Lunch was slightly late, delayed by finishing Izuku's movie. Yuuto, who was feeling significantly better, chopped up some vegetables for the salad while Hisashi crafted overly elaborate small sandwiches.

Sitting down, Hisashi asked, "Is there anything you two want to do tomorrow? My credit card has no limit."

Yuuto hobbled over to his seat. "You can pick, Izuku."

Izuku grabbed a strawberry and cream sandwich. "This tastes great." After finishing chewing, he said, "I want to go to an amusement park."

"Completely doable, but…" Hisashi inclined his head at Yuuto. "Your uncle would have trouble with his broken leg."

Yuuto bit his lip, torn between saying they could go without him so as not to ruin Izuku's fun and his unwillingness to let his nephew go anywhere alone with the demon king.

Izuku tilted his head. "Can't you fix that the way you did with my arm?"

Yuuto nearly dropped his drink. "Oh, hell no. He is not using any quirks on me."

Of course, Hisashi reacted like a bull spotting a red flag. "Why not? Don't you want to make Izuku happy?"

Yuuto waggled his eyebrows at Izuku. "Who knows what else he might do if he touches me?"

"Don't be ridiculous." Hisashi raised his eyes to the heavens. "What, do you think I'd give you another quirk after my last mistake?"

"Why was that a mistake, big brother? Was it because you forced a quirk on me against my will or because I used it against you? I want you to say the answer out loud."

"Same thing, really."

"They are not the same thing!"

Hisashi blew out a breath. "Look, if you stop to think about it, you'll realize it's safe because—"

"You lie, so I'm not listening to you." Yuuto crossed his arms.

Hisashi threw up his hands. "You're impervious to logic!"

It would perhaps be more accurate to say Yuuto had long ago given up on logical arguments with his big brother. Hisashi was a master at twisting words, so he always won—because he was the better arguer, not because he had the stronger position. He could claim that two plus two equaled five and somehow make Yuuto feel crazy and stupid for saying otherwise. Yuuto had been reduced to tears during countless childhood debates while Hisashi came out smug and triumphant.

Eventually, Yuuto had figured out the only way he would ever win a verbal fight with his big brother: pick one position and then hold that line like he was at the Alamo. Refuse to listen to any counterarguments. Occasionally shout heroic clichés, which drove his brother insane, so win-win. The very first time Hisashi had gotten frustrated and shouted, I can't reason with you anymore, it had been a triumph, because at least now neither of them was having fun.

Now, watching Hisashi's face get redder, Yuuto felt that same perverse pleasure. It made him want to push even further. "You call it logic, I call it lying. Liar."

"…Exactly how much of a grudge are you holding over Monopoly?"

Yuuto hissed, "You lied about much bigger things than Monopoly, big brother, and you know it. Want to talk about what happened to my childhood friend?"

"You mean your childhood bully."

"Are you finally admitting what you did?"

Hisashi sniffed. "It's ridiculous how you're still trying to blame me for an accident."

Izuku grabbed Yuuto's arm before he could leap out of his chair and punch his brother. "Stop." Leaning close, Izuku whispered, "I don't care about the amusement park."

This surprised Yuuto into silence.

His nephew murmured, "I used that as an excuse to ask him to heal you. Look, I might be getting along with my new dad better than expected, but I've also found four different tracking programs since he gave me back my phone. If we end up needing an escape plan, we have more options if you can run. Got it?"

Yuuto nodded very slightly, feeling annoyed with himself for not thinking. In addition, he'd resolved to try to make peace with his brother minutes ago, and he was already failing. Hisashi had a knack for pushing his buttons, which very much went both ways. Yuuto took a deep breath. "Fine. I suppose I can't get in the way of the amusement park trip."

Hisashi told the ceiling, "No need to show me any gratitude or say please. Not a problem, my expectations are already nonexistent." He grabbed Yuuto.

In a flash, not just the break but also the cast vanished. Yuuto's head spun. He tested that he could bend his knee.

Hisashi said, "I can't do anything about your illness, I'm afraid. The quirk rewinds time, and you've been sick since infancy." He looked genuinely sorry about it.

