ever think we are," Gwen smiled at him, as they were interrupted by flustered Remus.
"Gwen, Padfoot…" Remus noticed how close they were, and overheard a bit of their conversation, which made him even more flustered. "I'm just on my way down…"
"Remus, breathe. I already set everything up, and you'll be fine," Gwen turned to Remus now, smiling softly. "And tomorrow you'll wake up feeling maybe a bit sore, but much lighter."
"I hope so… Because currently, I feel like there are at least four of me inside of this body, and all of them have their own wishes. My headache is so bad, I can barely see," Remus' face was paler, but it still wasn't awkwardly pale. He too didn't look so thin as before, and Gwen was happy to see that. She didn't know how to speak her appreciation, or emotions, but she knew how to show them. Making food for them, and keeping both of them healthy was one of the ways.
"You want a… What the hell is that, Gwen?" Sirius asked, still holding a piece of banitsa.
"It's banitsa, and if you want, Moony, take some," Gwen pointed at the done pastries.
"No, thank you. I can't really eat… Well, you know," he sighed once more, now even louder than before, and headed downstairs. "See you tomorrow, I guess," he said over his shoulder, as he disappeared in the darkness of a cellar.
"Oh Gwen, I forgot to tell you. I won the bet," Sirius said grinning.
"You what? I didn't…" Gwen was confused, but not quite ready to give up on this.
"Yes, Remus is completely aware he fancies Tonks. I doubt he would admit it if you ask him, though. He told me himself," Sirius now grinned even harder. "And that means I won the bet."
"All right, what do you want?" Gwen looked at his grin now, a bit scared of what's going through his mind.
"I don't know yet, so I'm holding that for a while, if that's okay with you," Sirius winked now, still grinning.
"Fine," Gwen said flatly.
"Well, I shouldn't miss my cue. I'll see you tomorrow," Sirius jumped from the counter, pinched Gwen's cheek, and headed to follow his friend, finishing the banitsa. "You know, with cooking skills like this… Maybe I should marry you."
Sirius didn't even wait for Gwen's answer, as he disappeared in the same darkness as Remus did. Gwen stood frozen in the kitchen, and only the thought of talking to Tonks came to her mind. Thank God she'll be here soon because this… This wasn't normal, and Gwen was sure of it. Tonks was actually the only person she wanted, and could talk to about this.
When Sirius reached Remus, who was already sitting on the floor of the room they intended for his transformations, raised both of his eyebrows instantly.
"What?" Sirius was oblivious, and Remus sighed loudly.
"When will you admit to yourself that you grew out of looking at her only as a friend? I really can't go through the same thing you did with Marlene. That was so exhausting, and I just can't," Remus was a bit cranky, but he meant what he said. Marlene and Sirius were chasing each other for years before they finally decided to do something real. They did break up at one point, but not because they stopped loving each other.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Sirius said flatly, and became a big black dog. Remus rolled his eyes, and sighed even louder than before. That was Sirius' usual behaviour when he didn't want to talk about something. Just the proof that he's right; Sirius really does like Gwen in another way, not just as a friend.
Even though it was Sunday, Tonks was at work. It wasn't mandatory, but she chose to work it. The fact that Kingsley, and Mary were the only ones there made it even better. She spent almost the whole day in Kingsley's cubicle, because they were in a middle of preparations for their next field mission. Mary joined them for some time too, but since she wasn't a part of the next field mission, she went to do her reports from the past week. Tonks was now sitting curled up on Kingsley's spare chair, and was doing the finish touch ups of their mission day-by-day plan. The start of the mission was set in two days from today, and since she was working the Sunday, Tonks got a free Monday. Kingsley told her that the expected duration of the mission is two weeks, but he thinks they can wrap it up in ten days. And the Order meeting will be tomorrow, so she will likely spend the night at the Grimmaulds.
"Do we really have to start that early? Travelling at 6 in the morning is just brutal. Pure torture, King," Tonks cried, while doing the plan.
"Well, Tonks, that's not up to me. Scrimgeour said so, and that's not negotiable," Kingsley said not lifting his look from a stack of papers he was reading.
"I just can't with him, you know?"
"Not here, Tonks, how many times do I have to tell you?" Kingsley was a bit annoyed by Tonks' lack of self-control when it came to comments in the Auror Office.
