Disclaimer: Nope. Like seriously, no. Not even close. I don't even look remotely like Dan Schneider. I'm a female for crying out loud! C'mon!
Do you guys have a least favorite character from Victorious? I know some people might disagree but...Tori. I just don't like her! That doesn't mean I would never write a story about her but..she's just not my favorite. Victoria Justice is really cool though!
I'm glad I finally got over the whole avoiding Cat thing. Overdramatic I know. Now we can finally all enjoy lunch like normal.
Throughout these two weeks, I've been spending all my time with Beck. I'm sure he enjoys this, I'm never usually this..needy I guess. But it's not for that. I've been trying to feel something for this relationship, anything. Through a kiss, a hug, even when he has me breathing hard under him. I just can't. We've been falling apart and I think he knows that too. We've both been starting petty fights for no reason and I'm just getting sick of it. Every time we get back together we're only delaying what's eventually going to happen. Maybe it's because I'm scared to be alone. Maybe it's the same for him. We have both been together for a good while, so to be without each other feels weird, because he is my best friend. I can tell him anything. And I'm sure it's the same for him.
"Hello...?" A hand waved in front of my face, "Earth to Jade" Vega.
I rolled my eyes at her and groaned. "What"
"We asked if you.." I zoned out her voice quickly. She was already annoying me. And what did she say? Like 10 words? Only she could do that to me.
I turned to beck, who had an arm around me. "We need to talk," I said seriously. He raised an eyebrow. Everyone else at the table stopped their conversations. What a surprise. He nodded and got up, pulling me with him.
I wanted to make a remark to everyone still staring at us but I just shook my head and led him to the janitor's closet. He closed the door behind him with a shrug. Maybe he knew what was happening. I hope he did, that would make this easier. As much as I want this, it's still hard. I do love him. It's just a different type of love now.
"Beck..I.." He softly smiled at me, sliding down the door so he was sitting down. I mimicked his actions, taking a seat directly in front of him. I really didn't know how to start this.
"Beck we've been trying for a while now. I know we both have. But it's just..not working anymore. "
He moved to say something but I stopped him, grabbing his hand in mine. "I love you but I'm sure even you know that we just don't click anymore. It's not the same. We can't keep pretending the sparks are going to come eventually. They're not."
I tried to remain nonchalant about what I was saying but I don't think he missed the small cracks in my voice. He gripped my hands a little tighter. A shine forming in his eyes.
"No. Jade we can still do this. Just a little more time and we can fix this, I know we can" His voice was higher pitched, full of false hope.
I shook my head at him which made him furrow his slightly bushy eyebrows. "We can fix this. I won't give up on us. 3 and a half years and for what? For this?" He pinched his fingers between his nose, his tear-filled eyes becoming more clear, "Just one chance. That's all I ask"
I really didn't know what to do right now. I knew this wasn't going to be necessarily easy but I didn't expect this. I never knew what to do when people cried and now him? He's cried before and you know what I did? I gave him water for fucks sake. Who does that?
"I-I don't think that's for the best this time.." I slowly got up, forcing his hands off mine. I slipped out the door, him not making much of an effort to stop me with him crying there. I feel sick. I shouldn't leave him there, right? I sighed and walked out the school doors, the bell finally rings. People were starting to crowd everywhere. Last-minute conversations before heading to class. I groaned when I collided with someone.
"Fuck! Learn to walk!" I shouted turning around to see a small redhead, her hands shielding her face.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-" She stopped abruptly, her face twisting in confusion. She stepped closer to me cautiously. By now everyone was inside the school. "Why are you crying?" She asked softly. Crying? Then was when I felt the tickle of a tear coming down my cheek. I wiped my finger across my cheek and sure enough, my finger was stained in black. Eyeliner. Damn it.
Before I could even protest her small little hand was pulling me to a lunch table that was fairly well hidden. "Cat go to class you're already late"
She raised her head and glared at me seriously. It was weird seeing that come from her so I just shut up.
"Jade what happened"
I pressed my thumbs gently on my eyes, hoping the tears would stop spilling out. I never really cry so now that I am, I'm probably making up for all those times I probably should've cried. "Beck and I broke up" I croaked out. Fuck, I'm not this weak, am I? And to cry in front of Cat? Truly pathetic of me. I've done it before and every time, I beat myself over it for weeks.
Her glare softened a bit. "A-are you okay?" She said softly. She did have a soothing voice. I always noticed that.
"Does it look like I'm okay?" I tried to ask it like a question but instead, it came out like a snap.
"N-no.." There was a long pause between us. Just my sniffles and distant cars making noise.
