In Moria, Bilba had grown used to being awakened by screams, crying, or the all too familiar feel of a foot in her ribcage.
After she'd left, it had been the nightmares that woke her. She hadn't had any while she'd been living them but, after, they'd been there every time she closed her eyes. Sleeping curled up next to Syrath had been the only thing that kept them at bay.
Once Morgoth had been defeated she was generally only awakened by Fili or someone else coming to pull her out of her dreams of flying and back to where her feet were firmly, and unfortunately, locked to the stone beneath her boots.
Now, days after her wedding, she found herself being awakened by the over-energetic crickets outside the window. It was her own fault, she supposed. She'd asked to have the window open, not considering the fact it was positioned directly over their heads.
Perhaps the only thing more annoying than the insects was the fact that Fili was so utterly unaffected by them. He was sprawled out on his back beside her, face turned away and chest moving in the slow, even rhythm of sleep.
Jerk.
With a sigh, she slid her hands down to the mattress and pushed up to a seated position. She started to pull her knees up, only to stop mid-way as she realized the movement would lift the blanket and probably disturb Fili. Sleeping with a second person in the bed took more getting used to than she'd thought it would.
She pulled her legs free carefully, and then drew her knees up and absently draped her arms around them.
There was a full moon outside and a shaft of light shone through the window onto the bed. It cast an odd play of shadows and silver light across the muscles and grooves of Fili's chest, glinted off his hair and made him look almost otherworldly. Almost like a creation of a dream, something that might fragment and vanish at a moment's notice.
It had been well over a decade since the mines and yet there was still a small corner, a very small one, tucked away in the darkest recesses of her mind that remained convinced that's exactly what it all was.
Just a dream.
Perhaps one day she'd wake up and find herself still in the mines.
Or maybe her body had finally given in and she was dying, and instead of her life flashing before her eyes it was a life she'd merely wished for.
She shivered in the cold air coming through the window and carefully climbed off the bed to grab her robe and pull it over the thin nightdress she'd worn to bed. Her hair was down, and she took a moment to grab a ribbon to tie it back before padding silently from the room.
Primula and Bofur had been incredibly gracious to invite them to stay in Bag End, and even more so to put them in one of the farthest rooms to give them as much privacy as possible.
The downside of that was Bilba had to be exceptionally quiet as she moved past every single room, lest she wake up the other four occupants of the smial.
Four, and very soon to be five, and therein lay the reason Primula hadn't been able to attend her wedding. She and Bofur expected to welcome their newest child any day now, and the last thing either wanted to risk was her going into labor on dragon-back.
Bilba reached the kitchen and quietly pulled out the ingredients to make hot chocolate. She didn't want to risk tea for fear of the kettle waking anyone up, and coffee had too strong a smell and might cause the exact same problem.
Once she was finished, she poured two cups and headed for the front door where she managed to successfully open it whilst balancing both cups. Once open, she paused for a moment to simply take in the sight of the Shire stretching out before her, bathed in a moonlight so bright she could almost pretend it was day.
Then she took a deep breath of fresh air simply because she could and stepped out. The cobblestones of the walkway were cold under her feet, but she ignored it and simply lifted one foot to pull the door closed before heading down toward the front gate.
Her father was little more than a moonlit shadow seated on Bag End's front bench, but she saw him lean over to push the gate open as she neared. Bilba easily skirted around it, handed her father one of the cups and then curled up on the bench next to him. She drew her legs up, tucking them carefully under her robe and nightgown, wrapped one arm around them and settled her mug lightly on her knees.
For a long time, the two simply sat quietly next to one another, drinking their hot chocolate and studying the serenity of the Shire under a blanket of stars.
"I used to sit with your mother out here," her father finally said, pausing to lift his mug to his lips.
Bilba nodded. I know. She used to tell me about it. She looked up, studying the canopy of stars overhead. It seemed like there were millions of them, countless points of light glittering like diamonds spread across black velvet. She said you would take her flying sometimes, and how much she wanted to do it again. I used to pretend it was me, sitting behind you, soaring through the sky.
It was the only times she'd ever felt truly free back then and she'd pictured it often, despite the pain caused by eventually having to return to the soul crushing reality that was life in the mines.
Her father set his mug down suddenly and then stood up, facing her and holding his hand out. "Come on."
Bilba raised an eyebrow. Come on, what?
"Let's go flying," her father said gruffly. He frowned, and then gestured at her clothing. "Not in that, you'll freeze your arse off. Get dressed and I'll meet you at the field." He hesitated, then nodded and simply turned and walked off down the path.
Bilba stared at him in surprise, and then jumped up, excitement welling inside her. She grabbed the two mugs and darted back inside, depositing them in the kitchen before quietly, but quickly, racing back to her room.
Once in, she dropped the robe and nightgown and pulled on her tunic and trousers before sitting down to tug her boots on.
"What are you doing?" a voice asked, and she looked up to see Fili pushed up on his elbows, watching her.
Bilba went and sat on the edge of the bed, leaned forward and kissed him soundly. He slid one hand up to the back of her head and she gripped his upper arm to lean in closer. Her stomach twisted and her toes literally curled in her shoes before, with reluctance, she pulled away. Going flying with my father.
