Chapter 8
Paris, Christmas Eve, December 24th, 2368
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"Oh, my goodness… What is this?"
Julian couldn't help staring at the giant Christmas tree that was decorating the hall of René Delon's mansion at the outskirts of Paris. He'd never have guessed that René was living in such an awe-inspiring place. It was a two-story house with a big entrance hall and presumably a dozen of rooms that seemed now occupied by all the guests who were roaming the halls and waiting for dinner to start.
"This…" Palis grinned and her red dress reflected the sparkling Christmas lights on the tree when she turned round to face him, "…is our traditional Christmas tree!"
"It's… huge… I've never seen anything like it." The tree must be about three meters tall and he had no idea where on earth René had managed to get it. It seemed natural, no hologram and not artificial. It was like in a fairy tale. The tree was decorated with lights, tinsel and ornaments and it must have taken hours to put it up.
"Palis!" a voice exclaimed and when they turned a man in black trousers and a white shirt came over to them, a big grin plastered on his face. He must be about the same age as René and he bore a certain resemblance to the older doctor. But where René's eyes could be fierce and unrelenting, the brown eyes of the older man coming now toward them radiated a genuine warmth.
"Uncle Gérard! I haven't seen you in months!" Palis exclaimed and wrapped her arms around her uncle.
"You look gorgeous like always!" her uncle said and then turned toward Julian. "And this must be…"
"Julian," Palis beamed. "My fiancé."
"I've heard a lot about you!" Gerard smiled as if he were some kind of celebrity and Julian felt himself blush in spite of himself. "I'm so glad you can be here with us today. I'd love to hear more about you later at dinner," but before he could utter another word he was suddenly called back by a female voice behind him.
"Oh, I forgot. I need to help Anna with the Christmas Cake. If you'll excuse me…" and with that he was already gone, hurrying off with a pleasant tune on his lips.
Julian stared after him. "How many people did your father invite to this party?"
Palis smiled and took him by the arm, gently pulling him with her. It wasn't that he felt uncomfortable being around her family, it was just that there were so many of them. A boy and a girl, about six or seven years old, almost bumped into them playing catch, followed by an exasperated voice calling after them not to run around in the house. Then Palis started to point out all the different family members to him.
"Over there, next to the tree, that's Anna, Gérard's wife and my aunt. Gérard is Papa's older brother. They're here with their three children, Louisa, Emily and Pierre. The old lady next to Anna, that's my grandmother. Unfortunately, her husband passed away some years ago and she's here with her sister Sarah. And then we have Papa's younger sister Vivienne with her husband Paul and the children Frederick and Henrik. Oh, and the man with the white beard, that's Paul, Papa's friend from the Academy."
Palis guided him through the entrance hall like she was really enjoying herself. Her cheeks glowed and with her sparkling red dress amidst the Christmas decoration she looked as if she'd just sprung out of the Nutcracker. He couldn't resist the urge to pull her closer and kiss her. Perhaps coming here hadn't been such a bad idea after all, even though it was conspicuous that even though he was one of René's best friends, Michael wasn't here.
"Julian, I'm glad you're feeling better. After all I was able to find out, I think that the headache was a side-effect from your neural medication. But it's already more than a week since surgery. I think it's safe to quite it."
"Okay," Julian slowly said, "did you inform Dr. Delon about the change in my medication?"
Michael nodded, though he wouldn't meet his eyes. "Yes. I already took the liberty to speak to René after the overreaction to the painkillers yesterday. We both agree that it is the best course of action."
He shook his head. Perhaps he was reading too much into it. Even though it was strange that Michael wouldn't be here at the party today.
"Come, dinner will start soon, and I need to talk to Papa before he begins his Christmas speech!" Palis drew him back from his thoughts. He followed her as she elegantly made her way through the throng of people until they came to the dining room, where René was busy talking to one of the guests.
"Palis! Julian!" René's face instantly lit up when he saw the young couple. "I'm so glad to see you here!"
Palis enveloped her father in a warm hug. Then she suddenly became serious. "Papa, there's something I need your advice on. I need to talk to you. Do you think you could spare me some minutes this evening?"
