Disclaimer: Of course, these lovely characters do not belong to me. I do borrow them for a new idea.
Thank you to all of you kind followers and the reviews. This chapter will leave out the hearing, as it's worked in later.
Heartbroken
August/September 1998
After being cleared of the accusations at her hearing she had spent the rest of the summer at the Weasleys house. Along with many other Order locations the house had required substantial rebuilding, securing, and remodeling. It had been something to take her mind of things. She blamed the bind, but Malfoy seemed to pop up in her thoughts more frequently. It wasn't him doing this weird kind of legilimency like in the war, it was simply her thoughts. Like the bind was working hard at making her fall for him, which she refused with all her might. More than once she had gotten up in the middle of the night after he snuck into her dreams and had used muggle labor skills to finish painting a room.
Occasionally she had been joined by a Weasley or Harry, depending on who else couldn't sleep at that point. Nightmares were a problem for each of the young adults, trying to work through the difficult emotions of war and loss. Although for her personally the panic attacks or anxiety seemed more frequent than nightmares. To her surprise, it had been Percy who had stood there one night and had been able to offer her the most comfort.
He had stood at the entrance to the twin's old room, watching her paint. She had never seen his stoic expression replaced by such emotion, as he probably replayed Fred's death over and over in his mind. Finally, she had put a paintbrush in his hand and then wordlessly continued her work.
"Can I ask you something?"
She had been surprised once again that he started to speak, but nodded slowly, before continuing her work.
"My family, are they okay with me being back?"
Hermione stopped her work and turned to him. He didn't meet her eyes but stared at the bucket of paint.
"Your parents are ecstatic for you to be back and your siblings will get over themselves."
There was silence, although Hermione was certain that he wasn't done talking yet.
"I betrayed them."
She drew in a deep breath. She had been there for some of the many tears his mother had shed. She had heard his siblings talk about him some more vicious than others. But the word betrayed once again also triggered her own anxiety. The thought of her marriage, her feet carrying her willingly to the Malfoys as Voldemort requested it. While her mind had been loyal, her body had completely betrayed her and everyone else.
"I spend Fred's last living years in my apartment being mad at them for not following a bunch of idiots that were wrong."
She watched as he threw the brush against the wall before he seemed to compose and fixed his mess with his wand. Her thoughts leaving her own dark hole.
"They still look at me like the traitor I am." She winced, thinking of the way people still looked at her when she went to Hogwarts or other public places. She breathed in to calm her nerves.
"Fred really forgave me. I could tell, he was joking with me, and then…" He stared at the wall, before turning and eyeing the spot where Fred's bed had once been.
She didn't know how she should respond. She understood what he must feel like, the way at least some family members still looked at him. But then again they were his family and would forgive him, while Hermione wasn't certain if the wizarding world would forgive her for the web of lies Voldemort had placed on her.
"Your family loves you. They will all forgive you. You did the right thing at the end and you fought with them." She tried an encouraging smile.
He gave her a thankful smile, before he continued on his painting. She hesitated but finally turned back to a wall as well.
"I know some people, if you wanted to sue the newspapers." Again she was surprised, she actually ended up laughing. She leaned at the freshly painted wall, forgetting it would ruin her pajamas. When the articles had first started coming she had read them and analyzed every detail they had gotten right and wrong and she had cried. A lot.
One morning the newspaper was gone. She knew that everyone else was still reading since she was informed over the day what actual news there was, but they passed the paper around so she didn't get her hands on it. While she had been upset at first, she felt a burden slowly lifted.
"Can't sue them for calling me a Malfoy, when I am." She turned serious again. He nodded quietly, she could tell, he was considering his next words.
"I also have read a lot of pure blood law in the last few years." He glanced at her: "You know to pass new regulations and stuff."
She nodded, fully aware that he had probably been involved in the process of some laws that weren't friendly to her upbringing.
"The old rituals are hard to break off, but it has been done." He scratched his head, unsure how much more he should say. "I mean, you and Malfoy, you haven't…" his ears turned red.
She let out a horrified gasped as she realized what he was referring to and adamantly shook her head no. "Gosh no."
"So it can be done. I never read about the specifics, but it has been done, so there must be specifics somewhere, even if You-know-who has adjusted the bind."
"Thank you." Her words were quiet as she pondered what he had revealed. They worked for a while longer until both of them deemed it time to try going to bed once more. For the rest of the summer, she watched joyfully, as Percy was more and more included in the regular family activity.
