Chapter 17: Misato and Kaji
Kaworu POV

It was a common opinion that environmentalist's or hippies as they were more commonly known as, were nutty bozo's who deserved to be shut up in the madhouse and starved until they forfeited their worthless lives.
After all it wasn't as if it wasn't common knowledge that a human being could not survive long without fresh food, clean water and unpolluted air.

Admittedly, I had my own partly selfish reasons for agreeing to join squid girl. My glorious icy motherland had virtually no fertile farmland.
But it did have untouched and unspoiled beaches which NERV had not yet controlled out of the difficulty it had in moving its armies through the snow.

We made our living by fishing responsibly in these precious marine spots.
We also had glaciers. Large and frozen blocks of the purest liquid of life anywhere. Purer than the most serene and lively of rivers.
Japan's rivers meanwhile were being dirtied fast.

In order to run the very power inefficient EVA's and to power their very flashy neon signs advertising themselves as "saviours of mankind in the darkest of days", a lot of power was needed.
And being the technical behemoth only the world's leading science research lab could be, NERV did have solar panels, wind farms and hydroelectric dams.

But those were expensive to construct and costly to work.
Oil, coal and highly dangerous nuclear fission plants which produced deadly nuclear waste on the other hand. That was cheap. Very cheap and convenient.

It was also much cheaper just to drop the nuclear waste into the first pool of water or the first clearing in the forests than to store it safely underground someplace where it wouldn't pose any harm.
Angels who were not part human like me and Rei, loved the stench of toxic pollutants. Especially oil and nuclear waste.
They loved to sniff it, to bathe in it and most importantly to eat it.

It made up the disgusting slime that oozed out of them after they were killed.
And since in a polluted world it was impossible not to be covered in the scent and odour of the noxious fumes of factory smoke, Angels were enticed to ravenously consume a species that would not normally be high on its menu.

It was partly why they mostly left Russia alone for now.
But if NERV contaminated all the freshwater sources in Japan then it would need another water supplier. And very few places on Earth contained as much fresh water as the Siberian ice rivers of my motherland.
And my motherland being so close to Japan geographically meant it was easy for NERV to logistically reach even taking into account the chilly atmosphere.
And when NERV started setting up toxic industrial plants in that area and melting the ice in a big and noxious smelling furnace...

"Your nation be just as filleted as mine if NERV run out of water and decide to start heading your way. Which will be soon." Squid girl helpfully reminds me as we head up the rocky steps hand in hand in anticipation for the battle ahead.

"I know and I cannot let that happen Milady" I sullenly state as we keep our heads down and I chug the last can of inauthentic and poorly made vodka which I've kept in my pocket knowing that I will need all the liquid luck and confidence either false or genuine that I can muster up.
I throw the can over my shoulder as we duck behind a low stone fence.

We had chosen the perfect time of day. Angels and squid's both had enhanced eyesight which pierced the darkness like nothing and were far more active than humans at night.
"Status report general" Squid girl orders to me in a whisper as I salute in acknowledgement before lifting my head the slightest amount to catch sight of a uniformed guard moving almost robotically on the other side of a road, his huge scoped rifle terrifying to behold as he holds it in his two gloved hands and nonchalantly swivels it around in a perfect circle before taking a few more steps to repeat the process once again.

"One enemy. One o-clock. 510 yards. High-range ballistic firearm of choice." I dutifully relay to her. "At your command, milady."

"Distraction and diversion General. His overpowering choice of arms makes a direct attack impossible."
People who stated that my lady was anything other than the greatest tactician to ever grace the battlefield, I could only pity.

"Copy that" I proudly whisper back as I step gingerly from behind the fence taking care to never step into the halo of a streetlight that would fully illuminate me yet never too far so that I was completely shrouded by darkness.
I pull my paper-thin fake fur coat composed of shoddy fabric tighter in a vainglorious attempt to curb my shivering. In Russia, they made these so much thicker and better.

Rinzo Takumi POV

"Wee woo. Wee woo" I whir, trying as best I can to imitate the sound of a siren.
It's the only thing I can think off to make this boring night job of guarding the city anything less than an utter bore. Commander Ikari didn't pay me nearly enough to do this awful job which strained my eyes so hard I felt they were on fire with how few breaks he allowed me.