René searched her face but finally nodded. "Of course, Palis. But I think it's better to postpone this conversation to tomorrow morning. I don't think we'll have much time as long as our guests are here, but I will be all ears tomorrow at breakfast?"
Julian couldn't help but notice the slightly crestfallen look on her face. She must have hoped to catch her father sooner but then she nodded and uttered a quick but polite "that would be great."
They sat down at the dinner table and soon the other guests were seated as well, and dinner started with René's famous Christmas speech. It was a warm atmosphere with lots of laughter, candlelight and the feeling of being among family. Surprisingly, Julian felt all at once at ease. Even though he politely declined the mulled wine and settled for some juice instead as the sudden breakdown one week ago was still fresh in his mind, he found himself enjoying the evening more than he would have thought.
Dinner was delicious and with a wistful smile he thought that he'd never spent a better Christmas Eve in his life.
It was later on in the evening, when everyone was chatting happily along and Palis was absorbed in an animated conversation with her niece and her nephew that René suddenly tabbed Julian on the shoulder.
"I see, you're enjoying yourself," he smiled contently and followed Julian's gaze over to where Palis was laughing with the two children. "I'd like to have a word with you. Could you spare me some minutes? I'll bring you back before Palis notices that you're gone," he winked.
"Of course," Julian said and excusing himself from Gérard with whom he'd been engrossed in a long conversation, he headed after René.
He followed René up to the second floor, through corridors with festive decorations until they had reached what seemed to be his study. Voices and laughter still drifted up from the Christmas gathering below and even though it was already late in the evening, he suspected the gathering to go on for still quite some time.
The older man opened the door and entered first, Julian in his wake.
"Come in," René said nonchalantly, gesturing for him to follow, as he went over to the broad desk where a lot of documents were stacked neatly in a row. The room was bigger than he'd thought. Shelves with old-fashioned books were lining one wall of the room, a broad window overlooking the snowy ground outside behind his desk.
"Please, close the door," Palis' father added, while he went over to a small cabinet, retrieving two glasses and a bottle of some obvious alcoholic beverage.
Julian did es he was told, but not without some queasy feeling in his stomach. He couldn't help wondering what René wanted to see him about which he couldn't discuss with him down in the presence of the other guests. Could it be about Michael? Neither Michael, nor René had yet said anything to him, but he suspected that René must already be aware of the fact that Michael no longer trusted him when it came to Julian's wellbeing.
René was pouring two glasses, sweeping one up to present it to Julian. Unsure, Julian took it.
"I guess you must have had enough of mulled wine by now," the older man laughed with a mischievous grin. "Here, try this, Julian. You'll be amazed."
Even though he didn't really feel like drinking and would rather not have had something alcoholic just yet, Julian complied. It was something strong, burning his throat and he had to suppress the urge to cough.
René seemed pleased, taking another swig of his own glass before he put it back down and leaned casually with his back against the desk.
"So, I'm really glad you took the opportunity to celebrate Christmas with us, Julian. You're already part of our family, and today wouldn't have been the same without you," the older man said, smiling.
Somehow, René's stare was making him feel uneasy. There was something about the older man, he couldn't put his finger on. He never could with René anyway. But today was somehow different. There was something about his eyes…
"I'm really enjoying myself. Everyone of your family is really nice. It's been a while since I had the chance to celebrate Christmas like this. I'm really grateful for the invitation," he said truthfully.
René came slowly closer. His eyes were fixed on Julian.
"I really do hope we'll have more of these opportunities in the future," he said. He suddenly was uncomfortably close. Julian suppressed the urge to back away, telling himself that he was being foolish. This was just René, after all.
"You're an extraordinary young man. I knew the moment I first met you that there's something special about you. And I was right. I want you to know that I'm very proud of you."
And suddenly, René leaned forward to kiss him. It all happened so fast. Suddenly his lips were sealing Julian's, in an almost gentle way, as if he was testing the young man's reaction.
