TW/ Mild mentions of self harm and suicide

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Amane walked through the door feeling rather tired about today's events. Teru's threat was still very much fresh on his mind which made him worry. The Minamoto family was pretty big and very powerful, he didn't want to get involved and potentially bring harm to Tsukasa or Tsuchigomori.

When he walked into the apartment he didn't expect two things.

One, for Tsukasa, to be home so early.

And two, to find him washing blood off his hands.

Amane was paralyzed on the spot thinking he just walked in on Tsukasa having committed a murder. You can't blame him for coming up with that conclusion. He didn't realize he was staring for so long until Tsukasa finished cleaning up and turned around only to freak out seeing Amane being freaked out.

They were staring at each other unsure of what to say.

Amane didn't want to accuse him. Tsukasa is a lot of things but he isn't a psychopath… right?

"Uh… it's not what you think." Tsukasa quickly said to clear any potential misunderstandings. "Some guys tried to jump me so I… got into a fight."

The relief Amane felt was very much present. Granted hearing about his brother getting jumped didn't help his anxiety. "Are you okay? Do you need me to drive you to see a doctor-"

"NO!"

Amane flinched at Tsukasa raising his voice. Tsukasa stayed silent realizing he visibly recoiled from his brother and even yelled.

"I mean… no, I'm fine…" It wasn't a lie, he was fine aside from the blood that wasn't even his for starters.

The pain in Amane's expression was visible enough for Tsukasa to see. "Oh, okay." He didn't say much as he excused himself and went to his room.

Tsukasa felt like punching himself. He hated himself… Amane hated him…

Maybe that guy was right…

He would do the world a favor by just-

He quickly shook his head, he shouldn't be thinking such things right now.

Ding!

Tsukasa took out his phone and checked his messages.

Sousuke:

Saw a rich guy today lol

Natsuhiko:

Should we care?

Sousuke:

I'm just saying it's really sus

Sakura:

Everything is sus to you guys

Tsukasa:

Lol

He rolled his eyes and chuckled at the random conversation his friends were having in the group chat. It made him realize how fucked he truly is. He's thinking about a lot of things, death included, and yet hasn't once stopped to think about how his friends would feel.

They'll be fine, they have each other, they don't need you.

Tsukasa hated that voice in his mind, making him think this way.

He went upstairs and laid on his bed ready to forget the events of today.

The next day it wasn't much different from the usual. Once again he was alone, he opted to just stay in his room while Amane left to attend college.

New messages from The Broadcasting Club

Sousuke:

Rich guy again

He had a lame earring

Natsuhiko:

Why are you invested?

Sousuke:

Idk

Sakura:

:Facepalm emoji:

Tsukasa:

He has a crush lol

Sousuke:

I DO NOT!

Tsukasa stopped reading after just to mess with Mitsuba.

The day after it was the same routine.

He stayed in his room, waited for Amane to leave, and sat in the living room on his phone just texting his friends.

Sousuke:

Rich guy is a Minamoto

Didn't mention this but I think he's friends with Amane

Tsukasa almost dropped his phone upon reading that message. That was weird, he was sure Amane's only friend was Akane…

Then again it's very possible he just never mentioned his new friend since they never talk. And it's not like Amane knows about the art course and that girl named Mei.

Natsuhiko:

Amane is friends with a Minamoto!?

Does he not know how sketchy that family is?

Sakura:

It's not our place to judge

Sousuke:

He didn't seem like a bad guy tho

Probs why Amane hangs out with him

Tsukasa:

I had no idea

Sousuke:

Oh

Natsuhiko:

Maybe it's a recent friendship!

Sakura:

Yes most likely

I'm sure he would have told you

Tsukasa:

Stop

Tsukasa put down his phone not wanting to continue. He didn't care, should he care? He's also been hiding things from Amane ever since they were little.

So he shouldn't judge Amane on that.

Although a Minamoto…

That did concern him.

Being close to a Minamoto is like a death sentence. It's almost as bad as the drama surrounding the Akane family.

If you're wondering how he knows all of this. Let's just say Tsukasa and his friends… have met some interesting people in the slums. They were mega gossips and it's more or less an open secret. These big families aren't as innocent as they seem.

