Chapter 8
Ian and Mom come over to visit and cook the meals when I'm not physically or emotionally strong enough to do so.
Becky's night terrors have returned, full force, and they're almost always the same: about our son being murdered by Becky's former parents.
One night, when Ian is over to help keep me calm when the screaming starts, I confide in him.
"I'm terrified of losing her, Ian."
"I know you are. I am, too. The best thing we can do is just help her…and I'll do what I can to help you. It's your loss, too, Barley."
"I know. But I've been so focused on helping her, I haven't had the time to grieve myself."
"I'll take over when the screaming stops, so you can grieve properly."
"Thanks, Ian. What would we do without you?"
"You wouldn't have been able to say goodbye to Dad, for one thing."
"And for another, Becky wouldn't have been able to get through labor. Thanks for that, by the way. It means so much to me, and I know Becky is grateful, too. Can I…can I tell you something, Ian?"
"Of course, Barley."
"I never want Becky to go through that again. Labor was hard enough on her, but to lose the baby…it's like she worked hard for nothing."
The screaming's stopped.
"I'll go check on her. You grieve. If you need me, let me know."
"Thank you, Ian. Really."
"You're welcome."
Ian disappears into the bedroom, and I soon hear soft sobs coming from my wife.
It's then I break down myself, grieving the son I never truly met.
After about half an hour of crying, my sobs lessen, and I stumble to the bedroom.
Ian's kneeling in front of Becky, and he's holding her hands as she sobs.
"You and Barley will get through this, Becky. Neither of you are alone."
"Ian…I want to eventually try again, but I'm so scared of losing another one."
"Barley's scared, too, you know."
"I thought he wasn't scared of anything."
Ian looks at me, and Becky looks back. She gives me a small smile. I walk over to Ian and Becky and kneel in front of my wife.
"Honey, of course I'm scared. I'm terrified we'll lose another baby, and I'm equally as terrified to lose you."
"I'm sorry…"
"Honey, you have nothing to apologize for. You've done nothing wrong."
Becky breaks down into a fresh set of tears, and I wrap my arms around my wife, and we mourn our loss together.
I know that times are tough right now, but we'll get through them as long as we stay together.