If only something exciting would happen on a dull and uneventful night such as this. Maybe an Angel attack. Or some sort of intense robbery with a mask wearing burglar. Just anything to stop this monotony and amuse me the slightest bit.

I quickly slap my big mouth shut as a shadowed figure takes a few slow but scary steps as it eerily swaggers its way forward, its glowing red eyes being its one fully visible aspect. Like infa-red laser.
It seems to sense my fear as it gracefully lurches forward yet another step so that it now stands just one roadway away yet the blackness of night still covers up everything but those seeking crimson orbs of bloodthirst. There was no way I could get a clean shot if I wanted to.

"Ah! WEE WOO WEE WOO WEEWOO! I quickly shout as I drop my rifle and fumble for my walkie talkie.

"What's going on Rinzo? What happened this time you big cowardly baby?" My junior officer from the other end of the line gruffly answers after several cracks of static.

"I...I see a target. A, a very dangerous target and he's making the hairs on my neck stand on end" I manage to sputter, nearly dropping the plastic communications device in my anguish.

"Where is he?" The voice on the other end uncaringly asks on the verge of falling asleep.

"Erm..." I look at the dimly illuminated sign just beside the mysterious figure on a post along with some traffic lights and just barely manage to make out the words.
"At the intersection of Conch and coral" I squeak out, feeling on the verge of a heart attack.

"What's he doing to make you deem him such a threat. And you'd better not be wasting my time or else this is coming out of your paycheque. And you've already been dealt three penalties this month for falling asleep on the job."
But how could I help it when I never got a break?

I rub my eyes a little, expecting at any moment a surprise attack for the figure who had demonstrated its inhuman agility with the few movements it made.
It made neither sound nor motion as I lifted my free hand away from my itchy eyes. It instead opted to strike a dramatic pose as it lifted a hand above its head and stabbed a pointed finger in my direction.

"Um... He's just standing there." I stutter. "...MENACINGLY!" I add at the top of my lungs when a loud yawn comes from the other end. I let out a brief silent wheeze having strained my larynx so.

"You stupid fool. You drag me here for this worthless BS. You're going to have a long hard talk with the big man and as of this infraction, you are hereby relieved of your duty."

The thought of starving on the street was what finally shattered my psyche. All I tried to do was to do my job and it cost me everything I had.
It was then and there as I dropped my walkie talkie that I let my guard down completely and utterly as I gave my already empty stomach another rub in vain.

I opened my swollen mouth to take a breath of air to recapture the oxygen lost when I had lost my wits trying to explain to my higher-ups the true danger the mysterious stranger posed.
Only to find that this was now impossible since much to my horror as I dared a glance downward, thin slippery blue tentacles had constricted around my neck and before I could think another thought, I was lifted from the ground unable to even gag a plea for mercy.

It was only when I was on the verge of passing out and my face had become as pale as a ghost when the figure reluctantly stepped forward to reveal himself as a sharply dressed Russian young man with premature grey ruffled hair who took his culture and nationality with addled fixation.
His fur coat and Ushanka hat bestowing upon him an air of absolute authority that rivalled Commander Ikari.

The tentacles around my throat loosened barely enough to allow me to get enough air not to suffocate as he fixed his imposing scanners of red upon me.
"My sincerest apologies for my lack of decorum" He took his sweet time to softly state with no bearing of sadism nor sarcasm "But please tell me. Where are my dearest comrades, Shinji Ikari and Rei Ayanami?" He asked in deliberately heavily accented Japanese. He clearly wanted to get straight to his first order of business since his only response to my silence is to ask once more as he cracks his knuckles and the tentacles begin to tighten slowly once again.

"I don't know." I sincerely and solemnly admit with a sob. "They were last seen escaping the city after our forces failed to detain them in a high-speed car chase. They are probably miles away from here by now. You might be able to catch them if you're fast enough. They headed out the North exit in the direction of Nagoya, the nearest city geographically from here."
I had no qualms with revealing full information of what I knew now that I was fired anyway.

And from the way the stranger mentioned the two names, it was apparent that he regarded them with a fondness and flair that was as frank an overture of ardent friendship as any I had ever seen in my miserable existence of being turned down for date after date due to my poor salary job that kept me up all night.
Secretly, I was glad that they had gotten away and from the slight grin tugging at his lips as he immediately partitioned "squid girl" his lady to set me down gently having gotten all the information he wanted; he was most likely equally relieved if a little annoyed that he would now have the difficult task of tracking them.

