Chapter 8- This Is The Part Of Me
I think by the chapter title we know where this is going. So this idea came to me a few weeks ago and just with how things go, you start one project and focus on that. But this story couldn't wait any longer. So here's my fun, crazy, wild one shot surrounding Upstead whump. Let's go!
"I don't want to get up," Jay moaned as the alarm on his phone honked for dear life. Jay reached under the covers and fiddled around for his phone till he secured it, selecting the red button for things to turn off before diving back into the bed. It was cold out, so cold that overnight the heat somehow turned off, leaving he and Hailey to be two popsicles in one bed. As cold as Jay was, the body heat that had amounted under the covers kept him from getting out of bed. He was so warm in there, so calm and peaceful and close that dragging himself away was going to be very tough. Jay's next move was to roll over and spoon with Hailey, who also moaned and jerked away as his less then warm body met hers.
"Jay, stop. You're so cold."
"Then give me a couple seconds to warm up." Hailey yawned, rolling back onto her side as she allowed Jay to do whatever. Jay showed his gratefulness by stroking her neck gently with his fingers, occasionally getting close enough to whisper before kissing a different part each time. This was something she could get used to forever, way better then waking up alone and to an alarm each morning. They were so early in their relationship that for the moment it was just the two of them that knew. They were keeping things super close and to themselves, this being the first time she'd stayed over at his place. It was a full act showing up to work around the same time but not so close that people caught on, but they were willing to do it for moments like this. They were two anchors, rocks, persons that each needed in their life. They started taking things up a notch after the holidays, just letting things play out however they were intended to. So far so good, things getting harder to restrain and even more exciting. They were linked for the next several minutes, Jay doing this act of stimulating while Hailey giggled and bit her lower lip as she wholly and lovingly accepted his actions. Only when Hailey's alarm went off did they stop, that being almost worse then the initial alarm. They were having so much fun and were so perfect and warm, tearing away not knowing when this would happen again made things that much worse.
"We've got to get up."
"I know, I know," Jay sighed. They were back on their respective sides of the bed, both trying to ready themselves for the stark reality of chilly. Try as hard as they did, it didn't work.
"I can't, I can't do it," Jay whined.
"Come on, we have to. Think of it as a fun race. First one to the shower gets all the hot water."
"Or we could just share?!"
"Even better. Let's go. 3…2…1…go!" And gone they were, tearing the covers off and full on sprinting to the bathroom, so much giggling ensuing. Jay won the race, quickly turning the water on as Hailey lovingly smacked him for beating her. From there it was a quick disrobing while water got to the perfect temperature and both of them got in. Shower time also included sexy, wet, kissing time so they took longer then planned, which made breakfast looking like it wouldn't happen. However, close to half an hour later they were in their varying stages of preparation, Jay fully clothed and in the kitchen yelling to Hailey who was running the hairdryer in the bathroom.
"What?!" She shut the hairdryer off a second as she waited for Jay to quickly respond.
"I'm out of coffee, do you just want to stop by the usual spot on the way in?"
"But they take forever."
"We have time if we leave now." Coffee trumped getting totally ready for the day, always. Hailey was quick to unplug the hairdryer before pulling her semi-wet hair into a messy bun, running around in search of outerwear and boots before meeting Jay at the front door.
"Can't we do this again tonight?"
"Jay, we said we'd space it out."
"Yeah, I know. But last night was so fun."
"It was, but we had a deal."
"Fine, fine," Jay conceded as he opened the door for Hailey. Making sure the door was locked the two of them walked off arm in arm. Nothing could separate them and nothing could make this time anymore precious, or so they thought.
…
"I told you this would take a long time." They were at one of those trendy, hipster joints where everything ran extra slow for the sake of the art. The line was brushing with the door, people at that weird conundrum of opening the door or keeping it closed. Luckily Jay and Hailey didn't have to make that call, in fact they were three people away from ordering. But in this place, three people could mean two minutes or seven hours, it was all hingeing on what they ordered and how much of it was on said order.
"We have time…if I drive really fast this time."
"Oh, so we're foregoing the showing up at different times today."
"No, one of us can duck and wait a few minutes before going in."
"But we still have the issue of me missing a car."
"Ugh, this is too complicated." Hailey laughed, antsy and non-caffeinated Jay was a bad combo.
"Just relax, we'll be fine." She brushed her hand on his, admiring how muscular he was and how complete of a package he was. Loving, caring, funny, sexy as all get out, strong, defending of his beliefs, there really wasn't much more Hailey could ask for. And that was when she wandered back to their early days, how little they trusted each other. Jay was getting over a bad breakup and departure of her while Hailey was just trying to fit into the unit. Both tiptoed around the other, giving the two cent stories to full dollar situations. It took a good year for them to finally find their groove. Now of course, they didn't think it would lead them to where they are now. They were partners and friends first and foremost, the rest of it just beginning to be known.
"Hailey," Jay cut into her daydreaming, a hard blink and realization being what brought her back.
"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. Just a black coffee and cream cheese bagel to go." The hipster looking person behind the counter could only blink in the most unenthused manner before punching in the order. Jay was quick to pay, saying Hailey could get the next one, before the two of them moved to the waiting counter for their orders. Let the second waiting game begin.
"Next time, Starbucks," Hailey joked close to ten minutes in. Jay snorted before nodding in agreement.
"Yeah, but this place is so good."
"Reliability and speed outweigh taste in my book."
"Noted." Their orders were finally slapped on the counter, their thanks going unnoticed or appreciated. Jay opened the door for Hailey once again and she was eager to accept.