Yuuto reminded himself that he was putting in an effort for Izuku's sake and said, "Thank you."

Hisashi gaped. His hand shot out to check Yuuto's forehead. "No fever. How strong were those painkillers?"

"I could take it back," Yuuto grumbled.

Hisashi clapped his hands. "I have one condition in exchange for my help."

Yuuto couldn't help noticing that his brother had deliberately healed him first, then imposed his condition second. But if he pointed that out, he'd be picking another fight. He might as well find out how bad this condition was first.

"I need you to come along while I give orders to a subordinate of mine," Hisashi said. "He won't listen to anyone except me personally, and he gets antsy if I go too long without visiting him in-person. I'm overdue for a trip, and if he decides to come looking for me, uh, that doesn't end well for anyone. He's in a forest slightly outside the city. It won't take us very long."

Easy. Suspiciously easy. Yuuto raised an eyebrow. "Why would you possibly want to take me along? I made zero promises about standing by if you do something villainous."

"I'm only having a conversation," Hisashi said, not answering the question.

Yuuto had already realized why, though: Hisashi didn't want to let either of them out of his sight. So much for his big brother working on his controlling tendencies. Well, he'd known that wouldn't be easy.

"A hiking trip sounds fun," Izuku said with forced enthusiasm. His eyes pleaded no more fighting.

In the interests of reducing his nephew's stress, Yuuto said, "Fine with me."

Yuuto vaguely regretted his earlier compliance after he'd been wandering around a strange forest for half an hour. Hisashi kept looking at a map and muttering, "He's so big, he has to be around here somewhere." How vaguely ominous.

Not for the first time, Hisashi cupped his hands to his mouth and bellowed, "Gigantomachia!"

Izuku winced and covered his ears. Yuuto scuffed a fallen leaf with his foot. The cold air wasn't doing any good for his lungs. The autumn trees had been lovely at first, but now numerous leaves and twigs had slipped into his shoes. He said, "Big brother, maybe your friend went into town to grocery shop or run errands."

Hisashi snorted. "If he'd gone into town, then trust me, it would be all over the news."

"That's not really the point. I'm cold and so is Izuku—"

"LORD!" Someone bellowed like a loudspeaker. A man as tall as a tree crested the hill. Brown hair stuck in all directions, matching the spikes on his body. He had two canines and a radio hanging from his neck.

The giant lifted Hisashi off the ground. Before Yuuto had time to worry they were under attack, the giant sniffed his brother and rubbed him against his cheek. "LORD, I MISSED YOU SO MUCH."

"Aw, look, big brother made a friend." Yuuto snapped several pictures for later blackmail purposes.

This caught the giant's attention. He sniffed the air. Then he leaned down so his face was level with the ground. "A LITTLE LORD!" he cried reverently, rubbing his cheek against Izuku. One giant finger descended to pat Yuuto's head. "AND YOU MUST BE THE IDIOT BROTHER."

"What did you just call me?" Yuuto growled, trying to straighten his hair.

"LORD HAS TOLD ME A LOT ABOUT YOU."

"Oh, I'll bet he has," Yuuto said, glaring at his brother. Rather like no one could hang around Yuuto for long without learning he thought his brother was an asshole, no one could spend an extended length of time around Hisashi without learning he thought his little brother was an imbecile.

Hisashi hopped down from the giant hand. "Gigantomachia, this is my son Izuku and my brother Yuuto. You two, this is Gigantomachia, my most loyal bodyguard." Gigantomachia preened at the compliment.

"Seriously, what did you tell him about me?" Yuuto asked.

"Only true things," Hisashi said.

"THE IDIOT BROTHER OFTEN FAILS TO FEED HIMSELF, FORGETS TO SLEEP, AND OPPOSES THE LORD'S GREAT PLANS." From Gigantomachia's tone, the last one was the most unbelievably dumb.

Yuuto glared at his brother. "I suppose you think you're hilarious."

Hisashi covered a snicker with his hand. "Was any of that untrue? I think not."

