Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of the other movies, shows or books quoted.
A/N I wanted to thank all the people reading and reviewing this story, I love when you write me what you think of the story! :)
Also, I have so much planned for this story, so it will have two more chapters and then there will be a sequel, even though I don't know how long it will be. (Ten or fifteen chapters.)
Hope you enjoy! ;)
-ooo-
part viii – you locked yourself in the bathroom, lying on the floor when I break through.
-ooo-
Beth was looking suspiciously at Rachel and Quinn, curled up in the bed and watching a depressing movie – which by the way was Edward Scissorhands, Quinn's favorite movie – and she was trying to decide why they were crying so much. In her opinion, the movie wasn't that sad.
But Rachel was cuddled between Quinn's legs, pressing her back against the blonde's chest and wiping away the tears, while Quinn tried to comfort her by pressing hundreds of little kisses on her neck and head.
"It's just so sad!" Rachel squealed, blowing her nose and sniffling.
"Mommy," Beth said, and Quinn turned her head to see her daughter playing with some dinosaurs next to the window of Rachel's old room in Lima.
"Yes, honey?"
"Is Rachel my new mom?" Beth blurted out.
Quinn choked in the air, and Rachel sat up so abruptly that she knocked her head against Quinn's chin. The blond hummed in pain, but Rachel didn't seem to notice.
"Why would you think that Beth?" Quinn asked, forcing a calm and relaxed voice. She untangled herself from Rachel and she got up. She scooped up Beth and she sat back on the bed, holding her daughter in her lap and gently brushing her blonde hair away from her tiny forehead.
"It's- since the day we went to the park you spent a lot of time cuddling with Rachel, and you kiss her on the cheeks, and when we sleep you hug so tight that I can't breathe- and besides, you look at her the same way Sammy looks at Auntie Cedes," Beth said, with a proud smile on her lips.
God, Quinn wasn't prepared for this. She and Rachel had planned to wait until they went back to New York to tell Beth and everyone about them. Obviously, the time was now, and Quinn didn't know how to handle that. "Would, um… I… I love Rachel," she eventually said, and the brunette blushed and grinned. "I love her so much, Beth, just as Auntie Tana and Britty love each other."
"So you are gonna marry her!" Beth exclaimed excitedly.
"What?" Quinn squealed, "No, no, it's not that… it's… we love each other very much, Beth. But I don't think Rachel would be- I don't think she is your new mom, or anything…"
She turned to Rachel, silently asking for help. The brunette had red cheeks and a little smile. She reached for Quinn's hand and she smiled warmly at Beth. "I love your Mommy very much, Beth," She explained. "Does- does that bother you?"
"I think it's amazing you love Mommy!" Beth squealed, her hazel eyes shining. "You know, she was sad for a lot of time, and she had nightmares, but I'm so happy that she has you now, so you can be so happy too, even if you aren't my other mom yet… do I have to call you Rachel? Can I call you Mama?"
"You-" Rachel's breath got stuck in her throat. Her eyes widened and her lips parted a little. She was a little shocked. Quinn held her breath too, terrified. What if Rachel wasn't ready? I mean, of course she wasn't ready, but what if she ran away? What if she… "You can call me whatever you want, Peanut."
"Yay!" Beth squealed, and she jumped in Rachel's lap, hugging her tightly and giggling her adorable baby-giggle. Rachel suddenly fell on her back, and she rolled on the bed, pinning Beth against the mattress and tickling her sides. The child laughed and squealed, delighted.
Quinn watched them in amusement, still trying to figure out when it happened – or what happened – and she almost didn't realize that Rachel had grabbed her hand and she had pulled her down with she and Beth.
The blonde yelped, as she landed on top of Rachel, and the brunette rolled them over, starting tickling her as well. Quinn let out a laugh, and she saw Beth climbing on Rachel's shoulders, giggling endlessly.
"I won!" Rachel proclaimed, when Quinn was begging for her pity, tears in her eyes and the biggest smile she ever had. Rachel had a proud smirk on her face when she finally let go of Quinn's sides, and she carefully put Beth back on the bed.
