New Memories: A Bartowski Christmas

By Steampunk . Chuckster

A/N: Thanks! Here's part 8. I called the last part "part 6" in the A/N but it was part 7. Thanks for the multiple PMs about it. I'm not changing it though because I have a job to go to and I'm lazy and tired. So it's staying. It'll just be a relic of my exhaustion during this time of my life.

Disclaimer: I don't own the show and I'm not making money.

Mornings. They were hard.

Sarah slung her arm over her eyes to shield them from the stripe of sunlight coming in through the curtains of the bedroom window. With a low grumble, she let that same arm fall away from her eyes and reached to her right, intending to roll into her husband's inherent warmth.

But her hand met with nothing but empty sheets. They were still warm, though, which meant Chuck was somewhere nearby. And hopefully he would be back soon. Because she had cuddling needs. Her eyes snapped open suddenly and she blinked, readjusting herself so that she could nestle further into her pillow. Chuck had been the one who had cuddling needs, and she been the one to want thirty minutes of silence. God, if she'd really said that to him, she had been absolutely lying to herself.

Because the first thing she did when she crawled into bed at night was to find her spot right up against her husband. Whether that evolved into other things or they just fell asleep wrapped up together.

With a jaw-cracking yawn, Sarah Bartowski rubbed her hands down her face and finally tilted her head up to look around the room. Just when she did, her husband pushed open their bedroom door, wearing nothing but his boxers and a wool robe that hung loosely over his lanky body, as he'd neglected to tie it closed.

When he glanced at her, a wide grin exploded on his face. That was when she saw what he held in his hand. But she was distracted when his grin became a little mischievous. "Morning, Baby."

"Mmm, good morning. What's that?" She propped herself up on her elbows, unable to keep from smiling at him as he walked up to the end of their bed and peered down at her from his towering height.

"It's a Christmas present."

"Hm?" She pushed her hair back from her face a little sleepily. "Am I missing something? Because unless I was so tired from our mission that I slept through Christmas Eve Eve Eve, Christmas Eve Eve and Christmas Eve, today is not Christmas Day."

She unconsciously reached out and snagged her hand in the front of his robe, tugging him onto the bed. He chuckled and fell with his knees on either side of her body, crawling over her and lowering his body onto hers. She sighed happily at feeling him settle against her, his lips brushing her jawline and dragging up to that spot behind her ear.

"It doesn't have to be Christmas for me to get you a present."

She raised an eyebrow and fingered the bow on the wrapped box he'd set on the mattress next to her hip. "You wrap this, Chuck?"

"Mhm. With my own two hands. Look." He lifted his pointer finger, which was adorned with a black bandaid.

"Awww, did you get a paper cut wrapping this gift for me?" She grabbed his hand and pulled it down to kiss his palm.

"Totally worth it," he said so warmly that she wondered how he would feel about her opening her gift in a little while. After she flipped him onto his back and made the paper cut extra worth it. "Open your gift!"

He was so excited that she found herself caught up in his energy and giggled, gently nudging him off of her so that she could sit up and hold the gift on her lap as she sat cross-legged.

Chuck swung his legs off the edge of the bed and turned to watch her, anticipation radiating from him.

Sarah smiled as she unwrapped the gift to reveal a nondescript cardboard box. She glanced up at him a little dubiously, but she had to grin at the outright giddy and perhaps…nervous…look on his face. What did he have to be nervous about? Did he buy her a pet tarantula?

Ugh.

Then she popped the box open and stared into it. The only thing she was aware of was the beating of her heart, thumping madly in her ears. She brought a shaky hand to her mouth and pressed her fingers to her lips.

"Uh…" He cleared his throat softly. "I thought maybe you'd…"

"It's a piggy bank. My piggy bank?"

"Well, no. Not—It isn't yours, per se. But it looks a lot like yours and I suppose I did that on purpose."

"How do you…What is this?" was all she could get out. Her dad had given it back to her, she knew, because Chuck had told her about it. But she hadn't gone into the closet and looked at it. It was buried somewhere in there, somewhere that'd had some importance for the old Sarah, but now was filled with cobwebs and the painful reminder that there was another woman living here for a handful of years. A woman who had experienced growth and gone through hardships, a woman who learned to love and be loved. A woman who looked just like her but was different.

And the more she thought about that, the more she wondered what Chuck had looked like when he'd looked at that woman. Had he made love to that Sarah in the same way he made love to her now?