This was not a cold-blooded killer after all. He was a true friend and ally to mine and mankind's greatest heroes. My blissful relief remained even as he raised a fist and launched it straight into my forehead as the tentacular grip locking me was loosened, apologizing that it was only so that I had no way of following him as my consciousness left me.
He promised empathetically that this blow would not kill me or cause any permanent harm.

"Go quickly valiant crusader" I humbly request as darkness comes. "Let no harm come to mankind's greatest young legends on which our future depends"

Kaworu POV

My lady's boundless mercy was ever abundant as she carefully set down the now comatose man who had been most helpful to our endeavours.
As a sign of honest appreciation, I took out a handful of coins I had carefully saved and laid them in the limp outstretched right palm of our informant. He'd wake to the lustrous sensation of mankind's greatest treasure which would hopefully sooth at least some of his regrets.
It was the very least I could do as payback for our uncouth assault which had taken the poor blighter completely off guard.

I was an esteemed military leader of an upright and lawful undersea empire (or what remained of it at least). Not the next Yakuza chief.
This was an Inkvasion. Not a massacre. There was an important difference. And we were still pacifists by nature even if we were conducting an admittedly non-pacifist operation.

With an irresistible shudder that nothing could quell, I reached down beside the ground where our first victim now lay and picked up the big hunting rifle which took even my superhuman physique some time to get used to.
A few safety checks to ensure that it was not jammed and a few seconds spent rifling the thankfully still living guard's body later for any excess ammunition, I held the precisely crafted but weighty weapon at the ready and told my lady I was ready to move on.

The sounds of galloping horses filled my senses as I ran a finger on the top part of the bolt action firearm's barrel. Japan had its Evangelions.
Mother Russia had Cossacks.

If the Mongols who once had the world in their grasp were so widely feared because of horseback archery and their ability to shoot while riding backwards which in tandem made them untouchable, replace the short ranged and inaccurate bow and arrow with a dependable and far reaching rifle and you soon begun to see just how fearsome a cossack was.

All I needed now was a horse but that could come later.

Squid girl POV

They say that the human is the wisest, most peaceful species on this planet.
That it long overcame its baser instinct of kill or be killed. That it created an infallible code of laws to keep itself governed and free of barbarism.

But squids don't kill each other. Neither did sharks or whales.
And from my time spent on land observing the parts of nature that my less adventurous brethren hadn't, no land animal had it in themselves to turn on one another.
Perhaps it was loyalty but according to the human race only humans had it in themselves to display the higher emotions that made them superior.

I've seen a lot since I left my colony under the water. But the most horrific sight I ever saw was the sight of the supposedly most civilized and sapient specimen in existence taking up arms against one another.
But even that wasn't so pointlessly cruel. What made this intolerable to me was when it was not for self-preservation or in the struggle for the very limited remaining resources of food and water that were vital for every living being's survival.

"Crimes of passion" Kaworu called it when trying his best to explain these unjustified resorts to violence that humans seemed almost habitually to turn to.
A killing for no reason other than "because they didn't like each other".

The lower species did not know the meaning of the words war and conflict. Humanity had an entire division of jobs dedicated to war.
Not even my equally sapient race kept armies and weapons to the same degree as the humans.

"Maybe they only think they're better" my general and I concurred. "Or at least would like to."

The younger me dreaded the prospect of inflicting the slightest hurt, even in justified survival.
It was only as I saw greater and more reckless damage by the surface dwellers into my underwater domain that this begun to change.
I had to do nothing and watch as more of my kind were slain. For their expensive ink, their fine skins and their unfortunately delicious tentacles.

My last squid was when I lost mother and father. Two good parents who only wanted to do their best for their daughter were taken away for the stench of moneyed corruption.
Humanity asked for an inkvasion and I would give it to them.

I was still young but I was mature enough to realize that the land lubbers needed a lesson in humility.

Before I truly did become the last squid person.

I did not hate every human. This would simply be an ungrateful sentiment to the kind-hearted and fun loving family who took me in and raised me as their own.
They expected me to work my fair share, but they were always attentive of my needs.
They fed me, and sheltered me and sat at my bedside when I was sick.
Chirizu, the nicest member of the human family that attended me even massaged my tentacles when they were sore.

