Kahs-wan Ritual - Day Three Part One
Kr'trkkla eh Kril'es Monastery - Early Hours
Mimi, who had been quietly curled up watching Sordd meditate, jerked suddenly from surprise. Sordd looked startled for a moment, only a moment, then he composed himself again. She had NEVER seen Sordd react in such a way.
"What is it?" she asked, a hint of panic in her voice.
"I'm uncertain," he replied. He rose to his feet in one graceful move.
"What do you mean?" she questioned, "Is he ok?"
Sordd walked towards her and gently placed his hand on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her; as he did so he looked out of the window onto the darkness of The Forge. "I cannot determine his status," he replied flatly. He did not think it wise to inform her that the last thing he had sensed from Avarak was pain.
Mimi placed her hand on his and looked up at him, "How can you not determine his status?" she asked softly.
Sordd looked down into her eyes. There were so many things that she did not understand about the ways of Vulcan; sometimes the gulf appeared to be insurmountable. "One of the purposes of the Kahs-wan is to break childhood bonds and forge those that will be used as an adult," he said. "There is a verse in one of your ancient manuscripts, part of the Bible, that is similar to one of Surak's teachings. 'When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.'" Sordd paused, "During his Kahs-wan, Avarak is doing away with childish things. That process involves breaking certain bonds, depending less on parental input and taking more responsibility for his own life. That is why I cannot currently determine his status."
Mimi tensed. Fearing the worst, "Is he… is he dead?" she asked before biting her lip.
"He lives," Sordd replied. Reassuringly, gently squeezing her shoulder. "That bond will only be broken when either he or I join the a'tha." He looked at her again, "I can assure you that he is alive Mimi! I would know if he was not, other family members would know if he was not."
"But why were you startled?" she asked probingly.
He waved his hand, "It is of no consequence," he answered, while turning and moving away from where she was sitting and walking towards the window.
Mimi stood up to follow him. "Sordd, please!" she said, "Don't think that I can't tell that you are hiding something from me." Mimi brushed her hand gently against his arm, and then she found contact with his hand, and she took it in hers. "Please, Sordd, tell me what startled you."
Sordd took a deep breath, there was no logic in trying to hide what he had felt from Avarak from his wife, especially when she knew he was hiding something. As Surak says, 'trying to stop a persistent spouse is like trying to stop the wind.' "Avarak is in pain," he acknowledged flatly.
Mimi took a deep breath, "Ok, well not ok, but being in pain is better than being dead, isn't it?" she said, trying to put a brave face on it. "Should we not send out a search party?"
"I do not believe that is necessary," Sordd replied. "There is no logic in risking lives in a search for someone who does not need assistance."
Mimi frowned, "But he is in pain?"
"Ha," Sordd agreed.
Mimi frowned even more, "Does being in pain not warrant the need of assistance?" she asked.
Sordd looked at her again, "Avarak is trained in the Vulcan disciplines, he knows how to suppress pain."
Mimi shook her head in confusion. "So we let him be in pain?"
Sordd turned to look at her, "All of the experiences that happen during his Kahs-wan are important for his individual growth. He is able to suppress pain, Mimi," he replied. "It is part of becoming an adult."
Mimi tilted her head, "Is he frightened?"
"Mimi, I am currently unable to determine his status," Sordd responded. "However, fear is an illogical emotion, Avarak has been trained in the Vulcan disciplines, he knows what to do if he experiences it."
Mimi let out a very large sigh, "So what if he has an infection or is unable to walk because of the injury? At what point is a search party sent out?" she asked.
"When it is logical to do so," Sordd replied calmly. To emphasise the point he added, "Currently it is NOT logical to do so."
Mimi took another deep breath. This conversation was going nowhere. The decision had been made, based on so-called 'logic,' although there was no logic as far as Mimi could see, only suffering. Everything within her wanted to go and help, to ease the pain… but she could not... it did not seem to matter that Avarak could die, that any of these children could die... She could feel the fury start to build up inside her, anger at this whole affair.
Sordd could sense it through their bond, he turned and brushed his fingers against her cheek, "Ashayam, it is illogical to worry about things that are out of your control… I will not hesitate to send out a search party if it is warranted."
Mimi shook her head in disbelief. She then placed her hand on his cheek, "Why?" she asked, "Why?"
Through the touch and through their bond Sordd could sense the full weight of meaning behind that simple word 'why.' She was trying her best to understand… In fairness she had limited data. Even in the 23rd century the ways of Vulcan were shrouded in secrecy. Vulcan history books released to other species could be quite lacking in their data. Sordd sighed. He closed his eyes as he tried to find words that would convey the reasons 'why.'
Placing his hand at the small of her back, he turned from the window and began to lead her to the couch, "Come, let us sit over here," he said softly. When they were both comfortable he began...
"Thousands of years before 'The Time of Awakening' Vulcans were a barbaric, war-like, and deeply passionate race; paranoia and homicidal rage were commonplace. This combination led to a life expectancy which was in the mid thirties. The violence was so out of control that we nearly destroyed ourselves as well as our planet.
"By the middle of the 3rd millennium BA (Before Awakening), Vulcans had found that if they mentally trained themselves to suppress their emotions, the paranoia and homicidal rage dissipated. Those who trained themselves in this way had an increased life expectancy they also," Sordd paused for a moment, this was always a difficult subject to speak of. "They also had an increased likelihood of surviving Pon Farr and its after effects."
