Chapter Eight: Trouble Down Under
Chris: [narrating] Last time on Total Drama Revenge of the Underdogs, we saw that Bloom and Diaspro have officially buried the hatchet and are working their way to becoming friends. Not exactly interesting, I know, but I felt like recapping it nonetheless, ya' dig? The following day, the teams were announced to be no more, meaning that from now on, it's every camper for themselves...well, that would be the case if more than half the cast weren't grouped up in pairs with one another. Their challenge; a free-for-all race to the floating machines for a regatta to boat around Wawanakwa. Meanwhile, much to everyone's surprise, Chef got himself a break from providing the contestants with obstacles when his balloon got shot out of the sky, followed by an unknown presence supplying our competitors with cannon fire. Still don't know who's behind all this, and to be honest...it's making me kinda nervous. In the end, Prince John and Incineroar were victorious and Fiona got herself a one-way ticket to the Boat of Losers. But if you thought that was surprising, you haven't seen anything yet, oh no no no. Apparently, some jerk thought it'd be a funny prank to DESTROY MY PROPERTY! Seriously, when I catch the pyro who blew up my beautiful cottage, their ass is gonna be behind bars! [on-screen, clears his throat as he tries to compose himself] Anyways, seven players move on. Soon, one more will be gone. Who will it be? Stick around and see. Here, on Total...Drama...Revenge of the Underdogs!
[cue theme song, the episode continues]
[scene shows the night sky as it pans down to focus on Chris and Chef who are carrying a large table from both ends, the contents on the table beginning covered by a large white tarp]
Chris: [sighs sadly] It's just not fair, you know. I mean, how could someone pull such an attack on me? Me? Of all people? Whatever could I have done to deserve this?
Chef: [looks away absentmindedly] Yeah, I wonda'...
Chris: Worse still, I can't find any footage to pin who blew up my cottage, the cameras were trashed in the explosion. [sighs] Maybe another day of watching the contestants suffer'll put me out of this mood. It usually does, especially considering what we've got in store under this.
Chef: Mmmm, I getcha'.
[unbeknownst to the two men, a pair of glowing eyes is seen watching them from inside the bushes]
[scene cuts to the inside of the spa hotel where Prince John is being tended to by the masseuse while Incineroar watches from a chair]
Prince John: [sighs in bliss] Now this is living. Truly fit for a king, you could say.
Incineroar: Hmmm, especially since I'm lookin' at one.
Prince John: [waves a paw] Oooh, you flatter me so. Hohoho, really, please continue.
Incineroar: Ya' know, I gotta hand it to you, the way you knocked your big bro off his feet a couple days ago, man, was that an adrenaline rush! Never knew you had it in ya'.
Prince John: Well, you could say that I've been biding my time carefully and so far, it's paid off. Especially since I have my trusty guard in the form of you.
Incineroar: Heh, tell me, which side do you like more? [turns to his left side to flex his arm] This? [turns to his right side to flex his other arm] Or this?
Prince John: Oooooh, it's so difficult to choose from, they're both so...immaculate~
Incineroar: Mmmmmm, someone's got an eye for detail~
Prince John: Especially detail likes yours, my dear~
[static buzzing]
Prince John: I'm really getting into this game. Everything has been going according to plan and finally, I've gotten some respect around here. You could say I managed to score a real prize in Incineroar, with his loyalty, I can assure myself a comfortable ride to the finish on his strong arms…[blinks in surprise]...wait, I mean, I just...you know what I mean.
[static buzzing]
Incineroar: I know this is gonna sound incredibly girly, but I've been meaning to do something special for PJ, ya' know, go the extra mile to show that I really care about him. The question is...how am I gonna do it?
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to the exterior of the cabins where Top Cat and Hokey are seen sitting on the steps absentmindedly]
Top Cat: Hmm, looks like I've made the final seven once again.
Hokey: Yeah...hehe, watch me make the final six once again.
Top Cat: I'll hold you ta' that, my friend.