The sound of the door opening caught his attention. Amane was home… should he ask him? Maybe that would be a great conversation starter, maybe they could even make up and stuff…

Why was Tsukasa even bothering?

"Tsukasa?"

Tsukasa's heart almost leaped out of his chest hearing his brother call for him. "Yes?" He said, albeit shakily but he answered.

"Tsuchigomori is coming over." He simply stated and went upstairs to his room without looking back.

Tsukasa would be lying if he wasn't hurt over the indifference his brother just demonstrated. It reminded him of middle school. Then again he deserved it for being just as indifferent.

His phone pinged him letting him know his friends were still sending messages to the group chat.

Sakura:

Tsukasa?

You there?

Natsuhiko:

He's pissed

We're all dead!

Sousuke:

Natsuhiko stfu

Tsukasa:

Amane is home

Sakura:

Oh did you talk to him?

Tsukasa:

No

He sighed and placed down his phone once more and merely decided to wait for Tsuchigomori. Perhaps talking to his guardian would help him a bit.

It didn't take that long for Tsuchigomori to show up at their front door. He didn't even knock, he just let himself in with the spare key the twins had given him. Tsukasa was still sitting on the couch wondering what to do, his friends spamming him with messages wondering if he was okay.

They worry too much for someone who doesn't deserve to live.

"Tsukasa."

Tsukasa froze before turning to face Tsuchigomori. "Yeah?" He cringed at how strained his voice sounded.

Tsuchigomori narrowed his eyes as he stared at him. Tsukasa averted his gaze feeling rather nervous, even though he wanted to talk he didn't feel ready. Tsuchigomori sighed and sat next to him.

"Whenever you're ready to talk to me I'll be here, okay?" Tsuchigomori said as he gave a smile.

Tsukasa felt himself shaking. There was too much to say and too much to unpack from the years of silence. If he wasn't sure if Amane would forgive him, nothing reassured him that Tsuchigomori would. Amane was always the favorite, that much was obvious from the start, he wouldn't hesitate if it meant ensuring Amane would be okay.

He doesn't blame him, Amane was gifted from the start. Tsukasa could simply never compare to him.

He's selfish.

Which is why he did what he did.

No that's not true.

There goes that voice again.

"Tsuchigomori? When did you get here? I didn't hear you." Amane walked down the stairs and headed towards his guardian to hug him. It was rare to see him considering he's always busy fighting crime.

Tsuchigomori looked up and smiled as he showed off the food he brought with him. "It's time to eat." He merely said, to which Amane responded with a smile of his own while he began to set the table.

After a few minutes, all three were on the table eating. Amane and Tsuchigomori were chatting away like usual. Tsukasa didn't want to interrupt especially since he had nothing to contribute anyway so he opted to just eat his food in silence. He felt a bit uncomfortable since he was practically being ignored, sure he didn't talk to Amane but that didn't mean he didn't talk to Tsuchigomori. He could at least make the effort to ask him how he was or if he has any new hobbies.

Why would he ask if all you do is ruin everything?

There's that voice again.

Tsukasa hated that damn voice. It wasn't like someone or something was possessing him or anything, the voice was himself, a constant reminder of the failure he is. Living in Amane's shadow is only appropriate, right?

"Tsukasa."

He froze and looked up to see Tsuchigomori looking at him. "Yes?" He said in a low voice, once again cringing at how he sounded. Like a puppy that's been kicked, he doesn't exactly want any sympathy.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

Tsukasa shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He wanted to be asked this question but he realized how hard it was to answer, he doesn't understand himself. "I'm fine."

Liar.

Tsuchigomori seemed to observe him for a bit before sighed and took off his glasses, wiping them for a bit with a piece of cloth. "Amane isn't here right now, you can be honest and open with me."

Tsukasa looked at him in shock and immediately noticed Amane was indeed gone. Where did he go? He didn't even notice him leaving even though he wasn't exactly distracted with anything. "I'm fine, that's the truth."

Why are you lying?

"Tsukasa I know you're not, you can be honest with me." Tsuchigomori was pushing but not too much. He knew Tsukasa would likely freak out and just close himself off.