That piggy bank with her father's note, the one Chuck told her she should read, the one she hadn't even tried to look for yet—it was another reminder of something she didn't remember. The money that had been in there was used for their wedding. Chuck told her the whole story. She'd shed a few tears about her father, about the gesture, and she'd laughed about Chuck faking his flash. But thinking back on it now, she just wished she had all of those memories.

It was getting annoying, harping on this constantly. She told herself to be patient. Things would filter back here and there. They were already, here and there.

"You told me that when you were little, your dad kept this for you so that you could someday collect enough money to go on a huge adventure with him. Just the two of you." Chuck reached into the box and pulled the glass piggy out of the box, turning it in his hands. "After what you said to me the other day, while we were visiting Emma and Molly, I got to thinking…"

"Oh," she breathed. "That…Yeah. Yes. About us having kids someday."

Of course she had meant it but…where was he going with this?

"Right. Yes. Exactly." He licked his lips and looked down at the pink piggy bank with the smooshed face. "And I was thinking…" Chuck cleared his throat again and Sarah felt a little guilty for making him so nervous about this.

She reached out and took one of his hands in hers, squeezing reassuringly. "Chuck, just talk to me. I'm not upset with you and remember what we talked about with you not walking on eggshells? I just want to know what this is about, that's all."

When he heaved a sigh and smiled, she smiled back, trying to swallow the confusion and emotions and reminiscing…

"Your piggy bank seemed like it was really important to you. Like it was a connection between you and your dad. A promise that someday you'd have that adventure."

She nodded. "I never got it."

"That's because…" Chuck set down the piggy bank and ran a hand through his hair, mussing it a little. "I don't mean to tear your dad down because he always seemed like he meant well, and I know he loves you. But when we have kids someday, Sarah, you're not gonna be the same as him. You're going to be an amazing parent. And I thought this was a way you could…make a promise to our child. The way your dad made you one. The promise of an adventure with their super bad ass, sexy spy mom. Except the difference will be that you keep your promise."

Sarah blinked, then reached out to take the piggy bank and look down at it. "You bought a piggy bank like mine for me to give to our child…" she breathed, feeling tears gathering in her eyes.

"Yeah. We can write a note that says 'For adventures with Mom' and tape it to the side," he chuckled, poking the pig's glass side.

Sarah shook her head and looked up at him. There was a time in her life when the future terrified her. In fact, that had been true for her entire life, everything that she remembered at least. Would she be in the CIA for the rest of her life? Probably. Whether she would get married and have a family had never even been something she thought about or dreamed about. Because it was a laughable notion. Even at the height of her relationship with Bryce, it had been shallow and staid, and she knew it would end sooner rather than later. The future had been a gaping hole of loneliness for her. And that was just how it had to be, she'd thought, because she was a spy. Langston Graham's personal attack dog.

Now, her future was wide open, a mystery…

But she was excited.

Because she wasn't alone. She had family and friends. Most importantly, she had Chuck. And someday she would have someone to give this piggy bank to. For adventures with Mom.

Sarah shook her head again, and looked up at Chuck. "No, Chuck. It has to be Mom and Dad." He seemingly melted right in front of her, but she wasn't done yet. "I'm not going on any more adventures without you."

She reached out and put the piggy bank in the middle of the bed, and crawled over Chuck, straddling his waist and cupping his face. Her lips brushed his softly as she spoke. "The thought of going on an adventure with just my dad was so exciting because I looked up to him. And I didn't know my mom. But it's going to be different for us. Our child is going to have two parents who love each other unconditionally. Who want to go on adventures together. So it has to be 'For adventures with Mom and Dad', Chuck."

Chuck just stared at her for a few moments, that line between his eyebrows pronounced as his face crumbled in passionate emotion. And then he shook his head and slid his arms around her. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." She kissed him with everything she had, clutching at the back of his robe with her hands when she felt his slide up the smooth skin of her thighs.

With a sighing whimper, she pulled her lips from his when his fingers slipped beneath the hem of her chemise and skirted up her sides. Smirking wordlessly, she pushed the robe off of his shoulders and dove in for another kiss, rolling her hips against his as he groaned and fell back against the bed.

It was quite a long time later when Sarah found herself leaning back against her husband's chest with his arms wrapped around her bare stomach. She held her father's note in her hands and the piggy bank she hadn't seen since she was a little girl sat on the bed beside them.