"I'm surprised we haven't gotten a call to head to a crime scene yet."
"It's the cold, too much for crime to handle today." And then, in great tragedy and irony, crime came to them. As they were speaking a blacked out van was flying around the turn just ahead of their location. At first neither noticed because it was so far away, but the quick scream of a woman was what got them to look that way. At the exact moment they looked up, the sliding door flew open and quick flashes popped out of the van. The word popped was chosen because that very sound was following the flashes: gunfire. The shooting didn't let up as the van flew closer to their location. Jay was quick to drop his food and drink and grab Hailey close to him, throwing both of them on the ground but making sure he took whatever damage came their way. The screaming didn't let up, the evil, skin crawling act showed up and left in the time span of reading this sentence. Then came the aftermath, the looking around and assessing the damage. Those on the street were slow to get up, some screaming in pain and others in pure shock and fear. Inside the buildings the bullet shattered doors flew open, people looking around first before diving into help. All on cell phones and calling in assistance.
"Hailey, you okay," Jay fearfully asked as he removed himself from on top of her. She was fine for about two seconds, long enough for her to move her arms away from her face. But then the red ran free from under her, the gasp of pain and remembering she was hit flooded her everything.
"Hailey!" Jay pressed a hand to the bullet wound in her middle but it was too late. She was slowly yet quickly bleeding out and there was nothing Jay could do to stop it. She was there and then not, Jay swearing her final seconds of consciousness was her mouthing that she loved him.
…
"Stay with me, Hailey. Come on!" He was squeezing the life out of her, which was a terrible way of explaining things. One hand was balling up his coat and pressing as hard as it could on the bullet wound, the other grasping her hand for dear life. In the very feint distance he could hear the sound of a single siren, those multiplying the closer they got. Jay was forever grateful that speed was on their side today. That as terrible as what was going on, the number of frantic calls into dispatch must've been enough for them to send the city in.
"Help is coming, I promise it's coming Hailey. Just hang on." He wasn't sure if she was conscious enough to hear him, but on the chance she was Jay made a point of making sure she knew she wasn't alone, that it was the two of them in all of this. A couple times people came over and asked if they could step in to help, but Jay shook them off, saying others needed help. He knew that Hailey would hate to pull resources away from others for herself. She had Jay and Jay had her, that was going to be enough till the pros stepped in.
A couple times Hailey would cough her way to semi-awake and Jay would let go of her hand to wipe the blood away from her mouth before returning to the hand. She would do her best to smile at him, which for her was a small amount of mouth movement. But Jay ate it up, showered her with so much praise and affection for her great efforts. 'You got this,' he would say over and over again to her, a few times getting a gentle squeeze back. Looking at her she was fine for the most part, her hair was still pulled up in the messy bun and her person was still fully in tact and clothed and looking fine. It was in the panning down the body that you realized just how bad she was. The pool of blood under her was growing, luckily not super fast. Her middle was coated with dark, sticky blood and her whole lower half was shaking. Jay looked over at some point to the mess all around them, noting the blankets and table cloths and jackets that were over those didn't make it. He was torn with how to feel about that. On the one hand he was crushed, yet in the other he was grateful that that wasn't their situation right now, praying that it wouldn't be before the day was out. The last thing Jay saw before they were whisked off to Med was the steaming coffee cup, how it was still warm enough to be doing that. That was how quickly his day, Hailey's life, shifted into this dark and trying and deadly place. He vowed that if they made it past today he'd never take the seconds with her for granted.
"What happened," crackled into Jay's audible purview, ripping him away from his thoughts and back to the task at hand: keeping Hailey alive till at least getting to Med.
"Bullet wound to the abdomen, she's still bleeding a lot. Help her." The medics swooped in with their equipment and needles and monitors that told the tale of the dire situation.
"She's in shock, heart rate is all over. We need to get her on her way now. Move aside, Jay." He wanted to, he really, truly did, but in that instant he was cemented to her. No way was he letting go of her, even if it was to let people help he could not fathom the notion of letting her go.
"I can't," squeaked out of him, those around him nodding and telling him to stay put. With her left arm being preoccupied the right was where everything went down. The first IV was installed there and the pressure cuff was thrown Jay's way and instructed to be put in place. The first medical report wasn't good. Hailey was most certainly bleeding out of control, somewhere internal and deep and in desperate need of an OR. On the count of three she was lifted onto a gurney and then raced off to one of about a dozen waiting ambulances.
"You're coming," was thrown Jay's way and all he could do was nod. No way in hell was he leaving her now. In the jog from site A to site B, the ambo, Jay noted that things were taking that terrible turn south. Her skin was whitening by the second, her shaking that was once close to shivering was now full shakes and her face was veering on ghostly. She so needed help that Jay could not give her, feeling totally and completely helpless and terrible in that moment. As she was loaded into the ambo the logistics floated in Jay's mind. He wasn't sure if Intelligence knew they were involved and if he should call them. Had an officer detail been put into place and would Hailey's family show up. And then there was the issue of telling Will. Did he spill all the secrets and tell the full story, or keep to the event that landed her in Med. All of this would be answered in due time. The main goal was to get her to Med, preferably alive. Jay hadn't even sat down when they all raced off in the direction of Med, things were that bad.
"Hang in there, Hailey. You're doing great. Just hang in there." This would be the longest ride of their lives.
…
"Jay?"
"Will."
"Guys, out of the way."