Tsukasa was struggling with being honest and lying to his face. "I don't know what you're talking about." He wanted to facepalm so badly.

Tsuchigomori was trying but failing to be patient. Tsukasa was a difficult kid ever since he took him and his brother in. Even though he was always honest and open- to Tsukasa, it was non-existent due to the damage caused in his childhood. "Tsukasa please."

Tsukasa couldn't look him in the eyes. He'd burst into tears at any second if he did. He couldn't take the pain anymore, it was bad enough he was a terrible brother. Now he's an ungrateful brat to the man that took him in. "... I'm not okay."

Progress, Tsuchigomori thought as he motioned for Tsukasa to continue.

Tsukasa fidgeted around until he finally opened up a bit. "I saw a man die last week."

"What!?" Tsuchigomori exclaimed, getting up from the table and immediately hugging Tsukasa. "Why didn't you tell me!? Did they see you? Did you see who did it?"

Tsukasa nodded. "I'm okay, me, Natsuhiko, and Sousuke were hiding and we saw a car come out of nowhere and hit a man, we called an ambulance but didn't stay around." He explained feeling a bit sick recalling the incident.

"Where did the crime take place?"

"The slums."

Tsuchigomori's eyes went wide with horror. He knew what Tsukasa was talking about considering… "I think I know who you mean, I'm currently investigating that incident."

Tsukasa began to shake a bit. "Am I in trouble?" He seemed to visibly recoil at the thought of being in trouble. Even though he's an adult now trauma doesn't go away easily.

Tsuchigomori patted his head in reassurance. "No you're not in trouble you saved me some time, you said you saw them right?" Tsukasa nodded. "Good, you can identify them for me tomorrow and we'll start looking for them."

Tsukasa wasn't sure how to feel about that, he only knew how they looked because he saw them at the slums the other day. He wasn't sure if he should mention that piece of information, he might get in trouble, right?

"Don't worry, we'll keep your identity hidden so you'll be safe and-"

"I was in a drug house the other day." Tsukasa blurted out without meaning to.

It took Tsuchigomori a bit to react to the statement. "...What!?" His voice cracked a bit at how surprised he was to hear that. "What do you mean a drug house!? Are you doing drugs Tsukasa!!?? Oh god, you're not selling them are you!?" His voice went higher and higher the more he spoke.

Tsukasa immediately shook his head in horror. "NO! I'm not, I swear!! It was an accident, I was going to the slums to fool around and ended up seeing the car and I hid in a house and it was their drug house and I saw them and they said some shit about bailing the city and being paid to kill the guy-"

Tsuchigomori immediately interrupted him. "Wait, woah, woah, wait, bailing the city? Being paid? By who??"

"I don't know, they wouldn't name drop." Tsukasa couldn't believe he was spilling the truth about what's been happening these past few days.

Tsuchigomori shook his head. "Typical, they state their plans but never name drop." He sighed and sat down on the chair next to Tsukasa. "Anything else?"

Tsukasa tried to think of anything he missed but ultimately shook his head. "No sir, that's all."

He nodded and sighed again and decided to change the topic. "Aside from that, anything else you wanna tell me?" He smiled at him, he was glad he was making progress.

Tsukasa looked at the ground for a bit. "I… do… do you hate me for what I did?" He asked nervously, unable to look at him.

Tsuchigomori was confused for a few seconds before his eyes went wide at what he meant. "Tsukasa, that was years ago, I hold absolutely no grudges against you. It was that man's fault Tsukasa, he made you do it."

Tsukasa couldn't hold back his tears anymore. Was he being genuine? Did he truly… not hate him? "But I-"

"Tsukasa don't, you were just a kid, things worked out in the end."

"But…" Tsukasa let out a pained sob. "Amane could have died."

He could have…

Amane could have…

It was something he never wanted to think about or talk about with anyone. His friends didn't know, Amane didn't either. Only Tsuchigomori did and that's due to Tsukasa not being sneaky enough.

Tsuchigomori hugged him tightly again, this kid was far too damaged and he hated it. "You were a kid, he manipulated you Tsukasa." He knew that no matter what he said it would go over his head.

"But I still did it… I was being selfish." Tsukasa continued sobbing, shaking uncontrollably as he recalled that time.

