Chapter 17

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He'd been on her mind for three days. She'd thought of Edward every single minute while working, during her evening visits with Lester, and long after she turned in for bed at night. Sometimes this need welled up inside so strong, it became hard to breathe, and resisting whatever connection they shared became a chore. She had to work to keep him off her mind physically, and even then, she failed miserably.

Every time she closed her eyes, all she felt—all she tasted was Edward Cullen. When that stranger had interrupted their little rendezvous in the park, Edward's palm had just slid up to cup her breast. Whenever she dared think of his hand massaging her, her nipple pebbled, aching with anticipation, almost to the point of pain—like she was physically in need of his touch, or she might break apart into a million fucking pieces.

Now, she was a block away from home, and she had to forcibly press her thighs together to stop the throbbing sensation. Yet, the pressure only seemed to make it worse. Currently, she was practically panting with wanton demand humming through veins. How the fuck could she think of anything else with this crazy-ass fixation?

With a sigh of pure frustration, she pulled into her drive, casting a fleeting glance in Edward's direction. Of course, his bike would be sitting there, adding to the temptation she was just barely able to resist. Ripping her eyes from his house, she climbed out of her truck and, completely against her will, pushed herself toward her porch.

As soon as she entered the house, Lucas came running to her at full speed. "Mommy … Mommy … Mommy …"

An instant smile pulled at her lips, and she swung Luke up into her arms. "Hello, baby, were you good today for Grandpa?"

"No … no …" He chanted with a shake of his blonde curls. His fingers popped up, wiggling in a 'give me' gesture. " 'andy, 'andy?"

"Yes, I stopped and bought you candy, monster, but you just said you weren't good for Grandpa," Bella laughed, dropping a kiss on his nose. "What did you do?"

"Nofin," he explained, his arms flying as he shook his head. " 'andy, Mom. 'andy …"

Bella looked toward the entryway to the kitchen to find her dad standing there with a smile. "So, was he good or not? Sometimes he confuses me because he says no about everything."

"Well, if you consider coloring on the kitchen cabinets good, then," Charlie told her, walking into the living space with a grimace. When Bella's mouth fell open on a gasp, he shrugged, "I was going to the bathroom. When I came out, he was little Picasso just having a blast."

"How bad did little Picasso make it?" Bella wanted to know, pushing past her dad with Lucas still wrapped around her torso. Bella's mouth dropped to the floor when she saw the red crayon scribblings all over the whitewashed cabinets. "Lucas, did you do that?"

"No …" Pointing to the cabinets, a bunch of incoherent gibberish erupted with his arms swinging as he explained.

"If you didn't do it," Bella asked, setting him down on his feet; she continued, "then, who did?"

"I don know."

"Well, I don't think you need any candy," Bella told him with the sternest expression she could manage. "What I do think you need is a wash-cloth and some soap …"

"Why?"

"So, you can clean it, little man." As she spoke, she went to the sink and grabbed a bowl to fill with soapy water. Taking a new sponge from the drawer, she stepped back up to Luke and offered him the sponge. "Start cleaning …"

"Yeah, right," Charlie laughed, "I think you just supplied him with the means for his next disaster."

"You are probably right." Bella watched diligently as Luke dipped the sponge. When he would've lifted it to his mouth, she stopped him. "No, we are cleaning the crayon off the wall."

"'lean it? 'lean it?" He looked mildly confused until Bella took the sponge and showed him what to do. Once she handed it back, he rubbed the sponge on the cabinet before turning his big innocent eyes up to meet her. "'lean it?"

"Yep," She nodded in approval. "You clean the crayon off the cabinet, and we will talk about the candy in a few minutes."

"What did you want to do with dinner?" Charlie asked, bending down to help Luke scrub the marks from the paint. "I'll get some paint at the hardware store tomorrow to touch this up. It'll look brand new, and no one will ever tell the difference."

"We can only hope. Why don't we just make it an easy night and get some pizza or Chinese? I don't feel like waiting too long to eat, and I definitely don't wanna cook."

"I'll run and pick something up when Luke and I finish cleaning these doors."

Bella was putting the dishes in the sink when her phone vibrated in her back pocket. Checking the number, her brows drew tight in contemplation. Who the hell was calling at five o'clock? Hopefully, everything was okay at the hospital, and she didn't need to run back there for any reason. "Hello?"

"Hello, Isabella Swan?"

"This is," Bella confirmed, not really recognizing the caller. "Who is this?"

"It's Mike Rucker, your divorce attorney." There was a brief pause before he continued, "I just wanted to let you know I have filed the paperwork and sent them to Forks City Jail. I am waiting to hear back on whether or not James will sign. I will give you a call back as soon as I hear anything."

