"So where exactly are we going?"
Thrawn ignored her, focusing on not crashing the speeder into a tree or missing the essential turn. The air was cool, the type of cool freshness you only got from forests. The crescent shaped campground was at the foot of a mountain, a spring nearby. They were entirely secluded from the outside world, unreachable and imperturbable. He saw the turn before a set of trees and turned to answer her.
"A cabin of Commodore Faro's family." He called to her.
He pulled the speeder through the trees and into the clearing, the snow peaked mountain looming over the small cabin in the distance. Her grip around his chest tightened.
"Wow." she marveled.
He half smiled, gaining speed. He pulled the speeder up to the door, pulling the bags off the back before Linnia could argue with him. She didn't however, staring at the mountain with her mouth hanging open.
"Thrawn."
He turned off the speeder and head toward the door.
"Thrawn!"
She jogged after him, wrestling one of the bags from his hand. He feigned a fight.
"Why didn't you tell me how gorgeous this place was?"
"I did not know. I was only told a small amount about it." he lied. He'd wanted to surprise her, to see that look of wonder on her face.
"I'm not much of a camper, you know," she smirked. "I'm more of a hot tub and cozy bed person."
"I would hardly call this camping."
He pushed open the door, the chandelier before the staircase glittering in the sunlight streaming from the wall to ceiling windows throughout the cabin.
She gasped, dropping the bag and allowing Thrawn to lift it again.
"Thrawn!"
He smirked, trudging up the stairs.
She popped from room to room, looking at the luxury in each. Thrawn himself was in awe. Each and every surface was either gleaming white marble or a fine dark wood, adorned with gold leaf and crystals. It had to be one of if not the finest home he'd ever entered. The entire front of the house was glass, allowing a view of the snow peaked mountain outside their door. Deep bathtubs, larger than life beds round and half hidden with fine silk and netting. Antique hand made sofas of velvet with blankets tossed over the back. A large fireplace in each room, including before the claw footed tub.
This was made for comfort and nothing else.
"I may never leave," she said dreamily, meeting him back in the hallway. He set her bags down.
"I believe the Faro's may disapprove, especially when they return here in the winter." he looked around. "Have you selected a room?"
She smirked. "Have you?"
"You are my guest-"
"We're both guests," she interrupted. You choose."
He half smiled and lifted his bag. "I'll take this one he said, and pushed the dark wood door open.
"Call me when you need me, I'll be drowning myself in one of these glorious bathtubs."
Thrawn unpacked before heading downstairs and out into the yard. He'd seen a large fire pit just outside the backdoor, and hadn't stopped thinking about it since. It had been a long time since he'd sat by a fire, and with this view, it was irresistible. Logs were stacked beside the back door, and luckily they happened to be dry. He added some dry leaves from nearby, and added them in. He pulled his fire starter from his pocket, igniting it and setting the tinder aflame.
The seats beside the firepit were large, and had an angle intended for lounging. He did so, the angle of the seat not allowing for any other position, and stared into the flames. In the entire time he'd been in the imperial navy, he'd never taken more than a day or two of respite. The Chimera was always in sight, and his thoughts always on it. This time was for him. He felt himself veering off his intended course, being fished into the cesspool of the Empire and buying their gaslighting and propaganda. He was here for an express purpose. Learn about the empire, and then leave. What haunted him was this stardust death star contraption. If it were capable of what the rumors said, it would be a great threat to the universe, not just to the chiss, but to all. He couldn't leave without knowing more of this contraption. This planet killer.
The details, unlike the name and location of the wretched thing, were kept under lock and key. He'd tried every access code, every backdoor and every excuse in the book to no avail. He couldn't leave with the knowledge of such a starship existing, he needed to leave with either knowledge of its weaknesses, intentions, and abilities, or destroy it before he goes.
But destruction would be temporary. They had the knowledge of how to destroy entire worlds, they wouldn't simply leave it. They'd start again. No one was safe from them now.
He'd find a blueprint, a weakness of sorts, and arm the Chiss with the ability to defeat the death star if need be. He could be killed, but as long as the plans were transmitted, he was ok with that.
He'd find those plans and return to Csilla.
"You look very, very deep in thought for someone who is supposed to be relaxing."