"Help her." This was the initial conversation at Med, the scene that unfolded as the doors flew open. Jay tucked himself into a ball as he watched his partner and love get whisked away and to the help she so, so desperately needed. On the way to Med she flirted with cardiac arrest, alarms going off and more meds being injected into her veins before things resumed their bad state. Each time Jay praised her to no end, continuing to say she was doing amazing and to keep hanging on; that he was there every step of the way. Now watching her get taken into the warm, white, helpful place Jay didn't have that sense of having to be with her. He got her to this point, the passing of the life baton to those that would get her to the next phase. They better do their job, Jay thought. He did his part and now it was all on them. Will didn't run back with Hailey to the trauma room, instead stayed with his very worried and shell shocked brother who found himself glued to the seat of an ambulance, the very truth of that driving home just how out of it all he was. Never in the history of Jay Halstead had he willing gone in one of these or opted to remain planted in one.
"Hey, she's in great hands. Alright?" Will climbed into the rig with Jay, taking a seat on his right and wrapping an arm around his brother. He could feel the shaking, the early stages of pure shock and adrenaline flowing freely in his system. Will knew if the touch became too tight Jay would lash out, so best to be delicate around him right now.
"She has to make it," Jay whispered. This was a new reaction from Jay. Of course he expected him to be freaked out, having watched his partner be shot right in front of them, but it was here that the pieces began to connect. The blood on the shaking hands, the lack of a badge or Intelligence parading in to ask the obvious, the voice that was so much deeper and more passionate and desperate then one typically had for a coworker. No more needed to be said or done, Will knew. He was a guy who'd fallen for a coworker himself. He got it, knew the signs, and certainly wasn't going to bring it up right now.
"She's in good hands, Jay. They're going to give her their very best. Want to go inside?" What a stupid question, or was it. Part of Jay was terrified to move, thinking if he changed any part of right now that would be the end of things. But the more rationale part of him said he had to get answers, info, confirmation that she was still alive. Without announcement Jay just stood up and walked towards the exit, jumping down before doubling over in grief and freaking out. Will now chose to hug his brother, forcing him to stand up before embracing him in a hug as he felt the jolts of deep agony.
"I know, I know, she's got a chance, Jay." Way off in the distance he saw the cars, the racing nature of them and their lights flashing into focus: Intelligence coming into the story of things. Jay was turned away from them, but Will figured he wasn't in a state to talk to them.
"Come on, let's go get some answers." Arm still wrapped around him, the two of them walked in tandem to the ED. Past the waiting room and nurses' station they went, stopping at the pointed to room where someone nodded that they'd arrived. There was this heightened sense to things, that on the other side of the curtain was something big, bad, in serious trouble. Will felt it and dreaded, Jay found it impossible to look at the room.
"I'll go inside, stay right over there," Will coaxed, turning Jay back towards the nurses' station and pointing at a chair. He didn't move till Jay had taken a seat.
"I'm not going anywhere," Jay spoke from across the way. Will nodded, turned back towards the room, and marched right in. Time to get those answers part of them didn't want. Meanwhile Intelligence was in the building and looking for Jay. Seeing him slumped down in a chair with clasped hands and a dejected look told them to back off, to take a seat and wait for the long ride that was going to be their day. Answers would come with time, as much as they hated to wait for them.
It was a chaotic mess in that room, Will standing just inside the room, making sure to draw the curtain behind him so Jay didn't see anything. There was blood everywhere. IVs were so many to count and the heart monitor leads that were attached all over told the tale. Hailey was pouring the life out of her, amazed she was doing as well as she was. Cardiac arrest, shock, needing volume were all things mentioned in the few seconds Will was there. His eyes stayed on her, how lifeless and gone she appeared. Her soul seemed to exit left for a bit, travel into the unknown to sort itself out while the body kept fighting. The only thing missing was a breathing tube but that was about to be rectified as they were setting up for it.
"What's the story," Will meekly slipped out.
"Bullet did a number on her abdomen. There's so much blood. We can barely get in more then what's coming out. She needs an OR like ten minutes ago. Just look around, she's in bad shape." And Will did. He took a quick scan of everything before zeroing back on her. He kept trying to figure out how to tell Jay what was going on and all that would likely happen. Knowing his little brother he was already blaming himself for not stepping in front of her quicker, so to see her in this state was going to level him.
"What are the odds?"
"Without knowing what's going on internally I'd say pretty slim. Once we open her up we'll have a better feel. Right now she needs enough volume in her to make it upstairs."
"Okay, I'll worry about telling everyone. Just focus on helping her pull through." Will squeezed the only part of her that wasn't occupied by medical staff, her foot, before heading back out to Jay. He stood at the sight of Will, began the approach to the room before Will waved him off.
"You don't need to see it."
"It's bad, isn't it. How bad."
"They'll know more when they get upstairs. Right now they're getting her ready to go up."
"How long till that happens?"
"I'm not sure. Soon." The two of them stood in silence for the next few minutes, both of them praying for her to make it out of that room. Just make it upstairs and let surgery take over, they were in small, basic, desperate things. Jay then looked to his right at the growing waiting room. He didn't have it in him to even walk over there, wanting to do anything but retell the worst morning of his recent life. But good for him, and bad for everything else, Hailey and the medical team appeared.
"Oh God," Jay choked out, trying at this point to not puke. She looked ten times worse then when he last saw her, kicking himself even more for failing epically. Until she made it to the other side he was going to blame himself, and then probably for the rest of his life. There was no hesitating in her journey, just a smooth flow from room to elevator that would take her to the OR.
"Jay, don't," Will called as Jay took off, meeting the party at the elevator and asking to see her for a second. There was some hesitation in allowing that, not knowing if the delay would be the deciding factor. Jay wove his way past the people and equipment and many wires and IVs to find her hand, taking it in his own and rubbing the side of her palm with his thumb.
