Robin doesn't end up going over to Regina's until that evening, she was caught up with Daniel and he was caught in grief, love, and longing.
He never watches past the seventh piece—aptly titled, Consumed by the Darkness—so Regina will have to watch a few repeats, but she doesn't seem to mind.
She's happy, really, truly happy, and Daniel did that for her. This is why she is leaving, this is why—though it kills him—this is the right move for her.
Regina should have it all, the career, the love, the family, but he knows first hand how unfair life can be, and she's figured out what she needs to be happy.
Robin has to respect that. He needs to be better, needs to try harder, needs to appreciate Daniel for giving her this.
He will gladly take this twisted guts feeling that comes along with seeing her so happy with someone else as his penance. It is well worth it to see her smile. All he wants is for her to be happy, and happy she is right now.
That dreamy, lovey smile is something he could never put on her face, that is all Daniel. Daniel and dance. Only one of those is time-limited, and only one prevents her from having the family she's always wanted.
He, too, wants kids someday, but that goal is in some ways easier for him. It's easy to keep dancing as a father, but as a mother, it's unheard of. Robin hates how sexist the dance world can be, and how ageist it is. It wasn't always like that, in the seventies and eighties people would dance into their forties and fifties, and even beyond. Alicia Alonso danced into her seventies, something he has a hard time wrapping his head around but wishes was an option these days. Now it's like the moment a dancer turns thirty, the clock is ticking. He has slightly more time by virtue of being male, but he, too, feels the clock ticking down, and has from the moment he turned twenty-five.
Robin's not even a principal yet, and that should be the focus, reaching the top rank, the pinnacle of his career. It is, but there's also that fear he will start to decline that niggles in the back of his mind, made more prominent by his friends' upcoming retirements.
He's not the oldest in the company by a long shot, but he's in the upper third.
Robin tries not to dwell too much on that, tries to be in the present, enjoy the here and now, but every so often it gets him.
As he knows Regina will understand, he voices it before they start, tells her how his age and the time left is bothering him today.
She grows soft and understanding as he rants about it. It's not the first time she's heard this rant from him, but she acts like it is, is sympathetic and understanding, such a great friend.
God, he cannot lose this. They have to stay friends when she leaves somehow.
When he runs out of steam, Regina's hand is resting on his arm and she comments, "The young ones nipping at our heels don't help with that either. I swear Gold is finding them younger and younger, promoting them faster, and it's hard. I know we're replaceable, I get it, but it sucks to have it thrown at you so often. Sometimes I feel like 'why do I bother? There's always going to be someone better, younger, more beautiful' but… I can't stop. If I could, I would have left when Daniel got his job. Even with all the shit, I love it and I know you do, too."
"I do, and I don't think I'm at the top of my game yet. I look at how I was dancing last year, and I'm better, but there is that sense of when will that end? When will I stop improving, when will it get harder to do what I'm doing now? I've plateaued before, I can work through that even if it is frustrating as hell, but the idea of being unable to improve drives me barmy and scares the living shit out of me."
Regina nods vigorously, "Oh, me too. And I know I'd be one of those people who'd work myself into the ground to try and prevent that from happening. In some ways, I'm glad I won't get there because honestly, I think it would destroy me."
They both sigh and just look at each other for a moment wearing twin resigned expressions.
Regina taps his arm and assures him, "You are nowhere close to that though. You've got a long time left before that happens to you. And hell, I wouldn't be surprised if you are the break the mold guy, if you end up dancing into your fifties. I think you'd adapt to changing circumstances better than you'd think. I couldn't handle it, but I think you could and I think you could work through it to still dance incredibly even when your body starts to protest."
She could do that, too, he knows she could, she would adapt and be remarkable, Robin's sure of it.
It will never come to fruition, but he knows it. It really is a shame she'll never do it.
"You could, too, you know," Robin comments and she just laughs.
"Please, the moment I plateau it's like my whole world is ending. I've had enough of that when it was temporary."
He shakes his head, "I really think you could."
Regina rolls her eyes, "You're just trying to keep me around to prove you wrong."
He chuckles, "Oh yeah, that's it, you got me."
Her eyes twinkle in that oh so captivating way as she teases, "See, I knew it."
Robin is staring at her, he can't stop himself. This is one of those things he needs to stop if he's going to be a better friend to her, but she's so beautiful like this.
Regina breaks the moment with a stretch that pops her back with a loud snap and they both snicker over the sound.
"So where did you watch until?" she asks him, and Robin cues up the right piece. Since Regina has already seen it, she abandons him for her kitchen to refill her water and grab them some snacks.
She joins him on the couch again when the piece is ending and it occurs to him, "Where is Kathryn? I haven't seen her at all."
Regina smirks, "That's because she's not here, she's on a date."
"With that Fred guy?"
Regina nods, "One and the same. I'll be surprised if she makes it home tonight. She was pretty clear if he wanted to she was going to, you know."
"Good for her, a much better call than Killian."