"BREATHE!" Gigantomachia shouted.

Yuuto jumped a foot into the air. "Huh?"

"THE LORD EXPLAINED TO ME THAT HIS IDIOT BROTHER IS SO DUMB HE MIGHT FORGET TO BREATHE IF NOT PERIODICALLY REMINDED." The worst part was how Gigantomachia sounded like he sincerely believed he was being helpful.

Yuuto glared at his brother. "You're an asshole."

Hisashi smirked. "You already called me that several times today, foolish little brother."

Yuuto said, "It hasn't changed in the last hour."

Leaning close to the ground, Gigantomachia examined Izuku from every angle. "SO TINY! SO PRECIOUS! I WILL PROTECT YOU WITH MY LIFE!"

"Uh, thanks?" Izuku patted the giant's hair. Gigantomachia purred in ecstasy. "You've got quite an interesting quirk." Izuku peered at the spikes. His eyes sparkled as he took out his notebook and made some sketches.

Yuuto shook a leaf out of his shoe.

Hisashi waved at his bodyguard. "Come over here. I have some instructions to give you."

Yuuto felt curious. He didn't know how his brother's organization had changed from the days when he'd been trading around quirks for "favors." Hisashi was no doubt still involved in all sorts of crime, and he'd probably expanded over the years, but it would be useful to know just how bad the situation had gotten. The giant bodyguard shouted so loudly that it might be possible to overhear.

Hisashi spoke rapidly while Gigantomachia nodded. Yuuto crept closer.

A giant hand shot out to grab him. Yuuto thrashed in the sudden grip.

"THAT IS A LAKE." Gigantomachia pointed at the small body of water just beyond the trees. "DO NOT JUMP INTO IT. YOU WILL DROWN."

"I know what a lake is!"

"THE LORD CLEARLY EXPLAINED TO ME THAT THE IDIOT BROTHER NEVER SAW A PIT HE DIDN'T IMMEDIATELY JUMP INTO."

"Let me go." Yuuto shoved at the fingers holding him, but he might as well have been pushing steel bars. He glared at his brother.

Hisashi raised his hands. "I didn't tell him to do that. I'm just enjoying watching it."

"You are such an—" A passing leaf tickled Yuuto's nose. He sneezed. It turned into a coughing fit.

"IT'S TRUE. HE REALLY IS TOO STUPID TO KNOW HOW TO BREATHE." Gigantomachia shook his massive head. A tear formed at the corner of his eye at the tragedy of Yuuto's affliction. "ALLOW ME TO DEMONSTRATE. INHALE." The giant ripped the fall leaves off the trees with the force of his breath. "NOW EXHALE." The blast of air coming from his nose flattened several tree trunks. He looked at Yuuto. "NOW YOU TRY IT."

"Put. Me. Down."

"I WILL PROTECT YOU WITH MY LIFE BUT LISTEN TO NOTHING YOU SAY BECAUSE IT'S ALL IDIOCY."

Yuuto coughed again. He couldn't manage to speak, but the rage in his eyes must have conveyed that he was about to launch a suicide attack on a giant's wrist, because his big brother suddenly looked worried.

Hisashi said, "Set him down."

On the ground, Yuuto took a huff from his inhaler. His breathing steadied. If he had maybe one more shot to use One for All before the quirk faded, it would be a mistake to waste it now. But damn, was he ever tempted. He didn't know who he wanted to punch more, the giant or his brother.

In a whisper like a roaring train, Gigantomachia said, "I HAVE CORRECTLY TAUGHT YOUR IDIOT BROTHER HOW TO BREATHE."

"Yes, you did. Great job." Hisashi patted his bodyguard on the closest spike.

"Are you okay?" Izuku asked.

Yuuto waved his hands. "Just a tickle in my throat." He kept an eye on where Hisashi was whispered again. No luck overhearing. He'd probably get snagged again if he tried to go closer, so he'd have to rely on hacking his brother's phone.

Izuku nudged his shoulder. "My turn to try to get close enough to eavesdrop." He ran over, holding up his notebook with the drawing of Gigantomachia. "Do you like my picture?"

