JACOB
December 31st, 2017
"Wake up, baby," I gently shake Nessie's shoulder, "tell me what you want?"
Nessie yawns, looking around. It is just before dawn. She had briefly awoken at the border to present her passport to the officer but then went back to sleep. Christmas at the chalet was a no-go this year. Too many conflicting plans and I didn't want to miss my niece's very first Christmas. Baby Angelique, who we all affectionately call Angel, was the center of attention.
So we're doing New Year's at the chalet instead.
"Where are we?" she yawns again from the passenger seat of the SUV we rented.
"Tim Hortons drive-through," I reply. I've made a habit out of going to this Canadian chain each time we travel to the chalet.
"A double-double," she mumbles her coffee order, rubbing her eyes, "buttered bagel?"
I park the SUV in the lot of the Tim Hortons so we can drink our coffee and eat without bouncing around on the highway.
"Maybe we should just stay home next year," Nessie says, taking a long gulp of coffee.
"Why?" I frown, "you love going to the chalet."
"Everyone is dropping out because they're either pregnant or have kids. Jared and Kim, Rachel and Paul, Sam and Emily probably won't be back next year … Leah and Roger are starting the adoption process, who knows where they'll be next year … it's going to be a bunch of single boys and us."
"Until the kids are old enough to come along. Then it'll be like a big family holiday," I reply with a smile, "... when we have kids, you'll think of it differently."
Nessie chokes on her coffee, "when we have kids?"
I glance over at her, "what? You don't want kids?"
"I don't know… Not anytime soon… Do you really want to blow our lives up like that? You see how exhausted Rach and Paul are with Angel," Nessie replies. "We're free. We can go anywhere and do anything. A baby is like a giant anchor."
I frown. A giant anchor? I can't believe what I'm hearing. It's like all of the life plans I have been thinking about his past year are going up in smoke in under 5 minutes.
"What? What's wrong?" Nessie asks, sensing my disappointment.
"Nothing," I reply, taking a bite out of my bagel.
"What? Did you want a baby?" she asks. "Really, Jake? We're not even married."
"You don't want to get married!" I shout. I had brought up marriage last summer and she turned the idea down… Good thing I didn't take the ring out. Edward had warned me not to propose before talking to her about it first. He must have known.
"I never said that. I said I wasn't ready to be married. There's a difference," she replies.
"So when you're ready to be married then you'll want kids?" I ask her.
Nessie doesn't answer. She just shrugs and drinks her coffee.
"Great," I mumble, sarcastically.
"Are we going to spend New Year's Eve fighting over hypothetical children?" Nessie sighs.
"We better get on the road," I mutter, putting my coffee in the cupholder and back out of the parking lot.
The drive is silent and uncomfortable. A few times Nessie tries to talk about activities we can do at the resort near the chalet but I'm too preoccupied by the news that she has no plans for our future.
"So you're just going to give me the silent treatment for the rest of the drive?" she asks after a long silence.
"I'm concentrating on the road," I lie.
"Really? The road is fine. Conditions are great," Nessie replies, "... can we talk about this?" she asks.
"I just don't know what there is to talk about," I mumble.
"That's fine," Nessie scowls, opening her purse, pulling out her earbuds; she pushes the small plastic devices into her ears and ignores me.
I feel like an idiot. This past year I have worked so hard. We closed down the local repair portion of the business. Dad and I have focused on the restoration and resale of bikes. We worked really hard to pay off all of the investors and the bank. This next year is all going to be about expanding and making a profit. A profit I was planning to use to build a nice big house. Big enough for our future children…
I just don't think she gets how hard it's been for me. How having that vision of a family with her makes it seem all worth it.
What does she do? Leisurely composes music all day in her family's over-the-top mansion. Why would she understand?
By the time we make it to the chalet, it is fully daylight. There are several SUVs in the drive. The others had arrived last night.
I pull the SUV into the driveway. Nessie hops out, slams the car door and heads inside without me.
"I'll get the bags!" I shout towards the chalet and roll my eyes. Great start to the vacation.
"Woof," Leah says observing the drama, "what was that about?" she asks while cleaning the underside of her car of slush and grime with a long brush.
"Never mind," I grumble, opening the back of the SUV and start to take out all of the bags and gear for various winter sports.
