Chapter Seventeen

Zidane went to the only place he could find solace in the large Lindblum Castle: the telescope. The blood coursing through his veins pounded and he ground his teeth together as he set his hands to the cool brick. He looked out tensely over the open plains surrounding Lindblum. His eyes lingered on the mountains dividing Lindblum from Alexandria. The fresh autumn breeze swept his hair from his face. He couldn't believe everyone, especially Eiko. How could they all possibly believe this was the one good plan to step forward on? Did they learn nothing from Kuja all those years ago? Zidane had watched the man bleed out and wither away beneath the tangled vines of the Iifa Tree. He had heard him utter words of sorrow, disbelief, and regrets. And yet, it had all meant nothing with his untimely return. There was no deceiving Kuja, Zidane was convinced. Not when Kuja himself was the king of deception. Kuja may have never seen Arabella physically, or truly understood the child, but Zidane knew Kuja was no fool to understanding the true power she had within her. An overwhelming feeling of fear, panic, and anxiety washed over Zidane. He had denied every plan. He would not go along with misrepresenting Arabella to Kuja. He wouldn't allow her to go on the run. But he had no plans himself and was fearful to make any on the chance it would all go horribly wrong. This was not the time to make mistakes or miscalculations, Zidane told himself. One wrong move and what meager control the group held would be utterly lost. The only way out of this mess, Zidane was convinced, would be by the edge of swords. And Zidane was worked up enough to be ready to pull his daggers at a moments notice, without hesitation to slice skin if it meant protecting his children.

Zidane turned towards the rusty telescope, running his hands along the rigid paint. "Dagger, what do I do? All those years ago... how did I manage all of it? Help me find that courageous boy people always tell me I used to be. I can't do this without you, Dagger. I can't protect both the girls and the kingdom." He felt a lump grow in his throat and he pressed his forehead to the cool metal. "This isn't what I wanted, Dagger. I didn't want any of this. I didn't want to be King... I just wanted you, Dagger... I wish I could take your place in that grave. You belong on the throne to give the people of Alexandria what they want. What I can't. And you deserve to see the three perfect angels you gave birth to... They're growing up so fast, Dagger. The time between when you last held them only grows wider by the day. I wish you could see the young women they're growing into. I wish you could help me raise them. Hell, I don't know if I'm even doing it right..."

Zidane rest his chin to the telescope, leaning the weight of his body against the old sturdy machine. He tried blinking the bleary tears from his eyes to no avail. "This family isn't complete... this kingdom is missing you... and I'm nothing without you, Dagger. Somedays, I want to believe it's all just one terrible nightmare I'm forced to sleep through. But I never wake up. What am I supposed to do, Dagger!? Give me a sign! How do I protect the girls? How do I find the person I once was? He doesn't exist, anymore, I'm convinced. He died a long time ago with you..." Zidane sighed raggedly, again pressing his forehead to the telescope. Chips of the golden paint flittered down onto his boots. "If you were alive, Dagger, would you even recognize me anymore? I look in the mirror and... I don't even know who the hell is staring back at me. It's like my entire identity faded away and I don't even know the first place to look for it. Who am I kidding, Dagger? I was never a king. All I've ever been is an Angel of Death who carries that very figment on my shoulders, like a storm cloud that just won't empty. And now... I've brought that chaos onto our daughters and... how could you ever forgive me, Dagger? I know I'll never forgive myself..."

He heard the shifting of boots to the stone just beyond the platform. He tensed, grounding his teeth together. Tensely, Zidane lifted his head to gaze out at the landscape again, his tears finally subsiding. "If you've come to give me some crocodile tears, Eiko, just save it. I've got problems of my own, y'know."

"I know you do, Zidane."

He turned around now, feeling his face heat up. He was confronted with the sight of Beatrix who stood just short of the platform stairs. Her burnette hair glowed in the afternoon light and her face expressed concern that Zidane wanted to believe was baseless. Of all people, however, Zidane knew Beatrix could see through him as if he was nothing more than a translucent leaf. It was often found funny how well Beatrix knew Zidane. And how much he leaned on her for support. A stranger would never guess the complex history of the two. They would be shocked to hear of Zidane being violently brought to his knees by Beatrix over and over again just two decades before. Now the two were a dynamic team, tasked together to run a kingdom and keep three everchanging princesses in line. Zidane came to the top of the stairs, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You didn't have to come after me," Zidane told her.

"I was concerned," Beatrix's voice was smooth like velvet. "I know how Eiko can truly push your buttons."