Hokey: And I'll hold you making it farther than you did last time.
Top Cat: Oooh, you're on.
Izzy: [off-screen] RAAAAAAAAAHHH!
Top Cat and Hokey: [blink in shock] Izzy?!
[Bloom and Diaspro exit out of the females' side of the cabin in a rush]
Diaspro: What's going on?!
Bloom: What's all the commotion?!
Izzy: [runs out from the forest, out of breath] I...guys...you...hooooookay, need to...catch my breath...whoooo…
Top Cat: Um...care ta' explain just what you're doin' screaming like a banshee?
Hokey: You say it like it's not a normal thing for her.
Bloom: Izzy, are you alright, what happened?
Izzy: Hooooooooo...okay, okay, I'm better now, but I've got some grave news!
Diaspro: Whatever do you mean by that?
Izzy: Ooooooooh, trust me, this is news that none of you are prepared to hear, it's awful, it's dreadful, it's...it's…
Bloom, Diaspro, Hokey, and Top Cat: [with expressions of growing anxiety] Yes...?
Izzy: It's…[whispering]...the mole men…
[upon hearing this, TC and Hokey look at each other with a raised brow, Bloom looking rather confused and Diaspro looking quite unamused]
Diaspro: So, let me get this straight, you came running out of the woods, screaming at the top of your lungs to warn us about some "mole men"...seriously…?
Izzy: [nods] Yuh-huh.
Top Cat: Oooooookay, if this is meant to be a prank of yours-
Izzy: Oh, this is no prank, I can hear them.
Hokey: You can hear them?
Izzy: Bingo, wuffo! Shh, shh, shh! [plants her ear to the ground and listens intently] They're at work…
Diaspro: Well, this was a complete waste of time, I'm going back inside. [turns to head back into her side of the cabin]
Top Cat: I'm with princess, I've had just about enough excitement for one day.
Hokey: Ditto.
[the feline and the lupine head up the steps and walk into their side of the cabin, leaving Bloom alone on the porch as she looks at Izzy curiously]
Izzy: [looks up to the fairy] Ah, I see one of us believes me, and rightfully so.
Bloom: Well, to be honest, I wouldn't really use the term "believe", more along the lines of being...curious.
Izzy: Meh, "curious", "believe", it's all the same to me.
Bloom: Still, I'm wondering if you're just yanking our chains or if there's something actually dangerous we should be wary of.
Izzy: Oooooohohoho, trust me, my dear Bloom, this is no laughing matter, the mole men are indeed very real, I can sense them, underneath the ground, plotting, scheming to take over the world above, I can just hear their sadistic, ear piercing laughter from below…
Bloom: [stares at the fellow redhead quite befuddled before blinking] Um...okay…
[static buzzing]
Bloom: I know it's hard to take anything Izzy says seriously, and a small part of me is thinking this is just her having us on...but another part of me can't help but feel...worried.
[static buzzing]
Izzy: [with an army helmet on her head] Watch them buckeroos try and take down Izzy, little do they know, she's got the moxy to take on any creatures from below, so watch out, boys, I'mmma ready for you! HAHAHA!
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to morning as the sun is seen rising over the horizon. It then cuts to Incineroar walking outside of the spa hotel onto the steps when he suddenly trips and falls onto the ground]
Incineroar: OOF! Agh, what the hell…
Prince John: [off-screen] I say, [on-screen] what on earth was that?
Incineroar: Oh, just tripped on the stairs. Nothing seems too bent out of shape though.
Prince John: [begins to walk down the steps when he too is tripped up] WHA-OOF! [lands on top of Incineroar's chest, the two's faces meeting up in a surprise kiss]
[static buzzing]
Prince John: That was completely an accident...mmmm, and what a pleasant accident it was…
[static buzzing]
Incineroar: Mmmmmmmm, talk about a slip-up with benefits. Not exactly the surprise I had in mind, but hey, I'm not complainin'.
