By the time I had filled out the necessary paperwork, and had Hamlet housed inside a cheap cardboard cat carrier, nearly thirty minutes had passed since Kai had walked out to my car. Standing in the parking lot, I couldn't find him anywhere.

I pulled out my phone, no text.

I looked on my windshield, no note.

I called his phone, no answer.

I called his phone again, straight to voicemail.

By the beep, I was crying.

"Kai, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't know how to make this better. I Just want us to be how we've always been. God, that's stupid. I know we can't be. I know things can't be how they were before, but… I don't know. Nevermind. Just… let me know you're okay. You're not at my car, and I don't know how you got home, if you got home. Just call me. Please. Let's talk about this."

A few minutes later, I was sitting beside my car in the gravel, my jeans smeared with dust, and I got a text.

I'm fine.

I tried to call again, straight to voicemail again.

And as hard as I tried to feel otherwise, as hard as I tried to hope that we'd get past this… I already felt it. I felt burnt out.

Maybe it was the grief. Maybe I'd just finally gone crazy. Maybe I just didn't have anywhere else to go. But when I got back to my apartment complex, I didn't go to my apartment.

Hamlet in hand, I went to Lisa's.

I don't know what I looked like when she opened the door. I don't really want to know. But she opened the door wider almost instantly, gesturing me in with no questions asked.

I'd never been in her apartment. I should have taken it all in or asked her to show me around. I should have said something, but the only thing on the tip of my tongue was a sob, and it took all of my energy, all of my concentration to hold that inside.

But even that wasn't enough when her fingers tilted my chin up. She spoke my name, and I saw the worried look in those eyes. The tears streamed out of me like a cup overflowing, and I couldn't control it, couldn't breathe right, couldn't explain.

She took Hamlet's box out of my hands and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. She led me down a hallway almost identical to mine into a living room that was vastly different. It was filled with books, some in shelves, some in stacks on the floor. The furniture was simple, slightly modern, but not so modern that I hesitated to sink into the cushions of the black couch, snatching up a white pillow to hug to my chest. Then Lisa was beside me, pulling the soft pillow out of my hands, and replacing its comfort with herself. She pulled me into her lap, cradling me like a child, wiping away tears, brushing back my hair, rubbing at my back.

"He hates me," I finally managed. She hadn't asked, but her concern tugged at me anyway, tugged the words right from my mouth.

"Who does, love?"

Quick, short breaths puttered from my lips, little whimpers that I couldn't seem to control.

"K-Kai."

"Kai could never hate you," she said.

"He does. He left. He won't even talk to me." I dissolved into another fit of tears, and she just pulled me in close, tucking my head underneath her chin, against her chest.

She let me cry, murmuring things all the while. You'll be okay, love. Things will work out. Calm down. Breathe, Jennie. I'm here. It will be okay. Whatever it is we'll take care of it. It's okay, love.

She must have whispered a thousand variations. But she never stopped trying, no matter how much I wasn't hearing her. When I was finished crying, I was too tired to do anything else. I lay limply against her, doing nothing but breathing in and breathing out. And she held me still. Finally, a noise broke through the fog. A low, annoyed groan.

Hamlet. I'd left Hamlet trapped in that box this whole time.

Filled with purpose, I sat up, clear headed again for the moment.

"I'm sorry, I need to take her home." I was standing and reaching for her crate, when Lisa took me by the elbows.

"Stay, love. You're upset. I'll take care of the cat."

No. I couldn't let her do that. Because then she'd see that all the cat stuff I'd bought the night before was still brand new and unused.

"No, it's okay. I really should go. I'm okay, now. Thanks."

"Jennie, please, talk to me."

My body was leaning toward her against my will, aching for her comfort again, but I hadn't made a decision yet.

"I don't know…"

"How about this—you go home and take care of the cat, and in a little while, I'll bring dinner. We can talk or just watch a movie or whatever you need to do. I just… if you leave like this, I'll go crazy worrying about you."

After a moment, I nodded.

"Okay."

"Really?"

"Yes, just give me an hour, okay?"

She smiled, and I knew… I was in trouble.

I was pretty sure my new cat hated me.

Not that I blamed her, after I left her in that box for so long.

No matter what I did, she let out that closed mouth growl every time I took a step anywhere near her. I set up food for her in the kitchen, which she ignored. I made a litter box and put it in a storage closet. I picked her up, and carried her to the box, placing her inside so she'd know where it was. She hissed once, and then ran, kicking up litter in her wake. She disappeared under my couch, only her glowing, evil eyes visible in the darkness.

Why hadn't I told Lisa I had a cat named Lady Macbeth? That would have been so much more fitting.

For the rest of the time, I was left alone with my thoughts, which were about as pleasant as the Ebola virus. I straightened up the living room, then thought about running away. I straightened up my bedroom, then rushed to the bathroom, certain I was going to vomit. I didn't. I almost wished I had. I could have said I was sick.

Before I really got the chance to talk my self into or out of this… there was a knock at the door.

My heart felt like someone was using it as a trampoline. I took a deep breath. I hadn't promised her anything. She'd said we could talk. Or watch a movie. Or do whatever I wanted. This didn't have to be a big deal.

When I opened the door, Lisa looked so cheerful that it was hard to keep dreading her presence.

