Let me sleep, I am tired of my grief and I would like you. To love me, to love me, to love me. These are the nights when these woods sigh. Come with me, there are people who cannot speak without smiling, but they would try to take me from your hand. Oh they would try, they would try. This is the murmur of the land. This is the sound of love's marching band. And how I sing you like a song I heard, when I was young. And buried for a night like this. Buried for a night like this
18th September 2019
Morgana sighed as she unstrapped Amhar from his car seat and took him into the nursery, walking over to the baby room. Amhar cried and chewed onto Morgana's top, protesting and clinging to her as she tried to put him down.
"Come on Amhar" Morgana sighed. "It's time to go now. Go to Sarah" Sarah was Amhar's key worker and main carer, as well as Amhar's favourite nursery teacher and he tended to go to her first over any others if he was upset and wanted comfort.
"Come on Amhar, come to Sarah" she encouraged. Amhar gave her a chubby hand and still clung to Morgana with his head on her shoulder.
"So how's moving him to the toddler room going to work then?" Morgana sighed.
"I thought we already said, but we keep babies in the baby room until they're two, then the toddler room for two to three and then the preschool room at three to four".
"Ah" Morgana blinked. "That makes sense. I think you mentioned it but he hasn't been sleeping".
"Probably getting his molars in" Sarah shrugged. "He hasn't been napping in the morning as you know, and he seems to like his cows milk, as you don't use formula anymore?".
"Well only for bedtime and in the morning with breakfast" Morgana explained. "But he's been fine with dropping his daytime feeds".
"I'd say he's teething then" Sarah decided. "We'll see how he is with a teether toy and then try teething granules later".
"He has been pulling on his ears and chewing onto everything, so he must be".
After Sarah had come back with a teething toy Amhar reluctantly went over and Morgana managed to escape to the car where Merlin was waiting.
"You took a while" Merlin remarked.
"That's it, I've had it" Morgana sighed. "I'm getting some nytol, I'll give him Calpol and teething granules before bed and that's it. He is going back in his cot. No more co-sleeping". Amhar ended up going into Merlin and Morgana's bed as he would keep waking up throughout the night and both Merlin and Morgana had gotten fed up of walking back and forth to the nursery.
"He has his bat, he has his bunny, he'll be perfectly fine" Merlin sighed. "Don't start on the mum guilt" the corners of his lips twitched up.
"Fuck off" Morgana jokingly rolled her eyes and yawned. "Also, let's visit Arthur and Gwen after work. We haven't seen them in a while".
"Okay" Merlin agreed. "We can take Amhar too. Shit I uh...I just realised".
"Well out with it then" Morgana snapped.
"We didn't take Amhar to see Arthur and Gwen on his birthday" Merlin said quietly as he drove towards work.
"Shit" Morgana whispered. "I forgot about that.. shit. How could we do that?".
"We forget the reason we're in this position anyway. Because of Arthur and Gwen dying. If they didn't die, what would life be like now?".
"We'd still be trying to kill each other and I'd be carrying Alvarr's kid" Morgana sighed. "And ... in all honesty I'm glad. I didn't want to have the baby with Alvarr. Court battles and whatnot, yet I wouldn't be able to go through with abortion. It's almost ... almost like everything has".
"Fallen into place" Merlin completed. "Well, we'll pick Amhar up, graveyard, go to Boots for some Nytol and then home".
"Get a takeaway too then" Morgana shrugged. "But first, coffee".
After temporarily parting ways to go to their respective classrooms, Merlin and Morgana soon met again in the staffroom at breaktime as they made themselves a coffee.
"Ay up then" Alvarr greeted as he walked over to Morgana. "So, DofE. I've got most of my sign ups done and it's looking to be a good year. April for Silver practice, bank holiday weekend for bronze practice. Is this the year you finally come on gold?".
"Actually..." Morgana smirked. "No. I'm not going this year".
"Why?" Alvarr asked with a scowl.
"Because I've quit" Morgana repeated.
"Why?" Alvarr asked, his lip turning up into a snarl. "It's not because of Merlin, is it? We used to have a lot of fun, you know we could again".
"Alvarr, leave me alone" Morgana exclaimed. "I have a baby to look after, and I simply don't want to. It was good but I am sick of you and your bullshit".
"Well you weren't before, were you?" Alvarr retorted. "But if you say so" he gave Merlin a dirty look as he stormed off.
"What a wanker" Merlin exclaimed.
Lunch time rolled around quickly and just as expected, Alvarr was annoying, Freya was trying to seduce Merlin while Morgause, Sefa and Will stood in a corner giggling, Mithian somewhat joining in as she devoured her lunch.