"Okay, thanks for letting me know," Bella sighed as a vast relief flooded her. There was nothing to brighten the day like hearing divorce was right on the horizon. Well—almost nothing like it. As the thought crossed her mind, Edward pinning her against that tree in the park worked wonders on stealing the liberation, replacing it with a whole different feeling altogether.

Bella slipped the cell back in her pocket, this prickly anticipation zipped down her spine, and this incredible urge to see Edward took hold and refused to let go. "Dad, I have something I need to do … can you watch Luke for a few minutes?"

"Sure." Charlie gave her a look full of curiosity. "What did you want from The Golden Palace?"

"Some Lo Mein would be great," she said absently, already heading out of the kitchen. She just wanted to get the hell out of this house before he could ask her where she was going. Lying to Charlie wasn't something she took pride in, and if she could hold his inquiries at bay, then there was no need to lie. "I'll be right back."

Luckily, she was able to slip out the front door without any further delay. With adrenaline pumping, she jogged across the street and knocked on Edward's door. Only seconds passed before his silhouette hovered in the rectangular window, right before he pulled it open. "Hey."

His thick brows flickered, and his lashes dropped. The familiar heat that was forever present in his eyes darkened the silver orbs to an ashy gray. He didn't say a word as he stepped back and pushed the screen door open. Of course, when she stepped into the entryway, he didn't leave much room to squeeze through. A spark crackled through her skin as her breasts skimmed the surface of his chest. Like clockwork, her nipples hardened with an instant throb; the air in her lungs freezing, making her next breath near impossible.

As soon as she stepped into the living room, she pivoted on her heel to face him, drowning in those amazing eyes. Bella licked her lips nervously, heat shot through her limbs, the need to feel his arms around her suddenly overwhelming her. That passion claiming his eyes propelled her forward, her confidence born entirely from the hunger between them. Bella's chest moved rapidly as her breath took a shallow turn, coming to stand a mere inch away.

The gravitational pull encouraged her to take action. Gulping the lump of desire clogging her throat, she murmured, "The divorce attorney just called. The papers have been filed … and … and I … I needed to see you."

Edward had been tormented over the last couple of days. He wanted to see her more than anything, yet guilt kept him firmly in check. Over the last month, his relationship with this woman had taken a delightful but unexpected turn. How many nights had he lain awake wanting to take her in his arms, with these undeniable secrets hovering between them? He had this feeling he'd allowed this whole situation to spiral out of control.

The lies by omission were still lies, and he could feel them biting into his gut and clawing his fucking chest. The weight coiled in his pecs wouldn't be ignored any longer, and every time he tried to brush it aside, shame had a way of stealing the pleasure of these tiny stolen moments with Bella.

Like, right now, her fingertips were locked in the material of his shirt. He knew she was waiting for him to pull her into his arms. Her expression said everything her words hadn't. The itch to plunge his fingers into Bella's hair and push her into that wall behind her took hold of him. His cock swelled, yet this was far more than just physical desire, and so when confusion swept over her delicate features, he broke a fraction.

His balled fist came up. Edward let his knuckles brush the soft skin of her cheeks as he fought to meet her gaze. The air in his lungs seemed to be more challenging to come by; his throat feeling raw as fuck, as if someone had a chokehold on him. Ever-so-slowly, his head lowered to hers, and he brushed his lips over the tip of her nose. "Bella, we have to … we need to talk … I—I … there's something."

Bella pulled back, breaking the contact between them. Suspicion filled her weary gaze as she regarded him, and to his complete dissatisfaction, her hands fell away from his shirt, dangling helplessly at her sides. The confidence he'd watched blossom from this woman in a few short weeks was a fucking miracle, and in the space of a few moments, it was fucking gone.

Bella backed away from Edward. She'd been a fucking idiot. She'd done what she'd tried to keep from doing since meeting Edward Cullen. That kiss in the park, all the conversations they'd shared, feeling his warmth pressed into her on multiple occasions had encouraged her to forget, and for a brief moment in time, she'd forgotten all the flaws preventing a man from loving her.

James had been right. It was written all over Edward's face now. She'd totally read more into his actions than had actually been there. What kind of fool was she? How could she have forgotten all those inadequacies James had listed on numerous occasions? Edward's molten eyes had held a desire that apparently no longer existed. She saw the hesitation claiming him, and it was like a balled fist to the gut.

Automatically, her arms wound around her waist, tempting to shield herself from the inevitable blow that was coming. The truth … He didn't really want her or find her desirable—that was the truth. How could she be so fucking blind? When was she going to learn what men thought about her?

Edward felt sick to his fucking stomach. He watched helplessly, the veil dropping over her face as she tried to deflect his rejection. Hell, he was far from rejecting her. Not liking the mixture of emotions flashing across her face, he did what he'd sworn not to do when he saw her standing on his porch.