Regina scoffs, "As if she would ever. I feel sorry for anyone dumb enough to do that."
And oh, she must not know then. It's not Robin's to tell, so he keeps his mouth shut, but something about his expression must tip Regina off because she squeals, "Oh my god. No, no. She didn't!"
Shit. Nice one, Robin. He bites at his lip, debating what to say, but the cat is clearly out of the bag. "Do not tell her I told you. I just assumed you knew. It was pretty soon after the divorce. Knowing Killian it probably wasn't a great experience for her. He bragged about it to all the guys, it was actually David who told him to shut it. I don't know what else he said, but Killian never mentioned it again, so whatever it was, it worked."
Regina's mouth is open and she looks flabbergasted. "Yeah, I had no idea. Oh my god. Wow. But , really. No wonder she never said anything."
Robin nods, "Yeah, Killian's well, Killian."
"And with how I disparage him and his conquests so regularly…"
Robin chuckles because yes, she does do that, and it's extremely entertaining.
They've missed nearly all of this second dance, but the bits he caught weren't enthralling so he's not particularly concerned.
When the next one starts, he immediately knows that this is where Regina watched up until.
This is… wow.
Racy, that's for sure. It's surprisingly hot, this dance, and actually quite complex. It's not his style, but it would be a challenge.
Robin imagines for a second doing this number with Regina, and christ, that would be… too much that's for sure.
There's one lift where the woman jumps into the man's arms and he ever so slowly lets her slide down his body pausing when their faces are right in line, and it's so sensual.
That confirms, Robin could never, not with her. That would be too charged, too erotic. A dance like that is best left to the couples, or people who have no interest in each other.
The sexual tension of it would kill him, but god, what a way to go.
It's too warm in this apartment, and his mind is going places it shouldn't. Does this turn her on too, he wonders. Is she as hot and bothered as he is right now?
It's not as if they are watching porn, but in some ways, it feels like it, and he knows she feels about the dance the way he does, so he can't imagine this isn't affecting her in some way.
The thought of it getting to her, of her being turned on too, is far too much for him, and as soon as it's over, ending with music and dancers climaxing, Robin excuses himself to the loo, splashing cold water all over his face and arms, until that flush starts to die down.
God, he hopes they don't get that piece. Robin could not handle that and if he had to bet, neither could Daniel.
If the man couldn't stomach Romeo and Juliet, he certainly couldn't handle three minutes of them up close and personal like that, and he's not the only one.
Gold likes to have post-season meetings with his dancers. He likes to know how things went, how they felt about the season, and get an overall feel for how they are doing.
It's always a bit uncomfortable. One on ones with a boss always are, and Gold never gives any emotion away. Dancers cry over promotions or firings during contract season and he is stoic. It's unnerving, and while Regina has known him for years she is still nervous as hell about her meeting.
If a dancer gets promoted or fired their meeting is during contract season. If not, meetings occur during the last four weeks of the season, a random session with the boss to get grilled.
Regina never particularly enjoys these, all of once in her whole career has Gold given her a compliment in one, but this is going to be the worst one yet.
The last one ever.
Regina's decided she has to tell him now. He may hold his cards close to his chest, but she has always been open with him, and she can't stop that just because she's leaving. She has to tell him, she owes him that.
But telling Gold makes it real, and that is unbelievably scary.
In a lot of ways, he is a father figure to her, though he's not warm or nurturing at all. But he's been the biggest male presence in her life excluding Daniel and Robin, and he is the one she seeks approval from. She craves it, those rare moments when she will make him smile, when he will use her as the example in class, when he will give that curt nod after a variation, or the corner of his lip upturns ever so slightly.
He may rarely give praise, but it's always genuine, and it just makes her want to impress him even more.
Gold may never have said it but Regina knows he values her as a dancer in his company, he's shown her that in the roles he gives her, in the promotions he's bestowed on her.
He challenges her, has pushed her in ways she didn't think she could handle, but she always rises to the occasion. She loves that he sees in her what she can't, that he believes she can do it when she can't.
Maybe he'll never tell her that but she knows—and it just makes this harder.
Gold is going to be so disappointed in her. He's single, unattached, with no family. This company, that's his love, he will not be able to fathom letting this go. He will think less of her, of her commitment to dance, and that kills her.
But Regina can't not tell him. Not after all he's given her. Gold has a right to know she's leaving, to plan for her retirement. He already knows he's losing Kathryn next summer, she can't have him counting on her to fill in some of those roles.
She knows she wouldn't get promoted next season, knows she has reached the top of her rank within the company, but she also knows he would continue to push her, and she doesn't want that energy wasted. It's time for him to turn his attention to the dancers that will be the future of the company, and stop watching his time on her.
So though it's with a heavy heart that Regina enters his austere office, she resigns herself to having the unpleasant talk.
Gold's office is gray, and drab, the desk black and massive, a matching large black bookshelf to the right of him filled with volumes of dance books she'll never have time to read.