But the past could not be escaped however hard I tried.
NERV found the seaside resort and when they saw me, their eyes lit up with the greedy glint of gold.
When my new family refused to hand me over, they just opened fire.

I don't know how I managed to escape but somehow I just did.
The only good humans before I had met Kaworu ended their lives as bullet ridden meatshields.
Apparently it was possible for humans to have compassion for those other than their own race after all.

Blood seeps from my lips as I bit them hard, doing my best not to cry before my general. But he recognized my sadness anyhow as he placed his hand delicately on my shoulder.
I was in no condition this time to turn him away so I stayed still and let him gently caress me in the respectful manner only he knew how.

Through his warmth comfort, I manage to redirect my sorrows into rationalism slowly but surely.
"The world has changed" I grudgingly admit, salvaging a touch of composure as I wipe the blood from the wound on my now throughouly bitten lip. "I feel it in the water. I feel it in the Earth. I smell it in the air."

"Very perceptive sentiment Milady. You are indeed the astute observer whose wisdom will steer as through these times of troubled waters" He admiringly agrees.

"General. Do you really think I have it in me to see this inkvasion through to its conclusion?" I cannot help but let slip from my loose tongue, loosened by the painful memories of the past that even now have not healed. My tentacles heals but my thoughts remain scarred for eternity.

"Did you not witness the ease in which we subdued our first target? How efficient we were as a team in spite of our target's superior armaments?"
He simply rhetorically asks as he raises a clenched fist to the sky in great conviction.
"And did you not specifically pass the order for me to never doubt your great judgement which even now continues to awe me in new and wonderful ways that words alone cannot hope to describe."

He smiles, more confidently than he ever has despite his cheery disposition.

"I've accomplished so little in so much time" I sulk, continuing to wallow in pointless self pity that I know is pointless but which I cannot convince myself otherwise.
"Look at how many weapons our enemies have and how we are just two delusional creeps with nothing but our bare hands and my useless tentacles which can't even overpower a decently strong opponent.
That victory was just sheer luck."

Kaworu lowers his fist as he kneels on one knee with his eyes closed and his palms outstretched towards me. He bows his head lower than he ever has in the entire time he's served under me.
"From the first stirrings of life beneath water. To the great beasts of the stone age. To man taking his first upright steps, you have come far. Now begins your greatest quest. From this early cradle of civilization on towards the stars."

I raised a finger to order him to stop which such abject high flattery the insignificant puny inkling of me did not deserve but he did not stop. He was consumed with wistful sentimentality as the next words that came out of his mouth seemed to shake the Earth itself.

"You survived impossible odds as you alone escaped unscathed from the destruction of your glorious homeland, great warrior queen of the squid people, Ira Musume."

The first time he had said my real name and it couldn't have been more impactful.
I reel back with a blush.

"You could have chosen the path of destruction and revenge, but instead you took the difficult and heroic role of liberator. The most ravenous sea storms never bothered you so go forth and give your people the place on the world stage that has long been their due. And may the tides be in your favour."

He closes his mouth and withdraws from my proximity with a curtsey.

"You're..." This time I'm able to stop the tears through inner strength without the need to hurt myself any more than I already have. "You're the best general a squid could ask for."

"I do what is required of me milady"

"Now let's go onward and make my people proud." I bravely insist as I once again regain my stoic optimism and stride onward with a bold and brash spring in my step.

"At your command. Milady."

…

Ritsuko POV

"Move quietly Maya and don't make any unnecessary noise. I'm pretty certain this tunnel is quite deep under the ground but we don't want to take unnecessary risks." I instruct my brown-haired lady friend as I take point leading the way through the underground maze of tunnels we were able to access through the vents with the guidance of my late mother's plans for her unfinished aqueduct which she proposed would be of great aid to NERV's declining public image.

It would pump several gallons of fresh water from a nearby mountain range and negate the need to use the much more environment harmful desalination technique NERV used to distil seawater.

It was never finished since Gendo rerouted the funds to work on the EVA's and (secretly) another extension to his vast and cushy estate, doubling once again the size of his great mansion to be filled with massive stacks of more useless overpriced ornaments that disturbed me to look at each time I was called there to be his personal plaything.

But thankfully it was also never deconstructed since that too would have cost money which Gendo wanted every penny of.