She didn't even realize that she was straddling Quinn's waist, until the blonde tried to move, and she almost fell on the ground. "Oh, God, I'm sorry…" Quinn exclaimed, wrapping securely her arms around Rachel's tiny waist. The brunette just laughed, and she took the chance to wrap her arms around Quin's neck and hugging her tightly.
Rachel was happy.
"I love you, Blackbird," she whispered in her ear, and it sent goosebumps all the way down the pale neck of her girlfriend.
"I love you too, Rach."
-ooo-
The illusion of being happy – or at least fine – it's a very dangerous thing. Especially if you are Quinn Fabray. Especially if the blonde in question was so used to be sad and angry the whole time.
She was so used to live in her lonely world that when Rachel came into her life, she was caught off guard. And she allowed Rachel to bring happiness and joy in her life. She had allowed Rachel to hold her, and kiss her, and tell her that she loved her.
Quinn thought it was okay. Quinn thought it was fine.
Quinn was wrong.
Rachel loved her so much, she knew that. She knew that the best thing she could do was probably throw herself in her arms, cry herself to sleep and wait for her demons to go away. That wasn't that easy, though.
And she tried. She was trying. Right now, staring at the ceiling of Rachel's old room, her arms and legs tangled up with Rachel's and Beth's, she had to bit her lip to not cry.
She didn't even know why, but she wasn't feeling good. She was feeling like crying. She was feeling horrible. Her mind was propitiating her numerous images and memories of Kelly and Finn, and her parents and all the things they said to her.
Her parents told her that she wasn't their daughter anymore.
Finn told her that she couldn't feel anything.
Kelly told her that she loved her. And she died.
Quinn jumped out of the bed ungraciously, and she ran to the bathroom. She shut the door close behind her and she grabbed the edge of the sink, shaking and crying. She didn't even know why. The world seemed so blurred, and it was spinning around her. She raised a little her head and she met her reflection in the mirror.
Quinn almost didn't recognize herself.
She slipped on the floor, and she leaned against the shower, pressing her arms against her face, trying to calm her breath. She didn't know what was happening to her.
But there wasn't air in her lungs.
She couldn't scream.
She could barely cry.
She couldn't speak.
Quinn just wanted to scream, to cry herself to sleep, to do something. But she couldn't. She was just… just stuck in her head. And she suddenly got so mad. So mad at her parents, so mad at Kelly, and furious at Finn.
Don't you feel anything anymore?
I do! She wanted to scream. Is this enough for you? Am I destroyed enough for you? Am I feeling enough?
Quinn tilted her head and she stared at the ceiling, warm tears running down her face. She was barely breathing, and she brushed away the tears with her wrists.
She felt the roughness of the scars on her wrists against her face. Four pearly scars on her left wrist. Scars that told a story that she wasn't ready to remember.
She cried, and she hoped, she hoped that Rachel would hear her silent screams. Of course she couldn't, Quinn wasn't inhaling enough air to scream. The house was completely silent.
-ooo-
Rachel woke up in the middle of the night, her left arm wrapped around a little girl, profoundly asleep, and feeling cold on her right side, where Quinn was supposed to be. She tiredly raised her head, and she searched the bed. But no one was there besides she and Beth.
It took Rachel a second to realize that the bathroom door was locked, but the light was on; she could see it pass under the door, on the floor. Rachel holds her breath for a second and she listened. And heard a soft cry. A chocked cry. The cry of someone who isn't breathing in the right way.
Rachel had to appeal to all her forces to not panic. She delicately scooped up Beth, careful to not wake her, and she placed the little girl in the middle of the bed, tucking the blanket all over the tiny figure. She quietly got up and she closed the door gently. Her room was soundproof, so the little girl wouldn't wake up.
Rachel took a deep breath and she lightly knocked at the bathroom door. She heard no reply, just that quiet cry and the choked breathing. Rachel started to panic.
