All I wanted was to run after him. But I waited a few minutes to give him the space he needed. Miss clingy sandal-heels had disappeared as soon as Christian had been out of sight.
I tried to refocus on my book. After rereading the same sentence four times, I decided there was no point in trying. I took my towel and slipped into the slippers, courtesy of the hotel, and walked over to the elevator. Straight to the last floor, where our beautiful suite was. Fumbling in my bag, I realised I had lost the key card. I knocked. No answer. I knocked again. Still no answer.
- "Christian, open up! It's me." I shouted through the door, knocking several times. After what must have been the tenth knock, my fist began hurting.
What a man child Christian could be. He categorically decided he would not let his sort of girlfriend, almost would-have-been-fiancé back inside again. Great, I thought. I looked around for an alternative solution.
I spotted the cleaning lady, leaving one of the rooms. I seized on the opportunity.
- "Hello. Excuse me, would you be able to let me in? I lost my key card." I smiled at her with my most innocent smile.
- "Good evening Miss. Of course, one moment please." and she took out her card which opened all the doors. That familiar click sound appeared, with that green light and finally the door unlocked.
- "Thank you so much." I said before I entering the suite.
It was completely dark. It took a while for my eyes to adapt to the darkness. I could discern a fresh fruit basket that Christian must have ordered, sitting on the table. Anywhere we were, Christian really seemed to be obsessed about having fresh fruits at our disposal.
I carefully walked into the bedroom, where I found him lying in the white sheets. His back turned to me. It was the middle of the afternoon, but he had closed all the curtains and shut down the shutters. Bathing the room in almost complete darkness. How sombre, I thought. Probably just like his mood.
- "Heyy." I said softly. No reply. Nor did he move. Not even the slightest. I could tell he was still very upset. This was probably not the way he had intended for me to find out he wanted to propose.
I fully undressed and tip toed into the soft linens, pressing my naked body against his. Still no reaction from his side.
- "Heyy, look I'm really sorry. I was just being jealous because..I feel like this is moving too fast... And we are such complete opposites. We are from two different planets. I'm not wealthy and inexperienced and I'm not the most confident person and you..you are this super successful super rich and older guy. You should date a woman who is more in your circle..not someone like me." I whispered, saddened by what I just said, but it was the truth. We were too different. Our worlds didn't mix.
- "Are you done?" he said, his voice was calm. I felt an urge to lie on top of him and press my body against his. But I suppressed it.
- "Yes." I replied. He finally turned around, his face only inches from mine. He looked beautiful even in the darkness, where his face was half hidden. He looked even more intense and even more delicious.
- "Ana, I'm not going to let you go. I want you to be mine forever and ever. So you can forget running away again. I need you too much to let you go." he said in his deep voice. The one that made my heart beat much much faster.
- "We are not that different you and me." he took a deep breath. "I also come from a small town, just like you. We were very middle class when I grew up. My parents never showed that they had money. My mom used to take us to Mc Donalds and she would tell us that we could either have the coke or the ice cream but that we couldn't afford both." He paused. His eyes bore into mine. He let his thumb run over my lips. "You see, that's how I was raised." he concluded, tenderly caressing my face with the back of his hand.
Every one of his touches, made small electric shocks run through my body.
- "Maybe. But you went to Princeton. Aren't American universities really expensive? My university is for free." I had marked a point. We were really not from the same background. My mom was a single mother who was drowning in debt, and my dad deserted us. His dad was a doctor and he went to Princeton.
- "I went to Princeton on a full scholarship. My parents didn't give me any money for Princeton. My mother didn't even want me to go to there. I was just really good at maths and physics, that's how I got in." he explained. I had to give him that: he was very convincing when he wanted to.
- "Fine, but after that? How did you finance your business? I could never start my own business because I don't have any money."
- "It is true that I did get some help there. When I was twenty two, my dad gave me four million dollars to start my investment firm. But I paid him back. With interest...Is this because of money?" he asked.
- "No it's not just that.." It was the whole.
- "Is it because of the age difference?" he sounded nervous when he said it. As if the money difference was not an issue in his eyes, but the age gap was.
