Recovery

Recognizing the route his wife was taking, Peter turned to look at her questioningly.

Noticing his attention, Elizabeth took advantage of the light to return his questioning expression with one of her own. "Do you think you're up to it? I know you'll settle down more if you get this done."

Smiling as he realized his wife was taking him to visit his brother, Peter began coming up with ways to tackle the obstacles before pulling out his phone for a more direct means of doing it. Dialing June, Peter verified that Neal was home and had been being more open with her and Mozzie since his coma while confirming that the service elevator was in working order and she authorized him to use it as often as he needed until he could tackle the stairs again. Grateful for her assistance, Peter ended the conversation as Elizabeth pulled up in front of the mansion.

"We're lucky a good spot is available today. I get the feeling you're going to be exhausted after this." She was trying to ensure he didn't push himself too far, but she also knew he needed to talk to his brother.

This conversation had already been several weeks waiting and he didn't want to put it off any longer if he could help it. "Perhaps that will be a good excuse to get Neal to help." Peter tried to joke before correcting his comment at her concerned expression. "I'll take it slow and easy, hon. All I have to do is walk to the elevator and from it to the loft before reversing the order. It's not much more than meandering the hallways at the hospital with a few stairs at the entrance being the only difference."

Seeing his logic, Elizabeth got out and helped him exit his side of the car before slowly walking up to the door. The stairs hadn't been easy, but Peter managed them before taking a break to lean against a planter while they waited for him to be ready for the next leg of the trip.

Hearing the door open, Peter turned to smile as June stepped out with tears in her eyes. "I'm glad to see you recovering, Peter. Are you sure you're ready for this?" She eyed the way he seemed to be struggling with just the stairs.

"Thanks, June. It's been too long since I've been here to visit Neal and after what he said when he visited, this has been put off long enough. As for the physical aspect, I haven't done any stairs in several weeks and it's hard to believe how tiring they can be. Walking is easy enough though so the hardest part is past and I'll be alright to take this one portion at a time."

Lingering, June chatted with them about his progressive recovery and what Neal had been doing to get through during his absence.

When Peter was ready to go again, the group moved inside and escorted him to the elevator before riding up together. June insisted on a chair being taken so Peter could sit for the ride up as a brief reprieve and chairs were to remain near the elevator until his recovery in case he needed one at either end of the trip.

Reaching the fourth floor, Elizabeth gave him a kiss and wandered off with June to sit on the terrace while Peter talked to Neal. He was to call when he was ready to go but they wanted to give him privacy for this conversation.

Taking the walk slowly, Peter eventually made it to the loft and found himself facing the door. He wanted to shake his head to dispel the memories of his last visit, but he knew it wasn't a good idea so he signed softly instead. Opening the door slowly, he tried to be quiet as he didn't want to give Neal advance warning so that he could retreat.

Once the door was open, Peter saw Neal standing by the French doors onto the terrace staring out at something. He didn't seem to notice his presence so Peter started the quiet walk across the room.

As soon as he was close, Peter quietly spoke in an effort to avoid startling Neal too badly, "Neal?"

Jumping, Neal stiffened and continued to look outside even though his attitude indicated that he had heard him.

"Hey," Peter reached out and rested his hand on Neal's shoulder before tugging lightly to make him turn. Getting a good look at his face, Peter saw the light shadows indicating his fatigue and the way Neal's eyes automatically went to something over his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Neal nodded but didn't seem to know what to say.

"No, you're not okay, Neal." Peter stepped forward and slid his arm around Neal's neck so that his hand was resting on his opposing shoulder while he lifted his other hand to the back of Neal's head. There was a gap between them, but at least it was a motion similar to a hug and his mouth was right next to Neal's ear as he leaned forward slightly. "This isn't good enough, but it will have to do." He felt Neal flinch as he spoke but he waited for Neal to speak.

"What isn't good enough?" Neal eventually whispered.

