Chapter 17: The Burial ceremony.
John sat in the infirmary on New Sateda waiting for his final check-up before being allowed to leave. Shalite was supposed to come and pick him up and take him to Tuart and Roget's burial ceremonies. A lot had happened since he had been on New Sateda and he wasn't sure whether him being here had made things better or worse.
Shalite and Julian had been in to see him on quite a few occasions and they had filled him in on what was happening with Atlantis. Apparently, they were in the middle of negotiations with the Coalition of planets to discuss who would work and live there and apparently the leader of the Coalition Luchias Tinkle had been very aggressive and Rohan lux had had to remove him from the room on one occasion. Shalite had also asked him for his suggestions as to the kind of people who should be sent to Atlantis and what kind of people that they would need in leadership there. He had agreed to meet with her after the burial ceremonies if she felt up to it.
John had finally met Rohan the day before and it had made him homesick for his time. Rohan was so much like his long dead Satedan friend that he'd almost cried when Rohan had given him a huge bear hug.
Shalite had also shared with him the discrepancies in the history books and John wasn't really surprised at the duplicitous nature of the Coalition council. Nothing had changed in 50,000 years there was always someone that wanted power and control to serve their own interests. He suspected that war was a strong possibility in the near future and he only hoped that he wasn't around when it started, as he had his own war to fight and that war needed to be fought 50,000 years in the past.
Julian had told him about the head of the Coalition council and how Luchias had wanted to arrest him, but Julian had assured him that they would protect him and do whatever they could to find a way to help him get home.
His contemplations were interrupted when a soft voice pervaded his consciousness, "John are you ready to leave?"
Looking up he was surprised to see Shalite there with a really old looking wheelchair, "what no hover-chair?"
"Sorry this was all we could find for the moment. Apparently, hover-chairs are in short supply around here," she smirked.
He didn't miss the twinkle in her eye and he suspected that she was joking with him, "really well I guess I'll just have to stay here, because as I always used to tell Carson, I'm not getting in that thing. I think I can manage to walk."
"I don't think so laddie," Carson said entering the room and John didn't miss the sparkle in his blue eyes.
John tried to keep his temper under control as he answered, he suspected that they were joking with him, but he really wasn't in the mood, "if you would kindly get me a hover-chair I would be happy to use it, but if you expect me to use that," he said and pointed to the wheelchair before continuing, "I will be walking."
He was mortified when Shalite and Carson burst into laughter and unfortunately this made him angry, "what the hell is going on?!"
Carson was the first to pull himself together, "don't worry laddie, you can walk. I was just trying to make a point. Shalite didn't think that you would have a problem with using the chair and I assured her that you would refuse. I guess nothing has changed."
John glared at his friend to let him know that he wasn't amused, "so now that's over with, can I get some clothes and get out of here?"
"Once I've checked you over Shalite will take you to some guest quarters and you can get changed there."
"Thanks Carson and do you know where I can get some food, because I am starving."
"I will have some sent up to your room if you like, and I will join you since I haven't eaten as yet. Perhaps Carson, Joe and Rodney would like to join us?" Shalite suggested.
John was totally amazed at how she could be laughing and joking so quickly after her husband's death, which had him incredibly worried. He wondered how long she had left until her baby was born and he made up his mind that he wanted to stay until then.
Grabbing her hand, he smiled at her, "that would be great thanks Shalite."
"Okay laddie, lie back now and let me look at your stomach, although the wound was closed up with a healing device, it has seemed a little red and inflamed, so I would still like to keep an eye on it for a few days, in case it becomes infected. Joe has told me that even if the device has been used, if there are any germs left in the wound it can lead to infection." Carson explained, while gently probing his stomach.
John flinched when Carson pressed against a particularly tender spot, "have you finished prodding me yet Doc?"
"Yes, and everything looks alright for now, so you can go, and I will see you in half an hours' time for some lunch."
"Thanks Doc, I'll catch you later," he said as he pushed himself off of the bed and found himself standing on the cold hard floor with only a pair of scrubs and no shoes and socks. "Are you sure that I can't get changed here?"
"Put these slippers on and I will take you to your quarters, so that you can get dressed." Shalite suggested giving him a pair of blue fluffy slippers.
All he could do was roll his eyes when he saw the slippers, "really?"
"It's them or bare feet," Shalite said with a glint of mischief in her big brown eyes.
"Great," he muttered, as he slipped his feet into them.
Shalite took his hand and they headed off towards his room. He had to admit to himself that his leg was feeling a little bit stiff and his stomach still had a dull ache in it, but there was no way that he was going to tell anyone about it.
After a few minutes of walking in silence they arrived at a door on the third floor, "this is your quarters, mine are next door on your left and Rodney is on your right. Carson and Joe are across the hall if you need anything." Shalite explained to him.
