It had been almost a week since the hunters' attack. Ellie still couldn't walk for more than an hour, but Joel didn't seem to mind. He liked the stops, it gave them more of a chance to talk… and it almost seemed like she was getting better. But Joel didn't trust it. He thought the same thing before the hunters captured them, and the same thing before the bloater attack.
"Hey, kiddo, look." Joel smiled, pointing to a sign ahead of them. "Two states away." He grinned, reading the ancient welcoming sign. Welcome to Kansas. We're almost there. Ellie smiled, staring through the sign, inspecting every single splinter on it.
"We're almost there… two states away." Ellie repeated, exhaling a breath gently. She stood in a trance, staring down the sign. Eventually, Joel shook her shoulder snapping her out of it.
"Sorry, I… just thinking." Ellie responded gently, meeting his eyes. They both knew she was lying, it was clear… Joel wanted to talk, she knew it. He wanted her to discuss how she was feeling. He wanted her to let him feel her pain. But she wouldn't do that. Both of them were too stubborn to burden the other.
"We got this, kiddo." Joel's smile was the smile that seemed to curl upwards in a way it seemed other worldly. Like you could just sit in his smile and feel warm for the rest of your life.
"Yeah, I… think we actually do." Ellie smiled for a second, continuing walking, breaking the barrier of the sign. Howdy, Kansas. Ellie took a deep breath. The air didn't smell any different and the sky didn't feel any bluer, but something about being closer to the cure qualmed her fears. How much can go wrong in two states? A lot, Ellie… a lot can go wrong. She corrected herself, walking and hearing the dirt crunch underneath her boots. Her soles were rotting and her feet hurt. Joel said that he'd find her some new ones at the next town.
Ellie began to hate towns. Something bad always happened in them. Being in the middle of nowhere was almost peaceful to her. It was just her and Joel, no one else to worry about. Not a lot of Infected, either. But the spring had brought rain, and new changes for Ellie as well. Joel let out an airy cough, trying to hide it in his sleeve. Ellie groaned, catching up to Joel and looking at his sleeve. Nothing came out this time… maybe it's getting better. "I'm fine, kiddo."
"Yeah, you've been saying that for the past week of you coughing your lungs out. We should stop, anyway. It feels like it's gonna rain." Joel smiled for a moment, scruffing her hair. She grumbled angrily, fixing it, though it remained a mess. She hadn't showered in a week. "Shut up. It's like… this feeling I get on my skin that tells me when it's going to rain. Also, those bigass clouds to the left of us." Ellie smirked as Joel looked to the left of them and sure enough, dark gray clouds were looming over them.
"Looks pretty close, start lookin' for somewhere to dock, Ellie." She nodded, looking around them. There was a small bump in the horizon around a mile away. If they were quick, they'd be able to get to it before it started raining. Her eyes met Joel's and he nodded, staring at the dark bundle of buildings. "Yeah, reckon that's our only choice."
A crack of thunder interrupted them, spooking Ellie. She squeezed Joel's hand hard, feeling him return the favor and look at her. "'T's okay, just some thunder." He nodded, moving a little faster. "Should probably get moving, don't wanna get hypothermia in that rain."
A strange burst of discomfort ran through Ellie and she clutched her side, but it was on her right side. Her wound had almost healed on her left. Almost. It still hurt a little to walk, but Joel managed to find some painkillers for her, but twenty year old medicine only did so much. "You okay?" Joel asked, noticing him drag behind her for a second. She faked a smile, returning her hand to his.
"Yeah, fine." Ellie shook it off, still tasting the gross feeling in her body. The hell? She asked herself, moving her left hand to replace where her right had been. Joel coughed once again, twisting her out of her train of discomfort. "Okay, that's it. Whatever medicine we have left, we're saving. You aren't okay, Joel."
He shook his head firmly, staring down towards where her wound had been less than a week and a half ago. His cough had been around since the hunters'. What if they poisoned him? What if he's Infected…? No, he'd tell me if he was Infected. He would've turned by now, too.
