Surprise

Bella
I awoke the next morning, rested, relaxed... and alone. I breathed a sigh of relief that he had done as I asked. I stretched slowly, rolled over and sat up on the edge of my bed, yawning as I reaching out to open the top drawer of my nightstand to find my hairbrush. Something at the back of the drawer caught my eye. A sob caught in my throat, and tears sprung instantly to my eyes, but didn't spill over. I wouldn't let them.

It was a thin, silver bracelet; the very same thin, silver bracelet that my best friend had given me only a few months ago... before he learned that I was engaged to his mortal enemy. I picked it up, carefully cradling the tiny wooden carving of the wolf in the palm of my hand.

'Oh Jake.'

I fluttered my hands, fanning them in front of my face, trying to still the tears.

'I'm not gonna cry, I'm not gonna cry.'

With stubborn determination I swallowed the lump in my throat. In my other hand, I cupped the heart shaped diamond; Edward's representation of his love for me, and held the two pieces side by side, comparing the two.

I'd lost them both that day. My wonderful, goofy, adoring best friend now lay cold in the ground, because he would rather have sacrificed himself than watch me be tortured from within by a difficult pregnancy. And my Husband...

Husband...

I still struggled with that word. I'd done a lot of thinking over the past few days, and what it basically came down to were a couple of simple questions.

One: Did I still love him? That one was possibly the hardest, and yet the answer was so simple it hurt. Yes, I definitely still love him.

Two: Could I ever forgive him for his actions? Also simple, Also painful. No... Never.

Three: Could I live the rest of my life without him. No. I may as well be dead.

So where did this leave us? Stealing silent embraces from him at night, but being unable to bear meeting his eyes? Thrilling at the feel of his soothing touch, his gentle, velvet voice that calmed me so effectively when I stirred in my sleep; yet unable to imagine myself ever kissing him again... ever making love with him again?

I screwed my eyes closed, suddenly realizing that I didn't want to think about any of this right now, and pushed the bracelet back into the drawer, burying it under a pile of socks. I needed more time.

A gentle hand tapped at my door, I turned to see a smiling Esme peering shyly in at me, hiding something in her hands behind her back.

"Hey Esme," I said with a smile, patting the bed next to me, offering her a seat.

"Good Morning Bella. I know you don't like to make a big deal of it, but I wanted to wish you a happy birthday."

I stared at her in shock. My birthday. I had totally forgotten. This inane ritual of getting older every year wasn't supposed to be happening to me anymore. I was meant to have been turned before my 19th birthday, but of course, that had changed when Edward took my baby.

Noticing my shock, Esme took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, and with her other hand, placed a soft package wrapped in golden paper on the bed beside me.

"This is from Carlisle and me. We knew you wouldn't want much, so this is just a token gift, something to help you settle in and feel more comfortable here in this house. I know Kate's been dying for you to get out there and join her.

I narrowed my eyebrows suspiciously. The Cullen's were well known for their fondness of overkill, so when Esme said 'token', I knew not to expect a dime store trinket. I put on my best friendly, grateful, not-at-all-terrified-to-be-the-center-of-attention grin, and set about carefully tearing into my gift.

I gasped as I unfolded two pairs of sleek, soft fitted riding pants, and a beautiful pair of leather, knee length riding boots, and, of course, a sleek black, velvet covered helmet.

I was speechless - for a moment.

"Esme, this is too much. I don't even know if I like riding yet... I've never even been on a horse. You shouldn't have bothered buying all this stuff yet... " I looked into her eyes, detecting the tone of mirth there. "What?"

"Edward said you'd react like this, no matter what present we got you."

I blushed instantly; a little angry, yet a little amused that he had predicted my reaction.

"Please Bella... humour me. Go try them on, and go join Kate for a morning ride. She's already out there. We'll have breakfast ready for you when you're finished."

I nodded happily at her. "Thank you Esme, and I don't just mean for the gifts. Thank you for... well, everything." I finished weakly. She smiled as she pulled me into a tight hug.