For the CEO of the world's second largest company barring SEELE, that man knew shockingly little about how exponential investments in economics worked.
I never threw the plans away. They reminded me that my mother was in fact a kind and reasonable woman even as insanity took her away.
The air down here was very fresh and even though it was a little discomforting to wade through knee deep water which drenched our feet soggy, at least the water was pure and not harmful.

Aki Aku POV

Can't believe our commander makes us stay up this late when all of Tokyo 3 is so obviously in bed.
24-hour shifts. What a stupid idea.
Who wants a Krabby patty at 3 in the morning?

Rei POV

Dinglinglinglingling...

I happily switch off the ringing alarm which I put at a low volume to wake only myself without disturbing the other children sharing the bedroom as me.

"Oh boy 3am." I ecstatically chime as I take out the carefully preserved krabby patty from under my duvet and pop it in one gulp into my small mouth.
I have to try several times to swallow it down but, in the end, it feels so rewarding to finally manage it.

I would have woken up anyway at this time since it was a daily habit of mine to be unable to sleep the whole night through due to my feelings for Shinji but of course until today, I had been too dirt poor to afford to keep a rewarding snack with me to help me get back to sleep.

So, I would stay awake the rest of the night and go to work the next day only half rested and thus only able to perform my piloting duties at half capacity.
This was another bad habit that would take some time for me to break free from even away from NERV.

I was not completely ready to head back to the realm of dreams which had become a far more pleasant paradise simply by freeing myself from my commander's shackles.
I decided to head beside Shinji's bed. Awake, he was already very adorable but his sleeping form only brought out his pure altruism to its climax.

"Sleep well. Shinji. My dear love" I quickly whisper before my courage leaves me as I plant a dainty peck on his sweet face.
It would be a while before he trusted me enough to let me do this to him when he was awake.
Just because he had declared me his Waifu, it did not absolve me of the guilts I had once committed upon him through my neglect and indifference.

I wish I knew back then what I knew now so that I could somehow go back in time to listen to my own advice. But if wishes were horses then beggars would ride.

No point in looking back now or wondering. That was what my commander was doing with his nefarious plan to use me and Shinji as his puppets on his strings.
The sins of the father did not need to be the sins of his son and daughter especially now that they had made a mutual vow to distance themselves from him and everything he stood for.
He was no longer our father because we were no longer his children.

I spared a glance at the two female members of Angelo's gang and noted how what truly made them attractive was not their differences but their similarities to the people we had already met.
Lola was simply an Asuka with inverted colours and culture, pale pink hair vs deep red in her twin tails and a green kimono instaed of a blue uniform. Even their accents were fairly similar even if Lola did her best to hide it.
Candy was a younger Dr Akagi with a tail in her hair to emphasize that her heart had not yet hardened with the gruelling hardships that growing up inevitably brought to everyone.

Angelo could be seen as the reflection of Shinji with his short and brown albeit slightly spikier hair. A Shinji who had a few friends and no Evangelions.
His smile was indeed pleasant but it left me wondering just how much more stable he really was than the idol who he claimed brought him here.

I was not worried about my relationship with Shinji. He did not make promises lightly and both of these girls had their own soulmates.
It was good to have friends who were actually supportive and nurturing for a change.
True friends who chose to be with me of their own choosing for the sake of being with me rather than external circumstances forcing us together as was the case with Asuka when she came solely to make her name as a pilot.

I was fine with her motive or would have been if it didn't involve kicking us out of the way.

I would also have been completely alright with her being chosen by Shinji instead of me. But the forceful methods that robbed Shinji of his free will that she used in her persuasions was where I drew the line.

It would be difficult under normal circumstances for a son so cruelly abandoned by his father to maintain a healthy relationship of intimacy and dating.
When you added an uncountable number of bloodthirsty aliens on Earth's doorsteps that could be vanquished only by poor Shinji alone it was only fair that he be reluctant to make any official commitments.

I didn't know where we would head from here. The one vague idea I had of a destination was the mushroom kingdom we would supposedly be whisked to the day after tomorrow with the help of an invisible jet invisible to all of Japan's radar systems.

Misato POV

I sniff and give my nose a forceful dab with a nearby tissue.
I let off a sob but no more water comes from my completely used up tear ducts in spite of my best efforts.