Part of her even started believing that society would do the same to her. It was at the end of summer that the trio had discussed plans for the future. Neither Ron nor Harry had plans to go and do their "8th year". They were ready for the workforce and Hermione decided they would find out soon enough that learning a profession would require studying and taking tests as well. She had contemplated starting a job and Percy had briefly mentioned an opening in his department.
When she finally announced to the boys that she did want to go back to Hogwarts, she was surprised to what extent they seemed relieved. She tried to ask them about it, but they both had excuses ready that made them leave.
Unfortunately for Ron, he did end up finding her on an evening stroll that night. They had been very casually dating since her hearing. After what had happened in the chamber, handholding and pecks to the cheek were regular, but everything beyond seemed forced to her and was extremely awkward with his family watching.
It would have been the perfect opportunity to be alone, but she wanted to know what the looks were about and she could tell by his squirming that something was up. His hands found hers and he was intently focused on them.
"Just tell me." The impatience from their study sessions in years past sounded with her request.
"They let us know we would be placed in advanced starting positions due to our work during the war."
"That's great." He finally looked up and she could tell that he didn't fully agree.
"'Mione they didn't offer that to you."
"Percy mentioned a position." She could feel the anxiety of Malfoy Manor return.
"You would have to go through the application process and it's a really grapy job compared to ours." He swallowed and raised his hands to push back a few of her tangled curls. "We told them specifically what career we wanted and then they placed us with the best trainers."
She broke eye contact and stared at his chest instead. Her defense mechanisms pulled up explanations that she would get the job offers next year, that everyone just assumed that she would go back to school. But then there was her brain and for once she wished she was dumb like some of the gossipy girls that she shared a room with.
"I didn't do anything to betray you." She could feel the tears collecting in her eyes. She could feel the all too familiar anxiety rise once again.
"I know that, Harry, knows it, the whole order knows it, even Kingsley knows." His hand was on her chin, caressing, trying to comfort. "But there are too many that have heard about that mental connection and they think the Malfoys will use what you do in the ministry to rise to power again."
"Lucius is in prison, Draco will most likely follow and Narcissa will be broken."
"You know that and we believe you, but again, there are too many that don't.
The tears spilled and she just let them fall, focusing on keeping her breathing as steady as she could. While his fingers wiped the tears away at first he soon moved his hand to pull her into his chest and hold her. She could feel the occasional kiss in her hair, but the betrayal of their community weighed her down too much to make an effort for Ron.
It wasn't that she had to force herself, but she had to focus. She had to push the thoughts of Malfoy invoked by the bind far to the back of her mind and concentrate on every touch and word Ron said to get past the point of feeling like a cheap cheat towards her husband.
She simply didn't have the energy for that now.
When her tears stopped, he wrapped his arm tightly around her, leading her back to the house. Harry and Ginny had been sitting on a small bench enjoying some time before Ginny would leave as well for her last year. When they saw the solemn faces, Harry knew and Ginny guessed what had been discussed.
"We are going to have a grand year." She drew Hermione into a hug. "It's my year you know, no other Weasleys."
The older witch nodded, but the enthusiasm didn't spark. Instead, she excused herself to go to bed, leaving her friends staring after her full of worry.
While time usually flew by because one was enjoying the break, this time it seemed to go particularly fast since Hermione did not want to return to all the people that looked at her like she was Voldemort herself. If it hadn't been for her enthusiasm to learn and her stubbornness to indeed finishing school, she would have probably backed out and found a job in an archive or something else without people.
It hadn't been the first time the Weasleys had taken her to the train station, but it was the first when her own parents didn't know about it. She had decided to wait out the first contact until the trials were over. She didn't want to have to send them back to hiding right after finding them again. So it was just Molly, Arthur, Ginny, Harry, and Ron, who had pulled her tightly into his side. She appreciated the gesture, but she could tell that people were still whispering.
On the train, Ginny pushed their way through the crowd glaring at anyone that wouldn't move right away. The truth was they all backed away when they realized who was behind her. She remembered vaguely that Draco had had that effect on younger students and being disgusted by his attitude. Finally, Ginny found seats with Luna und Neville, who were the first ones to smile at her without hesitation.
She tried to smile back and was happy to listen to Luna's adventures during the summer. It was relaxing to hear her babbling on things that couldn't possibly exist. Unfortunately in Hogwarts things didn't get better. She was happy to see her professors but other than McGonagall and Hagrid everyone seemed guarded behind their friendliness. All of them well aware of the connection she still shared with him.