- "It's not. I don't even care about the age gap anymore. It's the whole. I know you think we're not that different, but we are. You're much smarter than me, I can't keep up with you. I don't know anything about world affairs or politics. I'm not interested in physics...I'm.." I wanted to say stupid. But it wasn't that I was stupid. It was just that he was abnormally intelligent. What interesting subjects could we possibly discuss? What interests did we really share?
- "Anastasia. You are probably the smartest woman I have ever met. I'm not saying that to flatter you. I'm saying it because it's true. You have incredible brain power. What I have on you is experience. But you will gain that and I can't wait to see it happen. I'll happily sit back and watch you grow and learn." he kissed me gently.
- "Not only are you smart, you're also spectacularly beautiful. And you're so unaware of it, that's what's so amazing." This time he kissed me more vigorously. I felt the fervour of his kisses, becoming increasingly intense. We got interrupted by his phone's ringing.
- "I need to take this. It's my lawyer." He got up and took his phone from the table. Before leaving, he turned around, completely naked, half hidden in the darkness. "Some business advice for the future: There are two kinds of people you always need to treat well: your lawyers and your accountants." and with that last advice he disappeared into the other room.
I let my head fall into the pillow. My head was spinning. I was in love, but I was also scared. Scared this whole thing was doomed and that he would break my heart.
When he finally came back, his eyes were burning with intensity. A glow of lust dancing in his black pupils.
- "How did it go?" I inquired, but he didn't give me a chance to find out. He slipped back into the sheets and pushed me under him, crushing me with his full body weight.
- "You know how your pussy feels?" he said while kissing my neck.
- "Uhmm no, how?" I felt confused, but his kisses were almost tickling me, making me go weak.
- "Like home. Home is where you are Anastasia." he whispered before forcing my legs apart with his knee and before I could do anything, he pushed himself inside of me.
- "Ouch!" I gasped. He had no intentions of being romantic this time. Without any foreplay, my body was not prepared for his big engine. I never realised how big it actually was.
- "Don't move." he became very still. His finger started massaging my clitoris and the wonderful feeling of desire was making my muscles unclench. He pushed himself inside of me even further than before. This time I screamed out. Not out of pain, but out of pleasure.
- "This feels so good. Don't ever stop doing this." I started to move my hips to the same rhythm as his. Meeting him at every thrust.
- "Christian.. I like you.. so much." I gasped, my body felt electrified. I was under his spell. His smell was entrancing all my senses. He slowed the pace.
- "Say it." he pleaded into my ear. His lips kissing my neck at this spot that was driving me crazy. What did he want me to say? He slowed even more.
- "Don't stop. Please don't.." I was desperate. Desperate for more friction. Harder thrusts.
- "With every thrust I do, I want you to say: I love you and I'll be yours forever." he picked up the rhythm again. His fingers were digging themselves deep into my flesh, forcing my pelvis down. I couldn't believe he would force me to say I love you this way. But I had no choice, I was already irrecoverably in love with him.
- "Say it!" he ordered. His muscular torso moving above me, gleaming in sweat. I licked his chest. It tasted deliciously salty.
- "I love you. I'll be yours forever." I breathed as he thrusts again, harder. "I love..you..and...yours forever..ahh" I gasped. This was feeling so good. How could this be so mind-blowing?
- "I love you…I'm yours!" I screamed even louder. He thrusted again and again and again. Each thrust was harder and even more intense. Like an explosion of pleasure. I could feel it deep inside of me, building. I was going to orgasm soon..
- "I'm yours. I love you, I'm yours..in ...love..yours .." I moaned the words in an inaudible absurd scream. I squealed in pleasure as the orgasm teared me apart, knocking me out senseless by its intensity.
But he didn't relent. He turned me onto my stomach. Straddling me from behind. I could barely keep up. His rhythm was fast, punishing and relentless. Making me gasp at each thrust. He pushed my face into the pillow, pinning me down completely with his body weight. I could barely catch my breath, when finally he gave me some respite. His hand ran under my stomach, pushing a pillow under me. The pain in my back from the arch subsided and I felt him deliciously plunging into me again, filling me.
