CHAPTER 9

When you're single, and your friends start to get married, every wedding invitation presents a strange moment of self-evaluation: will you be bringing a guest, or will you be attending alone? What it's really asking is where do you see yourself in three months? Sitting next to your girlfriend, or hitting on a bridesmaid. Finn always checked that he was bringing a guest. He was an optimist.

Four days before the wedding…

"Who the hell am I gonna bring to this wedding?" Finn asked.

"Finn, have you ignored all my teachings?!" Puck asked.

"For the most part, yeah." Finn replied.

"No, you don't bring a date to a wedding. That's like bringing a deer carcass on a hunting trip! Oh, Finn, oh, Finn, oh, Finn! No - no date!"

"Deer carcass? Really? That's the metaphor you're going with here?"

"Finn, it's a simile." Puck remarked. Finn sighed.

"Well, it's too late now. If I don't bring a date, a $200 piece of chicken/salmon goes uneaten. I got to bring someone, but who?"

Of course, Finn knew who he wanted to bring. Santana - the big unanswered question in his life. Problem was, she was dating this really rich guy named Derek.

The next day…

"Well, Derek and I just broke up." Santana said, walking into the bar and joining Finn, Puck, Sam and Quinn. Finn couldn't contain his faint smile.

"Oh, no, that's terrible!" Quinn exclaimed. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, do you need a drink or something?" Sam asked.

"Nah… we never really clicked. I felt bad though. He was pretty bummed." She said.

"Ah, don't beat yourself up. He'll be fine. I mean, the guy's like a billionaire. He can put his platinum card on a fishing line and reel in ten chicks hotter than you." Puck stated. Santana rolled her eyes.

"Thanks. I feel a lot better." She remarked, sarcastically. "I think I'll get that drink now."

Once she was gone, Finn turned to Sam, Quinn and Puck.

"Ok guys. I got to say something. I think my feelings for Santana may be resurfacing."

"Oh, please. They were merely buried in a shallow grave." Quinn laughed.

"Not again, man. Come on. Dude? We all know how this movie ends. Finn falls in love, love kicks Finn in the sprouts, roll credits." Sam commented.

"No, you guys just have to look at the whole picture. Fact: Santana was into me when we first met. Fact: even though she didn't want a relationship, she kissed me that night. Fact: on New Year's Eve, we kissed again. Sure it was like a platonic friends thing but I'm telling you… sparks. Fact: I need a date to this wedding. Wish me luck."

With that, he stood up and walked to the bar where Santana was buying a drink. Puck then turned to Quinn and Sam.

"What I don't get is why is Claudia marrying Stuart? She's way hotter than him. How way? Way way." He stated. Sam and Quinn both ignored him.

"This wedding does sound pretty amazing, though." Sam remarked. "Fancy hotel ballroom, everybody all dressed up…"

"Oh, here we go." Quinn rolled her eyes.

"What?" Puck asked.

"We can't get anywhere with our wedding plans because I want it to be fun and Sam wants it to be lame."

"You know what? Excuse me if I don't want to get married barefoot in the woods next to Lake No-One's-Gonna-Drive-That-Far. Yes, I want a ballroom, and a band, and shoes. I've been dreaming about this day since I was, like…"

"A little girl?" Puck laughed and him and Quinn high fived. Sam rolled his eyes.

"Okay. I'm just saying that it's my wedding, too, and I should have a say in it."

"Yes, but I'm the bride so I win." Quinn replied.

"Well, I thought marriage was about two equal partners sharing a life together."

"Right, but I'm the bride so I win." She repeated.

"I mean, seriously, Claudia and Stuart?" Puck exclaimed, completely ignoring them. "I mean, I've hooked up with the odd lass who was beneath my level of attractiveness, but, you know, I was drunk. There's no way Claudia has been drunk for three years!"

Up at the bar, Finn and Santana were talking at the bar.

"You know, I've always found that the best way to get over a failed relationship is to celebrate someone else's successful one."

"Oh, it makes sense." Santana remarked. Finn nodded.

"So, with that in mind, uh… our friends Claudia and Stuart are having this crazy black-tie wedding on Saturday. You want to be my plus one?" He asked.

"Oh… plus one. You make it sound so romantic." She giggled.