Mimi's mind turned back to their shared experience of Pon Farr. Nothing could have prepared her for what happened. Sordd, who under normal circumstances had a grip on his emotions, had swung to the other extreme. In many respects the depth of passion and emotion was frightening. Despite it all he had not hurt her in any way. After the main event, which had lasted four days, Sordd had steeped himself in meditation, logic, and emotional control for a further four days solid. He only occasionally came out of the meditative state to check on her wellbeing. After the four days of meditation, he was not fully back to normal, but he was in a place where he could function again in society. She listened intently as he continued…
"In the Pre-Reform Era, Vulcans had regressed in these disciplines and as a result Vulcan was tearing itself apart again. Rampant emotions combined with a hostile warrior culture, led to many wars using terrible weapons like atomic bombs and the Stone of Gol."
Mimi held up her hand, "Sordd, I have heard about Vulcans using atomic bombs in the past, but what is the Stone of Gol?"
Sordd's expression remained neutral as he proceeded, "The Stone of Gol was an ancient weapon. It functioned as a psionic resonator which focused and amplified telepathic energy. Violent thoughts and emotions could be turned back on the person experiencing them and they would end up destroying themselves, as opposed to their enemy."
A shocked expression appeared on Mimi's face, "That is frightening!"
"Indeed," Sordd agreed. "Particularly for a telepathic species."
"So why did they stop using this weapon?"
"If the target was able to empty their mind of violent thoughts, the resonator had nothing to amplify and so was unable to operate. Since the teachings of Surak were aimed at precisely this kind of emotional control, the psionic resonator subsequently became useless against his followers during the Time of Awakening."
Mimi took a deep breath before speaking, "So that is why it is important for a Vulcan to be able to empty their mind of violent thoughts, so those thoughts cannot be used against them by a weapon of this sort, or by someone who is a stronger telepath?"
Sordd nodded his head, "Ha," he answered. "That is only one among many reasons."
"So what has all this got to do with Avarak's Kahs-wan?" Mimi probed.
"Surak, preached a philosophy of using logic to control emotions, as well as total pacifism. In order for Vulcans to live together in harmony, and to not give in to our extremely violent natures there is a need for emotional control. There comes a point where every Vulcan must find their way through to a place of emotional control without assistance from others. Up until this point I have aided Avarak with this. The Kahs-wan ritual affords an opportunity for him to develop the strengths required for him to survive in and contribute to a peaceful Vulcan society without my assistance. Mimi, if Vulcans do not gain mastery of their emotions through logic and discipline they will end up destroying themselves, and those around them...
"Avarak needs to undergo this ritual as it cements the psychological disciplines required of him to survive and recover from his first Pon Farr. If he does not, he may die of the paranoia that ensues during his 'Time.' If there was another way we would choose it for our children…
"I know that this is hard for you to understand. In many respects you are to be envied. You are human and you have the ability to explore your emotions without serious adverse effects. It is unwise for adult Vulcans to explore their emotions in the same way as you do. Our basic nature is prone to extreme violence; unchecked the consequences would be devastating…"
There was silence as they both contemplated what had just been said. For Mimi, things began to slowly fall into place. After sometime she reached out and touched Sordd's hand. 'Thank you. What you have said is helpful. Please see if you can sense him again." She looked on as Sordd closed his eyes again and tried to reach Avarak through their bond…
*'*
Kr'trkkla eh Kril'es Monastery - Pre-Dawn
It was pre-dawn. Sordd had taken up his meditation again and Mimi had managed to get a few fitful hours of sleep before she decided to sit in her chair again. This time she had a light blanket around her to keep warm. She wondered if Avarak was warm... she wondered if he had found shelter or if he was lying somewhere on The Forge floor... The only sound that could be heard was the flicker of the candle flames and the spit of the incense pot. Mimi focused on her breathing in an attempt to meditate...
The silence was broken by a chime at the door. She glanced over to where Sordd had been meditating; the mat was empty. She then turned around to see that he was standing at the window, his eyes closed. Mimi put the blanket to the side and quietly rising to her feet, she moved towards the door to answer it.
Standing in the corridor was a Vulcan priest, a member of the Kr'trkkla eh Kril'es order, in his distinctive dark blue robe. He was also wearing a very distinctive flat rectangular pendant with the word Ozhika, Logic, written on it, hanging from a curb chain.
He nodded his head, "T'Sai Margaret," he said in a hushed tone, "We are in need of Hakausu Sordd's assistance."
Mimi glanced into the room, Sordd was still standing at the window with his eyes closed. She turned back, "Um, he's.. Well he's ..." before she could get any further words out her mouth Sordd appeared at her side.
"How can I be of assistance," Sordd inquired.
The priest nodded towards Sordd, "A child has been brought in from The Forge," he replied with no hint of emotion on his face, "the injuries are," he paused. He did not know the identity of the child, and he was unsure if he was speaking to the parents, under normal circumstances it would not be a problem. If they were the child's parents there would be sufficient emotional control not to become hysterical, however, one of the parents standing before him was human, and humans were known for their emotional outbursts... Nevertheless, it was logical to inform Hakausu Sordd of the seriousness of the situation, "life-threatening…"
*'*
Notes
a'tha - direct experience of the being/force of universe
Pon Farr - Mating time, the entirety of the Vulcan mating phenomena; occurs generally once every 7 years
Kr'trkkla eh Kril'es - Peace and Harmony
Ozhika - logic
Hakausu - Healer
T'Sai - Lady
*'*'*
Thank you so much to Kehlan and RobertBruceScott for giving me ideas for this chapter, which you have very graciously allowed me to steal! Thank you also for helping me to write things in a better way.
I have heavily relied upon memory alpha and memory beta, as well as the Vulcan dictionary for this chapter.