"I'm fine, girl, I promise."
"Yeah, you're right, what am I thinking? You're too damn stubborn to get sick." She stuck her tongue out at him and he just smiled, looking at her. She's gettin' better. My Ellie's returning. Ellie felt better. Her ribs were much better and she could breathe with almost no pain.
"Exactly." Joel nodded his head, feeling her squeeze his hand with a small laugh. Her laugh, God… I missed it. He relished in the sound, closing his eyes and replaying it in his head. It was a sign, a sign that she was actually getting better. She was making progress and both of them were feeling lighter because of it. It was like the darkness of winter was loosening his grip, if only for a second.
Another crack of thunder ran through the air and as Ellie looked back, she frowned. The clouds were almost on top of them. "Okay, double-time." Joel quickened, Ellie following close behind. "We clear it together this time."
Ellie nodded somberly, her mind taking her back to the bloater attack. Her throat still hurt, the speck of a bruise still clinging to her plush skin. "Y-yeah. Yeah, together."
And then, it started. Rain began to drizzle down around them, making Ellie's hair sink down with dampness. "How much farther?" Ellie asked, feeling the rain clinging to her jacket beginning to harden with each drop, getting worse and worse.
"Just a bit, c'mon." Joel began to jog as the rain got worse, nearly pouring down. Ellie raised her hand over her head, keeping the sight of Joel ahead of her in the downpour. It wasn't done, the rain continued to pick up as they made it to the town, desperate for anywhere to stay. "Over here, baby, c'mon!"
Joel beckoned her over to a hotel of some kind. A broken window hung just above his reach and she sighed, nodding. He propped her up, heaving her over the door. She gracefully ran through the window, landing on the other side. She turned her flashlight on, looking around. "Clear! Opening it now!" Ellie called to Joel, who was silent on the other side of the door.
Her hands quickly unfastened the lock, heaving open the heavy door with a grunt. "Okay, get the fuck in." Ellie yelled at him, her entire body soaked. "C'mon." Ellie slammed the door back shut, making a loud bang.
"Don't see nothin'." Joel whispered, his flashlight illuminating her face. They both collectively took a deep breath, Ellie's hands on her soaked jeans.
"I'm fucking freezing." Ellie exhaled, relishing in the feeling of not having water pounding down on her to the point where it was hard to move. Joel nodded, shuddering as well.
"Best get somewhere to hunker down and get outta these clothes. C'mon." Ellie nodded, following him as they descended in the hotel, stopping in front of a pair of stairs and starting to descend down them. It was very quiet, which neither of them trusted. Deep in the shadows, something could jump out at any second, that's what the world had become. Looking over your shoulder at every second. "Okay, looks like-"
Suddenly cutting him off, Ellie grabbed at her abdomen, doubling over in pain. It felt like something was splitting her open like a fruit, chopping her in half from the inside. She fell to the ground at the bottom of the steps, feeling Joel instantly run beside her, cupping her face. Her eyes were squinted over in pain and it seemed to pass for a second, but then it was back, in worse intensity. "Agh, fuck." She whispered, moaning in pain once more, and kneeling on all fours, clutching her skin through her -Joel's- flannel.
"Ellie? Ellie, what's wrong?!" Joel asked above her, his voice asking for an answer, one she didn't have. What… the fuck? Ellie tried to respond but another wave of pain interrupted her. She searched for Joel's hand, grabbing it quickly and squeezing it until it almost hurt her. Her clammy palm rested on his, strangling it. "Ellie, talk to me here."
"I… I don't know, it's… my stomach hurts, I don't know." Ellie grunted, trying to get up but instantly falling back down to the ground. Joel barely caught her, looking around in confusion. Where's this comin' from? He asked himself, helping her up and slinging her arm over his shoulder. She could walk weakly as Joel dragged them along, looking for somewhere to stop.
"Keep talkin', Ellie. Did you eat anythin' weird?" Ellie shook her head, wincing as Joel attempted to get them up a set of steps.