Rubbing his thumb through Neal's hair, Peter gripped him a little more firmly. "This, I can't give you a real hug despite wanting to and knowing you need it because any pressure still hurts. However, it will have to do because this has been put off for too long."

"Why do you think I need a hug?" Neal's voice continued to be soft and distant. His arms were still hanging by his side and his eyes remained focused on some point over his shoulder, but at least he was talking and listening.

"Because, I did something stupid that hurt you, then when we were undercover, I saw the acceptance in your eyes when your silver tongue didn't work on them, and while I was in the coma you asked me a question and told me something of your story. I know you weren't expecting me to hear every word, but I did." Peter heard Neal stop breathing for a moment and he wished all the more that he could squish his brother to him. Maybe then he could help Neal put something of himself back together even it was just to prevent him from breaking any further.

Taking a few moments, Peter tried to fight back the tears. Remembering Neal's pain hurt him and he needed to keep it together. This was about helping Neal, not giving himself a headache to distract him for the purpose of this trip.

Shuddering, Neal was struggling with his own battle. "You… you heard me?"

"Yes, I heard every word. From your question as to why I would take a bullet for you, through your talk about your past rejections and why my act of stupidity hurt so much, your analysis of my life and all the reason I have to live without including yourself in the midst, your pain in general because you don't see your worth, how you hoped I would find a brother I could be proud of even though I already have, and your encouragement to behave for my doctors with the assurance that I would be alright. Trust me, I heard everything and as much as I wanted to, there was nothing I could do about it but listen to your pain." Peter's voice was wavering with emotion despite his efforts and he could feel the stress in Neal as he almost vibrated with nerves.

"Peter, please…" There was a pleading tone in his voice and a stutter to his speech as Neal shifted slightly as if he hoped to be released.

"No, you need to hear this. You asked me why and I'm here to answer that." Peter squeezed his hands tighter to hold Neal in place. "I stepped in between you and a bullet knowing it could kill me despite those other people in my life because you're worth it! Neal, you are worth saving, worth dying for, and worth living for! You mentioned a connection to the government and I don't know what that entails, but I know you. Even though I forget it sometimes, I know you protect those around you, you're always willing to help when you're needed, you're one of the smartest people I've ever met, and you have the biggest heart I've ever seen amongst other things, but when it comes down to it, there is no one else like you. I didn't think about all of that in that moment of absolute idiotic stupidity, but that doesn't decrease your value as a person or how lucky I am to have you as a brother. What I said reflects badly on me and I wish you could see that."

Peter leaned back to look at Neal. His brother's eyes were misty, but he seemed to be stubbornly holding his distant look as he tried to retain some semblance of control. Bringing his hand around to turn Neal's face towards him, Peter spoke to his face. "You deserved to be told why someone would be lucky to have you for a brother, but I didn't say anything. When we got the initial results, I was surprised and immediately jumped to the negative aspects of the worst-case scenarios you've proven yourself to be better than. It didn't hit me what I'd done until after the second results came in and we had our… argument here. You are by far the better brother of the two of us and I'm sorry I didn't see that until it was too late. I can't blame you for not forgiving me, I won't forgive myself."

Having stated a lot of his point, Peter dropped his hand to Neal's shoulder to rest by his other hand then he hung his head. He was ashamed of how he'd originally treated Neal and he'd told his brother to his face as the kid deserved to be acknowledged.

Neal seemed to be at a loss for words as his body shivered with emotions so Peter just stood there trying to provide as much comfort as he could.

After a while, Neal seemed to calm down and regain his distant composure. He'd heard what Peter said but he needed time to absorb it.

Stepping back, Peter moved to hold one hand on each of his shoulders. Looking at Neal, Peter could see that he was still fighting internally.

Sighing, he turned Neal's head to face him again. "You are more than a con, always have been, and always will be and I'd stake my life on that."

Neal shook his head slightly and tried to look away not trusting his words.