[static buzzing]
Top Cat: [as he and Hokey watch from the cabin porch] Well, well, well, it appears that love is in the air.
Prince John: Oh, be quiet, peasant, this was merely accidental.
Top Cat: [rolls his eyes] Wow, how original…
Izzy: [bursts out of the females' side of the cabins] ATTEEEEEEEEEENTION! Ah, good, you're all here, we're gonna need all the manpower we can muster!
Hokey: [looks over at the former Vipers as they stare in confusion] Yeeeeeah, this is a little...thing of hers…
Diaspro: [as she walks out of the cabins with Bloom] Izzy, why on earth are you wearing an army helmet?
Izzy: Don't you know, gotta keep my head safe from those mole men teeth, strong chompers they got! [knocks on her helmet]
[static buzzing]
Diaspro: Just when I think this girl couldn't get anymore nonsensical, lo and behold, she proves me wrong.
[static buzzing]
Loudspeaker: Challenge time! All of you, proceed to the McLean Spa Library! Pronto!
Izzy: C'mon, guys, maybe they'll have some more information about the mole men! [jumps into the air and performs a spin before jetting into the spa hotel]
Prince John: [muttering] And I thought Robin Hood was off his rocker for wearing no pants.
Hokey: [as he and Top Cat pass the lion] Ain't that ironic coming from someone who wears a bath robe everywhere he goes?
Prince John: BWAH?! How dare you! This isn't a bath robe, it is a rrrrroyal robe!
Top Cat: Sure, whateva' you say, princess.
Prince John: I…[seethes as he tries to compose himself]...calm, calm...deal with him later…
Incineroar: [puts a hand on the prince's shoulder] Hey, they keep this up, they'll have to deal with the fire. No one gonna mess with my prince.
Prince John: [blushes] Why...thank you…[muttering as he puts a paw to his face]...oh, there I go again…
[scene cuts to the interior of the spa hotel's library where all the contestants and Chef are gathered]
Diaspro: Care to explain the absence of our "beloved" host?
Chef: Just hush up! You'll see in a minute! [sips from his mug]
[the monitor shows static before it cuts to Chris wearing a party hat with the table behind him covered with all sorts of decorations]
Chris: [blows on a party horn] Surprise! What you see behind me is preparations for our 100th episode, and to celebrate, I'll be preparing an extra special 100th episode challenge. [chuckles, but is unaware of a glowing pair of eyes watching him from behind a bush] I hope no one is allergic to... rhinoceroses or fire, or poison, smallpox, gluten…
Top Cat: Um, does anyone else see somethin'...off on the screen?
Chris: [unaware of the ground being dug behind him] Pure real formaldehydes, terik, tree nuts…
Bloom, Diaspro, Hokey, Izzy, and Top Cat: [all give various shouts of alarm]
Chris: Please, don't interrupt. I'm-[suddenly gets dragged below the ground]-whoa!
[Chris' screams are cut off as the monitor goes to static, causing Chef to drop his mug in shock and spit out his coffee]
Chef: Gah! Holy s**t! All a' you, new challenge; find Chris and bring 'im back!
Diaspro: But he went underground! How are we supposed to find him?
Chef: It don't matter how dirty yo' nails are gona get, girly, need I remind ya'll that with no Chris means no show, which means no winner, and no million dollars!
Incineroar: What?!
Prince John: Outrageous!
Hokey: Hold on, we accept this challenge. But only if the one who finds Chris gets immunity for the next vote.
Diaspro: And they get to choose who they'd like to take with them in the spa hotel.
Chef: Fine! Deal! Just find Chris!
Izzy: [clears her throat and stands in a pompous position] It appears that I was right about the mole men. However, Izzy forgives those who doubted her because she has a plan!
Bloom: [to Diaspro] Not sure if mole men is even accurate, but whatever's down there's gotta be huge.
Izzy: I spied with my little eye Chris being taken underground and given my knowledge of going underground before, trust me, best hiding place from the RCMP ever, I detect that the best place to look is in...the mines!