"Right, right. Who will be your second this time? Should I put Dawlish?" Tonks asked, chewing the tip of the pencil she used for writing notes.
"Do you hate me that much? Of course no. Write this... Now listen very carefully, N-Y-M-P..."
"All right, just shut it. Don't finish it. Ever," Tonks said, and wrote her name as the second.
"Or what?" Kingsley asked her, raising his eyebrows.
"I'll kick your arse, and hex you into oblivion," Tonks said, and did a sudden leg move towards Kingsley, but as she did that she fell from the chair. Kingsley just burst into laughter at her.
"You know, this place was so dull before you joined. Really," he said, shaking his head, focusing back on the papers.
"Yes, well, I know I'm the spirit of every party," Tonks made a dramatic head movement, which made Kingsley laugh even harder.
"All right, party queen, let's finish that plan so both of us can get the hell out of from here," Kingsley suggested.
"Sure," Tonks took the plans again. "You're in a hurry? I can finish it on my own, really."
"I know you can, but I have something else to finish while you do that," Kingsley gave her a matter-of-factly look, which meant no joking, just business.
Tonks finished the plan in the next hour, so she took off. Kingsley was still there, frowning over the papers he so thoroughly studied. It was evening, and Tonks was a bit cold, so she buckled her Auror robes, since she didn't bring any jacket. Her hair was orange, short and curly today. She really wanted to walk, but the freshness of the air made her change her mind, so she apparated right at the door of the Grimmauld Place. She opened them slowly, not wanting to break the peace in the house. However, as soon as she entered, she heard music blasting from the kitchen. Tonks hurried there, and found Gwen dancing by herself on Led Zeppelin IV. Tonks noticed it was Remus' record player, and probably his record.
"Oh, hey Tonksie," Gwen jumped a bit, and hugged Tonks instantly. Tonks smiled brightly now. The warmness Gwen had as a person was so contradict to her character, and Tonks found that really curious. Gwen was so closed to the world, acting like Snape for people who she didn't know, like or trust, but when she relaxes, she was so warm, loving, and caring. The idea of Snape being exactly the same made Tonks flinch every time it went through her head.
"Wotcher, G," Tonks said, and instantly went to the basket where the banitsas were stored. She jumped on the counter, just like Sirius did before. "I don't even know what that is, but I'm so hungry, that I won't even ask."
"Though day at work?" Gwen said, as she charmed the mess she made in the kitchen away.
"No, no. It was rather cool, I must admit. But Kingsley, and I didn't take any breaks so… Bon appetite to me!" Tonks cheered, and took a bite of pastry.
"Bon appetite then!" Gwen exclaimed.
"Where are the pair of sod tossers?" Tonks asked in the middle of the bites. The pastry was delicious, and she just wanted to hug Gwen one more time for making it so tasty. "And this… whatever that is… It's magnificent."
"Both of them are downstairs already, but I didn't hear a howl, so I think Remus is still Remus if you want to…"
"No, no," Tonks shook her head. "He asked me not to do that. And I respect that… Although I don't get how he let you see it."
"I made him a deal he couldn't refuse," Gwen said, and winked at Tonks. "And the thing you're eating is called banitsa. It's Bulgarian traditional pastry. And thank you! I'm sure you would make them as delicious as I did."
"Hardly doubt that. I'm terrible at cooking, really," Tonks said, finishing the first pastry, taking another one.
"This is baking, and that's not what I heard from Moony," Gwen now looked at Tonks significantly.
"Oh… Comfort food is something else," Tonks said in her defence, but Gwen scoffed at her a bit.
"No it's not. Every food can be comfort food if you make it that way. Now, take those banitsas, and move your arse into the drawing room. We're changing the venue today."
"And the drink too!" Tonks jumped, and ran to get her rucksack she left on the dining table. When she came back, she had a bottle of tequila in her hand.
"Oh my… I hadn't drank tequila… In ages!" Gwen said excitedly. "Shots?"
"Is there any other way to drink it?" Tonks asked, grabbed the basket, and left the kitchen, now heading to the drawing room. Gwen followed her with the record player, and two shot glasses flowing behind her.