"Yeah," Zidane sighed, drawing his eyes away. "She really has the magic touch to make me into a chocobo's ass, huh?"

"Nobody blames you, Zidane. It's a very complex situation. No one could even begin to understand the turmoil inside you," Beatrix replied in her ever-calculated manner. "That being said... we do need to come to a consensus on a plan, Zidane. A back-up plan, too. What's our next move?"

Zidane uncrossed his arms, feeling his body deflate at the very idea. He drew in a deep breath, his shoulders tense. "Our next move is to return to Alexandria, Beatrix. The castle needs us. We need to make preparations for ourselves and... figure out what to do with the girl's."

"What will we do with the princesses?" Beatrix asked, holding her arms out. "Do you believe it's truly a good idea to keep them at the castle, sitting like ducks?"

"Separation is out of the question for now," Zidane shook his head.

"Zidane," Beatrix placed her boot to the first step. "I know you want to protect the girl's yourself. But we have a group of willing people downstairs offering a unified shelter for the princesses. We'd be fools not to take advantage of this. If only the nation's had understood each other like this last time, things may have turned out differently." Zidane was silent. "Please, tell me, what's on your mind."

Zidane lowered his head for a moment and he felt the hot tears resurface, much to his frustration. He ground his teeth together and furiously shook his head.

"Zidane, what is it?"

"What if..." Zidane's voice faltered and he willed himself to look at the rather flustered war general. "What if I do send them away and... I never see them again? What if something happens to them and I'm not there to do something about it? Beatrix, I would never forgive myself if one of them got hurt and I was thousands of miles away from them, unable to do a damn thing about it."

"Zidane, please have faith," Beatrix's voice was gentle now. "The people we would entrust with the princesses would have the same fiery desire to protect them as you do."

"What if I'm the only person who's willing to risk my life for it?"

"You know that's not true," Beatrix shook her head. "I would gladly allow a sword to pierce my heart if it meant one of them would be safe. You know the same goes for Freya and Eiko, Amarant and Steiner... we all care for them, Zidane. Just like we care for you."

Zidane let out a long sigh, drooping his shoulders. "Some days I wonder if Kuja really does want Arabella... or if this is all some elaborate rouge to drive me crazy. Because it's working, Beatrix. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Like I'm standing in the middle of a crowded room, screaming at the top of my lungs, and yet... nobody's hearing me."

"I hear you, Zidane," Beatrix assured him. "Crystal clear."

"Yes, but does Eiko and the rest of the nations hear me?" Zidane asked, shaking his head.

"There has to be compromise. We cannot have it entirely our way, Zidane. Not in times of war. We have to work together as a team. And that may mean agreeing to things we didn't neccessarily calculate for. You have my word of the girl's safety. I've been Alexandria's War General for twenty-five years, Zidane. The princesses well-being is my top concern, you know that." A silence flooded back in between the two, whose minds were reviewing scenario after scenario. They were both uneasy. Beatrix's timidness, in many ways, frightened Zidane. "Perhaps we should go back?"

"Yeah..." Zidane rubbed the nape of his neck. "I guess I owe Eiko an apology, huh?"

Beatrix grinned lightly. "That might do some good." She said, as she began to turn. However, she tensed, her head snapping back towards Zidane in the next moment. "Zidane! Watch out-!"

From behind, Zidane felt hands come to reach around his neck. He was beginning to react when he felt a jolt of electricity pulse through his body. It caused a violent wrack to come up his spine and he crumpled at the feeling. Zidane fell to his knees, coughing violently. His arms gave out and he fell flat to the cobblestone and slowly, his vision began to cave in. Beatrix bounded up the stairs, withdrawing her sword as Fauna deftly leap towards the ledge.

"How the hell did you get out of your room?!" Beatrix demanded, still racing towards the grinning agent. She leapt again, towards the other side of the telescope.

"Tricks and tales," Fauna teased before she disappeared in the blink of an eye. Beatrix stared in utter disbelief for a moment before she hurried back to Zidane's side. She fell to her knees, carelessly allowing her sword to clatter to the ground.

"Zidane! Zidane!" Beatrix cried, grabbing his shoulder and heaving him onto his back. His head lolled into her lap and she cringed at the sight. A dark ring of blacks and purples belted across Zidane's neck. Tenderly, she reached down to touch them. It had left rigid bumps and slight burns along his skin, as well. Beatrix clenched her jaw. "Zidane! Damn it all! Zidane!"