"No, stop doing that to yourself Tsukasa, he was a sick man that decided to hurt his kids further after abusing them for years. Don't let his manipulation win, you were a victim!" Tsuchigomori held him tighter. He hated that, what's worse is that the man couldn't even get arrested for it, the damn corruption in this city was too much. He dares say he was glad someone put a bullet through that man's skull.

"I love Amane, I never wanted to hurt him I swear, I never wanted to hurt my brother." Tsukasa's shaking started to get worse.

He tried to calm him down as he soothed the boy. "I know Tsukasa, I know, you'd never purposefully hurt Amane." Because that was the truth. Tsukasa wouldn't hurt Amane unless it was an accident. He never truly wanted to voice out why these two stopped talking. Amane being under the assumption that it had to do with middle school. And while in part it was, Tsuchigomori wanted Tsukasa to be the one to tell Amane the full truth. He didn't like lying to Amane but it wasn't a lie if it was a half-truth.

In the end, when it came to their issues he'd prefer if they talked it over without him intervening. Granted it's been years but if this new development told him anything it likely meant Tsukasa would soon tell Amane everything.

"I hate myself, I want to die every day, I want to hurt myself the worst way possible. I tried to cut myself multiple times. I even tried to jump off a bridge." Tsukasa confessed.

Tsuchigomori couldn't believe his ears. He should have been paying more attention to Tsukasa, he could have lost him multiple times. He hated being busy nowadays thanks to this damn good for nothing city. Even if they needed him, he was done, he's going to transfer somewhere and take Tsukasa with him. It would be selfish of him to take Amane considering he's doing well in college.

He'll have to talk to him about this next week. Tsukasa needed a fresh start in a more positive environment. He's sure Amane wouldn't mind and immediately agree with him on this.

"I'm sorry Tsukasa, I'm supposed to protect you and take care of you, even if you're an adult I'm still your guardian. I'm sorry for leaving you alone during those tough times." It didn't matter anymore, even if he couldn't transfer he'll just quit and become a teacher or something.

Tsukasa hugged him tightly as he shook his head. "No, you've done enough, I do nothing but disappoint you." He admitted.

"No, you don't disappoint me Tsukasa, don't ever think that again. I love and support you no matter what, are we clear?" He looked at Tsukasa to make sure he got his message across. Even if the city was on fire he wasn't leaving this apartment until it was drilled in Tsukasa's head that he was loved.

Tsukasa eventually nodded slowly, finally understanding that he wasn't being lied to. He smiled sincerely for the first time in years. "Thanks, dad."

Tsuchigomori felt a bit emotional, it had been a long time since the boys called him dad. "Don't thank me." He patted his head with a smile. "I'd do anything for you boys."

Amane came down the stairs peaking in the kitchen. "Are you guys done talking?"

Tsuchigomori nodded. "Yeah, I'm going to come back next week after I resolve some issues at work to have a serious conversation with you both." He looked at his phone and noticed the time. "Gotta head back, love you, boys." He gave them both a hug.

Before leaving he looked at Tsukasa one more time. "I meant what I said okay?"

Tsukasa chuckled. "I know, have fun at work."

Tsuchigomori sighed tiredly. "I'll try."

Once he was gone Tsukasa went back to bed able to sleep peacefully for the first time.

If only for a few hours…

"TSUKASA!!"

His eyes shot open upon hearing Amane screaming.

"What's wrong!?"

Amane was in his room shaking with tears, eyes bloodshot. "The station caught on fire last night."

What…

"Tsuchigomori was there…"

No…

"He died."

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Yeah so... how many people did I hurt today with the ending? xD

Ever since I started this fic I knew I would do this and wondered if people would hate me for it xD

At the end of the day I live for the angst xD

Reminder:

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Reviews:

JustARandomGirl:

I very much enjoy being subtle, I'm glad I'm doing well on that! I used to have a problem where I would reveal too much and ultimately ruin the story instead of going slowly xD

Also to clarify as I guess it was missed, the beaten up guys were actually the guys Tsukasa beat up at the end of chapter 6, it was my way of showing to the reader that certain events can happen the same day as something else is happening to another character.

Guest:

Hope I didn't cause you pain xD