Chapter 10 - Ballast. September 15, 1830. Edd and Marie.
Edd and Marie continued to walk towards the Park N Flush trailer park, after Marie spent nearly fifteen minutes crying into Edd's shoulder. Not much was said on the walk home, but Edd's arm draped over Marie's shoulder coupled with Marie's willingness to hold Edd's wrist without pursuing anything more physical spoke volumes. The sun was beginning to set and the sky was transitioning from blue to a shade of orange.
"Red sky at night, sailor's delight, red sky at morning sailor's take warning," Edd mused to himself.
"Is there any truth in that old rhyme?" Marie asked.
"To be honest, I'm not entirely sure. I'm vaguely aware from my Physics class that as the sun sets and the light needs to take a longer path through the atmosphere to reach our eyes due to the lower declination angle, most of the blue light will scatter before reaching our eyes, but beyond that, I'm not so certain," Edd replied, "Still, it would be a nice sentiment, and while I'd like to pursue it further, I believe we are at your home," Edd said as he pointed to the neon Park N Flush trailer sign.
Marie's jaw hung open a bit, half asking the question as a joke, and being absolutely floored when Edd had a scientific response ready to go, but she quickly regained her composure. "I guess we are," Marie said with a hint of sadness. "So, the Naval Academy? Think you'll get in?"
"I'd like to think so Marie, but there is a lot of uncertainty. I'm fairly confident that my academics will enable me to meet their standards, but I still need to earn a congressional nomination during the November interviews and pass a physical fitness test next month," Edd replied.
"So, what're you worried about? You're a proper gentleman, so I'm sure some politician would fall in love with you, and aren't you running like half a marathon every day?" Marie asked.
"It is true that my cardiovascular shape should be adequate, but, my upper body strength, specifically with pull-ups, may not be sufficient. I'm only able to do three and the maximum is twenty," Edd said.
"So, what are you going to do about that?" Marie asked.
"Honestly, I was hoping that my run time would be good enough for the admissions board to overlook that flaw," Edd replied.
"Marie rubbed her chin for a second, and then said "Huh, some plan Edd. Since when do you just 'hope?' You usually work these things out to the last detail. Like, why not try for four, or five, or seven? Why quit at three?"
Well, to be honest, three seems to be my limit, and I can't do more, simple as that," Edd replied.
Marie paused, then decided to press Edd further, "Do you always give up that easy?"
"I beg your pardon?" Edd replied, noticeably flustered.
"Look, don't take this the wrong way Dreamboat, but I've never seen you settle for mediocrity in school, so what's different? Why are three pullups good enough but a ninety seven on a science exam a failure?" Marie asked.
"Well, school always came easy for me, and I've been able to earn perfect scores in most subjects with little effort. I don't mean this to sound pompous; I do a lot of work, but the work just makes sense. Pull-ups elude me on the other hand," Edd replied.
"Have you even tried for four?" Marie asked.
"No. I can feel myself slipping at three, and I assess that to be my limit," Edd replied.
"What're you afraid of? Falling on your own two feet?" Marie asked.
"I…." Edd began.
"Because if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were afraid of finding your limits, realizing that's the best you can do, and then facing the realization that you'd have to put in effort to get better, and the prospect of needing to improve that one area of your life seems to overwhelm you. Tell me I'm wrong Edd," Marie responded.
"How did you figure that out? I've never failed at anything, so why start now? My standards are good enough for me, and if I think I can make it with what I have, great. If not, then I'm obviously not good enough," Edd began.
"That's bullshit and you know it!" Marie shouted.
"Come again?" Edd asked.
"You've never fucking failed at anything Edd, and I thought it was because you're excellent at everything you do, but it's really because life never placed you in a position against your choosing, isn't it? You've never been cold, alone, hungry, confused, and had to make the best of it, right? If you didn't have the luxury of excelling at everything else, you'd be at the gym every day trying to squeeze out one more rep, but you think that you're just good enough to get by on your own merit, so you don't care about improving," Marie pressed.
"You really just saw through me, just like that?" Edd asked.
"I'm sorry if I sounded harsh. I really mean it, especially after you just took the time to walk me home. It's just, I got frustrated with myself. You're afraid of taking a chance from a position of success because you're afraid of failure, but I've always had my back against the wall trying to slay the closest dragon in front of my face, whether it's school, cash, siblings, or just raising myself, and I've never been given an opportunity to succeed. If I had a tenth of your privilege, and maybe could get more than four hours of sleep a night, maybe I could make something of myself too!" Marie shouted.
"Marie, I'm," Edd began.
"No, Edd. I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you, and I'm not upset. I just wish you had some perspective and could see where I'm coming from, and why I'm hurting. For a smart guy, I thought you would've been able to figure this out," Marie replied.
"To be fair, you've never really given me the chance to talk to you about it before tackling or chasing me," Edd stated.