"Fine. You want to be my date?" Finn asked, nervously.

"You're date? I… I'd love to." She replied. Finn instantly smiled widely and relaxed. "So how fancy are we talking about here?"

"Oh, you're going to want to bring your A game."

"Oh, I'll bring it. I'll bring it so hard, the bride's going to look like a big white bag of crap."

Finn laughed. Santana then ran over to Quinn.

"Quinn! I need a dress!" She exclaimed. Quinn gasped.

"You're going? That's awesome!" Quinn clapped her hands. "Oh, my God! Four days to find a dress?"

"I know, it's a suicide mission."

"Well, if we leave now… we can still have a fighting chance. Let's do it!" Quinn exclaimed, leaping to her feet and following Santana out of the bar. Once they were gone, Finn sat back down at their booth.

"Woah! Did you see how fired up she was? I don't know, there's something there." Finn smirked. "And come Saturday, a little music, a little dancing, a lot champagne. Who knows?"

"Wow, Finn, you're going to have to find another gender for yourself because I'm revoking your 'dude' membership." Puck remarked. Finn raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, and how was that manicure yesterday?" He asked. Puck smirked, unabashed.

"Invigorating, thanks." He replied. Okay, Finn wasn't going to say it in front of the guys, but that's how really he thought it worked. You put yourself and a girl you like in some romantic setting… the stars line up… and shazam!

The next day, as Finn was exiting the dry cleaner with his fresh tux in his hands, he bumped into Claudia, the woman who was getting married the next day.

"Hey, Claudia!" He exclaimed. She was on the phone so she raised a hand to stop him from interrupting.

"Yes, I want Tahitian Vanilla!" She yelled into the phone. "YOU WROTE IT DOWN WRONG?! No, no, no,no, listen to me… if I go to my wedding and the cake is not Tahitian Vanilla, I will go down there and burn your little shop to the ground! Oh, do you want to find out if I'm kidding?! Yeah, goodbye!" She shouted and hung up the phone.

"Hey!" Finn exclaimed, slightly nervously after watching her outburst. "How's it going?"

"My wedding is in two days, that's how it's going." She replied.

"Oh, don't worry, it's going to be great. I'm so excited." He said.

"Well, you should be… lots of single girls." She told him. Finn laughed.

"Oh, well, yeah, but I'm bringing a date so I'll be off the market." He replied. Claudia's eyes widened.

"What?" She snapped.

"I'm bringing a date."

"You're not bringing a date." She growled.

"Uh… yes, I am."

"Uh, no, you're not."

"I checked plus one." Finn said.

"No, you didn't!"

"Claudia, I'm pretty sure I checked…"

"FINN, YOU DID NOT CHECK PLUS ONE!" She yelled. "You are not bringing a date to my wedding!"

"But, I already invited someone." Finn said.

"You are not bringing a guest, Finn! The guest list has been closed for months… months!"

"But I checked plus one! I always check plus one!"

"You absolutely did not check plus one! If you had checked plus one, I would have called you to get the name of your guest so i could have the place cards printed up. Did I call you? Is there a place card with her name printed on it?"

"She doesn't need a place card. She knows her name." Finn laughed, nervously. Claudia growled.

"What's she eating?! Huh? You ordered the chicken, what did she order?! Do you see how your story is full of holes?!"

"Come on, Claudia, we go way back. Isn't there room for just one more person?" Finn asked.

"Don't make me hurt you, Finn!" She growled.

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"I don't believe this!" Finn spat to Sam and Puck in the bar later that day. "Claudia's crazy!"

"But, to be fair, she's also hot." Puck remarked.

"But I'm sure I checked plus one!" Finn exclaimed.

"Yeah, right. I don't think you did. You know why? Because deep down, you didn't want to show up at this thing with a date." Puck smirked. "See, for all your big talk about being ready for a relationship, deep down, you're single. It's your default setting! Finn, you know what's in the back of your brain?"

"Oh, great, here comes the little Puck speech." Finn groaned. Sure enough…

"Behind a curtain, in a dark little room secretly controlling your every room? A little Puck. And you know what he said? Finn, you will bring no dates to this wedding. You… will hit on drunk bridesmaids with actual size Puck!"