...

Zidane's vision was blurry and grainy. A static noise he couldn't recognize washed through his ears again and again, nearly making him cringe. Limply, his hand moved across the ground, taking with it soft clumps of what felt like... ash? Zidane's eyes flew open and the only sight that greeted him was bleak grays. Zidane became acutely alert in that moment and lifted his head despite the pounding that beat against his skull. All around him surrounded only a desolate area. One of tall rigid cliffs, nothing of color, and a gentle downfall of ash. Slowly, Zidane came to his knees, his heart beating loudly in his chest. Ash got caught in his hair and eyelashes. Carefully, he came to his feet, feeling rather disoriented. As he inched towards the edge, he felt his heart plummet at the twisty and jagged way down to a misty and bleak fall. It was eerily silent, besides deep ambient noises. Zidane blinked into the ash, looking over the desolate environment that surrounded him.

"I'm so pleased you could make it."

Zidane spun around, his ankles kicking wakes of ash from his path. What he set his eyes on had his entire body draining of any warmth he had left in him. Standing before Zidane was the slender ashen haired man who had continually haunted him for years. Kuja stood poised with his typical grin. One that both irked and somewhat alarmed Zidane. His long hair was fluffy and well-groomed. He was wearing long velvet purples that drenched his body and flowed gracefully over the mounds of ash surrounding them. He seemed quite content as he lay his bright eyes on Zidane. A red stone was pinned to the top of his cloak, holding it shut, and emulating the being Garland once proclaimed to be. Zidane could only stare, almost in disbelief, that Kuja was seemingly standing right before him again. He felt the hair rising on the back of his neck.

"It's been so long," Kuja's voice was smooth and irksome. "My, the years have been good to you, Zidane. With being a king and a father, I don't know how you manage to stay so young."

Zidane was silent. He glanced towards the ash that fell around them. He cocked his head to gaze out towards the jagged cliffs that surrounded the area, reaching up to penetrate the hazy and sad sky. Zidane's eyelashes fluttered as the ash came across his face.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Kuja grinned, pushing his hair from the frame of his face. He came to stand beside Zidane as they looked out beyond the cliffs edge. Zidane's heart thundered in his chest and again, his voice failed to come out. He was expecting, at any moment, to face his doom. The nauseating dip off the edge had his mind racing. "This is Terra, Zidane. I wanted to bring you here for myself. This is all that remains. And rightfully so."

Zidane scuffed his boots through the growing mounds of ash, pursing his lips. "Why did you bring me here?"

"Your intuitive nature has not escaped you, has it?" Kuja laughed at the idea. "Of course not, silly me. It was only bound to grow stronger with your seat on the throne. I wanted you to see the aftermath, of course. The image must be seared into my mind, as well as Mikoto's. It's only fair you see, too, the desolation of your origins. You are quite hard to get a hold of today, Zidane." Zidane cautiously looked to Kuja, who only seemed relaxed and almost content with the sight before his eyes. "Dear little sister is so gracious to allow me into her dreams... but you... Garland had quite the field day creating a mind as impenetrable as yours. One so concretely driven into human instinct to shut the pain out and lick your own wounds. I had to come up with new ideas so our reunion could be had."

Zidane drew his shoulders back, again having his eyes follow the decaying horizon. "This is all an illusion, isn't it? Just another one of your dramatic spectacles. We're not really in Terra. And we're not really standing here together."

"What would make you suggest such a vile thing?" Kuja laughed, smoothing his large sleeves.

"Because then I wouldn't be able to do this," Zidane took in a deep breath, his heart racing in his chest. He stepped forward and put his weight into his legs, allowing his foot to step over the cliffs edge. He felt dizzy for a moment as his other leg joined him. When Zidane looked down, he was suspended above a large void. He felt his stomach plummet at the sight, but holding strong, he continued a little further into the open air and then turned to Kuja, who seemed amused.

"Okay, so you get the gist of my favorite tricks," Kuja coyly turned his head. In the blink of an eye, he appeared beside Zidane above the valley and the king started, staggering a few steps back from him. "But there's a lot you don't know about me, Zidane. It's been an awful long time, don't you think? What kind of brother doesn't send a letter to his other brother for seventeen years?"

"Shut up," Zidane waved his hand. "I'm not your brother. We are nothing a like."

"Your genetics would beg to differ," Kuja smiled. "I've brought you here to make you an offer. Perhaps... one of a peace."