"Hang in there, Hailey. I'll see you on the other side." He could only bring himself to plant a peck on her hand before letting her go. He didn't collapse until the elevator doors closed and began climbing. Luckily for him Will was there to catch him. The agony was so real right now, Jay praying there was something he could do. If it meant sacrificing himself for her to live, he was prepared to do that.
…
"Keep scrubbing. It'll come off." The two of them were in the doctor's bathroom just off the break room. Jay was in quite a trance, aimlessly walking off after he regained control and total alertness of things. He was about halfway to the waiting room where the now crowd was waiting, but Will dragged him back into the hospital. He was in no shape to be talking let alone to people who knew absolutely nothing. His current state would make one expect the very worst, which wasn't out of the question but something Jay didn't need to lead with. Will talked him into cleaning himself up, saying no one wanted to greet Jay with blood all over him. Jay hadn't even noticed, somehow forgotten the blood stained hands and bloody shirt and pants. He looked like he went through a trauma. So as Jay cleaned himself up in the bathroom Will dove through all his belongings, finding a random long sleeved tee and loose fitting joggers. Don't ask. Bringing them to Jay and joking that they'd hopefully fit didn't earn him a single reaction.
"Jay, just breathe. She's in the best care and they are helping her. You got her here in time." One would easily forget that Jay too suffered a traumatic experience this morning. With all the distractions of those that were injured or fallen, it was quite easy to overlook his role in all of it. But he was there when the bullets started flying and it was him who watched his partner get shot in front of him, and it also was him who had to take on the initial role of trying to save her as she bled out right there. So it was understandable that he was in the state he was, no one blaming him. Will at this point was just trying to get him back to a speaking level of things. The odds were quite high he'd be meeting Hailey's parents today and he needed to be some normal form of himself.
"I can't get it out of my mind."
"I know, it's going to take some time. But you did everything right. She is where she is because you helped her stay with us for as long as she did. You were amazing." Jay didn't see it this way but wasn't in a mood to argue. Only when the water ran clear did he turn the water off, rubbing his hands several times against a towel before turning to face Will and his pile of clothing.
"What is that?"
"Spare clothing. Come on, you can't wear your clothes right now." Jay nodded, taking the items in hand before beginning to undress. One by one pieces of clothing came Will's way, each of those going from hands to a bag for cleaning. When they got to footwear Will tossed him a pair of hospital slides/slippers. They weren't fashionable but they did the job. Once Jay looked presentable Will escorted him to the sitting area of the break room, making a point of dropping the clothing bag in the laundry bin before sitting next to his brother. The wringing hands and nervous facial ticks were so not like him, just driving home how much of this was eating at him. Will knew that nothing he said would make things better, but he had to try.
"Tell me what happened this morning." Jay looked up from his place on the floor, shocked Will had the notion to even ask that.
"Hey, I need you to be able to say it without emotions by the time we leave this room. So the first time needs to be to me. After that I think you'll be okay."
"Yeah, sure." Jay sat up a little in his seat, shifting himself so that he was looking right at Will but was in a relaxed way. Clearing his throat Jay clasped his hands back together and put them in his lap, looking down for confidence and clarity before looking back at Will and beginning.
"We stopped by that one-off coffee place by me. We were running too late for breakfast so we only had enough time for coffee. She got a bagel and black coffee and I got my usual. We had just made it outside when it happened. There was this blacked out van that came from up the street. I only saw the doors fly open and the next I knew bullets started coming and we had to dive down. I threw myself on top of her but once I started getting up was when I realized what had really happened. After that I really don't remember much."
"Yeah, I'm sure. And that's okay. Do you think you were targeted in any way?" Jay shook his head.
"No, it looked totally random. No way someone knew I was going to be there that morning. It was a very last minute thing."
"Okay, you know what I'm going to ask next." Jay slowly nodded, looking straight down as he twiddled thumbs for a moment.
"Look, it's better for me to ask then Voight or her family. Tell me and I can try and help."
"We've only been seeing each other for a couple months. She stayed over at my place last night and we slept through alarms. That's why we were running late." This was not the way he wanted to tell Will, especially not under these circumstances. But it was what it was, Jay almost glad he finally let it out.
"We'll just say for now that you planned on getting coffee on the way to work. Leave out the part of running late for breakfast. It'll raise flags. But you do know.."
"-Yeah, just not right now."
"Jay, I'm really proud of you."
"For what? Dating my partner?"
"No, for telling me all of this. You did the right thing and you really helped her, truly. I know that won't lessen the guilt, but you need to hear and remember that. You did everything right." Jay could only nod, still hadn't looked up to face his brother. Will's phone interrupted the moment, the text sound echoing into the room as he reached for the device. It was a quick message, a message that had him raising eyebrows and stomach dropping to the floor. He must've looked as bad as he was thinking because Jay began sputtering with words, all asking that it wasn't true.
"Hey, they just want to meet us upstairs. Don't go to the worst case scenario." Will stood first before helping Jay get up. They hugged, cried, and soon split up to head to the door.
"Oh, her mom is here so you've gotta put on the brave face."
"I know." It took them minutes to climb aboard the elevator and end up at the OR waiting room. What greeted them on the other side was a sight Jay would never forget.