- "Touch yourself." he ordered me. But I ignored him. I couldn't possibly do that in front of him? Him moving in me, rubbing his body against mine, thrusting hard inside of me was enough to please me. Touching myself in front of him was too embarrassing…
At once, without waiting for my consent, he grabbed my hand and forced me to massage my clitoris. Our fingers were both covered in thick fluid.
- "Stop I can't …anymore..." I was panting. The bed was drenched in our sweat.
- "No." he hissed, continuing relentlessly.
- "Lift up your ass." As I moved up I could feel his entire length possessing me and finally he ejaculated inside of me, filling me.
We were lying in bed, both knocked out from the effort. My pulse had slowly returned to its normal pace. My breathing had gotten slower. I was in heaven. Blissfully knocked out. As I had done before, I wrapped a leg around his, like a snake. My arms clutching his muscular broad torso. Trapping him with my arms wrapped around him.
- "One day I will miss this." he buried his face into my hair.
- "Christian?" I whispered.
- "Mmhh?" he was half asleep, exhausted from our fuckfest.
- "I really do love you." he opened his eyes wide and looked at me intensely.
- "Say that again." his face was serious, but his eyes were dancing with deep emotions.
- "I Anastasia, love you Christian." I said in a solemn voice. His hand reached for my hair that had fallen into my face. He gently tucked it behind my ear.
- "Will you marry me?" he waited patiently, his eyes wide open, hopeful. This beautiful, handsome, dark and mysterious man, whose brain was constantly buzzing, this man who clearly was brilliant but scary sometimes, with this dangerous aura that surrounded him, who was so magnetic and irresistible. This man wanted to marry me, Anastasia. If I'd say yes I would be thrown into a completely new world of unknown. Trapped in his net. But there was no other place I'd rather be. He was my world now.
- "I do." I said. I was suddenly feeling sleep taking hold of me. A wave of tiredness overwhelmed me. "You know I would have said 'I love you' back. You didn't have to force it out of me during sex." was the last thing I said before falling asleep. I think I heard him say "I just needed to hear it from you." before I drifted into sleep, but I couldn't be sure.
It was our last breakfast because I had to leave to the airport. It had only been three days but, but it had felt like a month. His presence was something I had become accustomed to. Addicted even. In the few moments where he had been out of sight, a pinching feeling of longing would take hold of me. Which was crazy because after all, I had been alone all my life. I should be able to be without him for a few days. He had promised me to be back in Paris as soon as his business deal was over. I wondered when that would be. I still needed to spend a few days with my mother after all.
We were sitting in the breakfast area, waiting for a waiter to take our order. I didn't take long for one to hurry towards us.
- "Good morning Sir, Madam. How are you today?" he made a slight reverence, as if Christian was royalty. Truth was, Christian had been a very frequent guest of the hotel for the past twenty years.
- "Good morning Josh. I'm overpaid and overworked." he replied with a self satisfied smile.
Christian had claimed the biggest table that was probably reserved for big groups. But there we were sitting at this massive wooden table with the grotesquely big bouquet of flowers throning in the middle, hiding us from the view of the few other guests. It's not like there were many to begin with. I wouldn't have noticed miss Desperate walk in if it hadn't been for the whole scene she made when she entered the breakfast area. She had walked in and stood there dramatically. Waiting for everyone to acknowledge her, as if she was some famous actress. As if to say « I've arrived! » and had insisted on walking up to our table with her girlfriend to say hello. She was making attempts to join us, but all of a sudden Christian's phone started ringing and he excused himself.
- "Sorry, I need to take this. My lawyers." and he started talking about his upcoming business deal and some important purchase he planned on making. The look on her face was priceless when she left, but I could tell she would not let him off that easily. She clearly had set her views on him. Her girlfriend and her left to sit at a nearby table, both giving me unfriendly looks before starting to make some waiters life miserable.
We on the other hand had a waiter who apparently was only responsible for us. As soon as my hot chocolate was empty, his eagle eyes spotted it, hurrying to refill my cup. A bit too attentive, but endearing. Christian had finally gotten off the phone.
- "So, we need to talk. I'm doing a very important business deal this afternoon. So I will have a driver take you to the private airport. You're not flying commercial. Out of question." he added when he saw my expression.