Gigantomachia stared. A tear rolled down his cheek. "IT'S PERFECT! EXQUISITE! I'M HONORED BEYOND COMPARE!"

Yuuto nodded. Say what you might about this giant, he had great taste.

"I SO LOOK FORWARD TO PROVIDING PROTECTION ONCE YOUR NEW HIGH SCHOOL IS READY, LITTLE LORD."

"New…school?" Yuuto's eyes narrowed. "Izuku is going to U.A."

Hisashi looked sideways. "I'd like him to have more than one option. I'm looking into acquiring a high school. A hero school, even. See? I'm compromising."

"Don't even think about it!" Yuuto shuddered to imagine what his brother might do if he brought a hero school under his control. Hero society was corrupt enough already.

Hisashi sighed. "We were having such a nice day. How about you forget you heard that, and we table this discussion for another time?"

"I think I won't," Yuuto growled.

Izuku said, "Don't worry about it. I'm still going to U.A."

Hisashi said, "You could consider other options."

Izuku crossed his arms. "Not going anywhere except U.A. All Might is going to start teaching there. I promised to be part of his first class."

"Oh, so that blond hero is the one who influenced your school choice?" Hisashi's eyes narrowed.

Now Yuuto wanted to change the subject. "High school is still two years away. No need to worry about it now."

Gigantomachia said helpfully, "IT'S NO DOUBT A PAINFUL SUBJECT FOR YOU WHEN YOU NEVER MANAGED TO FINISH HIGH SCHOOL."

"Where did you even…why did you tell him that?" Yuuto glared at his brother. "I had to drop out of school after your enemies tried to take me hostage twice. It wasn't my fault."

"You had perfectly good tutors, yet you were too busy running away from home to finish your education." Hisashi whispered to Izuku, "He called himself a hero, but he was really just a NEET."

Oh, Yuuto remembered the huge numbers of tutors he'd been through. There had been a period when his big brother had been convinced it was the public school system's fault that his flesh and blood wasn't the genius he'd expected, but instead struggled with basic addition and subtraction. Eventually Hisashi had figured out that Yuuto was just stupid.

The bad memory made his stomach twist and his tongue uncharitable. "I always did suspect you arranged that last attack yourself just to make me drop out."

Hisashi glared. "Yuuto, you nearly lost your leg back then. Of course I didn't arrange it! Why do you always blame me for every single thing? I know you felt restricted by me, but I only did it to protect you. Do you have any idea what my enemies would have done to you if they'd taken you hostage?"

Yuuto shrugged. "Oh, I have some idea. It happened a couple times during my hero days."

Hisashi screamed, "What?"

"Ugh, see, this is why I never told you. I knew you'd make a big deal about it. All three times turned out fine. I practiced my escape artist skills, got a badass new scar, and made some new friends who hated you almost as much as I did."

Hisashi hissed, low and long. No other sound came from him.

Yuuto started to worry maybe he'd broken his brother. "Look at the bright side—now you know you were worrying over nothing. Thanks to all my practice escaping from you, no one else could hold onto me longer than five minutes."

Hisashi hissed again, sounding even more like a volcano about to blow its top.

Izuku waved a hand in front of his dad's face. No reaction. He whispered, "Uncle Yuuto, maybe you should stop making it worse."

"HOW TERRIBLE. I WILL KILL ALL THOSE ENEMIES FOR YOU." Gigantomachia looked around as if expecting to find one behind a tree.

"It's fine. That was a long time ago." His calm returned, Hisashi patted the giant. The change in mood happened so quickly it was suspicious. Yuuto had an unfortunate feeling he'd later regret what he'd revealed. He should have known his overprotective brother would react badly even a century after the fact.

"PLEASE VISIT AGAIN, LORD AND LITTLE LORD! REMEMBER WHAT I TAUGHT YOU ABOUT HOW TO BREATHE, IDIOT BROTHER!" Gigantomachia waved as they headed back toward the road.

Another of his brother's minions drove them back. Hisashi tapped his phone from the front seat. It was maddingly curiosity-inducing.