"Do you want to ditch school? We can go to your place?" She asked. Ditch? I didn't even think those words were in her vocabulary anymore. We used to ditch a lot in freshman year but we ended up stopping because her mom found out. That was probably for the best though.
I nodded my head and slowly got up. She followed cautiously, which I understood. I don't know if I would be able to handle myself if someone even so much as bumped into me. The drive to my house was quiet. A comfortable quiet though, with her humming a tune softly. Like I said, soothing.
I slammed the door shut behind us loudly. My dad was never home anyway. Right now he was all the way in New York for business. He did send money monthly though, it was nice to know he cared that much at least. My boots scuffed the ground as they carried themselves to my room. Cat was already on my bed against the headboard, knees pulled to her chest. I pulled myself next to her and sat just how she was.
Beck's right. 3 and a half years for this? For us to break up like this? Maybe we could have worked it out. We could have gone on a date or something and brought the sparks back. Right? I could have tried harder. I know I can. And being here with Cat is just proving that I didn't try hard enough, I'm still not trying hard enough.
I know I feel a little weird with Cat so why am I here with her? Why? See, I'm just smart like that. So. Dang. Smart.
"Jade..it's okay. You're gonna be fine you know.." She pulled me in a hug suddenly. I don't know what set me off but I just sobbed on her shoulder as she held me. I hadn't cried this hard since..well I don't even remember. After I realized I probably ruined her shirt with my black stained tears, I pulled away.
"Y-your shirt is a little.." I gave a weak point to her shoulder. She didn't bother to look at it, she just shrugged it off. It was still weird having her like this. She looked serious and almost..mad? Mad at me?
She stared at me quietly, expectantly, her small fingers fidgeting with themselves. "I broke up with Beck" Her fingers stopped in their movements and her head tilted. She bit her lip, probably trying to piece together why I would do such an absurd thing.
"We just haven't been working together. Petty fights and all..you would know you've been there for some of them. And Beck..he..he just looked so heartbroken you know? And maybe I should just give one more...I don't know" I wonder if he is as heartbroken as I think he is. He is an actor after all. Who knows, he could be getting it on with Tori as we speak.
"Are you going to get back together?" That was all she asked. And was I?
"I wouldn't want that, no" I hoped I wasn't going to convince myself to give us another chance. Right here, right now, I know what I need to do and I just hope it doesn't change.
"You should sleep" She moved to untie my shoes slowly. She took both my shoes off and after, started to take her shoes off, throwing them across the room. I mentally shrugged off the weird act and obeyed her command, getting inside the covers of my bed. I was going to pipe up saying she could watch a movie if she wanted to while I slept but she gave an answer before I could even ask, slipping herself into the covers with me.
We always slept practically on each other when we were at each other's houses. But that was always at night, right when we were going to bed. Now it was just a nap during the day. Wouldn't it be the same? Would she be upset if I just reached my arm over and pulled her closer to me? I decided against it, I didn't want to overstep anything. She already skipped school for me. Plus, I don't know if I could come back from the embarrassment if she pulled away from me.
I turned on my side to face her. She was still awake, looking at the ceiling quietly. I never even noticed how good her side profile was, perfect even. How perfectly her hair laid on her. Something I always hated was how she always straightened her hair. It looks so good when she let her natural curls flow. She only straightened it because people made fun of her curls, said she couldn't tame them and that they just looked plain out ugly. I wish I could tell her to let her natural hair glow for a little but it isn't my place so I never say anything.
I sighed and closed my eyes. I just wanted to press fast forward, to skip all this stuff and get straight to the good stuff. To stop being confused about everything. To stop feeling sad about Beck.
As I'm finally drifting off to sleep I can hear movement. I think it's probably Cat going to watch a movie or something but no, it's coming closer to me. I can feel her come closer to me and lay her head right in the crook of my neck, so close that I wonder if she could feel the pulse point raging in my neck. I know I could. And it's screaming Cat's name. She pulls my arm up and wraps it around herself. I'm glad she did it because I know I would be too much of a coward to do it myself. I don't know if I can sleep now when I can feel her breath on my neck. We've done this a million times. Why is it difficult all of a sudden?
"He never deserved you anyway Jade.." She spoke softly, every word, every letter spilling out onto my neck. She spoke so softly I don't even know if I heard it at all. I don't even know if I'm awake for crying out loud. I could be in a dream. I could...
It didn't even matter if this was a dream, because all I knew was that this was way too comfortable to care and I didn't want it to stop.
For the first time in a while, I woke up in a good mood. The only thing was that the small little body wasn't here cuddled against me like it was before I fell asleep. Maybe it was a dream? I grabbed my phone that was on the nightstand. 3:17. We'd been asleep for 3 hours? Or maybe just me. Something else caught my eye though. 4 new messages from Beck.