Tonks and Gwen were now lounged into the drawing room couch, music blasting from the record player. They drank half of the tequila bottle, and both of them were now right between tipsy and drunk. Gwen still couldn't shake the thought of what Sirius said. Why did he proclaim his bet victory right then? And what about that comment? Marry her? What is he thinking? Tonks figured something was on Gwen's mind since her comments were less cynical, and were less often than ever.
"So, G, what's bothering you? And don't say it's nothing because it's too obvious," Tonks said, and poured them another shot. They had lemons and salt too, because that was the only way Gwen accepted to drink tonight. "So spill it! Did the gits do something wrong? Because if they did, I'll kick their arses so hard!"
"No, no, they didn't do anything… Although, one of them did," Gwen sighed, they cheered and downed the freshly poured shot. "It's Sirius."
"Oh… What did he do? Does he need some arse kicking? Because I'm really in a mood!" Tonks jumped a bit, but Gwen pulled her down.
"Don't do that, you'll fall down. And no, he just made a comment… I don't know," Gwen said, now pouring another shot.
"What kind of comment? I don't get this, cooperate with me girl," Tonks said excitedly.
"Well… Hm… You see we made a bet, and the first time I won, but he raised the stakes. And now, as he says, he won. I can't really prove it, and the prize is whatever the winner wants," when Gwen finished the sentence, they cheered again, and downed another shot.
"So what was the bet about?" Tonks asked, still a bit confused.
"Doesn't matter, really," Gwen tried to not to laugh. How funny would it be if Tonks knew that she and Remus were the subject of their bet? "But that's not the problem."
"I don't follow," Tonks' brain was a bit blurry, but she could still think straight. She poured them another shot.
"Well…" Gwen licked the salt, downed her shot, and then bit the lemon. She was anxious, as she wasn't used to talking about this kind of things with someone. She wanted to talk to Tonks, but felt like she needs some alcohol braveness to tell exactly what was on her mind. "So, just before you came here, we talked a bit. And I told him some things…"
"Stop. If you want me to understand this, tell me the whole thing!" Tonks insisted, and then downed her shot.
"Sure… All right… Well…" Gwen felt the lump in her throat. "He was fishing for compliments, you know? And I told him that my biggest compliment was when I decided to come here. Look, Tonks…"
"I get you," Tonks interrupted her, and Gwen for once didn't mind that. She struggled with words, and kind of hoped Tonks would jump in. "Maybe you won't admit it right away, but you're one of those who doesn't trust easily too. You were kind of forced to trust me at first, but you changed when you became comfortable with me being around. And as you told me the story, you chose to come here after the attack. So, you trust Sirius. And in your case, I would really get that as a compliment, if I were him."
Gwen was speechless for a second. Tonks really got her right this time. Gwen wasn't sure was it tequila, or just the thought of really having a friend who gets her, but she somehow felt warmer. Another shot appeared in front of her in seconds. They cheered, and downed the drinks.
"I can't add, or deduct anything from what you just said. Except I wasn't forced to trust you. I was kind of forced to work with you, but I chose to trust you on my own," Gwen smiled at Tonks, and Tonks returned her the smile. "Well… After I said what it meant, and that he is the second person I agreed to share a space with, he asked me who. You see, I told him about Felix before, but not the whole story. He was kind of stunned when I told him I was supposed to marry him."
"Well I was too! But I don't get why would he care, I mean he acts like he doesn't have the kind of feelings that would make him feel jealous," Tonks was now confused.
"I thought so too, but he asked me does that means I want to marry him…"
"He what?" Tonks blurted a bit too loudly.
"Yes… And when he was leaving the room, right after he told me how he won the bet, he made a comment…" Gwen took a deep breath. "He told me, and I quote 'Maybe I should marry you'."
Tonks choked a bit, and then looked at Gwen surprised. This wasn't what she expected to hear, at all. What is this all about?
"What. The. Fuck?" Tonks was frozen.
"My thoughts exactly. He said I cook so good before that… You know, like that's a reason why he should marry him. But how stupid is that, really?" Gwen poured them another shot, and now Tonks was the one who didn't wait.
"Do you think he… fancies you? Like he wants to shag you brainless?" Tonks asked point blank, realising what words she picked right when she already told them.