"Are you alright Shalite? If I haven't said it before, I want you to know that I am so sorry about what happened to your husband and friend."
"It's alright John, a lot has changed for me over the last few days, but I feel if I stay on New Sateda for the foreseeable future I will have all the help and support that I need. Yes, I am still devastated by the loss of my husband, especially seeing that the last time I saw him I was angry with him. But I also have a purpose and a future moving forward, so I will be alright." She said and John could see the tears brimming her eyes.
John put his hand up to her cheek and wiped a tear away, "how long before the baby is born?"
"I am at 34 weeks now, so it shouldn't be for another 6 weeks, but Joe has said that I could have it anywhere from 37 weeks on and it will still be okay."
John took a deep breath, before commenting on what she had just said, "I would like to try and stay around until the baby is born, because I think that I would like to meet the little guy."
A smile lit up Shalite's face, "I would love it if you would be there with me while the baby is being born, "she said with tears welling up in her eyes again? "Tuart was going to be there, but now I have no-one. Joe will be there as my doctor, but I would like you to be there as my friend."
"Umm…I…would…umm…be honoured," he told her feeling incredibly uncomfortable by her request.
She cleared her throat before speaking again, "I thought you wanted to get changed John."
"Umm…. yes, I did."
"Well I'll leave you too it and see you in half an hour for lunch."
John stood and watched her leave and he had to wonder what he had just agreed to. He had never seen a baby being born before and he wasn't sure if he wanted to. Perhaps if he had a wife one day and she was having a baby he wouldn't have a problem with it, but this was someone he'd only known for four weeks and although she was lovely and he thought of her as a friend, he wasn't sure he wanted to watch her have her baby.
Sighing he opened the door to his room and decided that it was probably about time he put some clothes on.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Shalite watched as John entered his room, she had definitely become attached to him in the last few weeks and she wondered if she should ask him to stay. If she hadn't just lost her husband, she would be interested in pursuing a relationship with him and she could think of no-one better to be a father figure for her child. Sure, Joe was there to support her, but he would probably play the role of doting grandfather and Rodney and Carson, would certainly play the part of uncles well, but there was something different about John.
Sighing she headed back into her room for a while and then after lunch it was time to lay her husband to rest. She'd barely begun the grieving process, so she knew that she shouldn't even be considering moving on, but there was definitely something intriguing about John and the more she considered it the more she was convinced that she should ask him to stay. She suspected that he had feelings for his friend Teyla, so she knew that he wouldn't consider staying even for her, but at least he had said that he would be with her when she had her baby, which brought her a great sense of comfort.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
John felt uncomfortable as he stood looking at the two coffins that were in front of him and he had no idea what to say, Shalite was standing next to him sobbing and holding his hand. Joe stood on the other side of her holding her other hand. He had no idea what the ceremony was going to entail, but apparently it started with a lot of standing around and crying.
Rodney and Carson were there, as were Rohan and Julian and there was a small woman named Jolie Hoyte, who was the leader of the Coalition archaeological academy, or so he had been told. It upset him a little that, so few people were here to lay these men to rest, because surely, they had friends and family back on Louisa. But from what Julian had told him tensions were at an all-time high between New Sateda and the Coalition of planets, so perhaps no-one else could make it.
They stood looking at the coffins for another five minutes before a small man dressed in black robes entered the room. He looked like a monk from a monastery from long ago and the look on his face was serious.
Placing one hand on each coffin, he started to speak in a monotone, "we are gathered here today to say our goodbyes to Tuart Smith and Roget Farmer. They both lived good lives and they both lived their lives well, so it is with great sadness that we acknowledge their passing. Is there anyone that would like to say something about either of these two men, before we commit their souls to the afterlife?"
Shalite stepped forward and placed her hands on the coffins. John could see that she was still sobbing uncontrollably, he really wanted to go up and comfort her, but Joe had informed him that only the priest and one other were allowed to approach the dead.
"Tuart was my husband and the love of my life. When I met Tuart, he was incredibly loving and considerate towards me and I lapped up the attention that he gave me. He was an officer in the Coalition Space Academy and a good ten years older than me, so I very quickly fell in love with him. When he was promoted to Captain, he asked me to marry him. The first year we married things continued on the way they had when we were dating and it was the most incredible time of my life, but unfortunately before he died we had an argument and the last time that I saw him I was angry at him and the thing I regret the most it that I never had a chance to tell him how much I loved him." She looked down at the casket, before she continued, "goodbye my darling I will always love you."
John watched with sorrow as she began to sob again, but he didn't move from where he was. He knew that she probably needed her space right now. Glancing around he noticed that Joe was in tears and Carson and Rodney seemed and sombre as he did. Julian and Rohan had their eyes closed and he assumed that it was out of respect for the dead. Jolie was on her knees and sobbing uncontrollably, which made him feel incredibly uncomfortable.