Zidane crossed his arms over his chest. "Anything you tell me is bullshit at face value."

"For being the ruler of a kingdom, you sure do curse like a sailor," Kuja clucked his tongue, seemingly bored by Zidane's quips. He glanced around the open area. "I'm offering you a second chance, Zidane. I know you just as well as you know me. You're a humble creature by nature. You exude the reserved confidence and that likeable charm Garland always wanted to perfect. And perhaps the last seventeen years you've wondered: What would it have been like if you became the Angel of Death? What if you hadn't destroyed Terra? Or put a stop to anything the Elephant Lady wanted? What if, afterall, you simply hadn't been in the right place at the right time?"

Zidane ran his tongue along his teeth. "Life's just a game of luck, isn't it? You thought you'd gotten rid of me. Guess it's not that easy, huh?"

Kuja gingerly clasped his hands behind his back. "I had a lot of time to think, Zidane, when I was recovering. And I began to wonder why, in a jealous rage, I cast you down to Gaia. I couldn't find a reason, a justification. And I began to myself: What would have happened if I had kept Zidane? If I had nurtured him and chosen to help Garland. Perhaps, afterall, it was all counter productive. But I don't want to make that mistake again. I want the Terran souls to live. It is only right. We have been shunned too long."

"You killed Garland and now you want to do this for him?" Zidane shook his head. "I don't think you ever recovered from that brain damage you received, Kuja. Doing this is still only being his pawn. He's dead and you're still lettin' him play you like a violin."

"Oh, no," Kuja shook his head. "This is for me, Zidane. With Terran souls roaming this earth, I can draw power off of them, making me one of the single most powerful mages to sweep the planet. With a Terran population, I can control Gaia. A feat that old man never would have accomplished. He was too plain a Genome, lonely in his desire. That's why he made little toys to keep him company. I will turn his toys into machines and prove to Garland his attempts were are all futile."

"This isn't sounding like an offer of peace," Zidane said plainly.

"Yes, Your Majesty, it is getting there," Kuja smiled widely, bearing his pearly white teeth. "Become one of my agents, Zidane. Let me teach you the ways of our operations. You will be that of a special agent, as you possess the most pure of the genetic sequence. To speed this process up, I need you to remove Gaian souls and replace them with Terran souls."

"You're asking me to kill innocent people for you?" Zidane's eyes hardened.

"You act like you know every single person who lives in your kingdom," Kuja nearly rolled his eyes. "Nobody will question the difference in some vagrant or even a shoe shiner. I'm not asking you for much."

"No way," Zidane replied sharply. "I will never work with you or for you, Kuja."

"Then that's too bad. Your only other option is giving to me Princess Arabella."

Zidane tensed at the sound of his daughter's name coming from Kuja's lips. It amused the ashen haired man, who grinned and tilted his head to the side, absently playing with a feather braided into his locks. Zidane felt his hands curl into his fists.

"I have my reasonings," Kuja meerly shrugged. "She is quite powerful, Zidane. I can sense it. A Summoner of a Genome's seed..." He chuckled. "My, even the history books would be astounded with a title such as that. It's remarkable, really. But don't worry, I wish her no harm. She is a unicorn, in many ways. Very precious. With me as her mentor, oh, imagine the things she could do, Zidane."

"You're out of your mind if you think we'd just give her to you," Zidane said, staring coldly at the calm and collected man, whose neverending patience was bothersome. "I don't care what you promise or think of her, I don't believe a damn word that's comin' out of your mouth. She's not going to be your protegé and there's no way she would even go willingly with you. She's not some baby who will forget where's she from. She knows where she belongs."

"Unwillingness flourishes into curiosity and then on to observation and eventually to interest," Kuja counted off on his slender fingers. "I can make her see reason. I may not feel much of anything, but I sure am charming, wouldn't you say?"

"More like clownish," Zidane muttered.

"I put all this together for you, yet here you are rejecting both my offers," Kuja arched his eyebrows. "But that's okay. Because I predicted you would be stubborn at first. It's in your nature." Zidane only stared with a stony face at Kuja. "This isn't the last you'll see of me. That little electric jolt you felt? Yes, it was a tiny little virus I created to penetrate inside your skin. I'm in your bloodstream, Zidane. Now we don't have to worry about writing letters to each other. I can come visit you whenever I want. And with due time your unwillingness will sprout into curiosity. You know what will come next. One way or another."

Zidane felt a coolness wash over him at the thought. And suddenly, his stomach had jolted to his throat as he found himself falling into the blackness below while Kuja only watched from above.