"Well… he did make a few comments that alluded that quite a few times now," Gwen said quickly, and downed her shot.
"And you failed to mention that?" Tonks was now even more shocked.
"Sorry. I thought that was a joke. Like, one day while you and Remus were on a mission, he got into my room and told me there are many fun and exciting things we could do indoors. As I was already in the bed then, he didn't fail to mention that. Or when I woke him up after… you know. I'm so bad at this, Tonks," Gwen sighed sadly. That was the first time Tonks saw another part of Gwen. Gwen that wasn't confident or sure in her words. Gwen, who doubted herself badly. Not because she didn't know what to do, but because she didn't know what to think.
"Well, in my experience, and I must admit I don't have much of that, those kind of jokes are never just jokes. He is joking, but I bet if you showed any chance he might shag you, he would do that with no second thoughts," Tonks said, smiling devilishly. "And I can see why, I mean, let's not lie ourselves here, you're one really pretty woman."
"Well, thank you, Tonks, but… I don't know. I'm not the kind of person for casual sex. And especially not with the person I live with. If we were… Oh, I don't know!" Gwen sighed loudly.
"So you don't want casual, but you do fancy him?" Tonks now asked straightforward, with no hesitation. Gwen thought for about thirty seconds about her answer, and Tonks waited patiently, but then broke the silence. "Answer me, Gwendolyn."
"Well, Nymphadora," Gwen teased her. She didn't despise her name as Tonks did hers, but she didn't like to be called by her full name. And Tonks was now too drunk, and too amused to argue with her about that. The answer was more important. "I don't know… After the last man I thought in that way, I kind of… deleted that part of my brain?"
Both of them burst into laughter at her choice of words.
"I mean, not like deleted it, but chose not to think about that things. And I didn't… Until a few days ago when Sirius and I made that peach pie."
"The one that jerk ate before I even tasted it? He really is a criminal!" Tonks said overexcited, but calmed herself in a second. "And wait a minute, you thought about him? Like you fancy him? In THAT way? And are you talking about Felix again?"
"I don't know, Tonks. I mean, he is… handsome, and he looks so good when he trims that beard. And he is funny, he understands me... Well, not in a way he doesn't need explanations of my words, but in a way he doesn't question my doings, or ideas. I trust him, and it is nice to sp… oh my God!" Gwen realised what she was just saying. It was either tequila, or Tonks slipped some Veritaserum in her drink, and she knew Tonks would never do that. Maybe she really did fancy Sirius.
"I'm sorry, G, but from my point of view, you do fancy my idiotic cousin," Tonks told her flatly. "A lot. How did you know the last time? With Felix?"
"Felix wasn't the last one with whom I had… a connection," Gwen said silently, and Tonks frowned. "And that time… oh my God… It was the same as now. Kuchi sin!"
"Fuck… You're swearing in Bulgarian," Tonks was now even more surprised. Why was Gwen so upset about this. "So, who was it?"
Gwen gave up on shots, and now licked the salt from her hand, and took the whole bottle, taking few chugs, followed by biting lemon. Tonks now looked at her, waiting for her to drop the name.
"I'm waiting," Tonks said.
"All right… But you must swear, Tonks, you will never, ever say what you're about to hear now. Because there are only two living people who knows this. Me, and him."
"Sure, you have my word. Pinky swear? Unbreakable vow? And now you're scaring me…" Tonks looked at Gwen's face, which was motionless now. "Oh. My… Don't say. Please don't say it. No. I can't imagine… "
Gwen let out a small squeal, and took another few chugs of tequila.
"It was Sev," Gwen now pierced Tonks with her eyes, and Tonks' palms flew to cover her cheeks. Tonks' face was surprised, terrified, excited, confused, and interested at once. The cat was out of the bag, and Gwen was nervous by the lack of Tonks' speaking ability. "Oh God… I broke you." Gwen sighed with a crying voice.
"This explains EVERYTHING!" Tonks jumped on the couch. "Oh my holy fucking Merlin, Myron Wagtails vocal chords, and the whole most ancient and noble house of fucking Black!"
"Tonks…"
"No, tell me everything now. You have to. Snape… and you. I could scream now, you know?"
"Why? Why is it so unimaginable?" Gwen asked in her defence.