"You're very welcome, my dear. We all love you Bella; I want you to know that that hasn't changed just because you and Edward are going through a rough time. You will always be a part of this family."

"A rough time?" I almost scoffed. That was one way of putting it. I nodded though, in response to her statement.

"Honey, we know how difficult this birthday is for you. If everything had gone to plan, you never would have made it to 19 human years. Carlisle and I want you to know that if you want to talk, about anything at all, or if we can ever help you in any way, we are both here for you. Ok?

I nodded, again struggling with the lump in my throat. I would be taking them up on that offer sooner than they realized, once I'd heard back from the University of Alaska Southeast regarding whether or not they still had a place for me.

"Thank you, Esme."

She nodded, giving me a final, comforting pat on the shoulder before leaving me alone with my thoughts, and my gifts. I should have known that my birthday wouldn't have gone unforgotten amongst this family... even when I myself had done the forgetting.

Ten minutes later, dressed in my perfectly fitting new jodhpurs and boots, with my helmet under one arm, I stepped out into the bright sunshine, heading towards Kate's stables. Tied to the doors, as Dejeuner had been that first day, were now two horses - the familiar black stallion, and a gentle looking, yet still massive, honey coloured horse with a fair mane and tail. She turned her gentle brown eyes on me, watching my approach, and whinnied in greeting.

"Ahh Bella, I'm so glad you could join us today. Naiad has been dying to meet you." Kate greeted me with a friendly, suffocating hug, then turned to run her hand affectionately down the mare's face.

"This is my Naiad. She's a ten year old, Palomino, Warm Blood mare. An absolute gentle giant, I promise you. You'll be plenty safe on her."

Before I even had a chance to realize what she was doing, Kate had hooked one hand underneath my knee and hoisted me easily up onto the back of the waiting mare. I cried out in surprise, though I couldn't contain the massive grin that spread instantly across my face.

Kate laughed. "Sorry Bella, sometimes I forget that you're human."

I grinned at that, but I couldn't help but notice the quick, sudden scowl on Kate's face.

"What's wrong?"

She smiled, quickly settling herself onto her own mount and tying the lead rope that was attached to Naiad's bridle securely around the pommel of her saddle.

"Nothing... I'm just trying to ignore the threats your husband is growling at me. He says he'll have me dismembered if I let any harm come to you." She grinned widely, clearly unfazed by Edwards' over protectiveness.

I glanced around the yard and towards the house, searching every window and shadow for a sign of him, but I couldn't see him anywhere. I had a feeling that no matter how far Kate and I rode this morning, he wouldn't let me out of his sight... but nor would he let me see him. I was right.

Edward
I followed at a distance. Kate kept looking back to scowl at me, informing me with her thoughts that I was being ridiculous, but as hard as Bella tried, I easily managed to keep myself hidden from her. Kate took her through the forest, down a well worn path through the underbrush, leading towards the river. It wasn't a long ride, and they never went faster than a walk, but I had to admit to being very grateful when it was finally over and Kate helped a stiff, bow-legged Bella from the back of the horse.

I watched my beloved walk slowly back to the house with an internal burning of desire to join her... but I couldn't. It had actually been a blessing in disguise that Bella had said that she didn't want to see my face... that meant that I wouldn't have to explain to her about my eyes. I still hadn't quite worked out how that conversation was going to go. I wasn't even certain if she would even care, it wasn't like I was anything to her anymore.

I'd been careful not to show my eyes to any of my family... and of course Carlisle hadn't betrayed my secret, so as it was, he was the only one who knew about my night time activities in Anchorage. I wasn't ashamed of what I was doing, but I knew without a doubt that it would break Esme's heart, so I endeavored to keep it to myself for as long as possible.

And so we fell into a pattern. Bella's mornings were spent riding with Kate, sometimes they would go riding through the forest, following various trails - with me cautiously following along behind in case something went wrong - or sometimes Kate would give Bella lessons in the large sand arena in the northern field behind the stables.