She was the spitting image of her mother. Same messy, long blonde hair. Same soft yet peering eyes. Same height, small yet able and perfectly capable of kicking butt. Perhaps the same personality, but right at this moment her mother's was masked by the overall shock and grief that was her entire person. It was so humorous yet heartbreaking that at the opening of the door she darted towards Jay, head hung down and body shaking with tears as she wrapped arms around his waist, thanking him over and over again for being there. Part of him was expecting her to be yelling, slapping him for not doing enough, so to have this reaction brought a little less stress and failure to him. If her mother didn't see his fault in things then maybe, just maybe, he did something right. Part of him was also expecting her father to be there, a little perplexed and shocked he was missing.
"I'm so sorry, Mrs. Upton," Jay quietly spoke as she hugged harder. She shook with disbelief that they were even here. Jay took a moment to look around the room, now realizing that Mrs. Upton was the only person in here waiting for Hailey. Jay was expecting the full room with all of Intelligence and fellow officers and higher ups waiting word on her condition. So that was something Jay had to adjust to, but in a way was thankful for the small waiting party. He really didn't have it in him to repeat things.
"Please, Jay. Call me Melissa," she croaked as she backed away from him, rubbing under eyes as she stepped back to examine him. It took everything in him to not fall apart, using his power to make sure she was okay.
"Melissa, I'm so sorry we're here right now. This is not how I wanted us to meet." She could only nod, point behind her at the chairs before slowly walking back. Jay looked to Will who encouraged Jay to follow her. Soon they were three wide, Melissa in the middle with a Halstead on each side.
"This is my brother, Will. He works here and was overseeing Hailey for a little bit before she came up here." Melissa looked straightaway at Will, wanting a report of all he knew. That drove home more, that so far the mother of an injured officer was in the dark. That was a failure on the hospital's part.
"What have you been told so far?"
"That she was shot while off duty. They don't know why but that's being investigated."
"Have you heard anything about her condition?" Melissa shook her head.
"Well, she was shot in the abdomen. They aren't sure what the bullet injured exactly but the bullet is still in there. When I last saw her she was already asleep but they got her stable enough to come up here. Did anyone come by and say they wanted to speak to you?" Melissa nodded.
"Okay, that's good. We'll get an update on what's going on."
"Was she in any pain?" Will looked to Jay who seemed to be asking the same thing, Will's small audience waiting on the edge of their seats for the answer.
"No, she was asleep so she was pain free." Jay didn't buy it but knew Will was doing his best to ease nerves and fears. She leaned over and hugged Will, this outpouring of thankfulness very much like Hailey. Many were the times she did this with Jay and the others when they helped her with things. She was about to open her mouth and ask something else when the waiting room door open, the three of them rising not even sure if it was for them. But since they were the only ones here, the odds were high it was for them.
"Hey guys," Marcel greeted, nodding to the Halsteads before reaching a hand out to Melissa.
"Mrs. Upton? Dr. Marcel, I'm the one working on your daughter."
"How is she?" Marcel asked all of them to sit before he began, looking at all of them before beginning. Jay was not in favor of the hesitation, something he'd done with people many times. The news was not going to be good.
"The bullet entered her liver and really did a number on it. On top of the damage to the structure and functions of the organ one of the two major arteries of her liver is damaged. We were able to retrieve the bullet but unfortunately her liver is beyond repair. We need to remove it ASAP."
"But what happens if you do that?"
"She'll need a new liver in the next few hours. If she doesn't receive one…" No further explanation was needed. Melissa, who was once doing alright and not a vision of grief, was just about falling over in her chair with shock and emotions. Jay held her up before collecting her in a hug, looking over to Will with a glare that asked him how this was happening. He swore Hailey was in good hands, yet here they were.
"What are the odds of having that happen," Jay quietly asked as Melissa sobbed. Marcel shrugged before shaking his head: slim to none. Jay bit the inside of his mouth to prevent himself from crying. This was all his fault, there was no other way around it. Had he been quicker, smarter, more willing, they wouldn't be in this predicament.
"Can we see her," Will asked for the group? Marcel pondered it for a moment, wondering if dragging three very emotional people to a quiet recovery ward was the best idea, but in the long run it had to be done. Whatever decision was made, physical touch and visual confirmation had to happen first. Marcel helped all of them to their feet before guiding them out the door and down the hall. Once in the ward they were told to remain as quiet as possible, Jay and Will nodding that they got it before doing their best to encourage Melissa. They walked past the curtained off parts in silence, all holding their breath for a sight they really weren't ready for. Marcel guided them through one hallway and another before holding them up at normal looking rooms, peering into the room before turning back to his audience.
"Just a few need to bring her back soon. Just warning that she has a lot on her but she's till there, asleep and pain free and peaceful." The last part was for Melissa more then the others, their experience with this far outweighing hers. Marcel opened the door and ushered them in, the room making a collective gasp before Melissa darted for the side of the bed. There was no other way to describe the scene except shitty and heartbreaking. You could describe each of the IVs and machines and tubes all day long and how they were helping, but at the end of the day she looked every bit dead or dying and like nothing would get better from here. Jay looked past all of this, rounding to the side of the bed Melissa wasn't on, and took Hailey's hand in his. The chilly and lifelessness in it scared him into doing what was next, the still pulled up and stunning bun being the final straw. Jay put the hand back, turned to face Will and Marcel, and dove in before realizing what he was signing up for.
"I'll do it. Let's do the transplant thing. Now." Marcel slowly nodded, like he realized Jay's crazy idea could actually work. Will meanwhile closed his eyes and quietly groaned while Melissa went to hug Jay for the second time that day. It was an insane idea and one Jay was doing quite blind. But then again, did they expect anything else from him?