He hadn't seen this coming. Startled, Julian broke away, backing up a step. He knew that his shock must be clearly written all over his face because René watched him for a second, obviously savoring his embarrassment. When he took another step closer, Julian brought his free hand up to stop him, though René was faster. He gripped Julian's wrist and with a smooth motion he immobilized it while his other hand shot up and clamped around the nape of the young man's neck, pulling him close. A second later his lips were again seeking Julian's, this time more fiercely, demanding, allowing no retreat.
Julian reflexively tried to push away, and the glass slipped from his hand, but the older man's grip around his neck was unyielding. He was holding Julian in place, ignoring his protests, his kiss fierce and unrelenting. Shocked back to his senses, Julian pushed with his free arm hard against René's chest. He felt sick to his bones. He hadn't seen this coming. He was utterly unprepared for the older man's advances.
And finally, René released his tight grip around Julian's neck and the young man stumbled backwards, driven by his own momentum. He felt something against his legs and crashed down hard on the couch. His heart was hammering in his chest and his eyes darted for René. His mind needed a few seconds to process what had just happened.
René on the other side, just stood there, a content smile on his face. His eyes almost spoke of fatherly affection.
"I see what Palis finds in you," he said. The way his eyes were running over Julian made the young man's blood freeze in his veins. It was all Julian could do to stare at his father-in-law, unable to comprehend what had prompted René's action so suddenly.
"I-I'm sorry," he croaked, hating himself for his stammer. René's presence always managed to intimidate him. "I think we should better get back to Palis and the others. They must be waiting for us already." It was the moment he tried to get up, that he suddenly noticed that something was not right. When he tried to get to his feet, a sudden wave of vertigo made him abandon his plan very quickly. He collapsed back onto the couch. His head started to hurt. And he felt uncomfortably warm. Somehow he suddenly didn't feel well.
"You want to go back, already?" René said in mock surprise, arching one brow. "How unfortunate." When he slowly came closer to the couch, everything in Julian urged him to jump up and dash for the door. When he'd learned one thing in the last few months, it was that René was unpredictable. He had no idea what the older doctor had in mind, but he had no desire to find out. Julian struggled to get up from the couch, but to his great dismay, the ground suddenly started to tilt this way and that. He closed his eyes and groaned.
"Oh my, that was a drink too many, today, wasn't it, Julian? Look at yourself, you can barely walk straight." René laughed. "Let me help you!"
"NO!" Julian batted his hand away. His heart had begun hammering in his chest. He hadn't drunk anything tonight. Not until René had given him the glass. There was no way he was drunk. And then the terrible realization slowly dawned on him. The drink. There must have been something in the drink René had given him.
"What have you given me?," he asked, taken aback. He felt a flutter of panic in the pit of his stomach and tried to ignore it. Perhaps he was getting it all wrong. Perhaps there was an explanation for all this after all. Perhaps it was just a bad joke.
René smiled his enigmatic smile, giving Julian the creeps.
"I only wanted to spend some time with you, Julian. We barely have the chance to be alone. I just wanted to make sure we're undisturbed for the time being."
"By putting something in my drink?" Julian asked back, incredulous. If the situation hadn't been so absurd, he would have laughed. But René luring him into his study, drugging him and kissing him was anything but funny. His heart was by now beating up into his mouth.
He steeled his features and looked at René deadpan. "I'm sorry that I don't feel the same way. I would rather not continue our conversation. I would appreciate it if we could go back to the others." He tried to sound nonchalant, but knew he failed miserably at it.
René sat down next to him, his elbows propped on his knees. He still wore the same smug look on his face.
"I was hoping for a little more, Julian," he said, and Julian felt as if he was going to be sick. It was the way René spoke his name. Like only the sound of it made a shudder of arousal course through him. "You're an amazing young man. We've spent so much time together. You're brilliant and passionate about your profession. And that makes you so special. I was hoping to bring our relationship to another level." René was watching him expectantly.