"Alvarr, no means no" Morgana repeated. "I don't want to go, I don't have to go, and I am not going".
"But come on" Alvarr sighed. "You and me. Together. The dream team. What's happened, babe? What changed?".
"I don't know, Alvarr, you tell me" Morgana retorted. "My brother and sister in law died, their will started for Merlin and I to raise the baby together and that is what's happening. So calm the fuck down".
Alvarr grunted and turned around to Freya. "Freya, would you do the honour of accompanying me on the expeditions?".
"Of course I shall" Freya smiled sweetly as she batted her eyelids and held her hand out for him to kiss. They both kept their eyes on Merlin and Morgana who simply rolled their eyes at each other as they shook their heads.
"Well...that was pathetic" Merlin sighed at the end of day as they sat in the car.
"I know" Morgana agreed. "Pick me up a pack of ibuprofen, will you? Oh and some super tampax, regular tampax, always memory foam overnight, also make sure it's the 50mg Nytol otherwise it's two tablets".
"Just come with me" Merlin sighed.
Once they'd picked Amhar up Merlin drove over to the cemetery and holding onto Amhar's hand they took the familiar path to Arthur and Gwen's graves.
"Hey big bro" Morgana greeted. "We brought Amhar to see you today. Amhar is now a whole year old, and in four days it'll have been a year since his surgery. He's here to see you, his daddy. We're trying, looking at the adoption too but we think it's too soon".
"Daddy?" Amhar asked as he pointed at the grave then Merlin. "Hehe, dada".
After Amhar had started getting tired they went back home for their dinner, the baby going to bed at his usual time while Merlin and Morgana went slightly later. In line with their new bedtime routine, Amhar had a bottle of milk and then read "That's not my bat" with Morgana and Merlin.
"That's my bat!" Morgana gasped. "His wings are so fluffy". Amhar giggled as he cuddled his own bat and rubbed the bat's wings, finally settling down happily for once with his bunny too.
"Well here's to a peaceful night" Morgana toasted as she and Merlin held their glasses of water in one hand, their Nytol pill in the palm of the other one.
"Here's to a peaceful night" Merlin agreed as they clinked their glasses and swallowed their pills, finally falling asleep for the first time in ages which was much needed.
19th September 2019
"I have magic, Merlin. Uther hates me and everyone like me why should I feel any different about him?!" Morgana exclaimed.
"You of all people could change Uther's mind, but doing this. Using magic like this will only harden his heart!" Merlin exclaimed.
"You don't have magic Melrin. How could you hope to understand?" Morgana scoffed.
"I do understand, believe me!" Merlin insisted.
...
"What do you want, Merlin?" Morgana sighed with a roll of her eyes.
"Arthur send me" Merlin replied. "He wanted to make sure you were okay".
"How very thoughtful of him" Morgana mocked.
"Well, he cares for you. Gwen too, they're your friends Morgana. They've always been loyal to you".
"Why are you telling me this?" Morgana snapped as she picked up some sticks.
"Because ... I don't understand why anyone would want to hurt their friends".
"No you just poison them" Morgana retorted.
...
"I blame myself for what you've become but ... this has to end".
"I'm a high priestess, no mortal blade can kill me" Morgana boasted.
Merlin plunged the sword into her and Morgana gasped.
"This is no mortal blade. Like yours, it was forged in a dragon's breath". Merlin held Morgana and glanced into her eyes as she slipped away.
...
"But I fear that your futures are now joined forever. She is the darkness to your light, the hatred to your love" Kilgharrah boomed.
Merlin gasped. He looked around the room. Light off, baby snoring over the baby monitor, still dark. He rolled over and checked his phone. Five-fifty. Almost time to get up, yet despite having a good solid night off sleep Merlin was still surprisingly tired so went back to bed.
"Come on lazy bones, wake up" Morgana grinned as Merlin squeezed his eyes against the light. "It's a Thursday, you have a free period cause rugby is cancelled for a study session with some visitor bloke and all. And look who's awake!" Morgana beamed at the baby in her arms. Amhar looked less tired as he grinned a toothy grin and Morgana put him down on the bed.
"Still tired" Merlin murmured into his pillow.
"Well eat some breakfast and drink some coffee" Morgana shrugged as she picked up the baby. "I need to prepare him a bottle anyway".
Kilgharrah's words echoed around his head. I fear that your future's are now joined forever. She is the darkness to your light, the hatred to your love.
Maybe it would be OK Merlin thought with a smile as he walked into the kitchen.