Chapter 8

Two weeks had passed since Beckett showed up at the loft to apologise. Two weeks since Castle had slept by her side for the first time. They had decided to keep things quiet for the sake of their careers and their privacy in general. This was new to them. They had never felt this way about ex-lovers and had never tried to hide a relationship before. It was difficult, but it was necessary.

Alexis was sitting at the kitchen table doing her homework though she had come to a halt, tapping her pen against her temple. Castle noticed the loss of focus in her face and decided to see if he could help.

"Whatcha working on?" he asked, resting his arms on the back of her chair.

"Chemistry homework," she mumbled, writing down some equation that looked like complete gibberish.

"Anything I can help you with?"

"Unless you're a chemist, probably not," she joked. "I'll just finish this later."

She closed her books and capped her pen before stretching the stiffness from her bones. Castle hadn't told her about his relationship with Beckett, but he assumed she had figured it out. She's a bright kid that could rarely be fooled. But he realised that he should say something before she finds out for certain.

"Hey, can we talk for a second?" he asked, sitting himself beside her.

"Sure, what's up?"

"It's about Beckett," he said cautiously. "You like her, don't you?"

"Yeah?" she said in a confused manner. "She's a strong independent woman who I look up to. I just wish she wouldn't constantly put you in danger."

"If you're talking about the bank, she had nothing to do with that," he convinced. "That was a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"If she had got you out when she said she would you wouldn't have lost your memory," Alexis said with a hint of anger in her voice. "But it's not just about the bank. She's regularly dragging you into the line of fire."

"She's not dragging me, Alexis. I'm voluntarily following her."

"That makes it better," she scoffed. "Why are we talking about her anyways?"

He could see she was emotional and didn't want to push her too hard, but he knew he couldn't go much longer without telling her about them.

"I don't just follow her around for research anymore," he admitted. "We're dating."

"Yeah, I kind of guessed that…," she sighed.

"I love her, Alexis, but I want you to be okay with that."

She sat silently for a moment before exhaling, a smile beginning to form on her face. She reached for his hand on the table and grasped it.

"I'm okay with it."

"You are?" he asked, lightly squeezing her hand.

"Yeah…if you're happy, I'm happy."

"I'm really happy," he confessed, smiling like an idiot. "She makes me happy."

"Okay then." She smiled and grabbed her chemistry books. "I should go to bed. It's late and I've got a lot of studying to do tomorrow."

"Goodnight, pumpkin," he said, kissing her head before she left.

Alone with his thoughts at the dining table, Castle wasn't fully convinced that Alexis was as okay with the situation as she claimed to be. For now, this was enough. He had to remind himself that the relationship wasn't just new to himself and Kate, but also to his family. They'd seen him date supermodels and groupies, but aside from his wives, he had never been this serious with someone before.

Castle prepared himself for bed by brushing his teeth and changing into his pyjamas. Once settled under the satin sheets of his queen-sized bed, he dozed off in a matter of minutes. He fell into a deep sleep and began to dream about Kate. He usually got menial memories back of their time together the past few years, like interrogations or conversations they had. But tonight, was different.

BANG!

The shrieks of the funeral attendees deafened him as he dived in front of her. But he hadn't been hit like he predicted. Kate. She was laying on the ground, blood covering her uniform and white gloves. Her eyes began to water. She was trying to say something, but the pain was unbearable and all she could do was lay still. Castle was grasping her arms, begging her to stay with him. She can't die. She can't!

"Kate… I love you. I love you, Kate."

That's when her eyelids began to droop, and her head fell to one side. He watched the life drain from the woman he loved and there was nothing he could do.

Castle jumped awake in a sweat, alone in his bed. His face was wet with tears and he was struggling to breathe. Leaping out of his bed, he quickly put some clothes on in the dark. He rushed out of the loft to his car and drove straight to Beckett's apartment, completely ignoring the speed limits. Luckily, it was late and there weren't many cars on the streets. He ran to her apartment door and pounded on it, softly saying her name in between sobs.

Kate was curled up in bed when awakened by banging on her front door. She sleepily dragged herself out of bed to the door while wondering who would be calling after two in the morning. She had a quick glance through the peephole before drowsily opening the door.

"Castle?" she asked with sleep in her voice. "What are you doing here?"

He was slouched against the door frame sobbing quietly. It took Kate a moment longer to realise he was crying.

"Oh my god, what's wrong?"

She grabbed him by his upper arms and pulled him into the apartment. He was more than just upset, he was distressed. Kate had never seen him like this before and wasn't quite sure what to do. She sat him on the couch and squeezed his hands.

"Hey, I'm here," she reassured. "What's going on?"

"Kate," he finally said shakily.

He pulled her close to his chest and didn't let go. Tears ran off his face and into her hair, but she didn't mind. She stayed silent hugging him back while he calmed down. After a short time, his breathing began to regulate, and his eyes dried up.

"I'm here, okay?" she said stroking his cheek, feeling the dampness against her thumb. "Tell me what happened."

"You're okay," he said with a sigh of relief. He ran a finger along her jawline, then said, "It felt so real…."

"What did? What felt real?"

"They shot you." He swallowed hard. "You died in my arms. I was too late."

"You remembered…."

His eyes welled up again, but Kate held his face close to hers and wipe the droplets away.

"But I didn't die," she said. "I'm still here."

"You were shot…you were shot because I wasn't fast enough."

Panic set back in and his breathing became heavier. A ringing echoed in his ears making him oblivious to everything Kate was saying to soothe him. She noticed he had gone into his own world and quickly snapped him out of it.

"Hey! Look at me," she said snapping a finger. "I need you to take a deep breath, okay? I'm not going anywhere."

She squeezed his hands and traced circles on them. It was a default mannerism of theirs. Whenever one was upset, the other would relieve them of their worries by softly caressing their hand.

"I… I can't lose you," he mumbled.

"You're not going to. I promise." He nuzzled his head into her neck. "You're not going anywhere tonight. Not in this state. Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

She gently pulled him into a standing position and brought him towards her bedroom. He couldn't help but feel guilty for waking Kate from her slumber, but the panic overwhelmed him, and he needed to make sure she was okay.

"You're sweating," she said stopping outside the bathroom. "Do you want to shower? It might make you feel better."

"Yeah. You probably don't want sweaty me in your bed," he joked trying to lighten the mood.

"Preferably not," she smiled, handing him a towel. "I'll be right out here."

Castle showered while Kate sat on the bed mentally digesting the past ten minutes. The look of his face when she opened the door had sent chills down her spine. He looked as if something tragic had happened to a loved one. Then it sunk in. To him, something tragic had happened to a loved one: Kate. What's worse is he had to relive it.

Castle exited the bathroom in his boxers to see Kate sitting silently on the bed. She looked thoughtful, but she caught sight of him and snapped out of it.

"You okay?" she asked getting up and wrapping her arms around his bare waist.

"I am now," he smiled down at her.

She hugged him tight, burying her face in his chest and exhaling. He rested his chin on top of her head and sighed. Silence fell over the room and both finally had relaxed.

"You scared me," she said looking up into his blue eyes. "Seeing you that distraught."

"I'm sorry," he said, swiping a strand of hair from her face. He placed a kiss on her forehead and hugged her tight again. "Let's get some sleep."

They curled up into bed together, refusing to break any physical contact for the duration of the night. Kate's head rested on Castle's broad chest, rhythmically moving up and down with each breath he took. He burrowed his face into her hair, breathing her in and slowly falling asleep. They didn't need guns or bullet proof vests to feel safe.

Only each other.