In Deep Water

Embry sat on the rock near the beach, gently strumming the guitar, then making a face and stopping. He was waiting for Freja to show up for their next lesson and had hoped to have something to show for her efforts, but even with all the hours he spent practicing at home, he still hadn't managed to put together enough chords to make a recognizable song. Or to make any of them sound right.

He had hoped that maybe he'd end up being a natural, seeing how easily carving and woodwork came to him. Nimble fingers and all. But for whatever reason, guitar was not his forte. It didn't even matter that this was only their third lesson and Freja had told him a hundred times that it would come with time and practice and that no one was instantly a musician after one or two lessons.

He had a feeling that Freja had required none, though she had barely touched the instrument outside moving his fingers around or showing him where they were supposed to go.

"Eager to get started?"

Embry looked up, instantly buoyed by her presence. Though they were constantly in contact, he found himself far more relaxed when he was near her. Even just the distance from La Push to Forks or her home put a slight strain on him. She had put on a light coat as the temperature had started its quick descent into winter even though it was barely fall. It was a bit foggy and misty as well - enough that he had suggested they meet at his house for their lesson since his mother was at work, but Freja had insisted on meeting on the beach like before.

Her excuse was that playing music was best done when out and surrounded by nature, though he suspected it was because it was easier for her to get out of the house and meet him by telling her grandparents she was just going for a hike. Apparently, she did that a lot, spending a good chunk of her free time on the beach reading or just sitting and thinking.

"You could say that," Embry said, as she walked over and sat on a rock near him. She then turned to him expectantly.

"Go on then. Let's hear how much you've been practicing," she said, her voice light and her eyes twinkling, more blue today.

Embry took a deep breath and looked down at the instrument in his hands and then started out on the song he had been working on. It was stuttered and halted as he struggled to remember which chord was supposed to come next. To the point that even he couldn't tell what it was he was supposed to be playing.

The sound of Freja's soft laughter stilled his hands as he looked over at her, scowling playfully.

"I did practice, you know," he retorted.

"I know. And I can tell you've made some improvement," Freja said, quickly quietly her chuckles, though she was still smiling. "Like I said, it just takes some time. You're still getting used to the instrument."

Embry held it out towards her.

"Maybe if I saw you do it," he suggested.

There was a faint flicker in her eyes - something almost like fear, which Embry found strange - but she quickly covered it up with another smile.

"Nope," she said, shaking her head. "You won't learn it by watching or hearing me. Gotta do it yourself."

Embry shook his head, smiling slightly as he settled the guitar back in his lap while Freja launched into an explanation of what he was doing wrong, reaching out to move his fingers around. Every time she touched him, he felt sparks fly through his hand and up his arm. And every time she looked up at him, he found himself getting a bit sidetracked staring into her eyes. A couple times, she had to snap her fingers in front of his face to get him back on track.

And each time, he noted the same flicker of worry in her eyes. He knew there was something that she wasn't telling him. Something that was causing her concern. The more time they spent together, the more he was picking up on her tells. They were subtle, for sure, but becoming more and more recognizable to him. And while he wanted to ask her about it straight out, Embry knew that they were both still building trust in each other. She would tell him when she felt truly comfortable with him.

Besides, he was keeping a pretty big secret himself. And he still wasn't completely sure how she was going to react to that.

"Why music?" he suddenly asked, throwing Freja into surprised silence. "I mean… we talk about music a lot and you certainly know a lot. Where did that come from?"

"Well… my grandparents and mom," Freja said matter-of-factly.

"Okay, yea, they have the shop and all. Exposed you to music and instruments from a young age. But why did you choose it?" Embry pushed, wanting to get a deeper answer out of her.

"Why did you choose woodwork and furniture making besides Gramps giving you the job?" Freja shot back, her body slightly tense.

Okay, fair enough. Embry couldn't expect a deep answer from her if he wasn't willing to do the same. At least something deeper than what he had already told her.

"Like I said, at first it was just something to do. To learn, but… there's something about taking a block of wood and… finding a way to turn it into something else. Something functional or… beautiful. Something that someone could find joy in," he said, keeping her gaze. "And it's comforting. Sure, it can take a lot of time and patience to get a piece right, but I like the process of getting there almost as much if not more than the end result."

Freja sat silently a few moments, thinking over his answer. She then looked towards the ocean.

"It's like… music is a part of me," she finally said, her face void of expression. "I can feel it in my bones sometimes… like it's in my DNA. And I love to be surrounded by it. Just like I love to be near the ocean… it's like… they both call to me."

Her expression began to change as a far-off look came over her face and a gentle smile appeared.

"And they connect me to my mother. Music and the ocean. She loved them too," she continued. "All the stories my grandparents tell me about her… most of them involve one or the other… So yea, it's something they've passed on to me, but… it's also part of who I am as well. It chose me."