Chuck had gotten up from the bed a few minutes earlier and pulled his boxers on, going into the closet at Sarah's request and retrieving her own piggy bank from the spot where she had stored it before they were married.

Now here they were, Chuck's arms hugging her close, a folded note that she had yet to open propped against her legs…

Her husband kissed the top of her head. "Go ahead and read it."

She did.

And her eyes flooded with tears as she turned in Chuck's arms and buried her face in his neck. He held her tight, his hands rubbing comforting, slow patterns on her bare back, until she finally let out a chuckle. "Schnook," she mumbled.

"That's right. Schnook."

His grin told her that he didn't take offense at being called a schnook and she wondered if maybe there was something between Chuck and her father—an inside joke or some connection that involved her. Or maybe they'd just gotten along. It was something she might ask Chuck someday if she didn't remember it herself.

"When he left the last time, Chuck, did he say anything about maybe…I don't know, coming back someday?"

"Honestly? No. He didn't say anything. But he didn't the first time either. Although technically, you had to find him to get him back here."

"Yeah, I did. I suppose if I ever needed to, I could track him down again."

"Look for the name Lichtenstein."

She laughed at that and wiped at her cheeks. "So he left this for me, huh?" She shifted in his embrace and reached out to grab the piggy bank.

"Mhm. It's yours. I didn't want to just regift you something that was always yours in the first place, though, so I bought a new one that kinda looked like it. You know, making new memories."

His smile was so big, so excited, and Sarah smiled back…but on the inside she felt that pesky ache again. Why couldn't she have new memories and the old ones. Maybe she was being selfish or ungrateful, when she was so incredibly lucky to be with Chuck Bartowski. They were rebuilding a life together—and maybe that was it. She felt like they were rebuilding. Instead of continuing where they'd left off. And how could he not regret that even a little bit?

She just put the piggy bank down again and cuddled against him. "You know what's weird?"

"Hm."

"When we had sex just now, I got this strange feeling…"

"Yes, midear, it's called an orgasm."

She pulled back and gasped, which became a laugh. Nevertheless, she felt it necessary to pinch his arm for that. "That's not what I mean, and you know it, you freaking jerk."

"Sorry," he laughed, schooling his features and gripping her arms warmly. "I couldn't resist. What did you mean, Sarah?"

"I got a feeling like we'd done that before."

"What, sex? Are you feeling okay, Mrs. Bartowski?"

"Not just sex, Chuck. Work with me here, okay? I mean, well…did we…?" She forced herself to look in his warm brown eyes—it really wasn't all that difficult—and took a deep breath. "Did we have sex after I found the piggy bank and note my dad left?"

She giggled at his vibrant blush and the way he seemed to be trying to fight it. "We, uh…yes, we did. We talked about it. The, uh, the note and stuff. And then we…"

"Had sex."

"Yep."

"Do you think it's possible…that memory was somehow triggered? I mean, can that happen?"

"Wuh—uh, maybe? I don't know. Do you just remember like a general…" He looked to the ceiling as though trying to find the right words.

"Oh, no. There were details."

His eyes snapped back to hers. "All—ahem—all the details?"

A slow smile stretched over her face as she gently rocked into him with an equally slow and sensual kiss. "A good deal of them, yes."

"I'd say Ellie might know the answer to that question," he muttered against her lips, turning them over so that she was pinned beneath him. "But I'd rather not—"

"No." She shook her head vehemently.

Though with this Christmas Day thing bothering her, Sarah couldn't help but wonder if Ellie had been the answer from the beginning. She could talk to Ellie, ask her for advice, maybe trigger some memory, and somehow figure out how to fix this dilemma. Ellie knew Chuck better than she did. She was still learning so much about him, since technically she'd only really known him a few months. Ellie could help her fix…well…herself. Maybe it was wishful thinking. But it wouldn't hurt to talk to her sister-in-law. She missed her anyways. It would be nice to hear her voice.

And with two days until Christmas, Sarah was still avoiding Chuck's "What are we doing Christmas Day?" question. He had been taking it well, going with the flow, changing the subject…even while he seemed a little confused.

And in spite of his promise not to walk on eggshells around her, that was kind of what it felt like he was doing.

But…

Well, she wasn't making it easy for him, was she?

And she felt the guilt of it pool in her chest.

Instead of dwelling on it, she decided to enjoy her morning. And as she slipped her hand down the front of her husband's boxers, she found herself doing just that.

A/N: More coming tomorrow. Thanks for reading, and please review.

-SC