"No, and you had the… the same food as me." Ellie groaned in between waves of pain, feeling an odd pain that she hadn't ever felt before. "I don't know…" Ellie grunted, almost falling over once again. It came in waves, growing then retreating back once again, only to return in full force.
"Is everything normal… down there?" Ellie's face turned a shade of red as she nodded, looking away. Joel frowned, perplexed. They didn't have enough medicine to do much and even if, they couldn't do anything if they didn't know what it was. Her appendix, maybe? FUCK. "Here, c'mere." Joel lifted up her shirt, inspecting her wound. It had scarred well, but there was nothing that looked different than yesterday. He moved his hand onto her wet stomach, pointing just above her appendix. "Does that hurt?" He asked, looking up at her. She shook her head 'no,' shifting uncomfortably in his arms. "Shit. Did you eat, do anything different? Maybe it was our water…?" Joel murmured to himself, looking back down at her stomach.
"W-well…" She started talking, squinting her eyes closed once again. His vision closed in on her, begging she had some sort of answer for it. A clue as to what the hell was happening. "I… I was bleeding earlier." Ellie admitted, her face a shade of red.
At first, she thought she was dying. She thought to tell Joel, but it wasn't like he'd be able to look and help her. Ellie just tried to ignore it, and now she was paying the price for it. Am I dying? Am I Infected? What if my immunity stopped working? What if it's all for nothing? "Oh, thank God." Joel sighed, sinking his head for a minute. She felt his chest sink beside her, his heart rate lowering for just a second.
"W-what?" Ellie asked, squeezing his hand once again as another wave of pain swarmed through her, almost worse than before. Ellie hid her head in Joel's chest, a rejected tear strolling down her freckled skin. "Shit." Ellie moaned once again, constricting into herself as tightly as she could, trying to hide her abdomen in her own skin.
"It's okay, kiddo, you're just… this is a part of growin' up, you're on your period." Period? The fuck? Ellie asked herself, looking up at Joel and squeezing his hand tightly once again. Joel let out another cough, not making Ellie feel any better.
Ellie's body suddenly remembered she was in soaking wet clothing and her body shivered, only making the discomfort between her legs greater. "Sarah never had em but her mom had 'em a lot. None as bad as this, though."
"Really, really… helpful, Joel." She groaned, twisting the cloth of his shirt in her tiny hands. "We need to… to keep those painkillers in case you get sick." Ellie whispered, coughing after another rapid wave of pain. She saw Joel reaching for the painkillers and stopped him, an angry, firm expression on her face. "I'm not taking them, Joel."
Joel frowned, sighing, but nodded. Ellie squirmed once again as Joel continued with her in his arms, looking for a room. An unblocked door laid before him and he pushed it open with his shoulder, falling just beyond the frame of the now open door. "Okay, it's okay. I obviously never had this, but it stops in a bit. See if we can find you some stuff for this." Joel laid Ellie on the dirty bed that laid in the room, setting her bag on a dresser beside it. She moaned as he set her down on the dirty bed, leaves on the pillows rustling as her head hit them.
"Okay." Joel breathed, opening his bag. They had managed to snatch two crack heat pads while they were scavenging the previous day, something that seemed perfect for this. "This'll help a bit." He assured Ellie, feeling her twist his shirt in pain. "Just focus on something, something other than the pain."
She nodded, listening to his heartbeat echo through his chest. She moved closer to his chest, paying attention to every rhythm of his breath. "Alright, move your hands, baby." He whispered, gently pulling them from her abdomen. The muscles on her chest were tight, constricting and releasing at every second. He pressed the heat onto his own hand, making it warm even though it was soaked. Joel pressed his palm against her abdomen, feeling her body calm under his chest.
"That's… that's better." She whispered, closing her eyes for a second. Joel frowned, feeling his own soaked clothing cling to his skin. "Okay, we need to get into some dry clothes, kiddo." He whispered, beginning to unbutton his flannel from her body. It clung to her, a freezing cloth that made her shiver. "Agh." She moaned as he temporarily propped her up to remove the flannel, laying it on the dresser beside her bag. "Okay, I can do it now." She whispered, gently pushing him off. He nodded, turning around as she did the same. She gently removed everything, putting a dry set of clothes of everything on. A red hoodie coated her arms with soft cloth, specks of dirt living on small patches of it. The bottom had been ripped, cutting it at her hips. Another pair of jeans slipped over her legs and an almost clean pair of socks.