He tried to remember back to his own father's funeral and how sad he'd been at the time, but he never remembered feeling the anguish that these people were obviously feeling. Perhaps that was because he wasn't very close to his father when he'd died, in fact he hadn't spoken to him for many years, so he had a whole heap of regrets, but still he could never bring himself to cry for him.
When Shalite spoke again, he was brought back to the present, "Roget was one of my closet friends and my mentor. I met him when I was going through my studies at the archaeological academy of Louisa. He was a kind and caring man, who had no problems treating me like family, but unfortunately we had and argument before he died as well." She stopped and took a deep breath, before continuing, "Roget was one of my dearest friends and I will miss him every day of my life. Goodbye old friend."
John watched as she fell to her knees in front of the coffins and continued to sob, he wanted to go and comfort her, but he didn't dare move out of respect for the traditions of these people. He stood still and bowed his head and all he could do was listen to her sob.
Her sobbing must have lasted a good ten minutes before she finally stood up and walked over to him and took his hand again. He looked down at her and smiled while giving her hand a gentle squeeze, he looked up at the monk again who seemed to be reciting some strange prayer. Looking around the room he noticed that everyone seemed to have their eye closed, so he quickly did the same.
Five minutes later when the prayer was over, he looked up again and found that several monks had joined them in the room. It wasn't long before they lifted coffins and began to take them out of the room, Shalite was the first to follow them, followed, by Jolie, Rodney, Carson, and he came out last. Joe had told him that Tuart and Roget would be placed in another room, where they would be kept for the days of mourning, which would continue for three days. No-one was allowed to wear any other colour but black for those three days. After three days there would be a celebration for all to attend and celebrate the lives of Tuart and Roget and to wish them well in the afterlife.
John took one last look at the coffins as they passed and then he decided to head back to his room, he suspected that Shalite would like some time alone and if she wanted to talk to him she knew where to find him.
Five minutes he arrived at his door and was happy to go inside, it was probably time for dinner, but he would wait and see what the others were up too. Once he was in his room, he went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, he was dressed totally in black and he was supposed to be dressed like this for the next three days. He had agreed that he would follow the traditions of Louisa out of respect and love for Shalite, but then his BDU's were black so it shouldn't really be a problem for him.
He was startled when he heard a knock on the door. It was times like this that he wished his was on Atlantis and he could just open the door with a thought. Sighing he took one last look in the mirror and headed to the door to see who was there, he opened the door to find that Carson was there.
"Hey Carson, did you want to come in for a while?"
"Aye that would be great thanks Colonel."
"Carson please don't call me Colonel, I'm just John here?"
"Sorry John, force of habit."
John looked at his friend and he could see that he was worried about something, "Carson did you want to talk about something?"
"I'm still having nightmares about what happened in that cave."
John took a deep breath, he suspected that Carson wanted to talk about it, "Would you like to tell me about them?"
"I sat and watched two good men that I hardly knew die because of what Michael did and his body still hasn't been found, how am I supposed to live with that? I know that you have seen and done things that have haunted you, but how do you live with it and carry on?"
John sat down next to his friend and looked him in the eye, "you just do. If you give up now Michael will have won, and Tuart and Roget's deaths would have been in vain. Everyday when you wake up you need to remind yourself to just keep fighting. I know that it's not easy, but some how you just have to continue on." He paused trying to think of what he was going to say next, "Look Carson you are one of the strongest people I know, and I know that you can do it."
"Aye, I understand what you're saying John, but do you ever feel guilty about the things you've seen or done?"
"All the time. That's what keeps me going, I know that if I give up I won't be able to change anything, or fight for a positive future."
John was beginning to feel extremely uncomfortable with the conversation. One thing he'd learnt since he'd been in the future was that people seemed to want to have deep and meaningful conversations with him and he was kind of hoping that it would stop.
He was relieved when Carson decided the change the conversation, "so John how are you doing?"
"I'm fine, I just want to go home and see Teyla and Ronon again. It has been a long four weeks and although Shalite and the others have tried to make me feel at home here, it just isn't my home."
"I know what you mean lad, I would love to go home too, but unfortunately back in your time I am still in stasis on Atlantis hopefully Jennifer will be able to find a way to cure me and if you go back in time that Carson will be home where I long to be."
Great, he thought, things are getting really intense again. He desperately thought of a way to change the subject finally he managed to say something, "Carson do you know why Michael was able to sense that I was in this time period?"
"Do you remember when you were infected with the retro-virus and you began turning in to a bug?"
John winced and rubbed his neck at the mention of bugs, "how could I forget doc?"
"Well when we were able to change you back there were still some wraith markers in your system, somehow Michael must have been able to sense that."
"Are you telling me that you lied to me and that I'm not 100% John Sheppard?"
"Before I was put in stasis, I was reading some of Jennifer's files and apparently on your last physical, she detected the markers, so technically I didn't lie to you."