Belle has read them all she bets, and for a second Regina wonders if that's what they talk about in Belle's meeting, if any of the books on this shelf were purchased at her recommendation.
It's a stall tactic, gazing around this office she's been in plenty of times before.
Gold is looking at her, waiting for her to make eye contact, and she lets out a breath, sits up straighter in her chair on the opposite side of the desk and looks him in those steely brown eyes.
"So Regina… How was your season?"
This is how he leads these, with seemingly innocent questions that somehow always have her spilling her guts. How does he do that?
"It was good, really good. Playing Juliet was… such an honour. I never let myself believe it would happen, even when I was learning it I thought for sure it would go to someone else."
He tsks, and she feels the need to defend herself, "I just… I wanted to dance it, so badly, and I know I did well with it, it was a dream come true. I have this tendency to talk myself out of roles I really want, to make the sting less if I don't get it, and I did a lot of that with Juliet. Then when the time came and I had it, I still had all these worries: what if I couldn't do it, what if your faith in me was misplaced. It was silly, but… you know how I am. I put too much pressure on myself."
Gold nods, his face is giving nothing away and it unnerves her even more. "You do do that."
"I loved last season, I feel like I rose to every challenge, and I love doing that. I get stressed, and I get to be a bit much, I know that, but I always end up dancing it well, and that's all I want."
"You have danced well this year, don't think I haven't noticed."
That warms her heart, and simultaneously slices it in two, because Gold believes in her and she is about to let him down. This is the last good thing he will ever say about her, she's never going to have this again.
"What do you want for your future at Ballet West? What do you see yourself doing? What do you want from the new season?
That steals Regina's breath, and her chest tightens, tears flooding her eyes. She cannot speak, just looks at him dumbly, and for once he has a reaction. It's slight, a subtle tension in his face that melts a few seconds later.
She needs to speak, needs to say something, but forming words is too hard right now.
He prompts, "What do you want to dance, what do you want to do?" and the tears start to fall.
Regina chokes out, "I don't know," as a sense of incredible loss floods her. She's not ready for this. This is unfair, she wants more time, wants to cling to this fragile, fleeting, beautiful art form until she's forced to let go.
She shouldn't have to choose, she should not have to be weighing her time left dancing against the love of her life. There shouldn't be this ceaseless countdown that reminds her she's nearing the end.
Even without Daniel, even if she wasn't leaving, the clock would still be working against her and she hates that.
Gold coughs subtly, drawing her attention and oh god, she is melting down in his office and she hasn't even said it yet, this is so bad.
He asks her, "Do you still want to dance?"
And of course, she does. She would dance until her dying breath if life allowed that, but it doesn't.
Regina manages to stutter out, "I haven't fallen out of love with it," because how could she ever? She never will, that much she knows for sure. Those three and a half years when she didn't dance it was like a piece was missing of her soul. She only felt whole again when she returned to ballet, then cursed herself for staying away for so long.
She thought she felt so empty because she'd lost her father, and that was a part of it, there is a hole in her life because he died, but it was bigger than it needed to be because she abandoned the only other thing she'd loved.
Ballet was their thing, he's come to every show, soothed every disappointment, relished in every triumph. He was her biggest supporter, and at first, it hurt too much to dance without him, but she knows he'd be proud of where she is now. If there is an afterlife, he's watching her and she does her best to put on a good show for him.
Her father didn't know anything about it before she started dancing but when it became apparent how much it meant to her he became an expert.
Regina will never stop loving ballet just like she'll never stop loving her father.
She lets out a shaky, watery breath, and tells her boss, "I'll never stop loving it, but my life is taking me in a different direction and…"
God, she can't say it, needs to, but can't. She just can't.
Gold sighs, "I think I know where you are going with this, and I want you to know, I am going to keep challenging you, keep pushing you because I know you can do it. Even when you don't, I know."
She sobs harder, can't even be happy that he's saying it because she's leaving and this just makes it more devastating to do so. It shouldn't be happening like this.
He goes on, "That dedication is going to take you far, and you have farther to go. You have farther to go here, you are not done or at your peak. You are one of my hardest workers and it doesn't go unnoticed. If you keep it up we may be talking promotion next year. Just something to think about."
Promotion. Oh god, he can't mean that, this can't be happening. Not when she's leaving. How is life this cruel?
"Why don't you go home, Regina. We'll talk again after the new season starts."
She still hasn't told him, but he knows, somehow he knows, and she cannot handle any more of this, so she nods.
Regina's still sniffling as she exits his office, books it to the single-stalled bathroom and cries her eyes out until there are no tears left.
This was not how this was supposed to go, and now she's more miserable about it than she thought possible.
She calls the one person she knows will be able to comfort her: Robin.
She should be talking to Daniel about this, she knows that, but he's at work, and she always feels guilty expressing her conflict about this to him. He doesn't understand her deep love of dance, he can't, and right now she needs someone who does.
It doesn't change anything, it can't.