Nathan's point of view

Nathan was standing, and looking at Kate Marsh. More and more people were gasping and screaming, while he couldn't get out any sound from himself. Hannah, who was standing right next to him, looked destroyed. Nathan held her hand tightly to prevent her from running towards Kate.

– No Han… – I can't let you to blame yourself for her death… – This is all on me. – Nathan thought and held Hannah tightly.

He knew why Kate Marsh was standing on that roof. It was because of what he did. It was him, all him.

– Please… Please… – Please don't do that, l'm sorry… – He said inside, but nothing out loud.

The drugs were kicking in. Everything slowed for Nathan, his head went crazy. Voice inside his head was blasting and bashing him. Everything felt like a slow-motion movie.

Suddenly, everyone noticed Max Caufield, who somehow appeared on the same roof as Kate Marsh.

Nathan looked at both of them. Tiny Max, like a real hero, was putting everything she had to step up and help Kate.

He couldn't hear, nor understand what they were talking about. All he was thinking about was: "Save her Max. SAVE HER".

The talk between two girls only lasted a couple of minutes, but for Nathan, it felt like forever. And every second of that moment the voice in his head was repeating the same phrase over and over:

"IT'S YOUR FAULT. YOUR FAULT. YOUR FAULT"…

Only holding Hannah tightly in his arms prevented him from going full blown nuts, with hysterics and screaming.

Now, not only Kate is suffering, but Max as well. What if she fails? That way… She would think she is the one responsible for her death! No…

Suddenly, he saw that Max reached her hand to offer Kate. She was looking like an angel at that moment: that selfless angel who put herself behind so she could help the ones in need.

Kate turned and accepted Max's hand.

Max took her away from the edge, and she fell on the roof. Nathan felt like the whole crowd just let out a massive sign of relief. As soon as everyone realized that Kate will no longer jump, Hannah fell on the ground and started crying. Nathan hugged her and cried as well. No one noticed them, as everyone were crying at that moment.

Max and Kate exited the door to the main yard and the crowd was cheering for them. Kate was leaning on Max's shoulder and looked desperate.

The security guards, including David Madsen, rushed to help the girls. Kate was crying, while Max kept on a brave face.

Max and Kate were led away, while everyone was looking at the process. Police were called, the sirens were going off, and Nathan was standing and looking at this with Hannah. They noticed crying Victoria and approached her.

Nathan looked at her, and she was covered in shame and guilt. He hugged both Victoria and Hannah, and they three were looking at Kate and Max being questioned by the police. They didn't say a word to each other, and ignored the cold, strong rain soaking them.

Nathan was desperately looking at Mr and Mrs. Marsh, who stopped near Blackwell and rushed to Kate. They were sobbing and hugging their daughter and Mrs. Marsh was repeating "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry Katie!"

– I'm sorry too Kate… – Nathan thought.

Hannah became visibly cold, and tried to led both him and Victoria away. Shaken, Victoria accepted Hannah's hand, while Nathan was so thrown off by witnessing what happened, and too intoxicated with an incredible number of drugs that were inside him, that he was barely standing on his feet.

Hannah took him by the hand, and guided both to the school inside.

As soon as they entered, they saw a crazy picture: students were sitting on the ground of the hallway, crying, or not able to move. Nathan was forced to swallow all his tears and hide all of his emotions.

Not managing to keep standing because of drugs, guilt, pain and unlimited stress, Nathan slowly fell on the floor and covered his face with legs.

– I can't believe THAT actually happened! – Everything… Everything was supposed to be different! What the actual fuck me and Jefferson had done?! I almost killed a fucking girl! – Nathan was thinking, overwhelmed with despair.

– This… This really happened, – Hannah said with a trembling voice. – Kate fucking Marsh almost killed herself…

– I-l didn't mean it, l swear! – Victoria started crying. – I never knew that would happen! – Victoria looked miserable.

Some students noticed them and began pointing fingers at her. Victoria didn't even have the energy to make them shut up.