Chef: To the mine!
[scene cuts to the contestants and Chef standing outside of the mines now sealed up from the events of Total Drama X-Treme. Each of them are holding flashlights]
Izzy: Hehe, looks the same just how we left it. [sighs] Good times.
Chef: Normally, I'd let ya'll carry on with nearly killin' ya'selves, but in this case, ma' job's on the line, so consida' this a temporary truce between us, especially you. [points directly at Izzy]
Izzy: Oooooh, me and you working together, intrigue…[points directly at Chef]...but be warned not to doublecross Izzy or else we're gonna have a bad time, hehehe…
Chef: Will keep that noted…
[static buzzing]
Izzy: What a twist, my longtime rival since the days of 07, today we bury the hatchet in this truce...well, up until we save Chris from certain doom and then it's business as usual. Also, better watch out, mole men, I'm comin' Explosivo style, boom-boom!
[static buzzing]
Top Cat: Soooooo...ready to head in?
Hokey: Well, if I can survive a cave and rescue a French sweetheart at the same time, I'd say the odds stack up pretty good.
Top Cat: Heh, well c'mon then, Romeo, let's save his dictatorship.
[the two anthros walk into a hole in the wall of the mine]
[static buzzing]
Hokey: It's no big deal, I've done this kind of rescue operation before, the downside is that I have to rescue a sadist instead of a sweetheart…[sighs]...great.
[static buzzing]
Top Cat: Ya' know, I always wondered why I was the one who got the boot last time we had to rescue Chris from the mine, and then it struck me that it must have been under the circumstances of both the ever decreasing members of my old team and maybe even some bias in the votes. But I ain't about to let that happen twice.
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to Prince John and Incineroar outside the entrance to the mine where a stream is seen flowing opposite to the entrance]
Incineroar: [shudders] Never really been a fan of water, especially cold water.
Prince John: Well, I can't step in, my feet will get wet and my robe will be soaked.
Incineroar: Mmmm…[snaps his fingers] Hold on, I got it!
Prince John: Got whaaaaAAAAT?! [gets lifted up by the larger Pokemon] I say, what are you doing?!
Incineroar: Well, you said you didn't wanna get wet, and if I stay on the rocks, it's win-win for the both of us. Besides, you kinda like it, don'tcha?~
Prince John: I…[blushes]...I appreciate the gesture…
[static buzzing]
Prince John: Those arms…[sighs blissfully]
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to Bloom and Diaspro inspecting some holes that have been dug into]
Bloom: Which one do you think leads to the mine?
Diaspro: I'm not sure this is the most...conventional way of getting inside.
Bloom: Yeah, you're not wrong there, but I suppose since everyone else entered in a different, I figured-[the ground beneath her crumbles, sending her screaming down the hole]
Diaspro: BLOOM! [rushes toward the spot where the fellow fairy fell down before she finds herself too close to the edge as the ground crumbles beneath her as well, sending her screaming down the hole]
[scene cuts to black, the episode ends]
[scene shows Chris waking up with a groan]
Chris: Aaaaah...what the, where-[finds himself hanging upside down over a vat of toxic waste]-oh, come on! This wasn't even funny the last time this happened!
?: Maybe not to you, but we happen to find it rather amusing.
Chris: Huh?
[from the shadows as an organ plays in the background emerges Holly Blue Agate and Emerald]
Chris: You two? What's the reasoning for this and how did you manage all this?
?: They had a little help from me.
[scene cuts to a weasel in blue playing the organ as it hits a sharp note to reveal...Weasel McGreed]
Chris: Oooookay, didn't see that one coming.
Weasel: I was promised a handsome reward by these two for your capture. In return, I've had my minions deployed on all parts of this island, consider a gift from me to you. [chuckles deviously] Though it appears you don't like it when your gifts blow up in your face, so to speak.