"Hmm." He settled onto his back again, one hand idly trailing along her arm and down to her hip and thigh. "Sounds like fun." He yawned, before suddenly scowling and reaching a hand up to shove the window closed. "Damn bugs, were they this loud the last time?"
Bilba laughed and put a hand on his chest for a second before getting up. Try to get some sleep. I'll probably wake you up when I get back.
He chuckled and rolled onto his side, grabbing her pillow and curling around it without seeming to realize he was doing it. "I'll look forward to it," he mumbled, shutting his eyes and relaxing back into the mattress.
Bilba shook her head, and then got up and left. She forced herself to walk slowly and quietly until she got out and pulled the door closed, and then broke into a run, vaulting the fence and jogging down the path toward the garrison and the fields.
The dragons that had come with their escort were all silent lumps curled around themselves. As Bilba neared she spotted a tiny form racing to one end of the field, before turning and racing back only to repeat the entire process.
She refused to settle down, Sardin's voice came, tiredly. So I challenged her to find out how many times she could run back and forth across the field. Silently.
The tiny figure raced toward her and, a moment later, Slyphe was spiraling up her body to wind up in her arms. Bilba covered a flinch as the small creature landed on her still healing arm and gently repositioned her to get the weight off.
The small dragon stared at her in excitement, eyes huge and panting happily.
I think you've got a way to go, Sardin, Bilba said dryly.
I know, he returned sadly. Remind me to apologize to my parents when we get back to Erebor. They insist she's exactly like me.
Bilba set Slyphe back down and she immediately darted off to resume galloping back and forth across the field.
Dwalin was waiting near where Xalanth was already up and waiting. Syrath and Varegeth were on either side of him.
Is it okay if we go too? Syrath asked.
Bilba nodded, and the two dragons immediately jumped up and waited in almost as much excitement as Slyphe.
Her father reached a hand down from where he stood on Xalanth's haunch and, to her surprise, Bilba felt her stomach twist with nerves. She'd certainly ridden with her father before, and even on Xalanth, but that had always been in battle or simply getting from one place to another.
She'd never simply gone flying with the two of them the way her mother had always spoken about. The way Bilba had always dreamed about.
"It was amazing," she remembered her mother saying, as she gazed off into the distance as if she saw stars instead of rock and darkness. "Soaring through the sky, so far up that no one and nothing could ever touch us."
Her mother's voice would always grow so wistful when she spoke about it and, more than once, Bilba had seen her wipe away tears before forcing a smile and changing the subject.
Bilba's own vision wavered, blurring her father and, for just an instant, his image merged with the younger version of him she'd seen in his memories, standing in the same position and reaching his hand out for his wife.
"You all right?" her father asked.
Bilba nodded and gave herself a shake. Yeah. I'm fine.
She clambered up onto Xalanth's foot and then reached her good arm up. Her father grabbed it and easily pulled her onto the dragon's back. He settled in front and Bilba sat behind him. She felt a slight movement and turned her head to see Syrath's head up alongside her.
I'm all right, she assured him, patting his nose. He nuzzled her for a second and then pulled away again to where Varegeth was waiting.
They took off a moment later. Bilba hunched down, feeling the all too familiar press of air down on her body followed by the plummeting of her stomach. Xalanth angled steeply, pulling into the air. Bilba grabbed her father's shirt and leaned back to watch the ground fall away. She saw Syrath and Varegeth push up after them and waved before turning back to watch their ascent.
She had flown at night with Fili shortly after meeting him, taking him far up on Syrath before plummeting toward the ground in a freefall.
The fact he'd enjoyed it should have been an immediate tipoff that they were destined for one another, but she'd been too angry, and too frightened if she were honest, to see it. Not for quite some time.
Xalanth leveled out and Bilba relaxed with a sigh, listening as the wind rushed past her ears. Below was nothing but black and the occasional dot of light from a campfire or small settlement.
Syrath and Varegeth settled in on either side of them, Varegeth virtually invisible against the black of the sky while Syrath appeared as little more than a dark shadow.
In the distance, Bilba caught sight of the dark shadows that delineated the Blue Mountains. Somewhere between there and the Shire lay a spot in the road where her mother's caravan had been attacked, and her mother dragged into slavery.
Bilba had never taken the path to the Blue Mountains, she'd flown the few times she'd visited. Every single time she'd looked down as she went and wondered exactly where it was that the attack had taken place, and how many times she'd flown over it completely oblivious.
She could probably find it if she really wanted to. Her mother had described it often enough, and her father had been there.
All she'd see if she did was an empty patch of dirt. There was nothing to mark it, nothing to tell travelers what had taken place there all those years ago. The world could be cold like that, a witness to brutality and then covering all evidence it had ever taken place. As if it never even mattered.
A shiver ran over her. Bilba pushed up, bracing her hands on her father's shoulders and carefully moved over his leg so she could sit in front of him. She braced her hands on Xalanth's back and leaned forward, her eyes already being drawn back down again.
An arm wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her back. "Stop focusing on what you can't change," her father said.