"I'll find out sooner or later," Leah reminds me.
That's true. She'll eventually get into my head.
"Just found out that Nessie has no interest in marriage or kids. None of it," I grumble.
"Oh," Leah swallows. A sore point with her.
"I'm sorry… I shouldn't be talking about this with you. I know how hard it's been," I reply.
Leah had confirmed her infertility this past year after visiting several specialists. Roger and her looked into every option from surrogacy to egg donation but settled on adoption. So they had a quickie wedding because getting chosen is more favourable for married couples and have been diligently working towards making it happen. The Cullens treated them to a honeymoon in the Maldives. So whilst their wedding lacked sophistication, their honeymoon was amazing. I saw the pictures.
"No. That's fine," Leah replies. "My problems have nothing to do with you… Moving a little fast on the family thing, aren't we?"
"We've been together forever," I roll my eyes.
"You've known each other forever but have been officially together for only a year. There's a difference," Leah replies.
I glare.
Leah laughs, "you need to go have a conversation with your lady. Y'all don't seem to be on the same page about where all this is headed."
"No shit," I grumble, locking up the SUV and haul all of the bags and equipment into the chalet.
When I get inside I do an inventory of who is already here. Collin, Brady, Embry, Roger and Seth are hanging in the living room, drinking already. I look over to the kitchen where I see Quil making grilled cheese sandwiches with Claire. I can't believe she's 14 already. Her parents came along this time. I'm pretty sure it's because Claire has developed a really bad crush on Quil. She'll be spending nights with her parents at the lodge's hotel. Quil is navigating the crush the best he can. Not crossing boundaries. It's going to get complicated for him very soon. Been there.
"Hey, man," Sam greets me as I take off my coat.
"Hey," I smile, Emily follows, she's just starting to show, "congrats on the baby. You look beautiful," I compliment Emily and kiss her cheek.
"You're so sweet. I feel like garbage," she replies, rubbing her belly with a smile, "morning sickness, you know… hey, um…. Winnie is upstairs with Ness… Is everything okay?" she asks.
Great. Looks like alliances are forming. She's probably bitching about how I'm trying to trap her or something.
"I better go check on her," I hang my coat up and drag our travel bags to the top of the stairs.
None of the chalkboards on the doors have been filled in yet so I peek in every room until I find Nessie and Winona.
"Couples argue, Nessie," Winnie says calmly, "it's not a big deal."
I listen by the door, not making myself known.
"You weren't there. He was mean about it, Winnie. He wouldn't even talk to me. It was like he was going out of his way to punish me," Nessie sniffles.
She's crying? Fuck. Now I feel like an asshole.
"Maybe he just didn't know what to say," Winnie replies. I appreciate that she is trying to be a neutral party.
"Sure," Nessie replies, sarcastically.
I knock on the door, pushing it open. My heart breaks a little when I see my love's red puffy eyes and shiny nose, "Winnie, can Nessie and I have a moment, please."
Winnie nods and quickly excuses herself from the room. I shut the door.
Nessie looks up at me, sitting on the bed.
"I'm sorry," I apologize. "I was disappointed and responded badly. The way I behaved on the way here wasn't okay."
Nessie wraps her arms around herself. She doesn't reply.
"Aren't you going to say something?" I ask her.
"I'm not sure what I can say. 'I'm not ready' and 'I don't know' aren't good enough answers to your marriage and kids questions," Nessie says, wiping her eyes with the palm of her hand, "you just want me to say 'yes'."
"Those are good enough answers," I exhale, "I just… I don't know. I feel like I waited so long to have you. Now that I got you, I want it all. I just feel… ready," I try to explain, "you don't feel that way?"
"No. I just wanted you," she replies, "the rest… it all scares me. I'm not ready for any of that. I know I'm an adult and everything but I've only existed for all of 11 years."
I Inhale. Fuck. I never thought of it that way, "okay. I'm sorry. You're right," I nod. I neglected to think of any of this from her perspective. She's barely lived at all.
"Really?" she whispers.
"Of course," I go to her and sit down on the bed next to her, "I want you to want all of the same things I want for us. If you're not in a place where you can want these things, that's fine. I can be patient," I reply.