Thrawn turned, Linnia falling into the chair beside him with her arms full of boxes.
"Why can I not think while I relax?" He challenged.
"Your glare was so intense I could swear you started the fire on that alone. That type of thinking is not relaxing."
He looked at the boxes and she popped one open. "Dinner by the fire?" She pulled a sausage fron a bag and stuck it on a long fork she must have found in the kitchen.
Thrawn joined her, roasting his own.
"So we're here to celebrate Ascension Day, yes?"
Thrawn nodded.
"Tell me about it."
He checked on his sausage before returning it to the fire. "The Chiss believe themselves to be born for space travel, for exploration. Its in celebration of the day the Chiss finally ascended into space, beginning our legacy as travellers of the stars."
"That's wonderful," she smiled, "What do you usually do to celebrate?"
Thrawn looked over at her, wrestling her sausage onto her plate.
"Tell stories of our family's past over a feast under the stars. There's always a customary meal served but, even if I was certain of the ingredients, I'm certain most are unavailable here."
"You don't know what you eat?"
"I've never participated. Not with my family, that is." SHe opened her mouth, but he already knew the question she'd ask. "I've never been invited to the Mitth family compound for it or any other holiday or event."
"So you'd celebrate it with your fellow soldiers?"
He nodded. "We would eat whatever we could get our hands on and drink a frothed tea so creamy it was nearly a mousse."
She smiled, "now that sounds good."
He bit into his sausage.
"Did you always want to be a soldier?"
He looked into the fire. "I never thought of considering anything else. I was put into military school at a young age and was adopted by the Mitth, who came with heavy expectations of my career. It never seemed plausible to look back. But I care deeply for my people." He said, biting his tongue. He'd said too much.
"Did you always wish to be a doctor?"
She looked away. "I never wanted to be a doctor."
He cocked his head.
"I had my own dreams, but I was so afraid of failing, of being dependent. I always had myself convinced that I only had one chance, and if I failed that path, that was the end of me, of my potential. So I chose the safe road, each and every time, the one that guaranteed a job, the one that guaranteed I'd get in, and it lead me here, the safest, most stable job I could find. I let my cowardice guide me." She said, looking over at him with a sad smile. "But I'm grateful for my life… I'm incredibly fortunate."
"You are a remarkably brave person."
She looked over at him, surprised.
"You have survived and overcome incomprehensible obstacles. You've saved countless lives… don't sell yourself short."
"That's very kind," she said quietly.
"Its not. Its simply what is."
"Thrawn! You're here." Ar'Alani smiled, gesturing for him to sit. He didn't recognize the room or the chairs, but sat. Thrass was to his left, Thalias his right. Thurfian was across from him, smiling.
"We've been waiting for you to join us," Thurfian said, sipping a glass of wine.
"You have?" Thrawn asked.
"Of course, my boy." He smiled, laughing. Ar'Alani joined him, along with Thrass and Thalias, Thrawn frozen in his chair.
"You're too late!" Thrass cried, continuing to laugh, and the floor fell out from beneath them. Thrawn was suddenly in a glass bottom captain's chair, watching the carnage of a battle below him, a planet turning to ash.
He froze.
It was Csilla.
He reached out to the ship's controls, but they were all broken, none of them working. He tried to stand, but couldn't. He was stuck there, frozen. Watching everyone die. He saw the Springhawk below him, flames erupting from its stern. He tried to hail them, to go to their aid. Eli and Ar'Alani were on that ship… and all he could do was watch. The enemy's ships buzzed around him, invisible to even them.
"What are you doing, Thrawn?" Thurfian was beside him, cooing in his ear. "Why don't you save them?"
His words were caught in his throat.
"All those innocent people… dead because of you."
"No."
"Yes!" Thurfian laughed. "You abandoned them, and there's no one to save them now, not even you, Grand Admiral Thrawn. There's no home for you to return to."
His chair turned, and he was in the Chimera, but still looking out over the same scene.
"We've bombarded the planet, sir, and all battleships are disabled."
"What?" Thrawn asked, watching the planet below as the Chimera peppered the planet with orbital blasts.
"The death star will be here soon to finish the job, sir."
He spun, and the emperor was standing behind him. "You said your loyalties were to me, Mitth'raw'nuruodo. You've passed the test."