Bilba chuckled. You're one to talk.
He laughed in turn. "I'll try if you will."
Bilba inclined her head in agreement and leaned back against him, turning her face back up toward the stars. She said you used to point out different stars to her, that you'd tell her all their histories.
Her father nodded and pointed up toward a particularly bright star almost directly over their heads. As he started talking, she relaxed and did as he had suggested. He was right.
It was always better to look up.
It was a long time later that Bilba quietly let herself back into the bedroom she was sharing with Fili. She changed into her nightgown, pulled the ribbon free from her hair and then crawled back under the covers.
She'd barely settled before the mattress shifted and then Fili was braced on his forearms over top of her. "Did you have fun?"
Bilba reached up to lightly run her fingers along the side of his face, tucking an errant strand of hair behind his ear. I did.
He leaned down to kiss her, and she lazily looped her arms around his neck. Then, in one smooth motion, she calmly hooked a leg around his hip and flipped them. Fili ended up on his back with Bilba straddling his waist.
Fili raised an eyebrow and absently ran his hands up her thighs, sending a bolt of energy right through her in the process. "Problem?"
Bilba shrugged. I just feel like irritating you.
She got like this sometimes. It was almost like she was channeling Slyphe, brimming over with energy and needing to let it out. Usually, it happened right after a fight, or sometimes before a fight, or when she hadn't been able to fight in a few days and, generally, it manifested in her hyperactively harassing Fili. He was used to it, and it was common for him to be seen sitting at a desk working on something while she was draped over his back and shoulders.
Maybe we should open the window again, Bilba said innocently. She pushed up and reached for the latch, only to have the action cut off as Fili suddenly twisted, intending to reverse their positions back to where they originally had been.
Unfortunately, he failed to consider how close they were to the edge of the bed and they both let out twin shouts of surprise as they proceeded to roll right off in a tangle of limbs and blanket. Through an impressive feat of...something, Fili managed to maneuver mid-air so that he ended up on the bottom with Bilba on top of him.
Bilba gave him a worried look. Are you hurt?
She had no doubt that her landing on him hurt less than him landing on her would have, but that didn't mean it hadn't hurt.
"Just my pride," he grumbled, "and possibly my tailbone."
He grinned at her and Bilba laughed. She leaned forward and pressed her face into his neck for a second and then pulled away to start trying to untangle from the blankets. Fili helped and together they somehow managed to kick free.
Fili got up and pulled her to her feet only to then pick her up and drop her unceremoniously on the bed. He then grabbed the blanket off the floor, climbed back on and dragged the blanket completely over both of them before, once more, bracing on his forearms over her.
Bilba raised an eyebrow even though she knew he couldn't see it in the sudden darkness. What's that supposed to accomplish?
Trust me, he said. Do me a favor. Block everything out. All of it.
That request earned him another raised eyebrow he couldn't see. They'd already been blocking out their soul bonds when they wanted some alone time, but she'd left her mental links open in case someone needed to contact her. Blocking them would mean no one could talk to her until she reopened them again.
It'll be fine, Fili said. Your father can handle things, or mine, or the dragons. An escort came with us for a reason. I doubt anything will happen in the next hour or so that they can't handle.
She frowned. What if Azog decides to attack the Shire again?
That would be incredibly convenient timing, he said dryly. Not to mention why in the world would he?
He would if he knew we were here, Bilba explained logically. And, before you ask, giant dragons, Fili. They're kind of hard to miss.
She could almost feel him rolling his eyes. In that case, they can run down the hall and physically get us. We can go kick Azog's ass and then proceed to sit in awkward silence until the next thing tries to kill us.
Bilba considered, and then sighed. Fine.
She closed off her bonds, and then followed it with her mental links. There was usually chatter in her mind, that she'd long gotten so used to she rarely noticed it anymore...until it all went silent. It was the strangest thing. She'd spent most of her life with silence in her mind in Moria, but now it felt as if it were entirely unnatural.
Fili shifted, and that was strange too because she'd shut him off as well. She was so used to having him in her head almost as if part of her was him, and vice versa.
"Much better," Fili muttered, almost to himself. "Just you and me, no outside distractions."
Bilba started to respond, only to realize she couldn't with her link closed, so she settled for smacking him on the shoulder instead.
He chuckled. "Fair point. If you can't talk, I shouldn't be able to either."
With that he bent his head to kiss her, hard. Bilba wrapped her arms around him and responded with enthusiasm. He had a point, she admitted. It was nice to have it just be the two of them.
And to think he'd once been at the top of her "Kill When They Aren't Looking" list.
She was glad she'd moved him off it. Not only did it work out well for her, but it left an opening for the damn crickets.
Seriously, she could hear them through the wall.
They were definitely going on the list, after orcs, bandits and goblins.
Possibly before goblins.
Or...
Or she could just catch all the crickets and dump them on the goblins.
Fili pulled away from where he'd been kissing her in the juncture of her neck. "Do I even want to know?"
Bilba simply grinned and dragged him back down again.
She'd tell him in the morning.
He'd love it, she was sure.
She had excellent ideas.