"I-I'm sorry," Julian stammered, René's sudden nearness making him almost jump out of his skin. "I'm in love with your daughter. We're going to marry. I don't think this is a good idea." Unsteadily, he tried to get to his feet. He would have fallen to the floor, hadn't René jumped up from the couch to catch and steady him. Julian felt a jolt of horror at the older man's touch.
"The one doesn't exclude the other," René said, as he braced him.
"I-I don't think I'm ready for this," Julian tried to save the situation.
"I see," the other man said with a wistful smile. "That is so unfortunate. I was hoping the feeling was mutual."
"Please, I want to go back to the others," Julian said, half-pleading, well aware that he was completely at René's mercy. By now, he could barely stand without the other man's help.
René sighed, but then he hoisted one of Julian's arms over his shoulders. "I'm not sure if this is a good idea, Julian. Look at yourself. You can barely stand. What would Palis say if she saw you so drunk?"
"I'm not drunk! You drugged me! You put something in my drink!"
René laughed. "Somehow I knew you wouldn't be convinced so easily. I know you better than you think. You need to relax, Julian," was all he said as he slowly started to walk with him. And to Julian's horror it was not toward the door that led back out into the corridor. It was toward another door, standing ajar. And when they entered the room behind it, a sudden wave of fear came washing over him.
It was a bedroom. René's bedroom. Blue satin sheets were neatly arranged over a king size bed. There was a big window overlooking the snowy ground outside, just like in the other room. A single picture hung at the wall above the bed, but apart from that, there was no other decoration in the room.
"No," he whispered, struggling to make the older man stop. "Don't!"
But he was in no condition to put up a fight. When René ignored his protest and eased him down so that he came to sit on the bed, Julian almost collapsed backwards onto it. He felt so weak. His world was spinning around him, and he had to close his eyes for a moment to fight the mounting sickness that was building in his stomach.
Only dimly was he aware that René had begun to take off Julian's shoes.
"What-what are you doing?" he blurted in alarm, but René wouldn't answer.
The next thing he knew, the older man was in front of him, his eyes trailing over Julian in a way that made the young man want to curl up and hug himself. And then he was there, pushing Julian down onto the blue sheets, René straddling him, his mouth seeking Julian's for another hungry kiss.
Julian tried to fight him off, but René was forcing himself onto him with such a strength, that it was no use. Julian struggled to turn his head to the side, but René just grabbed his face, forcing him back into the kiss. Julian's hands, stiff and almost useless, pushed against the older man's shoulders in a desperate attempt to stop him. But René just grabbed Julian's wrists, twisting them easily up over his head and pinning them down onto the bed while he continued to kiss him fiercely. Julian bucked against him. He fought to drum up every shred of strength that was left in his drugged body and twisted beneath René to gain some leverage. René must have noticed his wild struggle because he broke away for a moment to search the young man's face. Julian gasped for air, drawing large gulps of breath. When their eyes met, Julian knew that he didn't stand the ghost of a chance to stop René.
"Let me go!" Julian hissed and tugged desperately at René's hands that safely secured his wrists. "I don't want this! I don't want you. Let me go!" He glared at René, furious. "You don't have any right to do this!"
When René just laughed, he felt tears of frustration and shame form in the corner of his eyes. He certainly didn't want this. He didn't even know what had invited René's behavior. Or perhaps the older man didn't even need an invitation. He usually took what he wanted. And this time, it was Julian. Julian felt sick to his bones, the mere thought of what this was leading to terrifying him beyond words.
"Don't fool yourself, Julian. You're craving this as much as I do. Just relax. I was hoping for this to become a pleasurable experience for both of us." René's soft voice cut through his horror, the other man's face so close that he could feel his warm breath upon his skin. "I take it you've never been with a man before. But there's nothing to fear."
Another wave of panic washed over Julian at René's words. He desperately tried to get his wrists free, frantically willing more strength into them. But he was no match for René. Not in his drugged condition anyway. He was barely able to move, René's weight pinning him down onto the mattress. He shut his eyes close, struggling to fight his panic. Goodness, he didn't want this to happened. He didn't want this to happen. He didn't want this to happen!
