"I thought you've changed..."

"I thought you were a little different..."

"You're the same as before..."

I wake up once again in the middle of the night, from the same dream that reappeared to me once again. It was a dream with three phrases said over and over again by mysterious, sinister voices. It was a dream where I was in a dark room by myself in the corner, arms wrapped around my knee and head below my arms. Why was I in a room by myself crying? What did those phrases mean? Why are these chains of words that I seemed to not think too much about when said by Megumi and Hisako, suddenly haunt me in my dreams? Why am I like this?

The last time I've had nightmares like these was when Father had come back to Totsuki and become the headmaster. I've had nightmares of memories from the past where my father would verbally abuse me and make me feel worthless. Those were the worst memories of my life, the type of memories that I would do anything to get rid of. However, after the rebel team I was a part of took down Central's force, effectively removing father from claiming both Totsuki and I, those nightmares vanished. Well, they did appear from time to time before effectively vanishing for good. During those times, I'd ask Yukihira to come over and accompany me, and he'd do so without any hesitation. And that's what I Like about Yukihira. Even though he can be annoying, and is probably the most cocky chef in cooking history, he was a very caring boyfriend, and very enjoyable to be around.

Yes, he is generally an annoying person but… I guess I enjoy his annoyingness? Back in Totsuki, we did see each other a lot. From walking to school together, to seeing each other in passing periods, as well as during lunch, then walking with me to the office after school, then walking me back home. Not to mention the weekends when he'd come (Sneak) over to my mansion to watch a movie or read mangas with me or to do some… umm… other pg rated activities. (I owe you big time Hisako.) Overall, we spent a considerable amount of time together. And in every interaction we've had during these times, whether little (like walking together during passing periods) or big (Spending hours in my office doing paperwork) not a moment of silence would come between us. There was just always something coming out of that man's damn mouth. That man's damn jawline. But I never complained really. After all, I did respond back to each and every one of his responses. This man just never fails to bore me, whether it be from his cooking, or the several conversations we have. One interaction, he'd talk about making a gourmet meal out of peanut butter and squids. The next interaction, he'd be giving me his review of a manga we both read over the weekend , and comparing it to a spongebob episode he watched as a little kid. That redhead is just so unpredictable, but yet, very enjoyable to be around. In each and every one of the times I've spent with him, I don't know what to expect, but I get excited just thinking about what he'll do next.

Yes, he's one cocky ass chef, but he backs up his words with his cooking. From the first dish he had cooked me on the first day we've met, to the multiple dishes he'd cook me during my stay in my polar dorm, to his cooking during lunches we'd have together, I never once considered his food disgusting. In fact, I considered it the opposite, the complete opposite especially, as time went by. Not to mention the numerous times he's proved his superiority as a chef, winning shokugekis against hundreds of totsuki students, as well as winning several shokugeki against both former and current elite tens, So he is a chef with an enormous ego, but in no means is he a bad chef.

But does he seriously have to be that good looking and social? Like god dammit Yukihira, just be good looking enough for my standards, and not have half the student body stare at you everytime you walk to school.

Like god fucking dammit Yukihira, just be social enough for my standards, and not have half the student body blush at you everytime you talk to them.

It makes me irritated, it makes me extremely jealous. But at the same time, I have high standards, so my high standards and the normal standards for a girl will cause tension. But that's not the point!

Gosh, since I'm thinking so much about Yukihira right now, I might answer those questions asked by Megumi and Hisako… Truthfully.

'Did you really mean everything you said that night, Erina?'

Yes I did, but it was for the best. Pleasing the god tongues is a lifelong task, and I don't believe Yukihira is good enough for the task. So, I placed my trust onto Saiba Asahi.

'You don't regret anything you said that night, to him, not even one bit?'

Maybe the way I delivered the news… But that's just me, he should've gotten used to that by now. We've dated for 6 whole months...

"You broke up with him because"

I thought Saiba Asahi was the one who would save me and mother from our curse. Knowing that, I thought it was the best to end things abruptly with Yukihira.

"Could you have waited to make a decision about Yukihira (Breaking up) after the match was over?"

That wouldn't have been fair. I've been putting serious thought ever since Saiba made his proposal to me, and I decided to commit to him winning.

"Don't you regret rushing any decisions"

Gosh, these questions are like mirrors of each other… Yes, knowing the outcome, I do regret the decision of breaking up with him knowing he beat Saiba.

"Did you consider Yukihira's feelings about your decision?"

To be honest, not really. I'm generally not that kind of person to consider the feelings of others.(Courtesy to my father.) I can barely contain my own thoughts and feelings… Especially when half the student body is CLEARLY hitting on Yukihira. Like god, get a clue redhead… So what do I do? I do my usual petty shit around him, and somehow, he'll catch an idea and stop the source of my anger. A little selfish? Maybe. But I think he's gotten used to me.

"What will happen between you two now?"

like how things have been between us, I'm sure we'll go back to how things were before. Surely…

I don't hate Yukihira. In fact, I enjoy every part from him. From his good looks, to his fun and caring personality, from the special attention he only gives me, and ONLY me (Fuck you Totsuki girls.) Not to mention his talent as a cook, and his remarkable ability of always being there and making me feel at ease. Despite all those times I've been angry (both from petty, stupid shit with Yukihira and stress from headmaster duties,) Soma always finds a way to release that feeling from me, without me saying a single word.

I've just never been good at expressing my feelings to anyone really, except Hisako. She's been with me since day 1, ever since my father's expulsion from the Nakiri household. My grandfather saw the end result of what Father turned me into. He wanted to do what he could in his power to reverse father's effects onto me. So he decided one thing that would help is having a companion by my side. Because Alice had left for Denmark, he decided to bring in a girl my age to help my situation out, and so having Hisako introduced to my life really did relieve things. She is very loyal, attentive, and caring. I ended up being able to trust her, and tell her everything I want without having to hide my feelings, even to this day. I just realized… I tell her everything.. But my true feelings for Soma.

So why am I unable to tell him my true feelings without my pride getting in the way? I honestly don't know. Maybe it was the way I was born, the way I was raised?

All those times he said 'I love you,' I wanted to reciprocate those words, but just.. couldn't. Instead, I reply back with a stupid response like 'what are you saying!?' or a 'thank you' followed by a blush

All those times he kissed me, I wanted to kiss him back, but I couldn't find it in me to do so. Instead, I just stand there awkwardly, blushing, waiting for him to break the silence.

Yeah, Soma has always been there for me… Maybe he could've been there for me for this BLUEs competition too, if not for my lack of communication and rushing decisions without asking him for a say. Whatever, What's done is done. There is the final coming up. I must worry about fixing me and my mother's relationship first. Then, after the BLUEs competition, should I focus on Yukihira.

I was planning to finish the rest of BLUEs for this chapter, but I decided to make a mini chapter prolonging that after reading the comments about Erina. I did make her a little too bitchy the past two chapters, but at the same time, have y'all seen her in the manga and anime LOL. (Destroys the buildings of culinary clubs for the sake of increasing her kitchen size, ended the careers of several professional chefs, smiling without a second thought, failed hundreds of students from making it onto Totsuki, including one who should've passed, but failed because she disliked his personality…) So thus, I decided to make a chapter revealing her inner thoughts of chapter 7 and 8. I had planned on doing this after Soma's departure and when Erina finds out he left (spoiler alert.. kinda) but i don't think some of yall would wait that long (2-3 chapters, give or take lolol) anyways, hope y'all enjoyed this short chapter. The last chapter of BLUEs arc, coming soon.