As soon as he got home, Yuuto headed for the bathroom, which was less likely to have cameras than his bedroom. His phone was compromised, but he had a tablet he'd hidden the one place his brother would never look—taped to the hero figurine cabinet.

He pulled up a copy of all activity on his brother's phone since he'd installed his tracking program. There wasn't much information stored on the phone—he'd already suspected as much because of the lack of security. But his older brother had sent out emails about the hero school he planned to purchase. As expected, Hisashi intended to increase security and surveillance to ridiculous levels, revamp the curriculum to show a very different version of history, and the ethics class would be…uh…unusual, to say the least. More importantly, who he was emailing revealed some interesting facts about which politicians he had bribed.

All Might, who'd devoted his life to taking down corrupt politicians, could do useful things with this information. The emails made it clear these politicians were for sale to any criminal who could pay the correct price, not just Hisashi. This could be the big break All Might had spent years searching for, with even high-ranking members of the Hero Commission implicated.

On the other hand, Yuuto had tried so hard to keep Toshi-nii out of his family drama. Hisashi would probably figure out Yuuto was responsible—the timing alone would be suspicious—and Toshinori didn't have the same protection against retribution Yuuto did. He'd never promised not to interfere with villainous plans, but a technicality wouldn't appease his brother's wrath.

But…heroism! Convinced by this great argument, Yuuto emailed all relevant files to Toshinori.

He included an explanation of the risks, but he knew that wouldn't stop his friend. All Might was a hero. He didn't shy away from danger. And that was precisely why Yuuto respected him so much.

OMAKE TIME!

Omake: Perversity

Hisashi: I'm not healing your leg. I have no interest in making it easier for you to run away.

Yuuto: I wouldn't let you use a quirk on me, anyway.

Hisashi: Never mind, I'm healing you whether you like it or not.

#

Omake: Because Hisashi Totally Noticed Why Izuku Wanted to Go to the Amusement Park

Hisashi: You know, Izuku, I noticed your little trick back there. It was clever—such a shame a certain fool almost messed it up by not picking up on what you were doing. I completely sympathize. I know what it's like to have an idiot mess up your plans by being too inflexible and idealistic to compromise while also not being the tiniest bit grateful for your efforts to protect him.

Yuuto: Is some minion of yours causing trouble, big brother? Ha-ha, serves you right.

Izuku: …

Hisashi: I just want you to know that I feel your pain on multiple levels. He's allergic to logic.

Izuku: Logic works just fine when I use it, actually. Are you sure it's not just you he has a problem with?

Hisashi: …

#

Omake: Hisashi "Human Disaster" Shigaraki Never Made a Mistake He Wouldn't Make Again Even Harder

Hisashi: So Izuku wants to go to U.A. because of that blond idiot? I wonder what would happen if All Might spontaneously developed a villainous-type quirk. It would seem like he'd been hiding it for years. His reputation would be ruined and his job offer removed. Maybe I could offer him a position at my new school as janitor. Izuku would probably follow him out of loyalty.

Yuuto: I imagine what would happen would be that I'd tell All Might what you'd done, and then you'd have two people you'd given quirks to who hated you. Do you like your face in its current, intact, non-potato shape?

#

Omake: Yuuto Did Izuku a Huge Favor by Lowering the Bar in Every Regard

Hisashi: What are you doing, Izuku?

Izuku: Just finishing up my math homework due on Monday.

Hisashi: You're doing your homework? A day early? Without being reminded, bribed, threatened, or tied to a chair with a pencil glued to your hand? I'm so proud of you. I'm going to buy you something ridiculously expensive.

Izuku: I can't tell if you're being sarcastic.

Hisashi: Son, you have no idea how much your uncle lowered my expectations. If you graduate from high school, it will be my greatest parental triumph. If you graduate from high school without even once trying to kill me, then I'll have finally nailed this parenting thing.

#

Omake: The Sad Reality of What Was Actually Going On with Yuuto's Untreated Dyscalculia a Century Ago

Yuuto: Big brother, will you help me with this math problem?