As she was studying one afternoon of her first week, she had decided to do so in their dorm. She was now sharing the room with Ginny, Parvati as well as a couple of other regular seventh years. While Ginny stuck to Hermione and Luna, Parvati had been drawn to the two younger girls, as her best friend Lavender had not made it through the war. Neither of them spent much time in the sleeping area but preferred the commons and so Hermione felt her bed was a better place to have a study session than the library with all the weary looks.
She swore under her breath as her quill slipped from the bed, but stood to pick it up. This side of the bed was facing the wall, so none of the girls saw her fishing for her quill as they entered.
"Looks like Mrs. Malfoy decided to move the library." There was a giggle from one of the seventh years and Hermione froze. She didn't know where that reaction came from, but as she was already half under her bed, she slid even further and became invisible to the girls.
"Can you believe that Ron Weasley showed up acting like her bloody boyfriend?"
"Well she was always one for the most eligible bachelors. Remember Krum?"
"To this day I don't know what he saw in her, with that bushy hair." That was Parvati. Hermione held her breath as someone sat down on her bed and almost screamed in frustration when the books landed on the floor one at a time.
"I wonder, if she also has something going on with Harry. I mean they are all so friendly, maybe Ginny shares."
Hermione sucked in a breath, before remembering she was hiding, but the girl's laughter seemed to cover it fairly well. She clapped her hand over her mouth from preventing another slip-up and closed her eyes, wishing she was anywhere else.
"I heard she only came back, because the ministry wouldn't give her a job."
"Did you know, she owled all of Potter's secrets during the war to the Malfoys. Can you blame them for not wanting her to rebuild the government?"
There were laughs and another book landed on the floor. Hermione bit back her tears, at this point not sure if she was angry or sad or just felt incredibly sorry for their stupidity. She couldn't remember any of the girls doing very much fighting during the battle, not as she had at least. But sure let's just pretend Granger was fighting Death Eaters to secure her position in the Malfoy household.
"She must be sleeping with both of them, the way they defended her at the heari…" The chatter stopped as the door opened.
"Get off Hermione's bed." Ginny's angry voice sounded and Hermione felt the weight lift off the mattress.
The girls giggled, before moving towards the door.
"Must be what she tells him."
Ginny didn't respond, clearly not catching on without the context of the conversation. The door closed and the sound of footsteps slowly faded away. Hermione couldn't pinpoint when the first tears slipped, but as she let her guard down when she felt sure she was alone, a heavy sob broke free.
"Hermione?"
She jumped, hitting her head, before the skirt of her bed was lifted and Ginny's blue eyes stared at her.
"Why are you down here?"
"My quill fell."
The ginger stared at her a little longer, before she flattened herself to the ground and simply slid next to her friend and grabbed her hand. They didn't speak, Ginny let Hermione cry. After a long while, the sobbing stopped and they lay in silence until Hermione found the courage to
"Will you hate me too?"
"Never." Hermione shifted her head so she could look at her best friend.
"What if Percy is wrong and the bind can't be undone?" She had been looking through every book on the topic the library could offer, but there wasn't anything that indicated that her bind could be lifted.
"Still my sister."
"I won't be able to date Ron…"
"You have basically been my sister for seven years now and you have only dated Roniboo a few months."
"What if I have to move in with the Malfoys?"
"I'll come by and we will redecorate the whole thing." Ginny looked at her with a smirk. "It is quite the space, they just have really bad taste."
Hermione allowed the smallest smile on her lips and stared at her mattress. There was one more thing and she almost didn't dare to speak the words. It had been bothering her, ever since she noticed how present he was in her thoughts and how hard it was to do the same with Ron.
"What if the bind has me fall for him?"
Ginny turned her head back at her and used her hand to force Hermione's head to turn as well.
"Then I will tell the ferret that he better treat you right or I will make his life hell. I might not be able to kill him, but I most certainly will make sure he regrets it if he is mean."
The brunette laughed, imagining the whirlwind her best friend was going at Malfoy.
"I'll still love you and so will Harry and even my brother." Ginny seemed sure of herself. They settled in another silence, a more comfortable one. Both of them staring at the bed. When there were footsteps and laughter in the hall, Ginny simply cast a spell locking the door, before squeezing Hermione's hand.
"It's locked, why is it locked?"
"Karma is a bitch." Ginny muttered quietly, bringing another smile to her friend's face.