She finished, racing to lay back down as pain was lacing in her abdomen once again. She didn't turn back around until she heard Joel do the same, both of them finished. "You warmer?" He asked, awaiting her slight nod. "Good. We'll wait it out 'till the rain's better." Ellie let out another pained breath, making a pout run over Joel's face. "... and 'till you're feeling better."
"How long does this last?" Ellie whined, feeling Joel press his hand on her abdomen once again. It was warm and she breathed, letting out a shaky exhale. "It fucking… sucks."
"I know." He heaved a deep sigh, using his other hand to gently brush her wet hair. "I think it's 'bout a week-"
"A week?" Ellie whimpered, shutting her eyes in denial. "You have to be shitting me, old man." Ellie released another squeeze to Joel's hand, trying to suppress the pain. Joel looked back down to his bag, itching to get the painkillers. Suddenly, another cough took over him and he released his hand from Ellie's chest to hide his mouth, letting a drip of discharge run on his sleeve. "Joel-"
"I'm fine, I promise. Probably just a cold or somethin'." Ellie arose, despite Joel's protests. She pressed a hand against his cheek, checking for a fever. "What are you doin'?" He asked, an amused smile on his face. He took her wrist, moving her hand to his forehead. "There ya go."
"I dunno, this is what Riley did when I got a stomach bug a couple of months ago."
"Riley?" Joel asked, his tone confused. Ellie looked down for a moment, letting her mask slip for a second. Joel moved towards her but she rejected it, continuing to press her hand against his temple.
"Just… someone I knew in the QZ." Ellie whispered quickly, moving past the subject rapidly. Her eyes avoided his and focused on his features, looking for a sign of sickness. "Your head feels hot. That means you have a fever, right?" Joel smiled at her naiveness. He nodded, grimly, sitting on the bed with his back leaning against the wall that guarded the left side of it. "And that's not good…" Joel nodded, shutting his eyes for a second.
"Probably just a cold." He mumbled, shaking his head. Ellie gently pulled him down to lay down onto the bed, quickly moving beside him. She curled into his arms, feeling them wrap around her tightly. He took the heat pack from the dresser, slipping it under her hoodie just below her ribs and to the right, directly on her abdomen. "Better?"
"It's not as bad now… still hurts." Ellie muttered, exhaustion taking over her. Her body was warm in her clothes and with the pack pressing against her, she felt slumber beginning to take her over. "Hey, Joel?"
"Yeah?" He asked, looking down at her shut eyes with care. Every now and then he felt her breathing become uneven, or heard a small peep of pain come from her lips. In response, he simply pressed the heating pack closer to her skin or rubbed her back, just as he did when she had a nightmare.
"I…" She left her sentence hanging, taking a small breath, holding it captive before releasing it. "... night."
Joel nodded, closing his eyes. "Night, baby girl." He dreamt of what she was going to finish her sentence with, though he knew the next two words and he relished it.
"Why did you let me die, Ellie? Why did you shoot me?" A familiar voice rang through Ellie's head as she found herself in front of that fucking carousel. The shiny gleam of the ponies haunted her, all of their plastic eyes meeting hers. "You were selfish. You killed me so you could live. Did you ever love me?"
"I didn't want to kill you…" Ellie whispered, noticing Riley's slumped over figure on one of the shining horses. "I had no choice." Two white dots lived where her eyes were as they made contact with Ellie.
Riley's lifeless body suddenly moved, jerking as if it were being controlled by a puppeteer. "Tell yourself that…" Her voice was hoarse and dry, like it hadn't spoken for decades. Ellie stepped back as Riley began to crawl towards her on all fours. "You killed me, Ellie. No wonder no one loves you."