Hisashi: Sure, no problem. (Looks at algebra equation for half a second.) The answer is eighteen.

Yuuto: How did you get that?

Hisashi: What do you mean? It's obvious if you're not an idiot.

Yuuto: (Holding back tears.) T-that's right, it's obvious and I'm not an idiot. I don't feel like doing my homework anymore.

Hisashi: Look, I completely understand—I got terribly bored in school because it was too easy. You only have thirty problems. That should take you, what, five minutes? Then I'll see about getting you some more challenging material.

Yuuto: (Actually crying now.) I hate math! I'm not doing it! I refuse!

Hisashi: Do your homework or no dessert after dinner.

Yuuto: (Cries harder.) I hate you!

Hisashi: You don't mean that. You can't mean that, not over math homework. Please, can you explain to me what's wrong, I don't understand?

Author's Note: Both Hisashi and Yuuto have very different versions of the events leading to Yuuto dropping out of school and neither is the truth. Yuuto thinks that his brother treated him like a disappointment for not being able to meet insanely high standards. In reality, Hisashi was a genius teenager who lacked the maturity to understand that what came easily to him didn't come so easily for his little brother, who had a learning disability. Ashamed, Yuuto decided he couldn't fail to meet his older brother's expectations if he didn't try. Hisashi didn't know how to cope with an insanely stubborn truant child from hell except with more punishments. The absentee parents who unloaded all their responsibilities on their eldest child are the real villains. #Parentification is abuse #The biggest villain of all may be Yuuto's undiagnosed dyscalculia

#

Omake: Whelp, Even I don't Know How Yuuto is Getting Out of This

Author: That's quite a hand grenade you dropped at the end of the chapter.

Yuuto: Really? Why do you say that?

Author: (Eyebrow twitching) Because your brother will inevitably find out what you just did. I told you not to hack his phone, but you did it anyway.

Yuuto: That sounds like a problem for future Yuuto. I'm sure it will all turn out well in the end, because—

Author: If you tell me you're going to win because you're a hero, then next chapter you'll be beheaded in a freak amusement park accident. This is not a bluff. Do not test me.

Yuuto: (Closes his mouth.)

Author's Note:

Some of you readers last chapter thought your author was kidding around about vaulting her younger sister as a child.

I assure you, I was not.

My sister and I had a dynamic like Anna and Elsa from Frozen, where she'd follow me around everywhere asking me to play with her. Except I didn't avoid her because I had uncontrollable ice powers (or because she was interfering with my criminal empire)—I just wanted to read my book in peace. My sister was extremely extroverted and I was extremely introverted, which meant her ideal would have been that we spent every single moment together and my ideal would have been that sometimes we nodded at each other over dinner. This was the source of much sibling conflict.

My little sister used to sit outside my locked bedroom door and try to get my attention for hours. She would scratch my door and call my name, with just enough irregularity it was like torture. Impossible to tune out. When I had to go the bathroom, she would pounce on me and tickle me. I was very ticklish. When she started practicing lockpicking my door and even successfully invaded once to attack me, I knew something had to be done.

Even back when I was little, I would have died for my sister without hesitation, but play a few games with her to make her happy? Nah. That would have meant she'd won.

Instead, I lured my sister into the basement by promising I'd play with her, then locked her in. This worked multiple times. Little kids are stupid.

My sister never called for help because she thought we were, in fact, playing a fun game called "escape the basement." Her lockpicking skills got even better, which would later backfire on me, but I was also a stupid kid. One day my mother found out, and she was Not Amused TM, and that put an end to that.

Sometimes people look at my sister funny because she can pick locks, until she explains to them why, and then they look at me funny.

Boku no Hero Academia accurately depicts what happens when older siblings don't have any parents around during their childhood to tell them that vaulting younger family members is not an acceptable method of conflict resolution. #Totally accurate depiction of sibling dynamics #Totally serious #Except my little sister is the one who started her own cult in elementary school #And she's significantly taller and stronger than me #Maybe I should take her up on her offer to rule together before she decides she wants revenge for the basement incident