"Well, you're so…" Tonks pointed at her. "And he is so…" she morphed her face to resemble Snape's most snarkiest face.
"He is much more than that. And I know people here don't like him, but he is a great person when he chooses to be one," Gwen felt the urge to protect Snape.
"All right, then tell me what happened there so I might understand it better," Tonks placed herself closer to Gwen, and now looked at her eager for the whole story.
"So… Hm… Soon after my mother died, we started working together. You know that already. And Sev, he's a really good company when he lets himself be one. We talked a lot, and worked a lot together. After two years of that, I guess both of us noticed the tension… The connection, it's hard to explain. He tried to deny it when I made some remarks about it, but I was sure he does feel something. Just like I did. It wasn't like we were madly in love. But we were… attracted to each other. I can't really describe it, really," Gwen sighed, feeling the alcohol flowing through her body. She was drunk, but she didn't regret telling this to Tonks. She felt like she could tell Tonks everything.
"Go on, I want to know!" Tonks was impatient.
"All right, but don't interrupt me until I'm finished, right?"
"Sure!"
"Well, we played that teasing game for a while… Until the night I decided to end the game."
It was a winter night at Hogwarts, almost two years ago from today. The snow was storming outside heavily, and by the next morning the grounds were covered in a thick layer of snow. Gwen and Snape were in his office, trying to make a better Felix Felicis. Both of them struggled, but then decided to work together better than doing it separately.
"So you think we made it, hm?" Gwen asked cautiously, looking at the potion Snape was stirring over his shoulder.
"Oh, I certainly think we did," Snape said confidently, enjoying the warmness of her breath that he felt for a moment on his neck.
"Test it," Gwen demanded, and distanced herself for a bit. Since she admitted to herself that there is something between Snape and her, she tried to see his reactions. He was mostly stone cold, but sometimes he would flinch, or his voice sounded exceptionally smooth. Snape tested the potion, and it seemed they really did make a good one.
"As I said, we certainly did it," he turned to see her, and she clapped in her joy.
"We make a good team, Sev," she said, now stepping closer to him.
"Obviously," his tone was deep, but his voice cracked a bit when she took another step.
"I thought you'll never admit it," she almost whispered, taking another step closer. Snape frowned. She did some strange things before, but this was too much for him. Even though he didn't admit it to her, and he decided to hide it as best as he could, he couldn't hide the effect her closeness had on him. He gasped once, not being able to stop it. She took another step, and she was now so close. She stood completely straightened, and her breasts almost touched his chest. Snape looked down on her, not sure what was happening.
"Stop denying yourself, Sev," she whispered, as he felt her breath on his neck. A strange sensation flown through his body, but he was frozen, and unable to say anything. Speechless. Left speechless by her for the third time.
Gwen got even closer, pressing her body to his, lifting her head, brushing his lips with hers. He didn't even flinch, or move away, but his breath trembled and she felt it right on her lips. In that moment, she decided to kiss him. She closed her eyes and pressed her lips on his. Her lips were so soft that he couldn't resist but to kiss her back. It was one kiss. One brief kiss. She removed her lips from his, opening her eyes, expecting to see him terrified. But he wasn't. His eyes were already opened, and he looked at her surprised, but the tension was too obvious.
"I shouldn't…" Gwen wanted to apologise.
"Wait, wait, wait…" Tonks interrupted Gwen's story for the first time. "You kissed him first?"
"I told you not to interrupt me if you want to hear the whole story!" Gwen exclaimed, and continued.
The lack of his reaction made her believe he doesn't really feel like her at all. But he interrupted her by grabbing her by her waist with his right arm, tangling the left one in her half-tied hair. He pulled her close suddenly, and kissed her. But that kiss was much more than the one before. He took the complete lead, and she let him. Her left hand rested on his right upper arm, and her right palm was now on his cheek. The sensation of the kiss broke free all of the tension that piled up in both of them. She deepened the kiss, by parting his mouth with her tongue. He let her do that, and was again overwhelmed by the sensation she brought to him. The taste of her tongue made him crazy, so his hand clutched her hair harder. He made a few steps towards her, and she followed him, not breaking the kiss. He pinned her to the small potion cabinet that stood right behind her. As he did that, the vials fell down from shelves, breaking loudly.