The Emperor pulled out his saber, and approached the frozen Thrawn."
Thrawn gasped awake, cold sweat dripping down his face. The fireplace was crackling quietly in front of him, lighting his path into the hallway. The sky was dim with the beginnings of dawn, and he wrote a note to Linnia that he would be back later. He needed to be alone, to think, to sort this mess out. He pulled on his boots and set off into the forest beneath the mountain, teeth chattering, but not due to the cold.
Thrawn didn't return until just before dusk, the smoke from the chimney billowing over the trees. When he entered the house, Linnia was in the kitchen with the house droid, swearing. Whatever heaviness was on his chest, regardless of their meaning, died in her presence. Her overwhelming aura of calm never ceased to take his breath away. He wanted to pull her into his arms, envelope that calm within.
"How was your adventure?"
He sat at the table, "alright."
"You could've woken me, I bet the view was gorgeous."
"I would have but… I needed to think."
She turned. "You've been doing a lot of that."
He looked away.
"What's going on?"
"It's nothing," he said, trying to sound confident. She didn't look fooled.
"It isn't. You're torturing yourself with whatever it is. I've done it enough myself to know that look of misery when I see it. Spill."
"Linnia-"
"Thrawn." She said, looking back at him. "I know I'm no Eli Vanto, but I'd like to help you sort this out."
Her words were final, and if he chose to get up and walk out, she'd let it drop. She didn't force him with her own self interest, she made her intentions known and left it. It was far more difficult to ignore.
He told her everything.
He told her about Eli, about how he hadn't been exiled, about Csilla and the Grysks, about his nightmares and Ar'Alani… even about Thrass and the death star.
He'd talked so much, let so much information fall out of his mouth, he hadn't realized she'd sat beside him, her hand on his arm.
"You must be angry." He said after a pause.
He looked up, and she was watching him, her expression unreadable. "I'll admit I was when you started, but I feel I understand why you kept it all a secret now. Thrawn, how could you possibly keep all of that to yourself all this time?"
He didn't answer, he simply stared.
"I apologize for dumping that all on you." He said.
"Don't be. I'm glad you did. I promise to keep it all to myself as well, don't worry."
"Thank you."
She half smiled. "No matter what you do, its your intentions that make it the right or wrong thing. There's no way for you to know what's happening there, so you simply have to go with your gut. You could stay here forever in the name of the Chiss and never see them again, or you can give yourself an end goal, like the death star plans, and go home after that. Its what feels like the right thing to do that matters. You're remarkably intelligent, I have full faith in your judgement."
He stared at her, emotion driving his heart to pound, building pressure in his throat. He was only one person. He couldn't save everyone.
"Why don't you go wash up? I have a surprise for you."
"Ok," he murmured, and she pat his arm reassuringly.
He went up and showered, numb. All that thinking, all that torment, reduced to a single sentence. It was about his intentions. He quickly dried off and got dressed, eager to be in her presence again. He bounded down the stairs, and he saw the fire lit outside. He stepped out, and she'd dragged the dining room table outside. On its white tablecloth lay an entire meal. A large bird in the middle, sides of vegetables and starches in bowls all around. Some he recognized, and others he imagined were from her own culture. She had a blanket over her shoulders and smiled, offering him a mug. Frothed tea.
"I'm sure its not quite the same, but I couldn't exactly ask you how to make the tea without ruining the surprise."
He stared at the table, and back at her. "I don't have words."
When she was in the kitchen with the droid… he was so wrapped up in his own mind he hadn't even wondered what she was doing.
"Come, we don't want the food to get cold. Plus, I've been waiting to hear childhood Thrawn stories all day."
He cocked his head.
"I don't give a damn about the Mitth family history, I give a damn about you, so tell me a story about you."
They ate, laughing and telling each other stories about their past. He'd learned more about her family and her home planet, about her brother who had lost a hand to save their father from a broken farming machine when she was small.
When they were both full they refilled their mugs and sat in the chairs by the fire pit, pushed together to share the blanket, and they watched the stars. It was quiet, but he'd never heard his own heart and mind so clearly before. He didn't have to do everything alone. He wasn't a burden, not on everyone. Not on Linnia. He could do this, he could help the chiss, but not alone.
Happy new year! Thanks for reading, please review