"Patient?" she smiles at me, "you can be patient?"
"I can try to be patient," I correct myself with a grin and give her a soft kiss.
"Thank you for understanding," she replies and kisses me back.
"Of course," I wrap an arm around her. She leans her head against my chest. Her eyes wander down to the bed.
"This is the bed," Nessie says, running her hand over the mattress. For a moment I don't understand what she is talking about but then I look around the room and realize that this is the exact room where we made love for the first time.
"Oh, god," I cringe, "yeah… and that went as well as expected."
Nessie swears up and down that it was great but I remember it differently. First, she had to walk me through how to pleasure her orally… it took forever. I later discovered that it was because I wasn't using nearly enough pressure or going fast enough; not to mention that I could have probably dedicated a lot more time to foreplay.
Then we had sex… which lasted all of one and a half minutes.
Nessie chuckles, "stop. You were fine."
"Better now, though. Right?" I ask with a smirk.
"Of course, you're an amazing lover," she agrees with a grin, climbing onto my lap, straddling me with one leg on each side.
I run my hands over her rear and squeeze, pulling her pelvis closer, "go on," I grin, inviting her to flatter me as I kiss her neck.
"Hmmm," she moans softly, tilting her head to the side so I can properly suck and nibble on her neck, "oh… um. You're attentive and adventurous... Spontaneous... Always aiming to please..." she swallows, her breathing is staggered. I pull her hips into mine again. She slowly rocks against me; I exhale a soft breath.
"What else?" I whisper in her ear, feeling my pants become tight in response to her rocking.
"Sensual," she continues and gasps when I suck her earlobe into my mouth, "with a… Nice. Big. Cock," she purrs.
"This cock?" I ask, pulling her hips into mine forcefully so that she can feel my erection.
She giggles, "that's the one."
I grin. In one swift movement, I lift Nessie up off my lap and lay her down on the bed. She looks up at me with desire in her eyes. That look. I crush her lips with mine, kissing her fervidly. My hand wanders up her shirt, pushing her bra out of the way; I firmly cup her breast.
Then… knock, knock, knock.
Why does this always happen here?
"Fuck off!" I growl.
Nessie laughs at my rude response at the attempted interruption. I hold my breath until I hear footsteps leaving. Good.
I return to kissing her, pushing my tongue past her lips in an aggressive manner. She lets me in.
Nessie wastes no time, her hands already unfastening my belt. I pull away from the kiss.
"Woah… so you're just going for it, huh?" I tease her, we usually spend a lot more time on the warmup before she goes right for my pants. However, sometimes she is eager to just get to the main event. I guess this is one of those times.
She grins, nodding enthusiastically.
I look around the room, maniacally, until my eyes locate Nessie's purse sitting on the floor, near the bed. I reach down and toss it up onto the mattress and start rummaging through, looking for the stash of condoms she keeps in there.
"Literally so much junk," I grumbled, frustrated that I can't locate a single condom among all of the lipsticks, various bottles of hair products, random receipts and the unnecessary collection of sunglasses.
Nessie smacks my hand out of the way and reaches inside, pushing some objects aside before retrieving a small foil square. I'm relieved that she found one.
I toss her purse back onto the floor and then slide my hands up her skirt, tucking my fingers into the waistband of her wool tights and tug them down her hips. I sit up on my knees sliding the tights down the rest of the way, off of her smooth legs.
When I glance up at her she is biting her bottom lip in anticipation. She's so fucking hot when she does that.
I glide my fingers back up her thighs, finding her panties under her skirt and tug them down to her ankles where she kicks them off.
"Hey, kids!" Sam yells from downstairs, "you have 10 minutes or we're leaving you behind!"
I look to Nessie for clarification.
"Snowboarding," she replies.
I exhale and hang my head, "should we just go?" I look to the door. Last year Nessie got considerably good at the sport. I know she is excited to get back to it.
Nessie sucks her bottom lip between her teeth again, "we have 10 minutes," she says.
"We'll have to change and put on all our gear," I reply.
"Okay, so we have 5 minutes," she smirks.
"Okay, then," I grin, finding Nessie's hand, placing it where a layer of denim conceals my erection. She rubs me through the denim. I exhale sharply. Nessie moves my loose belt buckle aside and pushes the button of my jeans free and then tugs the zipper down.