She finally looked over at him, still smiling slightly, though he could sense her anxiety. It was then that Embry realized Freja had never talked about this with anyone. Or at least that was the impression he was getting. She had wrapped her arms around herself protectively and kept glancing away from him, almost as though she was afraid she had said too much or that he had seen too much.

"What was her name? Your mom?" Embry asked softly, putting the guitar aside for a moment.

"Ingrid," Freja said. "It means beautiful or beautiful goddess. And she really was beautiful. I've seen the photos."

"Really? What was she like?" he pushed. Freja chuckled and looked down.

"She was always singing or dancing… my grandfather, he says that she had so much joy for life that she couldn't contain it, so it always came out that way. She would sing me to sleep every night," she said.

Freja closed her eyes a moment, taking a deep breath. She then began to softly hum. Embry sat up, instantly recognizing the tune. It was the song he had heard that night when he was walking home from the shop. The one that urged him towards the cliffs. Accompanied by what he now knew was her scent.

It was the night before he met and imprinted on Freja.

Embry's eyes widened slightly as he watched and listened to her, Freja now singing a bit louder in a language he didn't understand but assumed must be Swedish. Everything fell into place. Starting with that afternoon in Forks when he had smelled the ocean breeze and had the urge to follow it - it was Freja. That night when he had the urge to go to the cliffs. She must have been there. All along Fate had been trying to pull them together.

Freja's voice was soft and crystal clear, moving smoothly through the notes of the melody. Embry felt a slight shift in the air around them as she continued to sing, her eyes still closed though she had begun to sway slightly from side to side.

Even though he didn't know what she was singing, he could somehow feel the meaning of the song, picturing in his mind a young mother with the same long, white-blonde hair as Freja comforting her baby. Gently rocking the child as she sang of the gentle ocean breeze and the waves bringing them together no matter how far apart they were. Which was strange. He had no idea what she was singing, but he felt confident that's what it was about.

It was subtle, but beautiful.

When Freja came to the end of the song, a lone tear streaked down her cheek. Opening her eyes, she wiped it away, still smiling softly. She then looked up, meeting Embry's eyes and froze, her mouth dropping open.

"That was… amazing," he said.

He felt happy. Loved. Safe. But yet as soon as she had stopped singing, the feelings were starting to fade.

Freja didn't respond, though the color started draining from her face. Immediately, Embry was worried. Had he done something wrong? Or was she just having a bad memory induced by the song?

"I… I need to go," she said, quickly pushing herself up and starting down the beach.

Embry hopped to his feet, following her. What was going on? One second they were having a moment and the next, Freja was running away from him.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, reaching out to grab her hand.

Freja seized up a moment, her eyes wide as she looked down at their hands and then back at him. The fear was back, but this time it filled her eyes, which somehow appeared a stormy gray. Wait, her eyes were blue just a moment ago. Embry shook his head slightly and tried to focus on the present.

"I'm sorry… I… I thought I could do this, but… I can't," she said, yanking her hand out of his and walking away from him.

"What do you mean?" Embry called out, following her again.

"Please, just… leave me alone," Freja cried out, starting to pick up her pace.

"Is it something I did? I'm sorry if I've up-"

"Just stop!" Freja shouted, spinning around to face him, tears now filling her eyes. "It's nothing you did. You did nothing wrong. It's… it's something… I just…"

She ran her fingers through her hair, looking out to the ocean for a few moments before meeting his eyes again.

In that second, Embry felt his heart start to splinter. Because he knew what was coming before she said anything. The deep pain in her eyes was nearly overwhelming.

"This was a mistake. I'm so sorry. I should have stopped things before they got this far, but now… it's for the best. You need to stay far away from me. Just trust me," she said softly.

She then turned and took off down the beach at a run. Embry couldn't even bring himself to follow her, too stunned by what had just happened. They were having a nice time together. Opening up. Connecting. He felt like he was finally getting to know the real Freja.

And then suddenly she was shouting that everything had been a mistake.

Still in shock, Embry made his way back to the rocks and sat down, staring at the sand as he went over every second of their time together, everything they had ever said to each other since they met, wondering what he had missed. Where he had gone wrong. But he couldn't seem to find it.

It was then that a searing pain pierced his heart. Embry grunted softly, his hand reaching up to grip his shirt as he looked around. Though he knew it was useless.

Freja had left. And she had ended things. She had rejected him.

OOOO

Freja couldn't breathe.

She had sprinted the entire way back to her house, worried that Embry would catch up to her and push her to talk. But she knew that she couldn't. If he stopped her again, if she looked into his eyes again, it would all come tumbling out. And he couldn't know the truth.

More than that, she couldn't risk further damaging him just because she cared for him. It was because she cared for him that she had to push him as far away as possible in the hopes that she hadn't permanently hurt him. She had seen the look in his eyes and knew that she had been affecting him all along.