Chris: Wait, you blew up my cottage?! When I get out of this, you are SO-
Emerald: Oh, shut up! You're in no position to do anything under your own free will, not when you're under our control.
Chris: And what exactly do I owe either of you two?
Holly: Oh, it's nothing really, just a simple exchange of the million dollars so that you may continue to live as you please.
Chris: Ah yes, the million dollars which you will not be given as neither of you are competing this season.
Holly: [clenches the host's cheeks hard] You know very well that I deserved to win al those seasons ago, I was unfairly cheated out of your backwards program, I demand you hand over what is rightfully mine!
Emerald: And the same goes for me! How dare you eliminate me twice, I was the only one worthy any kind of reward out of those pathetic ingrates, you would not dare to deny me of what I deserve!
Chris: Yeah, the only thing you two are getting is zilch because guess what? You're both sore losers!
Holly: Is that so? Well, let's see if this will change your tune. [looks over at Weasel]
Weasel: [snickers evilly as he plays the organ till he slams the keys hard, causing the rope holding Chris from the rope to start to loosen as the roof begins to crumble from the vibrations]
Chris: Um...yeah...this...this is not good...so, I ask...HELP!
[scene cuts to Izzy and Chef walking through the mine as the sounds of squeaking and an organ being played faintly are heard echoing through the darkness, the hulking man holding a bazooka in his hands]
Izzy: CRRR! This is Private E-Scope to DJ VJ, do you read, over? CRRR!
Chef: Girl, get yo' head together, this ain't no game.
Izzy: Awww, chillax, Cheffy, besides, this is a game, if you catch my meaning. SHH! Izzy smells something!
Chef: What'd that be?
Izzy: I smell...a smelly smell, a smell that sm-MOLE!
[from the roof drops down a legion of weasels]
Izzy: Huh, so it was weasel men this whole time...eh, close enough. [unleashes a battle cry as she leaps into the air and dives into the fray]
Chef: [as a group of weasels begin to circle him] Stay back, suckas! I'm locked and loaded!
[scene cuts to Top Cat and Hokey walking through the mine when they hear an explosion coming from half a mile further on]
Top Cat: What the hell was that?!
Hokey: Was someone blowing off dynamite in-
[Hokey never gets to finish his sentence as he and Top Cat fall down a ledge, their screams echoing through the mine]
[scene cuts to Prince John and Incineroar walking through another section of the mine when they hear faint screaming coming from above]
Incineroar: What the-
[Top Cat and Hokey slide down into the lion and fire cat, Hokey with his legs perched on Incineroar's and Top Cat laying down face first on Prince John's chest]
Prince John: I say!
Top Cat: Hey, it wasn't my idea, sunshine!
Hokey: [groans] My head…
[just then, several pairs of hands grab at the four males, causing them to scream as they're all pounced by hordes of weasels]
[scene cuts to Izzy, Chef, Top Cat, Hokey, Prince John, and Incineroar now locked in a metal cage]
Weasel: [mockingly] Awww, look at our poor, poor contestants. Thinking they could take on my entire entourage. [laughs evilly as he plays "Davy Jones" on the organ]
Hokey: Ya' know, I figured you were crazy, but I can see you're bats**t crazy!
Holly: Hmph, I would call it more taking matters into my own hands.
Emerald: Seeing as we've got the majority of your little clink captured, why not admit defeat and show us to the prize?
Chris: How about no?
[Weasel begins to play the organ louder as the room shakes and the roof cracks even further, causing the rope to sag even further]
Chris: I reiterate...HEEEEEEEEEEEELP!
[scene cuts to Bloom and Diaspro walking through another section of the mine when they hear the music echoing through the darkness, accompanied by Chris' screaming]
Bloom: It's gotta be close!
Diaspro: Well, let's go!
[the two fairies run into the shaking room as they witness the current situation at hand]
Holly: Wait, there's still more!
Emerald: The fairies!
Top Cat: Girls, get us out of here!
Weasel: Pip weasels, stop them!
Bloom: Think it's time to show off the new alliance?