What had I done?

I raise a palm and begin to slap myself as hard as possible. If I can only just get one more drop of saltwater from my eyes, I could feel the slightest bit relieved.
"Shinji. Forgive me..." I begin to say but quickly slap my own mouth shut.

I have no right to ask any such blessing after the atrocities I had committed that placed me firmly in the pit of hell where the greatest scum of mankind, Hitler and Stalin among them went to be condemned forever more.
This simple apartment that was once my rest and shelter following long drawn out days behind my desk as a Major of NERV had become the sober grave where my dreams came to die.

"Feel free to hate me as much as you like Shinji. And if it can provide you with any sense of pleasure whatsoever, please pretend I never existed."
I begin to reach for a can of beer but just as I crack it open, my inner fury snaps me back to my senses just soon enough for me to throw the metal canister to the ground where the alcoholic beverage sloshes all over the worn flooring full of cracks.

My alcoholism caused Shinji's misery.
It made me clumsy and robbed me of my principles and the morals I once stood firmly by no matter the circumstances.

Asuka had gone now too to look for Shinji.
Part of me wished she would find him already and bring him back. The remaining part that still retained the final shred of my true self made me eat that thought whole.
If Asuka did find Shinji, it would mean I had to face up to him.

I could talk a big game but I knew that for me to take one glimpse with him was to confront a furious son who had lost not one but two mothers in one lifetime. The second mother he lost because he chose for her to be lost.
She was lost because she had failed. Not once. Not twice. Not three times. He was more forgiving than that.

He had given her another chance for every day he had with her and she had tossed each chance away like an empty beer can that was no use to anyone.

There was nothing I could do. Asuka had gone and Rei and Mari had accompanied Shinji in his getaway from his failed guardian who had squandered his second chance at having someone to call mother.
But perhaps there was one final redemption I could make.

I see it glinting on the still untied kitchen counter. The big, sharp knife that Shinji uses to cut food for the delicious meals he pours his heart and soul into creating for me and Asuka knowing that though we'll give him no appreciation that we find his cooking to be the best we've ever had.
It's still sitting on the chopping board. Shinji left in a haste and didn't have time to put it away.

It cuts through vegetable skin like nothing.

The tip is so beautiful.
The grip is so graceful, so intricately designed to match my exact hand.
The shine on the metal blade is so stunning.

It's drawing me closer like an itch I just have to scratch.
I might be drunk but I'm still a muscular buff who can heft a weighty load with great ease.
I've cleaved through countless dummies more sturdy than human flesh in training.

I have to act quickly before my depression wears away bringing me back to my selfish desire for survival as is human nature.
If I continue to live then Shinji will have no end to his sorrows.
He is too mild to wish any pain upon me himself but that does not make his eternal grudge against his failed second mother any less real.

"Shinji now I know.
I was wrong
I messed up and now you're gone."

I sang to myself as I grapple mightily with my instincts to loosen their grip on my will for self-preservation. It's a gruelling uphill struggle but bit by bit, I inch myself closer to the cooking utensil that today will serve as the instrument of judgement.
The annual award for the worst mother of the year goes to Misato Katsuragi.

"Shinji I'm sorry I neglected you
Oh, I never expected you
To run away
And leave me feeling this empty."

Somehow, I don't lose tune once. It's my heart and not my lips that these lyrics come from.
A heart that was nowhere to be found when Shinji's father was degrading his son like he was nothing but a pile of filth and when I was overloading the already overburdened boy with even more chores.
How he lasted so long in respectful silence without snapping once at me and Asuka is still a wonder to this day. It's the most divine miracle since the second coming of christ.

"Your sweet voice right now would sound like music to me.
So please come home cause I miss you Shinji."

Where do I think up such perfectly rhyming sentences? I have the singing voice of an ugly toad and the rhythm of a demented mental asylum patient.
Somehow, I manage to keep the tune going.

"Shinji can't you see. I was blind?
I'd do anything to change your mind."

A spasm of searing heat makes me blink my eyes several times as I barely muster the strength to give the two thoroughly reddened vision slits a coarse rub with my wrist.
I hadn't slept one blink since the news of Shinji's grand theft auto adventure spread through the city like wildfire.
Misato had murdered sleep through her unforgivable sins.