(1:02) Beck: You skipped the rest of school?
(1:11) Beck: Did Cat skip with you?! Call me.
(1:15) Missed call from Beck
(2:01) Beck: Jade please call me.
(2:37) 2 missed calls from Beck
(3:21) Beck: Okay fine I understand, but please just think about what you're doing. We can still fix this, I know we can. You're right, we haven't been good lately but that doesn't mean anything! I know that you feel this way now but I'm absolutely sure that the feeling will go away. Please think about it. About us. Please. I love you.
Well, there goes my perfect mood. I threw my phone across the bed. I couldn't even bring myself to respond. What would I say? Plus I didn't trust myself to type anything without going into another sob session. Which speaking of..where was Cat? I walked out of the room slowly, still trying to wake myself up. Then I heard the Tv in the living room, followed by a little giggle. Bingo.
She turned around with a smile when she heard me coming. "Hi!"
I gave an awkward half-wave. Smooth, West. Real smooth. I sat down next to her. Sponge bob. Really cat..god, I hated that stupid show. I know I didn't have that DVD so she must've already had it in her bag. But then why would she just carry the Spongbob DVD around in her bag? That doesn't make sen- you know, I've learned not to question Cat.
"How long have you been watching.." I looked at the screen again, I couldn't even help my face from twisting in pure disgust, "this.."
She giggled at my face and grabbed the remote to turn it down a little. "Not awhile. I fell asleep too. I woke up like 20 minutes ago" She shrugged. I looked at her lips while she talked. Why did I have such an urge to..close the gap between us? Why couldn't I look at her without feeling butterflies in my chest? I snapped my head to the screen again.
It's only because I just broke up with Beck and I feel weird about it still. Yeah, that's why. That's the only thing that would make sense. That annoying laugh SpongeBob makes is what brought me back from my daze.
"Are you feeling better?" She asked, still looking at the Tv.
"Yeah, I am." She nodded. I grabbed the remote from around her and turned the Tv off. Now she was looking at me.
"Uhm...I just wanted to say..thanks..for everything. I know sometimes I'm not..the nicest person to you but you really do mean a lot to me. More than anyone has. So yeah..thanks for staying with me...I guess" Aren't I so great at telling my feelings? Yep.
Her smile got so big that I was questioning if I was still dreaming or not. She threw her arms around me. "Your welcome! You mean everything to me! Your my..my favorite person ever!" She squealed right in my ear. She pulled away slowly, keeping her fingers interlocked behind my neck. Her smile was still there but her eyes seemed to be moving down my face. They stopped right at my lips. Was she? No...
My heart started pounding again. Calling Cat's name like a broken alarm that won't stop. "Jade.." She whispered out. I couldn't bear to even hear what she had to say. I closed what was left of the small gap. I could instantly taste that overwhelming amount of candy she probably consumed today. I've been craving this taste for weeks already and now that I finally got it, I don't want to stop. I can't. I don't think she can either by how she pulled me down by my neck. I practically shoved my tongue in her mouth, making her moan.
I know this is bad but..but why can't I stop? Why are her lips softer than anyone else's? Why does her moan turn me on so much? I don't like her. She..she doesn't like me. She's just doing this because..because the tension was there. For both of us. We pulled away but only because we actually needed air.
"Cat I-" She pressed her finger to my lips.
"I'm so sorry Jade! I didn't even mean to! I swear!" I could see the panic clear on her face.
Why did she think she started this? "Cat what are you talking about? I kissed you.." I hope this wasn't going to ruin anything. I was still on my high from that kiss.
"Why?"
"I..don't know" Well I didn't like her..right? Damn, I knew I shouldn't have even agreed to let her skip school. Now I'm confused again. Stupid!
She nodded her head and went to take out the DVD. Fuck. I knew I messed up.
"Well I gonna head home...my mom should probably know why I skipped school" I walked her to the door with my head down. I just couldn't control myself, could I? How did I manage to ruin both of the most important relationships I have all in one day?
Before she left she pulled me in for another hug. She probably just wants to make me feel better. She let go but not before placing her lips onto mine. It was quick. A little longer to call it just a peck. Then she smiled and left. Her backpack bumping up and down as she skipped away. I closed the door slowly.
What..just happened..?
Okay, let's play a game. No? You don't want to play? TOO BAD! We're playing, Simon says. Simon says to...r-r-re-rev-reveal your favorite color to someone!
Aha! I got you there, didn't I?! Uh-huh I'm just cool like that.