…
"Jay, we need to talk about this," Will finally blurted out as clothing was tossed his way. Since Jay's grand admission of things life began to pick up. After a final hand squeeze and once over of her, Jay was whisked away to a pre-op room where speed testing was taking place. Now in a typical living donor transplant this process takes weeks, several tests and exams and psych consults to ensure a donor was fit for surgery and recovery thereafter. But seeing as they were seriously running up against a clock, there was only time to do the bear minimum: blood work and tissue recovery. The blood work was done first followed by the quick skin retrieval on the right forearm. In between disrobing Jay would wince against the couple stitches in his arm.
"There's nothing to talk about. I'm doing this. Now let's go and hand me the gown." This was a total first, Jay willingly wearing hospital attire. All other times of his life he was either too out to care or waking up to it all. Will handed him the requested item, watching him struggle with things before offering to help.
"Jay, we do need to talk about this. This is a huge thing."
"Will, you're not talking me out of doing this."
"And I'm not trying to." That one stopped Jay for a moment, turning around to look at his brother. That was a first for all of them.
"I just need you to understand what you're saying yes to."
"It's not that hard. Hailey needs my help and I'm saying yes. There really isn't much beyond that." Will sighed, his brother was so leading his heart, as he always did. But this was to a whole other level. Part of him wondered if the roles were reversed if they'd be in the same situation. Will grateful that they weren't talking about Jay's life in peril.
"Okay, you need realize that in the long run Hailey will be the one that has her life changing a lot. But in the immediate it's all you. While she's gaining something vital, you're losing a lot of something vital. They're going to be taking at least half of your liver. Over the next several weeks and months it'll regenerate, but for at least eight weeks you're homebound and really bed bound. You're going to be tired, sluggish, in pain, and just not feeling yourself for awhile." As Will said all of this, Jay just kept cruising along; fully dressing himself and donning the hospital socks before plopping himself right on the gurney and waited for the pre-op nurse to enter so that the true prep could get going.
"Will, you're not scaring me out of this."
"That wasn't a scare tactic, Jay. That's what you're going to wake up to."
"Okay. Can we just get this going? When is she going back?" Will sighed, slightly moaning to himself before throwing his head back. Jay was about as stubborn and headstrong as they come.
"You'll go back first. Her mom will stay with her till she goes back. We'll both wait for you guys. I think we're trying to get ICU rooms close to each other. Yeah, almost forgot that. You'll be here in the ICU for about a week before going home."
"Okay, that's fine."
"Jay, can you at least let me know you're hearing me." Jay rolled his eyes, watching the door open as his pre-op nurse came in along with Marcel.
"Things look good! In an emergency situation you're a great fit. We'll get you back there in a few minutes."
"Okay, thanks Marcel." The surgeon left as the left arm was prepped for the first of many IVs, Jay freaking out at that for a moment before remembering he had left a question hanging.
"Yes, Will. I hear you. But all of this is second to her making it out of this alive and well. I don't care what I have to sacrifice. It's her pulling through or nothing else."
"Kind of figured you'd say something like that. You know, you're allowed to say your scared."
"I'm not."
"Liar."
"Okay you two, things are in and you're all set. OR is still getting prepped and things lined up. It shouldn't be too much longer now."
"Thanks," Jay spoke as the door flew open and closed, leaving Will and Jay a few, final moments alone.
"You really love her."
"What?!"
"Jay, you so do. Who else would do something like this."
"Um, a partner."
"Okay, but this is pretty extreme." Jay shrugged, looking around the room before deeply inhaling.
"And you're right, I'm slightly freaked out. Just didn't want to say it in front of them." Will could only laugh.
"Dude, you signed the paperwork. You're in it." Jay nodded, throwing his head back on the pillow.
"This has to work."
"It will. I'm really proud of you. This is a bit crazy, but very much you. I know Melissa and Hailey are going to forever be grateful. Mad props with your future mother-in-law."
"Okay, let's not go that far." Will laughed.
"What do you want to do tonight?"
"Probably just sleep. I'm guessing no food tonight either."
"Probably not till tomorrow."
"Sweet."
"You're sure you still want to do this."
"Yes, you're not talking me out of it."
"Okay, just making sure."
"We're doing this." Marcel knocked on the door again, alerted them it was time to leave before making a quick incision line on Jay's chest and abdomen before guiding the two of them out of the room. It was all becoming quite real, things starting to truly sink in that they were doing this. Jay tried to remember to just breathe, that he was only assigned sleeping while the pros did the rest. But when they came to the door of no return he forewent closing his eyes and breathing and instead looked to Will for reassurance.
"Hey, you've got this. I'll see you on the other side. Have a good sleep." They were allowed a quick hug before Jay was taken to the other side of the swinging doors. From there things really began going in and out, Jay not remembering how he got from the door to table, but he was there in the time span of a long blink. He vaguely recalls people attaching things and lights getting bright and brighter, but the moment he'd never forget was the countdown. Too late to turn back now. It was all on operation regeneration. Jay had never been more excited and relieved to count back from ten.
…
"Jay, you're all done," crackled over the ear space, interrupting his long blink sleep. He'd never felt more terrible and painful and sick all at once. He recalled falling asleep feeling awesome and nervous but alive, now on this other side of things was the exact opposite of everything. What was going on he could not see, his body that exhausted and done that opening his eyes was way too hard a task. So as his world felt to be moving all over he could only hear things, that and someone kept touching the top of his head. Whispering was the language of things, stop and go movements that made things cry out in pain whenever they abruptly stopped. He so wanted to alert people how wrong he was feeling, that he was in need of medical attention like right that moment. But then his second thought came through: he was in a hospital, had been for quite some time. Someone touched his arm when he was stopped for the last time for a bit that made him flinch, hard. Just the smallest touch had his nerves freaking out, he was that bad off.