However, that didn't distract them even for a second. The kiss was now more passionate and intense, but she took the lead, pushing him a bit, then switching positions, but she pinned him to a wall instead. His hand was still stuck in her hair, but the other one roamed her sides gently, but passionately at the same time. She took ahold of the buttons of his shirt, and unbuttoned first few. But then he stopped her, breaking the kiss suddenly.
"Wait," he gasped, trying to catch some breath. Gwen didn't know what was going on. Why would he kiss her like that if he didn't want to do something more about it. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"What kind of question is that?" Gwen frowned at him, letting go of his buttons.
"Look…" Snape tried to find the words.
"Don't complicate things with words for now," Gwen put the finger on his lips, and he did remain silent. He pulled her closer again, and kissed her with even more passion than before. Both of his hands now roamed her sides, and back, going even lower. Her hands were once again busy with his buttons. She unbuttoned a few more buttons, and she finally felt the feeling of his bare skin on her fingers. He flinched a bit when he felt her hand on his chest, as his hand flew to her hair again, and the other one under her jumper, caressing her back. Both of them knew it would be wiser if they talked, but decided not to think about that for a moment. Or an hour. She hung her hands around his neck, and that was his cue. He wrapped her in his arms, lifting her up, now carrying her into his bedroom.
He placed her in his unusually big king size bed, and she pulled him down with her. They tried their best not to break the kiss, as she got a hold of his shirt again, letting him out of it. In seconds, both of them were naked. And in a few more seconds they crossed the line of friendship, both of them aware they could never come back from this.
"Oh… my… I can't," Tonks said, and chugged the tequila from the bottle without any salt or lemon. Her face turned into a grimace from the strong liquor, and she couldn't believe what she just heard. Severus Snape had sex. With Gwen. In Hogwarts! Gwen took the bottle from Tonks' hand, and chugged it.
"Yes, true story, Tonks. Want to make sure? I saw a pensieve…"
"No, no, I'm sorry, but I really don't want to see… Oh my… But you're not together. What happened?"
"The morning after?" Gwen burst into laughter. "I chose not to involve myself with him."
"I'm sorry, but after this story…"
"Yes, well..." Gwen continued her story.
The morning after was exceptionally sunny, considering the snow storm that was raging whole night. And that wasn't the only thing that went on for the whole night. Gwen woke up alone in bed, covered with warm, soft, Slytherin green sheets. She noticed that the bedroom door was opened, and she took a glance of Snape sitting by the fireplace, now completely dressed. Gwen moaned, and he flinched. In seconds, he was by his bed.
"Morning," she said with a smile, and for once he returned one without hesitation.
"I brought something to eat, if you're hungry," he said softly, sitting on the bed.
"I'm not, but I hoped I wouldn't wake up in an empty bed after the night we had," Gwen commented with a devilish spark in her eyes. Both of them never imagined the night turning in what happened. But neither of them were displeased, or ashamed of what happened.
"Sorry, I woke up three hours ago, and couldn't stay in bed. And the night…"
"Was something, right?" Gwen now sat to, wrapped in sheets because she was still naked under it.
"Yes, but we have to talk about this. And I can't be focused with you naked. In my bed," he lifted one of his eyebrows, and she rolled her eyes.
"And they say women always want to talk," Gwen stood up, and picked up his cloaked robes from the floor, wrapping it around herself. He wasn't so amused with that as she was, but didn't say a thing.
"Listen, Gwen…" he looked down now, not knowing what he actually wants to say.
"You're regretting it?" Gwen asked him directly, since that was her only concern; that he'll regret it.
"Well, no. But I'm not quite sure what do you want from this," he moved his hand between them. Both of them were standing now, and Gwen took her defensive state, crossing her arms on her chest.
"What do you want?" she asked him.
"What I want, and what I can are two different things," Snape said flatly. And then it came to Gwen.
"Of course… Lily," she sighed. "Well, Sev, it's quite simple."
"Believe me it's not. If it was, I would do something about it long time ago," Snape scoffed at Gwen.
"So what are you telling me?"
"I don't know, but I… Look, you are… I can't even describe how exquisite you are…"
"But I'm not her. And if you are thinking about this after the night we had, I guess that's my answer," Gwen said a bit offended, but she did understand him. Maybe that wasn't what she was hoping for, but he was honest. And now he was silent.
