Au: Warning for talk of miscarriage. Also, I have no idea what sandbox love means so I googled it, and I think this is used correctly.
After Loki had realized that they were pregnant, things had gone from awful, to worse. Loki was in constant pain, fear, dread, despair. Every move hurt them. Every breath was agony. Loki had almost lost the will to live.
After the nightly rapes, Loki had gotten into the habit of going to Tony's room. They suffered with Thor, with Steve, and with Clint, but at the end of it all they could just collapse into Tony's arms, tired beyond exhaustion, despairing beyond depression, lost and alone. Yet with Tony, Loki could rest, could sleep, could eat, could let their body heal. Tony's room became a safe space.
Loki was now three weeks pregnant. There was still a chance of miscarriage, higher in mortals than in gods, true. It was rare for an Asgardian to lose a child, even so early on in pregnancy, and although Loki did not know much of their Jotun heritage, they suspected that the frost giants would have an even lower risk.
It was in these three weeks that Loki had realized something. They cared about Tony. Perhaps not love, not yet, no, Loki was unsure whether they were even capable of true love. It was a complex set of feelings, more deep than platonic, more weak than true love. Perhaps it was just love, not true love, not platonic love, just regular old love.
Loki was more than aware that this was quick. Too soon to be in love. Not love at first sight exactly, not as quick and as certain as those Midgardian fairytale princesses, but no long growing love, no sandbox love either. This was, perhaps, a teenagers love. Brought about by situation, by a comforting hand in a moment of angst. Painful, scary, awkward. Precious, though, more precious than any gold Loki had ever wanted.
Loki wandered out into the hall, shivering as cold hit their skin. The clothes upon their back were little more than rags by now, easy to remove, easy to tear, easy to buy. Loki moved their hand and placed it across their stomach, a feeling of fear flashing across their mind whenever they think of the baby.
Loki walks onto the balcony outside. The cool air hits their face, bringing a stinging sense of numbness. A sense of relief, a sense of relaxation. Loki sinks to the floor, curling their legs up to their chin, resting their back against the wall.
"You okay their Bambi?" Tony asks, shocking Loki slightly. Loki trips, hastily jumping out of their musings and getting to their feet.
"Bambi? Yeah, I'm okay, I was just thinking about life." Loki has no idea what Bambi means but has no care left.
"Anything about life in particular? Anything I could help with?" Tony asks, pulling Loki into a gentle hold, rubbing their tense back, trying to get some of Loki's muscles to relax a little, perhaps giving the pregnant slave a minutes respite.
"I was thinking about you. And my mother. I think you might be the only people who care about me. Who have ever cared, I mean, I doubt my mother still cares. But mainly I was thinking of you, about how wonderful and perfect you are, about how you make me feel better. I don't think I'd be alive without you."
It is hard for Loki to confess that truth, because it feels wrong to say. Feels like it puts pressure on Tony to keep up the good work. Feels as though Tony might realize Loki had feelings for him, and might turn him out and chase him away. It feels to Loki as though they are confessing a great weakness, leaving themself bare and vulnerable to any attack. Feels to Loki as though they are giving their enemy the weapon needed to destroy them.
"Loki. I'm sure your mother cares about you greatly. She would listen to you right, and then she would hear of your innocence. And I care about you too, Loki, I do." Tony says, rubbing the gods shoulders as they begin to cry again, tears soaking Tony's shirt like sweat after a training exercise. After a while, Loki speaks up.
"I should probably go to Thor now. If I am not there when he wants me, he makes it worse, more painful, for me. Thank you, Tony, for everything." Loki slips away, walking of the balcony, trying to control the shaking in their legs. This won't be that bad, they have survived much worse at Thors hand. Tonight will be no different.