I was actually a little surprised at how quickly Bella took to riding. Considering her usual clumsiness, I had expected her to be awkward and insecure on the horse, but as usual, she surprised me. Within a week, Kate had her easily completing a course of low jumps set up in the arena. The whole family went out to watch her ride... all except me, of course... and I always watched with curiosity as she swept her eyes over her crowd, searching it seemed, for me.

I couldn't tell whether it was with relief or disappointment that she never found me. But I was always there, always watching her, but carefully out of sight.

She spent most of the afternoons in her room, reading. She had discovered Tanya's extensive, elaborate library, and wasted no time in choosing a selection of books that sparked her interest. I knew she was safe in her bedroom... so several times over the past week I had chosen that time of day to run to the city and seek out a candidate worthy of succumbing to my new diet.

Mostly I just found one or two individuals... but one night it was a whole group of some of the foulest minds I'd ever heard, made up of 4 men and 2 women... but I made sure that each and every life that I ended was justified. It made me sick to swallow their evil, polluted blood... but I forced it down my throat, glutted myself on it. I was no better than them; their blood would sustain me, it was all I deserved. Murderers, rapists and pedophiles, I didn't discriminate. If they were evil, they died. Simple as that.

I would return from my hunting trips well after dark, vigorously showering to wash away all traces of the evil being from my body before I climbed into bed with my beloved. She had come to expect this every night now, and while it made my heart sing with pleasure that she wanted me near her; needed me to be touching her so that she could sleep... it still cut me to the quick that she wouldn't look at me, or talk to me. She would just wait, in the dark, for me to join her, then turn and bury her head into my chest, quickly falling into sleep. I would spend the whole night holding her, stroking her beautiful silken hair, comforting her when she had her nightmares. It was painful to watch, knowing that I was most likely the cause of them... but I reassured myself that I was doing everything I could to try to make it up to her.

Then, in the early mornings, I would linger beside her for as long as I dared... waiting until her breathing became shallower and she started to wake, before gently, discreetly separating myself from her tangled limbs and departing her room... and I would start counting the minutes until I could lay beside her again.

Things couldn't remain suspended on this precarious balance for long, I knew that... but I couldn't be sure whether, when they changed, it would be for the better or for the worse. I found out the answer to that question the next morning when two things happened within just a few minutes of each other; both certain to alter this delicate dance that Bella and I had come to rely on.

The first occurred just after dawn, while I was waiting in the shadows of the northern courtyard for Bella to emerge from her room to join Kate for their morning ride. There was an unusual energy in the air that I hadn't noticed until I stepped outside, and I immediately recognized it as the celebration of a new life. Folly's foal had been born.

Kate was ecstatic. The tiny, spindly legged black colt was the spitting image of his father, and she fussed about him like a mother hen. She was worried though, at how Bella would cope with this new situation - the two had struck up quite a close friendship over the previous week, and Kate was anxious about causing her any more grief. She didn't have long to wait though, before Bella emerged from the house, looking stunning, as usual, in her new riding gear.

Bella feigned indifference at the sight of him... pausing alongside Kate at the stable door to meet the newest addition to the family... but even from so far away, I recognized the pain in her face. She didn't say anything though, as she quickly saddled up Naiad and led her to the arena, easily putting the mare through her paces. I was surprised anew at how graceful she looked on horseback. I had to hand it to Kate, as far as distractions went; this new interest in horses seemed to be working very well for Bella. Maybe the foal wouldn't bother her after all.

Then the second thing happened, and my delicate house of cards began to crash down around me. I recognized the sound of my Volvos' engine as it turned off the highway and into the long drive, speeding towards us, signaling Jasper and Alice's arrival, but I knew instinctively that with it brought the end of my secrecy about my night time activities. Alice wouldn't keep something like that from Bella; I knew that without a doubt. What I didn't know... what I always longed to know, but could never seem to tell, was how Bella would react.

I didn't know whether to be worried or relieved.