"Look, Sev, either you want to be with me or not. There is no something in between. But if you want that, and you're willing to make this work…"
"I want, but I can't, and that's the problem," Snape was still staring at the floor, not wanting to see Gwen disappointed.
"If you want me, then I should be the first. Not her. I'm not jealous, and look at me now," she stepped closer to him, and lifted his head with her hands. "I'm not jealous of her, but I can't be a replacement. If you want this to work, then I have to be the first on your mind, and in your heart. Can you do that?"
"I'm sorry, but I don't think I can," Snape whispered, and grabbed her hands, not removing them from his face, but just holding them. "But I want this."
"I do too, but not in that way. You don't have to apologise to me for not feeling the same thing as I do," she smiled weakly at him.
"I do, Gwen, are you not paying any attention? I do… feel, whatever it is. But it's not fair to you. I don't want to hurt you, because I can't control what else I feel. And at some point you would be hurt. You deserve better than that."
"I agree. And you do too," she leaned, and kissed him again. He did kiss her back, even though he thought about not doing so. "We can't pretend that something is possible if it's not. You'll never kiss me like you would kiss her. I'm sorry, but I can't do that."
"I shouldn't ever let…"
"No. You and I both wanted that yesterday. And I'm not sorry it happened. It just proved what is the real state of things. It's better this way, before I fall head over heels for you," she pulled another weak smile.
"You think you…"
"After what we did last night, I would most definitely. But it wouldn't be the same. We wouldn't be equal, and it would drive both of us mental," she concluded.
"So now what?" he asked nervously.
"Friends?"
"I'm sorry, but I can't be your friend after this," he said flatly.
"Hah! We'll see about that," Gwen said, and hang herself around his neck.
Tonks was now curled on the couch, with her jaw hanging open in surprise.
"This is just… Wow," Tonks managed to say.
"Yes, well… Now you know," Gwen said matter-of-factly.
"I lost so many bets because of you! And I can't say this to anyone!"
"Tonks, you promised!
"I won't but, G…" Tonks fell silent for a second. "Was he… like good?"
"I'm sorry?"
"You know… did he shag you well? Like brainless?"
Gwen felt her cheeks getting pinker in seconds. She wasn't blushing through that whole story, but this question made her blush so hard.
"Oh my… HE WAS!" Tonks jumped suddenly, and fell from the couch. Alcohol brought her down hard. She quickly sat again.
"Well, I definitely can't say he wasn't," Gwen smiled now at Tonks.
"Now I want to know more, even though I don't want to know more. So… Tell me more!" Tonks now again looked at Gwen all interested.
That talk turned into a heated conversation about their ex-sexual partners. It was one of the most interesting drunk conversations both of them ever had. They didn't even hear the howl Remus made right after his transformation. It was half past 3 in the morning, when Tonks got the idea.
"Oh, let's barge into their rooms. I bet Remus has more of some precious records, and I always wanted to know what Sirius hid in his room," Tonks said excitedly.
"Well, mostly himself. And if I was in my right mind, I would definitely say no, but since I'm most certainly not, I say… Yes!"
"That's the spirit," Tonks said, and they ran drunkly to Remus' room since it was closer. Both of them tripped a couple of dozen times, but they didn't care. They laughed it off, and Kreacher cursed him under his breath. They didn't care about that either.
Remus' room was quite tidy, except his desk, which was full with papers, and books. Gwen almost instantly started rummaging his books, and Tonks laughed at that, while she looked his record collection.
"No way! He has the whole Zeppelin discography, and the Stones… the Who, and oh… Deep Purple. AC DC. And I guess this is some of that boring jazz stuff," she sighed, and placed the records back, noticing his closet was opened.
"Oh my…" Tonks' drunk brain managed to comprehend what she was looking at. His wardrobe was half-empty. He had some suits, a few of tumbled down robes, and a few of those cardigans hanging there. "Fucking Dolores Umbridge!" Tonks cursed out loud because she knew that it was her legislation that made Remus poorer than before, and that it ruined his chances of getting a normal job.
"What happened?" Gwen flinched, but she didn't really figure why Tonks cursed.