"Wow. Please stop." Finn muttered. "I got to call Claudia. If I just explain to her…"

"Finn, no! Let it go!" Sam exclaimed. "She's about to get married, she's got enough to worry about."

"Then what am I going to do?" Finn asked.

"The only thing you can do: tell Santana she can't come."

Finn sighed and nodded. He walked over to Santana's apartment and knocked on the door. However, rather than Santana, it was Quinn who answered the door.

"Hey!" Quinn exclaimed. "Two things: first of all… I have been laying groundwork all afternoon. Totally subtle, totally cool, not pushing, not even nudging, just: the theme of today is, Finn rocks! And she's picking up what I'm laying down."

"Quinn, there's a problem…"

"Wait, no! Thing number 2: the dress. We got a dress!" She exclaimed and swung open the door to the apartment to reveal Santana in a stunning red dress that was just the right combo between sexy and classy.

"Well, did I bring it, or… did I bring it? I think I brought it." Santana smirked.

"Wow." Finn stammered, temporarily speechless.

"That's what I was going for." She exclaimed. "I am so excited about tomorrow. We're going to have so much fun."

"Yeah, about that…" Finn started but he couldn't do it. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't crush Santana like that. "I'll pick you up at 5."

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Shortly after, Quinn and Finn got into a cab and began to drive back home.

"So? The dress?" Quinn smiled.

"I don't have a plus one for the wedding." Finn admitted. Quinn's heart dropped.

"What?"

"I ran into Claudia, and she told me I didn't check plus one on the reply card. But I did check plus one!"

"But Santana is so excited!" She exclaimed.

"I know."

"And that dress!"

"I know."

"Oh, well, well, we'll sneak her in."

"We can't sneak her in. We're not ninjas." Finn rolled his eyes. Quinn sighed.

"Oh, I wish we were ninjas." She muttered. "You could always ask Stuart?"

"Can I do that?" Finn asked.

"Well, sure. You guys have been friends for a long time. And it's 40% his wedding, too."

"I don't know… it's going to be a tough sell…"

30 minutes later…

"Dude, no problem whatsoever." Stuart said. Finn's eyes widened.

"Really?"

"Sure, the more, the merrier!" He exclaimed.

"Wow, thanks for being so cool about this. Because, you know, Claudia said…"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. This morning, at the rehearsal, Claudia called our seven year old flower girl a whore. So, don't take it personally. She's just a little stressed."

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"Honey, this magazine says more and more couples are opting to have non-traditional weddings." Quinn remarked to Sam later that day in their apartment.

"Well, if a magazine says so, we should go get married in the woods like a couple of squirrels." Sam responded, rolling his eyes.

"Squirrels don't get married, Sam."

"Like you could possibly know that."

Just then, Finn walked into the apartment.

"I did it!" He exclaimed. "I did it! I'm taking her to the wedding!"

"What? How?" Sam asked.

"I talked to Stuart." Finn replied. Sam groaned and put his head in his hands.

"Oh, you idiot! You went around the bride. Oh, this hornets' nest looks harmless! Maybe I'll poke it with a stick! Oh, look, some gremlins! Let me go feed them after midnight! Did you know about this?" Sam asked Quinn. Quinn blushed and looked down.

"It may have been my idea." She mumbled. Sam sighed. "What?!" She exclaimed. "Stuart doesn't get a say?"

"Ah! So you admit it! The groom should have an equal say."

"Well, yeah, sure, on the stupid stuff like who comes."

"So I can invite whoever I want?" Sam asked.

"Sure, there's plenty of room in the woods." Quinn smirked. Suddenly, Finn's phone rang.

"It's Claudia." He said. Sam patted Finn on the shoulder.

"So it begins." He stated.

"Come on, it can't be that bad." Finn remarked before tossing Quinn his phone. "Here, Quinn, you answer it!"

"What? Why?"

"Because this whole thing was your idea! And… Claudia scares me!"

Quinn groaned and picked up the phone. She then proceeded to hear a minute of screaming before she hung up the phone. Her hand fell limply by side.

"What? What is it? Can Santana come?" Finn asked. Quinn shook her head.

"Guys, they broke up. The wedding's off…"