- "You can't impose everything on me like that all the time. Can you please let me make my own decisions?"
I tried to keep my calm. To reason with him. He pushed the NYtimes newspaper aside, angling his body to face me.
- "I have rights you know." I tried to reason with him. He pondered for a few minutes, an unbudging look on his face. Once he had an idea in mind, it seemed almost impossible to make him reverse course.
- "I know you do, beautiful. But it's safer, more comfortable and cheaper. And this is for you." he handed me a brand new phone that was as big as my hand. On top of it was a black Amex with his name on it.
- "No I don't want this." I insisted. He looked like he would get angry.
- "Take it Anastasia." he ordered.
- "No." I kept insisting.
- "Take it." he pushed both items further to me. I left them there on the table. I would not be bought, I thought. I need to keep my independence.
- "How is it cheaper to fly private?" I tried to change the subject. He didn't reply.
- "How?" I was bugging him. This made no sense at all.
- "I need to keep you safe." he replied shortly.
- "Okay, and how is flying commercial more expensive?" I insisted on the more.
- "Because, I'll need to send someone to fly with you. To keep you safe." he burst out. Regretting it instantly. I was speechless.
- "You're having me followed?" My voice became squeaky. I was again on high alert. "This is crazy!" what I wanted to say is : you. You are crazy.
But my submissive instinct, flaring danger, warned me not to say these words to him out loud. Even if there were people around, it would not guarantee me safety. But he was crazy. Wasn't he? Was this a socially acceptable thing to do?
- "You signed the contract. I have a contractual obligation to keep you safe." he replied simply. His voice was so calm, the threat was almost palpable.
- "Because you forced me to. It's not even valid when signed under coercion." I concluded, pettily.
I'm not that stupid, Christian, I thought. Two can play this game. His face lid up in delight.
- "You know your rights then, Miss Independent?" he mused, his eyes glowing in their peach blackness.
- "I know you can't force me. I'm flying the same way I came!" my voice was trembling and I could feel him smelling my insecurity, feeding on it. Why is he so scary sometimes? Frightening even?
- "It will just cost me more, but if that's what you want then so be it." he surrendered, pretending to be reasonable. As if he could fool me.
- "Thank you. For understanding." He gave up way too quickly. This was so un-Christian like.
- "Another thing Ana. I wanted to tell you earlier but there was never a right time." He took a sip of his black coffee.
- "I'm shutting down the club. I will call the girls tonight to let them know. Effective today." his tone was business like. As if it was just another of his business deals.
- "WHAT?" I hadn't even noticed that I was standing and shouting. I could see the other hotel guests and staff look at me. Everyone was starring now.
- "Can you sit down and stop making a scene right now?" he hissed, his voice was a thunder.
I slowly sagged back into the green velvet banquette. I could not speak for a minute, my whole body was shivering uncontrollably. He rested a hand onto my thigh, of what he must have thought was a reassuring gesture. Or a way to mark his territory?
- "You want to punish me. I knew it.. Why do you have to ruin everything?" My eyes welled up with tears.
- "I don't want to punish you Anastasia." his voice was calm and reassuring again. He took my face into his hands and forced me gently to look up into his. I quickly glanced at Christian beneath my lashes. Unable to hold his gaze for too long. I felt like a child sitting with an impatient grown up.
- "Look at me. This is not to hurt you. I am in love with you. I just don't want to do this anymore.. the club. I don't want to live the way I lived before. Where every waking moment is about making money. It was …meaningless. What I want is to just be with you. Nothing else. You fill my life in a way I have never felt before. I want to wake up every morning with you lying next to you." he took a deep breath, his chest lifting under his deep breaths. He gently caressed my cheek with his thumb, wiping away a tear.
- "We could travel the world, go to places you and I have never been.. And be just us, together, no one else. I want you selfishly for my own Anastasia. I'm tired of sharing you." his finger felt warm on my cheek. It felt like we were back in our bubble again. Just him and me, the outside world shut out. Impossible to burst in. A part of me really wanted this, but another one, the right one, felt like this was all wrong.