...

Zidane shot up, gasping sharply with a ragged and dry throat. Immediately, several sets of hands came to touch him, pressing against his chest and forehead and arms. They forced him backwards into a bed. Zidane's head throbbed as he blinked rapidly, his vision slowly becoming clear. He bobbed in his bed, completely disoriented. But it soon began to register he was on an airship, inside a narrow wooden cabin that had one too many people jammed into it.

"He's stabilizing," He heard a voice he couldn't quite make out. Zidane couldn't see anyone's faces. "His heart rate is coming back down. So is his temperature. Get some more ice." He could hear boots to the floorboards and loud shifting, closing of drawers, that rattled inside his brain. After a moment, a coolness came across his neck and forehead and down his arms. "Zidane? Are you with us? Can you hear me?" A hand came into his vision, followed by a soft green light. Zidane's eyes opened widely now and suddenly, his hearing cleared.

Slowly, he came to prop himself up on his elbows. Cloths full of ice slid down his body as he looked around the cabin. Sitting beside him was Eiko, who was setting a thermometer on the nightstand. At the foot of the bed was Freya and Beatrix. Beatrix looked absolutely relieved to see Zidane conscious. A thin layer of sweat covered her face and she pressed her arm to her forehead. Just three hours before, as they boarded the airship with a flaringly hot Zidane, Beatrix had handed a letter to a Lindblum Dart Ship pilot. He was able to drive the quickest aircraft on the Mist Continent.

"Please, you have to go to the Alexandrian Castle now!" Beatrix had shouted over the roar of the airship engine. "This is absolutely urgent. Deliver this letter only to the hands of Captain Adelbert Steiner, do you understand?"

"Yes, General," The pilot saluted before hurriedly putting the parchment into his satchel and racing away for deployment.

Zidane let out a long uneven breath as he slowly raked his hands through his hair. His head felt tender, like all the blood in his body was swirling about in it. His hands shook rather violently, so he lowered them. Eiko offered him a glass of water, which he drank nearly the entirety of.

"Where are we going?" Zidane asked with a hoarse voice.

"To Alexandria," Beatrix replied. "We are taking you to Doctor Tot."

Zidane let out a cough. "I already know what's wrong with me."

...

Steiner was out making his rounds in the garden as the sun begin to set into a swirl of sherberts. He was curious where Princess Sarah's hiding spot in the garden really was. It seemed to be constantly changing, as if she was privvy to his nosiness. He wasn't eager to return inside either. He had promised, pinky promised, to Princess Alex that he would play a round of Tetra Master with him. He barely understood the game and wondered if she was lying to him about how long a round actually took. Princess Arabella had been holed up in the sitting chambers with a pile of books around her. Steiner was thankful for her introversion as he always found her in the same place. He certainly didn't want to alarm her with constant hawking induced by her father's curt message. So far, she hadn't questioned why he had joined them for every meal since Zidane and Beatrix had left. Perhaps she chalked it up to always having a patriarch's presence at the table.

A droning in the sky caught his attention, drawing him from his thoughts. It was approaching rapidly from just the beginning edge of Alexandria. As it came closer, Steiner recognized it as one of the revered Lindblum Dart Ship's. It was heading directly for the castle. Hurriedly, Steiner ran through the garden, approaching the west end of the castle, where a large port door was sealed.

"Open the port! Airship in bound!" Steiner cupped his hands around his mouth. Quickly, his soldiers set to running in circles to push the wooden levers. The gate groaned horrendously loud, shaking the very ground, as it dropped in the nick of time as the Dart Ship pulled itself in through the gate. Steiner covered his ears as the engines groaned to a half. He approached the side of the airship as the pilot dropped his goggles around his neck and pulled his leather cap off. Deftly, he leapt out of the cock pit, his satchel beating against his hip.

"Captain Adelbert Steiner?" He shouted over the dying engine. Steiner nodded. The pilot extended a rolled letter from his satchel. "Express delivery from General Beatrix, sir!"

"Beatrix?" Steiner echoed in surprised, not even hesitating to accept the letter. He turned away from the pilot to escape out into the garden, where the sounds were less deafening. With nearly shaking hands, he unfurled the letter to reveal Beatrix's neat and percise handwriting.

Steiner- Medical Emergency. It's Zidane. Have Doctor Tot ready in the infirmary. We are departing from Lindblum. We should be there by midnight. Beatrix.