"Oh, nothing…" Tonks decided not to talk about Remus financial status now. She grabbed one of his cardigans, not knowing it was his favourite one. "This is so soft!"
"Try it on!" Gwen teased her. "Oh don't be shy! He'll never know!"
Tonks didn't need to hear that twice, as she put the cardigan on. It smelt like him too; green tea, chocolate, and books. Old books. And rain.
"Looking good!" Gwen exclaimed, as she stood by the opened drawer. "But I think you would like this more!"
Gwen pulled washed out Led Zeppelin shirt from the drawer. It was grey, and worn a lot, but it was funny to think about Remus wearing it.
"I. Literally. Can't. Imagine." Tonks was now having the shirt in her hands.
"Him in that? Me too! Never! That's a nice dare for him, you know," Gwen wiggled her eyebrows. Tonks suddenly thought about how cute Remus was when he wore that shirt. The nerdy boy turning into a bad rocker one. Remus to Moony.
"I agree! But I like this cardigan more!" Tonks hugged herself in the oversized cardigan. "Let's see what Sirius has in his room!"
They were in Sirius' room in a matter of seconds. Tonks played with his motorcycle models, and was amused by the posters on his wall. However, Gwen got ahold of Sirius' old leather jacket. Remus was keeping it safe in his cottage until the day they moved in Grimmauld Place. The leather was a bit cracked, but the jacket was still in good shape. Gwen put it on, and whistled, so Tonks looked at her.
"Wow! Rock n roll Gwenie! Tonks likes!" Tonks exclaimed with her thumbs in the air.
"You think it suits me? I never wore things like that before," Gwen looked at herself in the mirror.
"Oh please, with your looks, you can be dressed in a combination of a potato and rubbish sack, and you would still look stunning," Tonks said, winking at Gwen, who replied with a smiled. "Now let's dance some more!"
They got back into the drawing room, still in Remus' and Sirius' clothes. Tonks grabbed one of the Who records from Remus' room, and now they danced and jumped all across the room. Both of them were still quite drunk, and energy filled. However, around six in the morning, they called quits, and returned the clothes where it belonged. They got to Gwen's room to talk some more.
"G, I must confess something," Tonks said quietly.
"Spill it!"
"I think you're right… I think I do fancy Remus a bit," Tonks sighed.
"A bit? You smelt that sweater like your life depends on it."
"All right… But I don't know what to do," Tonks was now sounding so sad.
"For that kind of advice, I need a clear head. So, ask me in the morning. Or better yet, sometime around dinner tomorrow," Gwen said, feeling so victorious. She was right after all. All of it was too much for that night. They fell asleep on Gwen's bed shortly after that, both curled up.
When Remus and Sirius woke up in the morning, two hours after the girls went to sleep, they got out of the basement immediately. However, Remus didn't let Sirius get away with his avoiding of an answer.
"So, what will you do with Gwen?" Remus asked him, as they walked through the dining room.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Sirius said again.
"Well, deny it all you want, but I'll keep asking you until I get the answer," Remus said trying to annoy Sirius on purpose.
"Oh great, just what I needed," Sirius scoffed sarcastically.
They noticed the drawing room door being opened, and took a peek at it. They noticed some of the precious Black vases smashed on the floor, along with the tequila, lemons, and salt on the table. The pictures that hung on the walls were crooked, and Remus noticed his record player and records near it.
"What happened here?" Remus asked a bit shocked.
"I think they got so trashed they trashed the place too. Let's find them. They must've been here somewhere passed out. Oh mate, I'll give them hell when they woke up," Sirius rubbed his hands with a mischievous grin on his face.
Remus gave him the look, but didn't say anything, heading to see if Tonks' is in her room. And to his surprise, she wasn't. And they weren't in a library too. Both Sirius and Remus were confused. They found them shortly after that, still curled in Gwen's bed. Much to their surprised.
"What the hell happened here tonight?" Sirius asked, but Remus just shrugged, as they the room as quietly as they could.
I really don't have a lot to say after this chapter. The bomb is dropped, and can't be taken back.
Hope you liked it, and don't forget to let me know what you think.
Next one won't be so juicy, though, but it will be up soon!
Don't forget there are a lot of questions that still need to be answered.
Love you all, xx