A/N: It…begins…It's gonna take a bit, but it begins.
Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck
The next day found Sarah sitting in her office, accomplishing nothing. The door burst open, and she turned to see Carina. Before the redhead could say a thing, Sarah stood and spoke. "I'm taking the rest of the day off." She started to the door, Carina standing there, shock evident on her face.
"You went back," Carina accused.
Sarah stopped walking, looking at her friend as she stood next to her. "I did," Sarah admitted. "He's in love with her… he said so."
"Holy shit, Blondie!"
"I know," Sarah sighed.
"You let him down gently?" Sarah didn't reply. "You were a complete bitch about it?" She still didn't say anything. "Oh, God… you didn't."
"He lost his dad, Carina, and it's the first Christmas without him," Sarah began. "He loves her for her."
"Blondie, he loves you… he hates Sarah Walker, the persona," Carina gently reminded her.
"So, what do I do?" Sarah asked in a soft voice.
"Where are you going?"
"To talk to mom," Sarah admitted.
"Then go," Carina told her. "Go, and listen to her."
"She's the best listener," Sarah said, nodding. "And maybe she can help."
"Yeah, but you forgot the most important part," Carina reminded her. "I don't have to listen to all of this." Sarah gave her a flat look, turned, and left. "You love me," she called out after Sarah. Carina turned, smiled, walked over, and sat in Sarah's chair, her feet up on the desk.
"It's hard being me."
}o{
She stood at the front door, and started to knock when she thought about what Paul had said to her last time. Instead, she opened the door and walked in, taking in the sight of the two of them sitting at the kitchen table, shock on their face.
"Sarah?" Emma began.
"I need to talk to you, it's important," Sarah said. Emma nodded. "Am I like him?" she asked softly.
Emma looked at Paul, who rose, walked over, pulled Sarah into a hug. He gently whispered into her ear, "The fact you're asking, means you're not." Sarah nearly collapsed with relief.
}o{
She told them the whole story, leaving nothing out. Then she sat there, staring at the wine that Paul had been kind enough to get for everyone, waiting for them to laugh at her.
"She's got it bad," Paul said to Emma.
"I knew it would happen one day," Emma said.
Sarah swore she heard… was that pride, in her mom's voice? Sarah lifted her head, and both were smiling at her.
"So, what are you going to do?"
"I have no idea. He hates me, and he loves her," Sarah said. "And I like him. A lot. A lot." She was silent a moment. "I don't think I've ever admitted that out loud before."
"So, he loves you, and hates who you think you are," Emma rephrased.
Sarah gave her a look. "That's almost exactly what Carina said."
"Carina's a lot smarter than she lets on," Paul reminded her.
"I know, but how do I do this, Mom? Do I tell him?" Sarah asked.
"You know how I hate games," Emma began. Sarah nodded. "But there is no way, in his current mindset, he can see past the Buy More and really see you."
"Right," Sarah said, dropping her head down on the table again.
"So, show him who you are," Emma encouraged her. Sarah raised her head, confused. "Show him who Sarah Walker really is," she said, putting her hand on Sarah's. "Let him see you, like you do when you chat with him."
}o{
She got home, sometime later, having worked out an idea with her mother, and Paul. Bryce had left the apartment, but Sarah was finding peace living on the boat, with just minimal furnishings. The apartment, even her part of it, felt… like it wasn't her.
She pulled up the message she had received last night, the one she absolutely knew had to be coming after the way she had ended the night with Chuck.
I got your message, I hope you're okay. I hope you know you can talk to me about anything. I'm not going to push. Do you remember after I lost my Dad, what you told me? You said, maybe not today, not tomorrow, not next week, but I was going to be okay. You told me that I could trust you on that. And that's exactly what I'm doing now. I'm asking you to trust me. I don't want anything from you. I just need you to know that wherever you go, I'll always be there to help you. Someone you can call, or, in this case, message. Whenever. Trust me, Ma23. I'm here for you always.
She sat there a moment, took a deep breath and typed a response.
Last night, something happened, and it wasn't your fault. I've had a huge change happen, and I'm going to tell you all about it, when we meet. I promise. If you still want to. But, I need you to know something: it's going to take a while. I've got something I really have to work on, and again, it's nothing you've done. But I need this to be right, I need my life to be right, because when we meet, I think it's going to change both our lives. If you don't want to wait, if you can't, I understand. But I hope you know, I want to meet as soon as I'm able to.
She hit send, and took a drink of wine. She closed her eyes and prayed she hadn't made the biggest mistake of her life. The computer dinged, and her eyes popped open.
Of course, I will. I'm glad you're okay, and I hope we can still talk. I've got a big shift tomorrow, Christmas Eve. If we don't get a chance to say it before, Merry Christmas.
"Merry Christmas, Chuck," she said softly, and then her smile grew as she thought what she could give him tomorrow.
"Merry Christmas, Ma23."
A/N: Well, well, well…..(That's Zachary Levi's line from She Loves Me) Next time, Sarah bring Chuck a Christmas present. WHAT? See you in 24 hours…or longer.