"I guess we both have some egg on our face here, huh?" Marie asked.
"A bit," Edd replied.
"Fair enough, still a truce?" Marie asked.
Edd put his arm around Marie's shoulder and gave her a gentle one armed hug. "Still a truce."
Marie smiled, and said "Look, come with me real quick. I'll explain on the way," as she walked into the woods. Edd, his curiosity piqued, followed her. "I didn't know if any of that was going to be true Edd, but I wanted to make sure you didn't have some irreparable injury before I went down that path, because, that's why I'm leaving Peach Creek. You pretty much guessed it by now, but as much as I want to front that I'm trying to take an independent stand, I'm running, because I can't see myself trying to make my family life work and then have it fall to pieces. I'm abandoning them. You can judge me all you want; I deserve it, but I get it. Why bother trying if all you'll find out is that you're a failure?"
"Why are you telling me this Marie?" Edd asked.
"Because you're not a fuck-up, and I don't want to see you fuck up based on some self-doubt. You took a chance on me, at least give me this chance to make it up, to do some good while we're still talking," Marie said.
"Okay, what's on your mind?" Edd asked.
"See that tree branch over there?" Marie asked, as she pointed to a sturdy, four-inch-thick tree branch about seven feet off the ground. Edd nodded. "Jump up and grab it; I just want to see you do some pull-ups. I'll count the reps."
"Okay," Edd replied, as he jumped up, grabbed the branch. He pulled himself up and got his chin over the branch.
"That's one," Marie said. Edd repeated his movement, with obvious straining and a shaky core, "Okay, that's two," Marie continued. Edd heaved himself up over the branch a final time, but as he was about to let go and let himself drop, he felt Marie grab his feet and hold them by her hips. "Okay Edd, that's three. I've got your feet now, so if you let go, you're going to face plant. I want two more," Marie ordered.
"Marie!" Edd shouted. "This is absurd! Unhand me at this very instant! This could be construed as assault!"
"No. Look, I want you to get pushed to the edge a bit. I've got your feet, so I've got to be holding some of your weight. Come on, all that training and you can't even knock out two more? I won't let go, and you can do this," Marie said.
Edd's mind was racing, his head was spinning, his adrenaline pumping, and his grip was slipping. Sure, he had been placed in dangerous situations previously in his life through hijinks with Ed and Eddy, but he always maintained some semblance of risk mitigation and control. Now, he was literally hanging on for his life, lest he face plant and pierce his eyes with the assorted sticks and branches on the ground, or shatter an elbow on a rock. With his heart racing, he yanked as hard as he could.
"Four!" Marie shouted. "One more!"
Edd's mind was blank, his vision tunneled, and his arms dropped until they were fully outstretched again. "It's now or never," he thought to himself as he hoisted himself into the air with all of his effort, throwing caution to the wind. As his chin barely cleared the tree branch, he felt Marie release his feet and he plopped on the ground next to her, his hands covering his eyes, as he bellowed a scream of frustration.
"Hey, Edd, calm down, you did great," Marie said, patting him on the shoulder.
"Calm! Calm! How can you expect me to be calm! I was panicked, stricken, like a free solo climber on the edge of El Cap, knowing that with one misstep, one slip, one failure, I would've plummeted to certain injury," Edd shouted.
"Well, one, you didn't, so congratulations, and two, do you really think I would've let you fall?" Marie asked.
"Well, no, probably not," Edd replied.
"I would never let you fall Edd. Believe me. Look, I mentioned earlier that when I was put in a situation where I had to succeed or starve, I found a way to win. You just did the same thing. You found something other than logic or rationality to get up there; you found some will, some fire, and that's all I was hoping to show you. You can do more, and I believe you can get past your own limits, even if I can't get past mine," Marie told him.
"You really wouldn't have let me fall?" Edd asked.
"Never," Marie replied.
"Well, thanks, this time. I must apologize but I'm still a bit shaken, and I must calm down a minute," Edd said.
"Take your time; I'm not going anywhere. You're sweating like crazy though," Marie commented.
"Probably should wipe the sweat out of my eyes," Edd said to no one in particular. However, seeing as he was a bit lightheaded and wasn't thinking clearly, rather than reaching for a dry piece of his shirt, he takes off his beanie to wipe his eyes free of sweat.
"Oh my! Shit!" Marie uttered as she saw his bare head.
Edd, momentarily confused, looked at her as to ascertain the origin of her surprise, but then he looked in his hands and saw his beanie, reached up to see if maybe, just maybe, he was hallucinating, and his beanie was really on his head. When Edd felt his damp hair, he knew for certain that he just exposed a part of himself in plain view of Marie Kanker. He hastily replaced the beanie on his head and said, "Yes, oh my shit indeed. Well, I guess I should tell you what you just saw."