– Victoria… – Hannah began talking, but Victoria cut her off. Despite the drug and trembling, Nathan put his hand on Victoria's shoulder and patted her on the head. Victoria was sobbing, and ignoring everyone and everything around her. Nathan was too. Nothing mattered anymore.

– Fuck everything! – Fuck the reputation, fuck what that fuckers think of you Nathan… – He was convincing himself.

The adrenaline from Kate's suicide attempt and the drugs began to slowly wear off, and was replaced by deathly tiredness. Nathan felt numb, like there was an unbearably heavy weigh that was attached to his whole body.

With Nathan and Hannah's help, Victoria was looking calm not after so long, but Nathan knew it was all just an act.

– I envy her a little actually. By how much of a control she had over herself in compression to me. Victoria is capable of playing the role of a heartless alpha bitch who is not harmed by any shit that happens around… – Nathan thought.

He noticed that Hannah, who by recent times gave Vic the cold shoulder, was consoling her, like she could actually see through her act.

Nathan meanwhile was too embarrassed to even ask for a hug nor from Hannah, nor from Victoria.

– You don't deserve Hannah's kindness. – The inner voice was telling him. – All you deserve is jump off that roof instead of the innocent Kate Marsh. – You bring nothing but pain to people around yourself.

– I know… – Nathan quietly said to himself, but still said it out loud.

His voice was hurt, squashed and pitched because of the attempt cover himself up. Hannah and Victoria moved towards him, and he again put his hand on Victoria's shoulder.

Hannah looked like a shell of herself. All that crazy experience deeply got inside her.

United, they three managed to calm each other down – Kate Marsh is alive, and that's all what matters. This thought was everything that kept those three sane in this situation.

Nathan finally got back to the reality, and only now noticed that the hall has cleared almost completely. He, Victoria and Hannah were literally the only ones there.

– Like the people wanted to leave as fast as possible, – Victoria said through her puffy eyes. – Well, can't blame them – l would also hurry up and leave that shithole.

Suddenly, an announcement from the Principal played.

– "Good afternoon, l have an announcement to make - l want to see those people in my office: Max Caufield, David Madsen, Mark Jefferson and Nathan Prescott".

– Holy fuck what now?! – Nathan loudly screamed.

He was on the verge of tears and hysterics: everything that happened today was too traumatic for anyone, especially Nathan to handle, and now, that douchebag wants to put him through more stress? Everyone knows that he will repeatedly hit Nathan with questions regarding Kate's suicide!

– Nathan, calm down, l'm sure that it would just a couple of questions to find the culprit, – Hannah said quietly and he actually tried to make an attempt. Was not successful, but pretended that it was.

– Don't you worry, – Said Victoria with comfort. For her it was clearly hard to even keep a straight voice, so Nathan cut her off and forcibly smiled. Hannah patted him on the shoulder, and calmed down. Nathan shut up, and simply hugged her.

– So, looks like l need to get moving to a fucking meeting execution, – Enraged Nathan said and waved goodbye.

When he reached the office, he stood in front of the door. He took a deep breath and entered it. He was the last one to show up – inside there were already a police officer, the Chief of Security David Madsen, Mr. Jefferson and Max Caufield.

Nathan took the chair and his anxiety began to rise up. He did his best to cover his nerves, tears and anxiety with his usual mask he always used – the mask of a rich "alpha male" who owned the city.

He thought that he knew Max would testify against him – she hated his guts to the burning passion, so when Principal Wells basically asked Max "who do you think is at fault here?", Nathan closed his eyes and prepared for shit to go down. Whatever it takes, he must not be expelled.

But, Max surprised everyone, seemingly including herself.

– I saw Mr. Jefferson talking to Kate right before our class… Then she ran off crying. – He also didn't show any concern for her safety, and shrugged it off, like it was nothing.

Nathan was shocked and a little scared for and of Mr Jefferson. Who knows what he will do?

Of course, Mr. Jefferson attempted to reason with Principal Wells, in his normal kind and "hippie" manner., but he was unsuccessful. Nathan was too afraid to speak up and defend his life example, and another dose of pressure was put on him.