The entire run back, she prayed to all the gods and goddesses and whoever might be listening that he would be okay. That Embry would move on from this and find some other woman - a normal woman - to fall in love with. That he wouldn't spend the rest of his days pining for her and falling into madness because she had forgotten herself and sang in front of him.

Seeing the house come into view, Freja increased her pace even though her muscles were screaming. She scrambled up the stairs to the deck and burst into the house, immediately coming to a stop and bending over, sucking in quick breaths of air.

"What's this, Freja?" her grandmother said, walking into the room.

Freja looked up, sure she was a mess. She had been crying the whole way home. Concern instantly filled her grandmother's eyes.

"Did something happen?" she asked, stepping over to her.

"I… I did… I did something horrible," Freja said, her face crumpling as she struggled to speak through her tears. "I saw him again… I've been seeing him…"

Her grandmother's eyes widened in shock before her expression hardened.

"I told you… you could not see him again. You put him in danger. Yourself as well," she said sternly.

"I know," Freja wailed as she walked over and collapsed into a chair, burying her face in her hands as she sobbed.

She wasn't sure how long her grandmother allowed her to cry, but a thump got her attention. Freja looked up, still sniffling, though she had quieted slightly. Her grandmother was now sitting in the chair next to her and a mug of tea sat on the table in front of her.

"Tell me everything," Astrid said, her voice softer.

Freja took a deep breath and started from the beginning, going over that day at the school and everything that had happened since. Meeting up in secret. The text messages. The phone calls. How she felt meeting his friends. Her grandmother sat silently, listening closely through her face betrayed nothing of what she was thinking.

"I just… I knew that I was playing with fire, but I thought… as long as I didn't sing… or play music… he would be okay. He seemed fine," Freja finally said after taking a sip of tea. "And, and… MorMor… it's just… when I'm with him… I feel alive. And… not alone."

Freja stared at her grandmother a few moments, watching as her eyes slowly filled with tears. Astrid reached out and pulled Freja into her arms.

"Oh, mitt hjärta… this is my fault," she said softly. "I thought I was helping you by keeping you away from others, but it's only hurt you…"

"It's not your-"

"It is," Astrid said, sitting back from Freja. "I should have been teaching you. I should have allowed you more friends. Truthfully, we are not sure that before now that you would have been a danger." She then sighed heavily. "But it is too late… the damage has been done."

"You mean… I have hurt him?" Freja whispered, guilt flooding through her.

The last thing she had wanted was to hurt Embry, but there was no denying it. The look on his face after she had sang - pure joy and enchantment. He had fallen even more under her spell. Hopefully not so much that he would be forever ruined.

The only way to protect him was to stay away from him.

"I do not know for sure, but you know what you must do," Astrid said softly, tucking a strand of hair behind Freja's ear. She nodded.

"I can do it this time," she said hollowly, her eyes fixed on the ground. "It's the only thing that will save him and… I can't… he deserves so much more than… he deserves to have a life. A good one." Freja finally met her grandmother's eyes as she gulped. "I can't be selfish anymore."

Her grandmother stared at her a few moments, tears silently falling down her cheeks as she studied Freja's eyes.

"Oh, mitt hjärta, I never wanted this for you," Astrid said. She then leaned forward and kissed Freja's forehead. "But you are strong. You can do this."

Freja nodded and then turned away, looking out the windows to the ocean.

"What's it matter anyway? I'll probably be dead in a few weeks," she said, her voice still hollow.

"Do not say such things!" her grandmother hissed, causing Freja to wince as she glanced back at her. "You will survive."

"If it's okay… I think I'm going to go lie down," Freja said, standing up.

"Of course. I will bring you some soup in a bit," her grandmother replied.

Freja only nodded in reply, already walking towards the stairs. She quickly made her way to her room, falling onto her bed. She rolled over onto her side, her eyes falling on a photo there of her mother, who smiled brightly at the camera.

"How did you do it, Mama?" Freja whispered as she frowned slightly.

Of course, the photo did not reply and there was no soft voice of reason spouting platitudes about strength, love or perseverance in her head. Just the sound of the ocean outside, which was then followed by the soft patter of rain.

Sighing, Freja rolled over onto her back, staring up at the ceiling as tears pricked her eyes again. She knew it was the right thing to do - the only thing to do. But running away from Embry, shouting that it had been a mistake and that they couldn't be together, was the hardest thing she had had to do.

Squeezing her eyes shut, Freja's hands came to her chest where she gripped the material just over her heart as pain shot through her. She knew this was her heart breaking. But it was worth it if Embry got to live.

"Please… let him be okay," she whispered to the empty room.

Freja knew that she would gladly suffer this pain the rest of her life as long as it meant that Embry could be alive and happy.

OOOO

Even though I haven't done a tone of writing today, I thought I would go ahead and post a few chapters, just because that's the kind of mood I'm in, I suppose.

Guest - Thanks! Yea, it very much is a slow progression. And I think they're super cute together as well.

Thanks for reading and following!