I'm getting closer. Just one more step and I will be able to reach the sparkly and sharp blade.
There will be plenty of time for sleep when I'm laid to rest. My final rest.

"More than a son, you're my best friend.
Too cool to forget come back cause we are family.
And forgive me for making you want to roam.
And now my heart is beating like the saddest metronome."

Somehow as my depression grows ever more pronounced, my tones of song become ever more vibrant and melodious. The human heart truly has a dramatic sense of irony in its workings sometimes.
You were not wrong there my old friend Ritsuko.

It won't be beating much longer Shinji.
My pride and joy.
While you won't be here to hear it there is just one more thing I'd like before my grave closes over me.

"Somewhere I hope you're reading. My latest three-word poem.
Shinji come home."

I've run out of song fuel. The final mention of Shinji's name has broken me along with the grim acceptance of the fact he will never come back and that he is now finally having the time of his life in distant lands.

My eyes flicker over a tableside photo of a better time when I hadn't yet thrown away my chance to properly nurture Shinji and pay penance for the mistakes of his father.

I'd like just this once to call you son.
My son...
It was a pleasure to watch you grow up and mature under my wing.
To see the vast extent of your accomplishments as you gained greater prestige through your selflessness and unerring determination to prove despite everyone's expectations that even you were worth something.

You've done so much son. Your long line of victories will ring throughout Tokyo 3 if not the entire Earth for uncountable eons to come. That I'm certain of.
You'll never be forgotten as the undefeated greatest pilot and the only human to achieve full synchronization with his Evangelion.
You have set the gold standard for all future pilots who will forever live inspired by your example.

I'm level with the sharp, unwashed and slightly stained kitchen knife now. My hands are shaking as I inch them forward but once my last shred of my selfish desire for life passes, the shaking will stop.
It's so late in the evening. Everyone's fast asleep.

Gendo will be so wrapped up in the search for the son he refuses to admit he depends on more than anyone and won't notice my absence from work.
Even if the one stab I get before I'm too weak to strike once more fails to kill me outright, there are several hours for the bleeding to do its job.
Asuka isn't around. I'm glad. Go to hell Asuka for all the unwarranted torment you gave Shinji and Rei since the day you came here.

You will never find him Asuka. Perhaps you can deceive a stupid, unsavoury drunk but the smart Shinji can see right through your every trick.
You will never outsmart him try as you might. Because Asuka, you are the true idiot.
Stupid is just stupid does Asuka and every one of your decisions has been the most baffling and asinine thing anyone could have done under these circumstances.
You are the one who put mankind's survival on the line. And since I let your behaviour slide like a blind maniac, you could say that I too let down the world I pledged to protect.

"Oh happy dagger. This is thy sheath."
The one line of English class where I wasn't inebriated with beer and actually managed to stay awake and pay attention.
I brandish the weapon with savage glee in my expression.

There will be big fireworks at my funeral. A rambunctious applause and big trumpets.
Everyone will rejoice a new age of a fairer major and one less drunk road hog making the roads a death trap for any driver or pedestrian who dares share it with me.
How many casualties has my irresponsible use of the highway caused over my life of heedless drinking which I never even thought about getting under control?

Has an entire mausoleum been built to house the corpses of them all with a big plaque on the entrance stating the name of the horrible driver who caused their premature ends?

Maya will be the biggest smiler of them all.
She's been widely nominated as the best shooter, hardest worker and most polite employee of NERV multiple times over and it's only because I'm where I am that she can't move up the ranks any further.
It's for her sake as much as Shinji's that I relinquish all fear and doubt as I ready myself for the first truly selfless act of self-sacrifice ever committed by me in my lifetime.

There are footsteps?
Why are the residents of this sleepy corner of the city up at this hour?
Why are those steps getting louder?

Why is someone calling my name so sharply as the steps louden!?

WHY DOES THAT VOICE BELONG TO THE ONE MAN WHO I COULD CALL MY SWORN ALLY AMONG THE ENTIRE RANKS OF UNTRUSTWORTHY ROGUES MAKING UP NERV!?

"Misato we need to get out of this city right away. Misato? MISATO!?"

At least the door is firmly locked. As old as it is and as badly constructed as this apartment and everything in it, that will keep him busy.

"Answer me Misato!"

No Kaji. In my great son Shinji's great words, words are unnecessary.
Actions speak the loudest. Actions are all you need.
So please allow me to reply with the most meaningful action of them all.