"Quinn," she mumbled. "Quinn please, open the door. Quinn. Quinn, please. Quinn!" she was almost screaming, and she was thumping at the door so hard that her hands were bruising. "Quinn opens the door! Daddy! Dad!"
She screamed and cried so hard that her dads woke up and run to her, finding the small brunette curled up in front of the door, rocking back and forth and burying her face in her knees. It took Hiram and Leroy less than two minutes to push the door open.
Rachel was zoned out, and she barely registered her fathers throwing themselves at the door until it slammed open and the light hit her in the eyes. Rachel suddenly snapped out of her head and she threw herself in the bathroom so fast that she almost knocked her head on the sink.
Rachel saw her.
Quinn was curled up in a ball leaning against the shower glass, rocking back and forth, tears streaming down her face. She wasn't breathing well, Rachel knew it. She almost fell on the floor next to her, and she wrapped her arms around her shoulders, helping her to a more comfortable position.
She heard her father screaming and crying out that she had to thump Quinn's back. But the blonde wasn't chocking. She was having a panic attack.
"Go away!" Rachel yelled at her fathers, crying as well. Her voice came out so strong and rude that the two men jerked back. Rachel slammed the door close, and she focused back on the blonde. "Oh, Quinn, oh sweetie…" she mumbled, sitting with her back against the wall. She helped Quinn rest against her, with her back pressed against Rachel's chest and her head leaning on her shoulder. Quinn rolled her head so that she was nuzzling her nose in a tanned neck, crying quietly.
"R-Rachel…" she cried out, and the brunette almost got a heart attack by how weak her voice was.
"Shh, baby, shh…" she murmured, rubbing her arms and holding her close. "You have to breath, baby. Can you breathe with me? Please, Quinn. In and out, okay? Please, Quinn, follow me." Listening to Rachel's broken voice, Quinn started to calm down. Rachel blinked back the tears and she pressed her lips against Quinn's temple, whispering in her ear. "It's okay, you see? In and out, baby. Just breath, you will be fine. I'm here with you, Quinn."
Quinn let out a strangled sob, and she fully turned around, wrapping her arms tightly around Rachel, hugging her so tightly that the brunette almost squealed in surprise. "Rach- Rachel," she tried to say, but once again her voice got stuck in her throat.
"Hey, I'm right here, Quinn, I'm right here," she said reassuringly.
"Don't- don't let go."
"Never."
"Rachel-," Quinn babbled, and this time, her broken voice came out a little stronger. "Tell me a story."
"Of course, baby," Rachel mumbled. She tightened her arms around Quinn, and she smiled in her hair. Or at least, she tried to smile. "Okay, I remember that you once told me that this one was your favorite. So, um… Eurydice was a very beautiful woman, and she was married to Orpheus, a man who could play the lyra so well that even the gods admired him."
Rachel felt Quinn relax a little. The brunette knew a lot of myths, because Quinn had told her a lot of them. Rachel's favorite was Persephone's one, but she knew that her gorgeous blonde loved Orpheus and Eurydice better.
"One day, a bad man called Aristaeus fell in love with Eurydice. He decided that he wanted her at all costs, and he chased her through some wood." Rachel placed a soft kiss on the side of Quinn's head. She could hear the blonde hiccupping a little, and she rubbed her back again, and again, and once more. "But Eurydice stepped on a snake which bit her, and so she died. Orpheus was so depressed and sad that he stopped playing his lyra. He didn't eat and he didn't do anything at all. So one day, he walked to the underworld, and he stood in front of Hades and Persephone, king and queen of the dead. He begged them to bring Eurydice back to life, and they refused." Rachel paused a second, so that she could kiss again Quinn's head. "Orpheus played the lyra for them. He was so talented that he made the king of the underworld cry. Persephone persuaded Hades, and the two of them allowed Orpheus to bring Eurydice back on earth."
Quinn sighed a little, and Rachel held her impossibly closer.
"But at one condition," she added. "Orpheus could bring her to life again only if…"
"Only if h-he never turned b-back on his path," Quinn finished for her, and that actually made Rachel smile. Her girl was coming back.