I slide my hand up her skirt and touch her to make sure she's ready. Good. She is thoroughly aroused.
Nessie pulls me free from my jeans and boxers. I watch as her petite hands roll the condom on. I never thought I would consider black, glittery nail polish sexy but watching her handle me with her manicured nails is so fucking hot.
I tug the tip of the condom just a little bit to make sure there is enough room and then I push her skirt up and position myself between her legs.
This is always the challenging part.
Gentle, gentle, gentle. I remind myself, listening to her for any sign of discomfort or pain as I guide myself into her slowly.
I remain still, studying her face, waiting for the crease between her brows to disappear and for her body to adjust to my girth.
Rushing this part is a mistake. I was horrified to learn that she was often in pain the day after sex. What an awful feeling to learn you've been hurting your lover doing the most intimate act. Even more mortifying was I had to learn it from Edward. The father of my girlfriend literally told me to take it easy. Awful. He was just about as uncomfortable bringing it up as I was hearing it. And Nessie insisted everything was fine. She was livid with Edward; claimed he was trying to sabotage our love life.
Patrol was awkward right after that. Seth and Winnie had yet to start fooling around; Seth was horrified. Quil basically had the same reaction even though him and Claire are years away from anything like that. Leah was sympathetic, though she did take pleasure in knowing that her and Sam had stopped having sex after he became a wolf. She claims he was quite average when they were together. Embry was an asshole about it, thought it was hilarious. He'll think differently when he finds his other half. He's so immature. We all can't wait for him to imprint so maybe he'll grow the hell up.
I gathered up all my courage and went to my sister for advice. She was nice about it. Didn't tease me. Basically said starting slow and giving her a few seconds to adjust makes all the difference. Even so, for months after that, I refused to even touch Nessie without insane amounts of lubricant.
I remain still, feeling her occasionally contract around me. Not moving takes so much effort. My instincts scream at me to pound into her.
Gentle, gentle, gentle. I remind myself again and continue to observe her face. I nuzzle her neck, affectionately, waiting for her to signal me that it's okay to move.
She nods and I slowly start to move. We both moan at the same time. She feels amazing.
"Faster."
"Already?" I ask, picking up the pace, she usually only starts bossing me around when she is close.
"Five minutes, remember," she grins at me.
"Fuck, I forgot." I had gotten so into the moment that I forgot that this was supposed to be a quickie. Everyone is waiting for us downstairs so we can go snowboarding.
I support my body over her with my arms and push deep inside. A satisfying whimper escapes her lips, so I do it again and again.
"Jacob," she whines, tilting her head back.
I want to strip off all of her clothing. I want to admire her body and feel her skin and kiss her breasts. But we have a time limit. I make a commitment to myself to make love to her properly later.
I'm panting heavily now and grunting with each deep thrust. Nessie wraps her legs around me. She reaches behind her head, gripping the pillow in tight fists.
"Jacob," she moans, "... faster… feels so good..."
That's what I like to hear. And I agree. It feels fucking amazing.
I squeeze her thigh, moving faster at her request.
"You getting close, baby?" I whisper in her ear. It's almost to the point where it is getting too much for me. I could let go at any second.
"Yes," she whimpers. Her hands release the pillow and tangle within my hair, pulling my mouth down to meet hers.
I kiss her back passionately, going faster now. I'm not worried about losing it before her. If that happens, I can finish her off in other ways. But it feels so amazing when she quakes around me. So I try my best to hold back and wait for her. Ladies first, right?
"Come on, baby," I grunt, keeping up the pace, listening to her panting become more and more rapid until finally she throws her head back.
"JACOB!" she moans loudly.
Hearing her scream my name. Feeling her tighten around me. It's all too much. I release, collapsing on top of her and bury my face in her beautiful copper hair.
Nessie's loud release appears to have inspired some cheering from the guys downstairs. I chuckle and lift my head to see Nessie covering her mouth with both hands, her face turning pink.
I grin, "was it good for you?" I ask, teasing her.
She smiles, putting her palm to my cheek and showing me a night sky illuminated with fireworks.
I laugh softly, "good… get dressed."