Without hesitation, he closed the space created when she backed away from him, his fingers locking around her biceps, and with a firm yank, he pulled her against him. Edward's lips skimmed along the bridge of her nose. As his arms wrapped around her waist, he held her to him. "Don't do that … don't make this something it isn't."

Bella swallowed past the tightness in her throat. His breath was blowing across her lips, and she was finding it very difficult to ignore the temptation screaming through her chest. Shaking her head as she tried to fight these sensations, she whispered, "Then what is it … What should I make it into? One minute … you kiss me like … like …"

Okay—so, fuck him, he was going to hell. He'd probably been halfway there for years now. He could stand the hurt on her face or the pain in her voice. Wanting to deflect those emotions, he backed her up until she was pressed against the wall, his lips skimming her cheek as he breathed her in. Pecking kisses over her smooth skin, he moved lower until his mouth lingered a fraction of an inch from hers. "Like you taste incredible? Like I am incapable of maintaining a distance between us? Like you are the fucking reason I breathe?"

With every word he spoke, his mouth lowered until the words blended into a kiss. He let his lips play over hers, his tongue tracing the seam of her mouth, darting within the warm recesses. When her shuddering hot breath rushed across his tongue, he remembered the starvation he'd endured for years and unleashed every minute of it in that single kiss. Ravenously, he ate at her lips, nipping and sucking until a wanton moan ripped from her throat.

Nibbling her bottom lip, he murmured, "I want you … fuck … I want you more than my next breath."

As if to emphasize his need, he pushed his hips into hers, letting her feel his aroused flesh. Edward ground the weight of his erection against her, his fingers coasted up her sides, finding her heaving breasts, and this time when his palms cupped them—no one was there to stop him. Edward licked a path to her ear; he sucked the lobe into his hot mouth, groaning when her fingernails dug into his shoulders. "That's right … fuck—shit, Bella. You are fucking amazing."

Bella's head tilted to the side, giving him access to her neck as he nibbled his way down the slope. Her fingers curled in his hair, holding him to her, moaning as his teeth scraped down the tender skin. "Oh my, Edward. That feels so … oh."

Her words broke off as he sucked the tender skin hard enough to leave a mark. Bella gulped air as her breathing grew shallow, with lust ripping through her belly. Wanting to touch him everywhere she could reach, her fingers coasted down the front of his shirt, finding the hem, her hands delved inside. She let her fingertips tangle with the hair on his abdomen, loving the heat radiating from his skin, encouraging her to take the liberties she desperately craved. Her fingers traced the waistband of his pants, and she felt the shiver her touch inspired.

The second Bella's fingers played with the zipper of his jeans, Edward's head fell until his forehead rested against her shoulder. Geez—he wanted this. He'd never wanted something so much in his entire fucking life. Yet—yet—he couldn't let it continue.

He was in physical pain as he ripped away from her touch. So much so, he bent over, Edward's hands seeking leverage against his knees to keep from reaching for her again. Edward gulped several lungfuls of air; his head shook as the weight of guilt rested heavily on his back. "Bella, I have to … shit … I need to tell you…"

What the hell just happened? Bella stood there alone against the wall at a complete loss. One minute, he was pressed into her, kissing her with a desperation she'd never known, and now, he stood there with such pain on his face. "What's going on, Edward? This is so fucking confusing. You are confusing me … What can be so bad to keep you from telling me?"

Even as she openly stated her confusion and the question left her lips, she paused as a thought struck her. "Please, please tell me you aren't married or something …"

A humorless chuckle left Edward's lips as he pushed upright. Unable to hold her gaze, he turned to the living room, pacing the floor as his hands dove into his hair. He would willingly rip every single strand from his head if he could keep from telling her the truth. Finally, he faced her and shook his head. "I'm—I'm not married, Bella. Actually, I would prefer to tell you that I was married, if only it were true. The truth is far worse …"

Lifting her chin, Bella moved into the living space, not ready to back down quite yet. "What is so bad, then? I don't understand … what could be worse than you being married? Oh no, don't tell me you are …"

"I was in prison, Bella." Edward cut her off, knowing whatever was about to leave her lips was not what the facts were. Her eyes went wide as her voice broke off, and her mouth fell open as she stood there gaping at him. To hammer the proverbial nail into the too real coffin that was his life, he said once again, "I was in prison … that's what I needed …"

"You were in prison?" Bella could literally feel the color draining from her face. "Wh-why?"

Edward took a deep breath as he watched the desire in her eyes wilt into nothingness. Lifting his head with a determination he didn't feel, he whispered, "Murder."

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