"It's okay, you're alright," a new voice said. If Jay could he would've responded with an apology, and further insisting that something was wrong. After that was another long blackout, Jay in total unconsciousness bliss. He could've stayed like that forever, extremely grateful for the silence and warmth. Out of nowhere a hand grabbed his right hand, the flinching resuming once again.
"Sorry, Jay. It's me. Just rest." There was a voice he knew so well that even though the throws of general anesthesia was confident was Will's. Will didn't let go of his hand and after a moment or two Jay didn't care. The nausea was really doing a number on him now. The fear of throwing up over the terrible stomach pain had him rushing back to sleep. Sleep would help tremendously. Sleep was the only thing he wanted in life. Whatever was going on could be solved later. It was sleep or bust.
The next time he woke up he actually woke up, like eyes revealing themselves to the world while the world was shown to Jay. He was in a mildly dark room, very similar to the one he visited Hailey in. He could hear beeping and alarms silently chiming behind and around him, not to mention feel things squeezing his legs and arm every few moments. It appeared a lot had changed and a lot of time had past. The lines and wiring coming out from all over gave away that, and the lack of light and Jay's fuzziness telling the tale of something major going down. His small movement of adjusting sent pain ripples all over his body, seriously punishing him for the smallest of movements. The pain was so bad that Jay had to say something, squeak out some kind of sound to alert the world he was dying.
"Hey," Will called from the right side of the bed, his red head filling Jay's vision in no time. It took Jay a couple seconds to register things before attempting to speak, yet more pain coming from doing that. This time however the pain was mainly in his throat.
"It hurts."
"I know, I'm sorry. There's a button right here that will help. Just click it a couple times." Will guided Jay's hand to the pain pump, helping him clasp it before instructing once more how to activate it. There was a small amount of praise when Jay figured it out, followed by silence till things kicked in. Jay dozed off during the period, Will's question helping to bring him back.
"Any better? How's the nausea?"
"Not as bad," Jay groggily spoke.
"Good, the shots are working." Jay could only nod before allowing a very long blink.
"How's Hailey?" Will squeezed Jay's hand, his way to showing how proud he was and that he was there with him.
"She's still in surgery. Probably will be for another couple hours. But things are looking good. You did a great job and they were able to transplant things really easily. You lost about sixty percent of your liver and your gallbladder, but you'll make a full recovery in no time."
"Don't I need a gallbladder?"
"You do, but you can also live without one. They had to remove the part where it was connected, it's common for a liver transplant. You'll be fine without it."
"Okay, I don't care." It was so true. They could've told him they took half his brain and he wouldn't have cared. He was that out of it and overly calm.
"Proud of you, Jay. You did a great thing."
"A necessary thing."
"Okay, well her mom is super grateful, like kept going on and on about how thankful she is for you doing this." Jay could only nod, yawning before the eyes started fluttering, he was about to go out and this time it felt to be for awhile.
"Love you, Jay."
"Love you too," were his final words for the night. He didn't awaken again for the remaining hour he was in recovery, nor did he stir when the nursing staff came in and said his room in the ICU was ready to go. The journey to said room was a long and exciting and a nerve wracking one, but he didn't wake up, even when they had to transfer him. There was a single time he woke up those first few hours, and that was when Hailey came in to be his neighbor. He was totally out and then wide awake, looking around at the glass room before venturing to his left to see the commotion of what was going on next door.
"She made it. They're just getting her set up. She's looking really good right now." This was not how any of them saw this day going. The plan was to be sound asleep in Jay's bed tonight, still hiding their secret love life from the world. They were going to go to work, go home and eat, and then connect on that deep, internal level that they'd been doing for months now. But instead they were here, in the ICU, both recovering from major surgery after a chaotic and deadly attack. It wasn't something they ever dreamed of, but here they were in the story of it all. But the thing that made Jay smirk was the truth in that Jay was with her right now. Perhaps not in a body, physical, hand holding sense, but logistically he was right there with her when she needed help the most. Or, at least a good part of him was. And that, for tonight, was what helped the guilt wash away. He kept eyes fixed on her room till the exhaustion knocked him out for good.
…
One Week Later
"Ready to get out of here?" Like you had to even ask Jay that. The last week had been a total drag. The constant pain and blood draws from the staff seriously had him on edge for just about the entirety of his stay. The first night was the worst, the small movements that sent pain shots all over and people to come swooping in fearing the worst. Jay barely got any quality sleep that night or the following day. From there it was a very, very slow progression but by the end of day three, his worst day ever, he could sit on a chair with a ton of pillows behind him for about five minutes. Had he known all that he'd wake up to perhaps he'd have thought more about the surgery. But who was he kidding, this was Jay and he was one to never regret a speedy decision like this. When things were at their worst he had to remind himself who this all was for, that being what got him to calm down and allow the drugs to work.