I put the knife a few feet from my chest. I hurriedly chug one final can of beer to shake off the remaining lack of confidence in my uncooperative body still trying to dissuade me from making the final move.

"Misato. This isn't funny" He impatiently growls with a touch of fury as he tries the knob to find it obviously won't work.
I let my lips twist into a brief sneer as I take a brief second to congratulate myself in being so thoughtful in my strategic planning for once in my useless life.

My congratulations are sadly misplaced.
A squeak begins to echo through the room followed by a crunching noise that revibrates several times.
Too late I remember that being a secret agent not completely allied to NERV, Kaji is a master locksmith of lockpick skill 100.

Quickly Misato. Quickly.

"There rust and let me die" I hastily remark, remembering the only other fraction of a second where I wasn't asleep in class and coasting while Ritsuko was sat beside me hanging onto every word the teacher was saying.
She would even diligently write down when the teacher said good morning, open your textbook to page 100 and have a nice holiday in the massive notepad she used her tiny allowance on.

I manage in the nick of time to thrust the knife with a still madly trembling hand into my chest as the door clicks open and the love of my life rushes in with a horrified gasp.
Too late Kaji. Too late.
Go and have fun with Ritsuko. I won't be there to stop you this time.

Ritsuko POV
"Yes it was true that Kaji's lady killer attitude did draw me in for a little while." I confess to Maya as we wade hand in hand through the discomforting but thankfully clean and fresh scented water of the underground pipe. "But I assure you, it was you and only you that I truly had eyes for. I was just being irresponsible and I'm really sorry."

"I forgive you Senpai. At least you are finally honest. We all make mistakes sometimes but I understand that you never had any bad intentions" She magnanimously replies after a few tense seconds as she tightens her hold on my hand, enjoying the warmth she gains from my touch.

"Once again Maya. I can't thank you enough. I've said this many times now but yet again I am in your eternal debt."

Misato POV
"What have you done Misato? What have you done!" The conniving spy who I always trusted absolutely shrieks as he rushes to my side like the knight in shining armour from the fairy tales that never come true.

I've made the dangerous roadways of the most populated cities a little safer to drive and deprived Shinji of one of his greatest adversaries holding him from his true potential.
I've also made it so there will be no interruptions during your romancing sessions with Ritsuko behind my back.

But wait. Something is wrong.
Why can I still hear his frenzied gasps for air? Why do I still feel the coldness of the poorly insulated room? What is Kaji doing with his delicate hands as he places them right beside the gaping wound I finally succeeded in inflicting upon myself as he proceeds to apply firm pressure which slowly but surely takes the pain away and lessens the incessant bleeding that a moment ago was going so strong with so much red gushing out?

No Kaji. Damn you Kaji. Damn you for knowing CPR and advanced medical studies as well as being the king of locks. Your perfection is making you imperfect.
The one day I needed you to be bad and you decide to be the great guy you always are.

He does it so well that I'm still conscious as he rips a nearby kitchen towel and uses it to improvise a tourniquet to fully block off what would have been a fatal blood flow for me.
Then he whips out a phone and dials the emergency services.

Wrong number Kaji. You should call child protection services instead. Or better yet, call the police and tell them that Misato beat her son to death and needs to go to prison before she harms anymore helpless children.

I call to Kaji to stop. But all that comes out is a helpless sigh. The bleeding has made me weak and all I can do is watch on helplessly as he continues to ensure that no harm comes to me and assures me that an ambulance will soon be here.

Please don't get here Mr ambulance. Please have an accident on the way or be delayed by some other more urgent case. Or if you must come, be a bad doctor who forged his certificate to cheat his way to the job so that you make an urgent mistake that ends me instead.

"Shinji..." I croak in a volume too faint for Kaji to hear as I gag up a handful of crimson.
"I've...failed...you...once...more."

Special thanks to fictionelement777, neoWarkid4, bandiras, An enemy of the state, Fantasian, Kycosoccerref and every other unnamed guest for your kind and generous reviews.
You are all great people. Thank you for reading and see you all next time and bye.
A lot happening in this chapter.
So yes. I am of the firm opinion that NERV is the cause of most of the series's mishaps. It's in line with how humanity was the final angel to survive only to destroy itself.