Reaching up and getting his attention again, Peter continued. "I staked my career on that when I took your deal, I've staked my life on that every time I trust you to have my back in the field, and I've staked my wife's life on that when I've depended on you to help me keep her safe. When it counts, I've always known you were something more." Holding his brother's eyes, Peter tried to convey how much he meant what he was saying and Neal seemed to be caught between studying him for proof and wanting to turn away for his own safety.

Not thinking about how Neal might take it, Peter leaned forwards and kissed his brother's forehead while holding the back of his head to prevent him from moving away from him. "I wish I hadn't been so stupid as to hurt you, but I can't undo what I did." He spoke into Neal's hair before pulling back.

Ruffling Neal's hair and squeezing his shoulders, Peter knew he was losing his control and that Neal was trying to retreat from him. "I know you need to protect yourself, but please think about it. You are worth it, always have been, and always will be." Then patting Neal on the shoulder, Peter moved back further. He could see that Neal was fighting his emotions and his own eyes were teary.

Moving towards the door, he paused with his hand on the knob and turned back towards his brother. Neal was still standing where he'd left him and hadn't moved as he was more focused in his own head. "I hope you'll consider visiting." Then he opened the door and headed back for the elevator. Texting his wife on the way down, he paused to wait for her on the chair downstairs.

Once she caught up, they slowly made the reverse trip as he talked about his conversation with Neal.

For the first while, Peter spent a lot of time sleeping, watching games, and doing crossword puzzles on the couch.

Elizabeth would help by ensuring he had drinks and snacks handy along with his medication so that most of his basic needs were meant where he sat and he only had to go upstairs for the occasional bathroom visit which doubled as his exercise while he regained strength.

Satchmo kept him company in between visitors and time slowly drifted along.

As time passed, Peter grew stronger.

He relied on Elizabeth less for his drinks, snacks, and medication as he began to walk about and retrieve them for himself more often. When Elizabeth went on walks with Satchmo, he accompanied her more on the short walks and slowly lengthened how long he could remain out with her.

The more he recovered, the fewer doctor appointments he had for follow up treatment and the fewer contacts he had in between them to gauge his recovery.

However, he also began to be grumpier. He was eager to resume life as normal and he was beginning to feel up to it, but he hadn't recovered completely yet so the restrictions on his diet and activities remained.

Eventually, life began to look up again as he cleared his checkups and the doctors cleared him to resume his normal life one activity at a time.

Finally, Peter was cleared to return to the office on desk duty. He wasn't allowed to go into the field as he was still in the final stages of his recovery, but he could at least resume an element of his normal diet and activities even if he had to restrict himself to moderation.

Riding the elevator up, Peter smiled as he stepped out of the car onto the twenty-first floor. It was his second home, a place he hadn't been to in months and he'd missed it. Relishing the smell and sound of the atmosphere as he walked the gap to the glass, he enjoyed seeing the normal activities of the team as he pushed the door open to enter into it himself.

Everyone stopped and there were claps and greetings from all around. The team was enthusiastic in accepting his return, and he took the time to return each greeting so he was enveloped by the majority of the team for several minutes before they'd worked through their welcomes and dispersed back to their activities.

When the team returned to work, Peter heard Neal come in through the doors behind him so he turned his attention towards him. Moving over to lean on the desk as Neal got settled in for the day; Peter didn't push him but encouraged at least a brief conversation.

Talking to his brother, Peter's analysis of the conversation was that Neal wasn't as angry with him anymore, but he was still wary and keeping a distance for his own safety.

Working on desk duty, Peter took advantage of the close proximity to his brother and continued to instigate a conversation of some form each day. It wasn't a drastic change in their relationship, but it was a start that allowed for communication and interaction so he accepted the mellow pattern with hope to improve it further in the future.

Thank you, everyone, for reading, reviewing/commenting, and leaving kudos :D

Alrighty, in case anyone missed it, I posted 'The Dinosaur Game,' but it's in White Collar since it's from Jones' perspective and has no Bryce references ;)