Then he felt René's lips on his throat, and the pressure on his wrists was suddenly gone. Instead, René was now unbuttoning his shirt. Julian tried to lash out at him, to push him away, but his arms would barely obey. What the hell had René given him? He heard René laugh, and the laughter burned itself deep into his soul. Hot fury about his own helplessness mixed with the terrible feeling of cold dread. He somehow managed to bring his arms down to grab for René's hands.
"Stop it!" he struggled to prevent the older man from unbuttoning his shirt. But René didn't seem to care. He worked with a clinical efficiency, completely ignoring Julian's weak attempt at protest as he quickly undid his shirt. Julian involuntarily felt a chill course through him when René pushed his shirt open. The touch of René's rough hands on his exposed skin alone was driving Julian to within an inch of his sanity.
"Let me go! Don't touch me!" Julian screamed, unable to control himself any longer. He was shaking uncontrollably, desperately clawing at René to leave him alone. Another moment later, a strong hand clamped over his mouth, cutting of precious air. Julian struggled against his grip, throwing his head to the side, trying to scream through the hand that was covering his mouth. But he only managed to make stars appear in his vision when he was running out of oxygen, his muffled screams nowhere near enough to be heard.
"Sssh, Julian, everything's going to be alright. Don't put up such a fight. You don't want them to hear you and find you like this, do you? Just imagine what Palis would say."
And then René was undoing the zipper of Julian's trousers with one hand, while the other still pressed down hard on the young man's mouth. Julian struggled with all his might. And he even did manage to kick out with his feet and land a blow somewhere. But it was nowhere near enough. Finally, René took away his hand and Julian coughed reflexively for breath. It was enough time for René to strip him with one quick motion. Then he straddled him again. His breaths came fast and hungry and there was a predatory gleam in his eyes that he'd never seen there before. He was savoring every second of this. He was savoring watching the young man's helpless struggle.
"Sssh, my boy. Relax, I won't hurt you, my dear. You don't have to be afraid," René said as he took off his own shirt. Even the thick fabric of his dark trousers was not able to conceal the older man's arousal.
Julian finally felt his tears spill over. Hot tears of shame and humiliation fell down onto the bedcover, soaking the blue sheets to both sides of his head. He knew that he wouldn't be able to fend René off. He knew that there was nothing he could do to stop him. Julian thought of his career, of what would happen if anyone found out about tonight. How should he explain what his mentor had done to him? How was he ever again able to face his colleagues at the hospital? How was he ever again able to face Palis? He felt so ashamed, so helpless and humiliated that he desperately wished to die.
"Don't… Please…" he begged, and squeezed his eyes shut tightly. He felt all the pent-up emotions of the past few months rush to the fore. It was like a dam bursting. A miserable sob escaped his throat. "I don't want this. I don't want you. Please… Let me go."
Julian suddenly felt a hand gently stroking over his cheek, wiping his tears away as if to comfort him. He would have recoiled from the touch, but there was nowhere for him to go. He was shaking when René stroked his hair, gently cupping his face with one hand.
"Oh Julian, you're so beautiful when you're distraught like this. But there's no need to cry. I would never do anything to hurt you. Trust me. Now relax."
He desperately struggled to fight back new tears. He didn't want to cry in front of René. He didn't want to give him the satisfaction of letting him see how terrified he was.
"Sssh, don't be afraid," René's voice was full of affection.
But Julian was too absorbed in his own terror to hear. He felt René's touch on him, his hands caressing his cheek, his hands trailing down his chest, moving lower and lower. He felt René's body against his, felt his warmth and his tight muscles.
"Don't…" Julian begged in a choked whimper. At the same time, he felt his vision blur. Darkness came closing in on him. He felt like he slowly lost control of his body. He gasped for breath, straining to remain conscious. He couldn't lose consciousness now. He couldn't lose consciousness! He couldn't…
"Don't fight it, Julian," René's voice came sickeningly sweet close to his ear.
The last thing he was aware of was René's warm hand caressing his abdomen. René's lips gently kissing his exposed throat. And then his mind lost itself in the terrible darkness that came rolling over him.