– Mark, you should understand that this is a really serious accusation. – As a teacher, it should be your number 1 priority to protect and guide your student to the right path, and you failed at both. I would have dismissed this accusation, if Miss Caufield here was the only one complaining about you.

– Unfortunately, she wasn't the only one – one of Blackwell's most honored students – Hannah Crimsenlaunched multiple formal complaints regarding your behavior with students and your unattendance to them.

Nathan felt like his heart is going to explode – what the hell Hannah got herself into?!

He was sitting there, dumbfounded, looking at this little trial, where instead of a judge was sitting that bought alcoholic principal. The most terrifying thing was… That Max was right about the culprit.

Nathan became terrified. What if while this investigation, the truth will undercover?! No no no… Then Mr Jefferson is going to kill him and Max as well!

The meeting of suffering has ended, and Nathan didn't take his eyes from Max. She sighed the paper and prepared to leave. Everyone else also followed her example, and Nathan tried his best to avoid even looking at the direction of Mr. Jefferson.

On his way out, he wrote a small note and slipped it into Max's pocket. Then, he ran to the boys' dormitory.

Max looked startled and read it. Nathan wrote only two words with his shaking hands:

"THANK YOU"

Nathan with hardship reached his room and slammed the door. He couldn't even stand on his legs and fell on the bed. His anxiety, despair, stress and anger raised on maximum level.

He began screaming and crying. He couldn't even hit the things around himself, that's how pathetic his body was because of drugs.

– What have… – I done… – He was sobbing. Kate… Why?! Why he did that?!

– All because l decided to be selfish, l hurt a human… – I didn't mean it, Kate l swear…

Nathan never ever felt that horrible about doing something. Even when his dad was beating him, this feeling of guilt was the strongest in his life. It didn't matter that Kate Marsh was alive, the only thing mattered is that she was standing on that roof because of him.

Because of his illness, he basically forgot how is it to feel empathy towards other people who weren't his friends. And now, he didn't know should even he be "happy" about this.

He curled on his bed, hugged his favorite whale plushie and continued sobbing. He felt that after what he did, the only thing he deserved was jail.

Nathan took out his diary, that was filled with the "I HATE MY LIFE" phrase, and prepared to write in it again. But instead of the usual, he wrote:

I HATE MYSELF

He looked at his drawer, where was laying Rachel's bracelet that she gifted him.

– I… I screwed up, right Rach? – He asked the bracelet with despair, knowing that Rachel would not magically appear and reply.

Nathan turned on his music player to calm himself. He also took his phone and saw a text from Hannah.

"H: Nate… Are you okay? Do you need any help?"

"N: Yes. Please, leave me alone, want some rest for now".

"H: 'Kay. Just remember – everything is okay, and Kate is alive. Poor Victoria though. She blames herself for what happened" …

"H: Okay, sorry Nate. Have a good rest".

Nathan breathed in and closed his eyes. Everything was spinning, and it was hard, really hard for him to fight this despair.

He always knew that he was useless and pathetic. The voice inside his head was right. He only brings pain to others with him, and now, Victoria, his childhood friend is probably in her room now, blaming herself for this mess.

After some time laying on the bed, Nathan got up. The drug effects almost disappeared, and at some levels, he calmed down.

He got to the girl's dormitory, and entered Victoria's room. To his shock, he saw her crying her eyes out again. He smiled at her, but his eyes showed pain and misery.

She got startled and tried to hide her face, but Nathan sat near her and hugged his friend, without any words – the exact same technique Hannah used to calm him down.

– I'm so sorry Victoria… – Nathan was thinking. Victoria was sobbing and crying and he was holding her tightly. He even tried to put on a brave face for her.

It ended with Victoria calming down. She smiled at him and said:

– Thank you, Nathan.

And Nathan smiled back. They looked out of the window, and saw the most beautiful eclipse in their life. It was bright orange, and the light of it felt on their faces.

– So… – Beautiful.

– Yes…

At the end of the day, Nathan stepped near Kate's dorm room, that was filled with cards and flowers, mostly the pink ones. He breathed in and put a single white rose under the door. Then, took out a piece of chalk and wrote on the same door.

I'M SORRY, KATE