"Exactly, baby," Rachel mumbled, kissing her on the forehead. "They were walking in a dark, dark tunnel, but they could already see the light at the end of it. Orpheus was so happy, because in a few steps he could have Eurydice back. But a few steps from the light…"
"He turned," Quinn mumbled, sniffling a little. "He turned and he fucked up. And Eurydice got stuck in the underworld forever."
"The end," Rachel sang sweetly.
"It wasn't- I tell it better," Quinn grumbled, but her lips parted in half a smile.
"Of course you do, Blackbird," Rachel said amused. "You are my writer, aren't you?"
"I thought I was your Blackbird," Quinn teased back with a weak smile. She had puffy eyes and red cheeks, and her voice was hoarse, but she still managed to look beautiful. How did she do that? That wasn't fair, seriously. "Thank you," Quinn mumbles.
"What happened in that pretty blonde head of yours, Blackbird?" Rachel asked, cupping pale cheeks with her hands and kissing the tip of her perfect nose.
"I just- I was just so sad…" Quinn admitted weakly. "And so mad… I was just so angry and… I don't know, I just- I panicked."
"But why?" Rachel asked, her big eyes searching Rachel's face.
"When- when he broke up with me, Finn asked me if I could- if I still had feelings," Quinn blurted out. She didn't mean to say that. She didn't want to. It probably hurted Rachel, and she didn't want to hurt her.
"He said that?" Rachel asked in disbelief. "Oh, my God! I'm so sorry, baby, so sorry…"
"I- and then Kelly died, and I didn't- I didn't know how to process it. I didn't know what to do- I… I thought that maybe Finn was right. That I was some heartless being, that…"
"Lucy Quinn Fabray!" Rachel scoffed indignant, and she squeezed her hands firmly, interrupting Quinn's rambling. "Don't you dare for a single second believe those words! Don't you dare. You have suffered so much, Quinn, it's unfair that all this shit happened to you. If I could take away your pain, I would do that, Quinn. Without hesitation. But I can't. The best I can do is telling you that Finn was a sweet guy, but he told a lot of crappy things. And you don't have to believe that, okay? You are not heartless, Quinn. You have one of the biggest hearts in the world, and even if it's sad and angry, I don't care. I mean, I do care, but this won't push me away from you. I love you, Quinn, let- just let me help you."
"You don't think I'm heartless?"
"Oh God, Quinn no!" Rachel gasped, and she bring her hands at Quinn's face, her fingertips caressing her cheeks, her forehead, her glorious neck. "You raised the most adorable daughter, you have a lot of friends, and you published a book that made me cry almost at every single page. And you fell in love with me. You are not heartless."
"I love you," Quinn cried quietly, pulling Rachel closer and hiding her face in her neck, sobbing. "I'm so sorry, I- I love you so much."
"I love you too, Blackbird."
"You do?" Quinn asked and her voice sounded so full of hope, so young that Rachel wanted to cry. How could she sound so young and broken at the same time? Rachel tilted her head up and she kissed her once on the lips. Then on her nose. Then on each cheek. Then again on her lips.
"I do, Quinn. I love you so much." she whispered. Rachel knew that Quinn craved to hear those three words, she knew that every time she said it, she was warming a little part of her heart. And Rachel was more than happy to help her. Also, telling her endlessly that she loved her was one of the best parts of her day.
"You are so good to me," Quinn said, quietly. So quietly that Rachel almost didn't hear her.
She helped Quinn to get up, and she sweetly guided her out of the bathroom. Rachel glared at her fathers, avoiding them to talk to her still shocked girlfriend, and she led them back in her bedroom. Beth was still cuddled under the blankets, sleeping peacefully.
Quinn and Rachel slipped under the blankets, with the little girl between them. After a second, Quinn scooped Beth up and she placed the girl on her stomach, resting her chin on the blonde curls that Beth's hair were. Rachel rolled on her side and she tangled her legs with Quinn, leaning her head on her chest.
"I love you, Blackbird." She said once more, then she fell asleep, holding tight her girlfriend.