"I forgot to ask what you wanted, so I got pizza, a burger, and a salad." She was balancing all three in her hands, and I was all at once overwhelmed with how much I liked her. Not just in a romantic way. In general. She was kind of amazing.

I smiled, "Pizza is good."

I moved back, and she stepped inside my apartment. As much as I was freaking out earlier, it felt natural to have her here. Not that I wasn't still nervous, it was just… she felt like she belonged.

We made our way into my kitchen/living room, and she set the food on the small circular island that jutted out from my kitchen counter. I busied myself getting us both drinks and plates, and when there was nothing else I could distract myself with, I pulled out one of the barstools tucked underneath the island counter, and took a seat beside her. I pulled a slice of pizza on my plate, and she opened the salad.

I narrowed my eyes at her.

"You are not seriously going to sit there and eat a salad while I stuff my face with greasy goodness, are you?"

She dumped dressing on top of her lettuce and grinned. "Oh, I'm going to eat the burger, too. And some pizza, if you leave me any."

I rolled my eyes. She's sucked.

We talked. Not really about anything that mattered. She balked when I dipped my pizza in ranch. When I made her try it, she puckered her face up like it was gross, but I saw her dip a slice again later when I was up refilling my drink. It wasn't until I was so full that I felt like I was going to burst that she brought up my earlier breakdown.

"So, can you tell me now what happened with Kai?"

I picked at the pepperoni on the half-eaten slice of pizza on my plate.

"We had a fight, I guess. I think. I'm not sure. We've never really had a fight before."

"About?"

I pushed out the air I'd been holding in my lungs, and set about returning things to the fridge, and placing our plates in the sink.

"About the kiss."

I could imagine Lisa's reaction without seeing it, so I decided to go ahead and wash the dishes… by hand… even though I had a dishwasher.

"He likes me," I continued. "He told me after the kiss, and we've been trying to act like nothing changed, but it was awful, and I just got tired of pretending things were normal."

She appeared beside me, taking a plate, and drying it for me. She must have realized by now that it was easier for me to talk, when we weren't looking at each other because she kept her eyes focused on the plate long after it was dry.

"So, what did you do?"

"I told him I didn't think it was going to happen."

"You weren't even a little interested?" Lisa asked.

I didn't think Lisa really wanted to hear this, but she was going to get what she asked for. I needed someone to vent to.

"I thought about it. Kai is sweet, and I like being with him, but he doesn't really make me feel anything."

She stopped staring the plate, and turned toward me, leaning her hip against the counter beside me.

"Do I make you feel anything?"

I glanced up at her just long enough to see if she was joking. She wasn't. I looked away.

"That's a stupid question."

"Is it? You're harder to read than you think you are."

I dried my hands on a towel, and moved to the couch, pushing myself into a corner, and dragging a pillow into my lap.

"I'm serious," Lisa continued. "Sometimes you react… like, well, how I want you to react. But then other times, like outside during callbacks, you push me away like you're not affected by me the way I am by you."

I squeezed the pillow tighter to my chest.

"I'm affected, Lisa. I'm just also confused… and worried. And I don't understand why you aren't."

She took a seat on the opposite side of the couch, the entire middle cushion separating us.

"I think that's all I do is worry," she said

"And you still think this is smart?"

She shook her head, laughing. "Oh, it's definitely not smart. I know that. But honestly, Jennie? I'm miserable here. It's great to have a steady job, and I'm enjoying teaching, but I don't have any friends left here. I go to work, and then I go back to my apartment. And I think about you because I can't help it, and there's nothing else to distract me. Especially when I know you are only one building away. The night we met… Jennie, I don't normally do things like that. But I was second-guessing everything about coming here, and you were everything I needed. I don't know how many times I've stopped myself from coming over here and knocking on your door. And yes, seeing you with Kai was definitely motivation, but more than that… I just like you, Jennie. As a teacher. As a person. As a girl."

It was hard to keep my breathing steady, hard to keep the longing from showing on my face, hard to keep from reaching for her.

"So, what now?" I asked her.

"I have absolutely no idea."

I had so many ideas. That was the problem.

"If we do this…" I started, and then stopped. Her entire posture had changed, and I felt it echoed in my own. We were about to cross a line, and we both knew it. "If we do this, we have to be careful." She nodded, her eyes fixed on me. "And I think we should take it slow. If we get caught up in this too fast, we'll get sloppy." And I needed more time to think about this, about sex with her, and whether it was something I wanted to do.

I wasn't sure slow was something we could do, but it was the only way I could do this without freaking out. Who was I kidding? I was going to freak out regardless. The difference was whether it was a feel-like-I'm-going-to-be-sick-freak-out or a lock-myself-in-my-apartment-for-a-week-freak-out.

"Okay," Lisa slid closer to me on the couch, halfway on to the middle cushion. "I can do careful… and slow."

My skin was invaded with goose bumps when she reached a hand out to me. I let myself be afraid for a second, but then the need to touch her overpowered even my fear. I pushed the pillow out of my lap, and slid toward her. I put my hand in hers, and she pulled it up to her mouth, holding it there against her lips. She closed her eyes, and the simple touch soaked into my body, soothing my anxiety.

Like a key into a lock, my body fell into hers, fitting perfectly. With my head on her chest, and her arm around my shoulder, I took a deep breath and knew there was no going back.