Diaspro: [nods] Let's!
[the two girls transform into their fairy forms and begin the attack on the weasels, Bloom shooting fire up at the ceiling to bury a group of weasels about to charge, while Diaspro flashes gems at another ground, scraping several weasels in a line]
Weasel: Try and one-up my army, will you?! Let's see how you like it! [grabs Chef's bazooka and fires up at the ceiling to where Bloom is, causing rocks to fall on top of her and bury the redhead]
Diaspro: [as she knocks out another group of weasels, she gasps] BLOOM! [notices Holly and Emerald trying to escape] Oh no, you don't! [flashs a magic ring around the two gems to capture them]
Holly: AGH!
Emerald: NO!
Diaspro: Bloom! [rushes over to the buried redhead as she tries to pull her free]
Bloom: [weakly] Diaspro...I can't move…
Chris: Not to interrupt this touching moment, but...SOMEONE GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!
Hokey: Hang on, where's that McGreed gone?!
Izzy: He's flown the coop, but for how long…?
[scene cuts to black, at the Campfire Ceremony]
Chris: Diaspro wins our never-to-be-repeated or spoken-of-again challenge. She saved all of us, but more importantly, she saved me. So, I'll honor the deal Chef made. The spa hotel is yours, Diaspro, as well as the lucky person who you get to choose to accompany you.
Diaspro: In that case, I choose-
Chris: Now then, [Diaspro: Hey!] usually, I like to hand out marshmallows as a sign of immunity, but tonight, I have a better usage for them. [turns to Holly and Emerald who are tied up and scowling darkly at the host] You! You are so eliminated! [chucks the marshmallows at the two gems] You're more eliminated than anyone's ever been eliminated!
Holly: Ugh, that doesn't even make sense! How can you eliminate someone who isn't even competing?
Chris: Meh, I just felt like saying it, but it'll also constitute as a mark against either of you participating on this show ever again, especially considering you held me hostage in an underground mine.
Emerald: [scoffs] You deserved it and you know it! Prancing around and neglecting us for our well-earned prize, you just got lucky this time around!
Chris: On the contrary, consider yourselves lucky as you aren't getting kicked off this island alone. [looks over at Bloom, now in a wheelchair with casts n her arms and legs] No vote is required tonight as Bloom is too injured to continue. So, as rules and my cruel streak dictate, her time is up.
Bloom: [sighs sadly] I suppose you have a point…
Diaspro: Bloom...I...I'm so sorry this happened to you…
Bloom: Hey...it's okay...I might be out of the competition, but at least you're still here…
Diaspro: Yeah...don't worry, I'm gonna win it for both of us…[puts her hands on Bloom's]
Bloom: I've no doubt about it…
Chris: [pulls up alongside the two fairies] Which reminds me, Bloom, you've got an appointment at the Dock of Shame, so it's time to say adios! Diaspro: Your choice to join you in the hotel?
Diaspro: Well, I suppose I'll choose...Izzy.
Izzy: Whoo! Slumber party!
[scene cuts to the Dock of Shame where the remaining contestants are standing at attention as Bloom is wheeled onto the boat next to the tied up gems]
Emerald: Mark my words, this isn't the last you've heard from us! We'll be back!
Chris: Um, yeah...probably not, especially given what I said before.
Holly: You infernal ingrate, you know this isn't over! One of these days, I will receive the prize I deserve!
Bloom: [sighs] This is going to be a long trip…
[the boat departs from the dock and sets off into the distance]
Chris: Yeah. Not how I wanted to celebrate the near 100th episode of Total Drama. But, at least no one got hurt. Well, Bloom did. But not me! And that's what's important. Plus, now that Holly and Emerald are off the island, maybe things can return back to normal, or as normal as they'll be on the next exciting escapade! Right here, on Total...Drama...Revenge of the Underdogs!
[scene cuts to the forest where a pair of glowing eyes is seen from the bushes before the scene cuts to black as the episode ends]