That was a highlight of his stay, getting to see her everyday. The first day it was waves to the room as she slept before tests were performed. By day four she really came around, asking questions and demanding Jay be brought to her so they could hash it out. At first she was freaked out, not sure how all that happened did and how she wasn't there for any of it. From there she was upset that Jay willing did what he did, Hailey saying that one of these times Jay would go too far and be in serious trouble. But her anger was for a short time, things ending with her thanking him deeply and truly, Jay just shrugging and commenting that it was a task that had to be done. From that day onward they had daily sit downs with each other, exchanging hospital stories or surgery pain progression or just talking through life things. Food was always brought up, how they wanted real food so, so bad. Ideas of when they get back to work and how able they'd be was yesterday's conversation, Jay saying they'd be back to their old selves in no time. Today was Jay's time to leave and if he was being totally honest, he wasn't ready to let her go. He was going to miss seeing her everyday. Not that that wasn't the case every other moment of every other day, but after this close bonding time it was going to be weird not waking up to her. But enough of that, Jay's checkout time had arrived and Will was helping move him from bed to wheelchair.
"I can do it."
"No you can't," Will and a nurse spoke at the same time. Jay could only roll his eyes, relax as best he could, something he'd been taught, as they helped him stand.
"Dizzy?"
"Yeah, and tired."
"We'll do our best to get home as quick as we can."
"Fine with me. Is Hailey up?" Now it was Will's turn to roll his eyes. The lovesick act from his brother was so unusual yet a welcomed thing.
"Yes, she's awake and also asking when you're stopping by." Will grabbed the bags and hung them on the back of the wheelchair before taking control and backing Jay out. It was embarrassing having to be pushed around when he still had two able and working feet, but Will warned ahead of time that it was hospital policy and there was no way he'd be allowed to walk out. Jay hung his head as they made the ten foot journey from his room to Hailey's, watching her face light up when they came into the doorway.
"Aaawwww lucky," she greeted. Jay asked Will to stop as he put a foot down on the floor, the stopper for all progress. When the next foot fell Will was quick to grab Jay and help him stand back up.
"Jay, you don't have to walk over here."
"I'll be fine. I want to."
"I know you do, but it's not good for you." Jay shook it off, telling himself that there wasn't much else they could do to him. The pains were so real and his body so stiff, but Jay made it to the bedside, sitting at the very edge as Will gave them some space.
"You have till I come back from getting the car. We really need to get you home and resting."
"Yeah, yeah. Okay." Will backed out, watching Jay just in case he thought of getting back up again or falling over. But when Jay waved a hand for him to hurry up and leave Will finally jogged off. Once in the clear Jay stood, straddling the bed before sitting as close to her hand as he could, holding his hand out for her to grab.
"Can't you just like stash me in one of those bags?"
"I can't, sorry. I'd love to take you out of here but I think the doctor would kill me." Hailey giggled at that, soon holding her abdomen and scolding Jay for making her laugh.
"I know I've said this a million times already, but thank you Jay. I would not be here without you." Tears began creeping out of her eyes, the glistening of them making the blue pop that much more. She wouldn't believe this, but to Jay she was so stunning when she cried. He hated when she did it, indicating she was upset, but at the same time he loved to look at her, comfort her. Jay squeezed her hand harder and smirked as she allowed the emotions to run freely for a moment.
"You don't need to thank me, Hailey. I know you'd do the same for me if this was reversed. It's fine. In eight weeks we'll be back to our usual selves of pestering each other and solving cases."
"I don't it'll be that easy but I appreciate the hope."
"Hey, we'll get past this. You'll get past this." Hailey nodded, not in the mood to fight with him. At this point she was convinced she'd be in this room for the rest of her life. She was so out of it all the time. Everyone said it was the trauma and surgery and blood loss, but Hailey felt like it was a failure of the body.
"At least it'll only be a couple days, then were back at my place for awhile."
"That'll be fun."
"Too bad we can't do anything."
"Jay!" Now he was the one to laugh, soon to be wishing he hadn't. The pain was so present, but it wasn't going to damper the moment.
"I love you, Hailey," he blurted out a few seconds later. Her eyebrows shot up and her face extra surprised as she realized what he just said.
"Really? You do?" Jay nodded.
"Like a lot. Ride or die, I'd do anything for you."
"Jay, Will's coming," Hailey warned as Jay leaned in for a kiss.
"I don't care," he spoke back before lips connected. It had been so long since they did it, but the time apart made it that much sweeter. It wasn't anything to write home to or play out in a movie, but it was the best they could do and they cherished it till they were together again.
"See you in a couple days. Take care of my liver," Jay said as Will came back in to help him stand up.
"Someone moved since I was last here," Will teased.
"He did it all on his own," Hailey shot back.
"Oh I know, he's determined to get back here by day's end." Things were put back into place, Jay soon on his seat as Will repositioned a few things. Hailey looked to be biting her lip, mulling over if she should talk or sleep or preoccupy herself with something anything. She stayed this way till they were back out in the hall, looking right at Jay and smiling.
"Jay? I love you too." And in that second all guilt washed away. If he had to go through all of that to receive confirmation of her love, he'd line up and do it all over again.
WOO! That was a big one. I hope you guys enjoyed that one. I like to mix things up, make the read interesting. Thus the reason some of the normal parts of the story were told in a different way or summarized. Don't like to do the same thing over and over again. This story also served as a great way to reveal my New's Years Resolution! The last couple months I have felt this guilt, this guilt like I should do something. We have a huge organ donation crisis, far more people needing one then what is available. People dying while holding out hope that their moment, second chance would arrive. Therefore, we need more living donors in the world. Think about it this way, the human body was designed for living organ donation. You have two kidneys but can live on one. The liver is the only organ that can regenerate, allowing you to donate and return to a perfectly healthy life in time. And not to mention donating bone marrow and blood, how you have lose supply and your body will find ways to replenish. So I say all of this to say I'd love to become a living organ donor! Idk if it'll be this year or whatever, but if anyone is in need of a kidney, liver, bone marrow, whatever! Hit me up.