This was getting intense again, but he really felt as if he needed to know what was going on, "can Teyla read my thoughts?" He asked with apprehension.
"Umm…."
John interrupted him before he had a chance to say anything else, "Spit it out Carson?!"
"Apparently she has sensed your thoughts, and that is why Jennifer found out, because Teyla went to her to ask her about it."
Rather than getting upset, John chose to end the conversation, since he'd had enough emotional chit chat for one day and all he wanted to do was go to sleep, "well I guess I'll have to talk to both of them when I get home then."
"Aye I think you should do that, but for now do you want to get something to eat?"
John smiled at his friend happy that the emotional talk was over for now, "yeah I reckon pizza and beer would go down nicely right about now?"
"Well how about I go and get Rodney and Joe and meet you here in half an hour?"
"That sounds great Carson, I'll order the pizza and see you then."
He watched as Carson left the room and he felt much happier than he had when Carson had first arrived in his room and he certainly hoped that Carson felt happier than he had when he'd entered the room.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Shalite had no idea how long she'd sat in the room with Tuart and Roget's bodies, but she knew that it had been a while. Joe had come and gone a few times to see how she was going, but he hadn't returned for quite a while. She knew that the ceremony was supposed to last three days and she would do that to respect her husband and friend, but she was already wrung out emotionally and she felt that she needed to pull herself together and start to get on with the rest of her life. There was no way she was going to sit in this room for the next three days alone, so she made up her mind to ask her friends if they could sit with her at different times throughout the day.
But for now, she decided that she needed to go and see John and have a meal with her friends.
She arrived at John's room a few minutes later and knocked on the door, it wasn't long before John answered the door with a piece of pizza and glass of ale his hand.
"Oh, hey Shalite, come in and have some pizza and a glass of ale. The mourning ceremony allows you to drink doesn't it." He asked and Shalite could see the worry in his face.
"It is alright to have one drink each day, until the final celebration to see Tuart and Roget off to the afterlife, then you may drink as much as you like."
"I look forward to that," and Shalite didn't miss a hint of a grin on his face.
A few minutes later she was sitting on the couch in between John and Joe and she had a piece of pizza in her hand. She found that she was thoroughly enjoying herself and she wondered if it was okay to be having fun, or should she still be grieving.
Sitting quietly, she listened to the conversations going on around her and it wasn't long before she felt herself drifting off to sleep. It had been a long hard emotional day for her and there was still two days left of the mourning ceremony, so she was quite happy to let herself to fall asleep.
When she awoke sometime later, she found that John was sitting in the recliner chair across from her. He looked to be asleep, so she didn't dare wake him, so she stood up and quietly walked towards the door. She desperately wanted to talk to him, but that would have to wait for another day.
"Shalite," John whispered from his chair.
She slowly turned to look at him and she wondered if she should stay or go, "yes John."
"Are you alright?"
"If I was honest I would have to say no, but I'm sure I will be eventually."
His next statement surprised her, "you don't have to stay alone tonight if you don't want to, you can stay in my room if you like, I'll take the couch?"
She didn't have very long to think about the answer to that question, "thankyou for the offer John and I accept. I really don't want to be alone at the moment and can I ask you a question?"
Shalite didn't miss the uncomfortable look on his face, or his awkward mannerisms, "sure go ahead?"
"Would you consider staying in this time?" She took a deep breath before continuing, "with me."
She watched as his countenance changed and she could see that he was uncomfortable with the request.
"I'm sorry Shalite, but I must get home and rescue Teyla and her unborn child."
She took a deep breath before asking the next question, "do you have feelings for her?"
Shalite didn't miss the embarrassment in his face as he answered, "I can't really answer that, because even if I did, she is with another man and I refuse to get in the way of that relationship. If being with Kanaan makes her happy then I am happy for her, but of course none of that will matter, if I can't get back to my own time."
"Has Julian given you any indication of when you can go to earth and search for a time-ship?"
"Julian has arranged for me to use a stargate to the edge of the Pegasus galaxy and then I will be picked up and taken to earth on a ship, the day after the celebration ceremony is over."
"I really hope that you can find a way home then John and I think I will be going now, but I have one last thing to ask you before you go."
"And what would that be?" He asked and Shalite could see he was a little bit apprehensive by her request.
"I don't want to sit with Roget and Tuart's coffins alone for the next two days, will you spend some time sitting with me?"
"Absolutely," he said with his crooked grin.
"Thank you, John and goodnight."
"Goodnight Shalite."
Shalite left John's room feeling a little bit happier, she'd asked him to stay and she had received the answer she was expecting. Although he didn't say it, John definitely had feelings for Teyla ,and he had to go back in time to save her.
She also had her own path and future ahead of her and she couldn't wait to get on with it, one which included a child and a home on Atlantis.
TBC…