"That… that isn't true! Joel loves me!" Ellie cried, fearfully retreating as Riley's imposter moved closer. Blades seemed to grow from her fingers and she looked up, dark, black liquid spilling from her eyes. "Please, please… Riley, stop."
"Riley's gone! You made sure of that!" The creature let out a banshee scream, abruptly ending it as she pounced on Ellie, the nail-blades digging into Ellie's skin. "You're nothing! An abomination!"
"Please… stop…" Ellie sobbed, feeling the metal dig into her shirt, then her skin. The carousel began to spin behind them as Ellie tried desperately to push Riley off, tears streaming down her cheeks. Ellie's skin began taut with pain as Riley suddenly jumped off of her, retracting her claws.
"You're going to… pay…" Riley croaked, slinking into the darkness and leaving Ellie alone. Ellie slowly stood up, limping towards where Riley had abandoned her. Ellie suddenly felt the darkness of the mall crowding her, not allowing her to breath as she looked around, hyperventilating. Ellie closed in on herself, her hands hiding in her chest.
"Riley…?" Ellie called out, grabbing at the cuts in her skin. Ellie felt her skin become damp with salty tears as she looked around, searching for any sign of life. "Riley, please don't leave." Ellie whimpered, only to find a transparent wall blocking her. Ellie cried, slamming her fists against the wall. She screamed in pain, begging the border to drop. "No, please. Please, don't leave. Please, I don't want to be alone." Ellie weeped, kicking the wall once again only to find pain blossom through her toe. "Please, I don't want to be alone. Please."
Ellie fell against the wall, sliding down and hiding her head in her arms and letting out a furious scream.
Ellie remained there for minutes, crying at the loss of her first friend and love. She looked down at her bite mark, screaming at it. "Fuck you!" She sobbed, berating it with her other hand, trying to rip it from her arm. Suddenly, another wave of footsteps came from the carousel and it abruptly halted, showing another face. Ellie looked up, cringing as she saw Joel's body coming towards her. "Please… please stop."
"She's right, y'know." Joel's voice was gruff as he moved towards Ellie, his hands curling into fists. She remembered when she kissed Riley, hoping he would understand. "You're an abomination." Ellie cried, shaking her head in denial. Cold shock raced through her as she heard Joel's cruel words, his slurs.
"Stop… please. I don't know what I did wrong." Ellie weeped, trying to reach towards Joel only to feel him slap her back to the ground. "I thought you loved me… don't you love me?" Ellie asked, looking as a gentle look crossed over Joel, almost making her think she was safe from his words… but, she wasn't. Ever since they'd arrived in Salt Lake, her nightmares had worsened, plagued by the idea that all she'd done -all she had been through- was for absolutely nothing.
Joel let out an airy laugh, caressing Ellie's cheek with a glare. Ellie cringed under the stranger's grip, wishing her Joel would return to her and tell her it would all be okay. "Oh, baby girl… who could love you?" Joel asked her, pushing her face away from him and spitting at her feet in anger. "You're disgusting."
Ellie's nose wavered in fear as Joel smacked his palm against her, sending her back. Confusion etched through her, wondering what she had done wrong. What did I do? What did I do, Joel? Please, tell me. I'll make up for it, I'll do anything. She sobbed again, rubbing her cheek and shutting her eyes, accepting that this was her world now. She kneeled on the dirt below her, looking up at Joel standing above her.
"Please, I… I loved her. Please, I didn't mean to do anything wrong…" Ellie begged, feeling Joel kick her once again in disgust, spitting horrible words at her. Ellie cringed in the pain, accepting her punishment with guilt. Everything in her that she knew had vanished. Joel didn't love her… she was a monster for kissing Riley. It was all her fault.
Joel suddenly bared his knife, moving towards her with white hot anger radiating off of him. Ellie let out a quiet peep, backing away from him with her arms, desperately trying to escape him. "Dyke…" He huffed, watching as Ellie nodded, accepting the word and believing it. Ellie let out another shaky sob, giving one last plea for Joel to stop… he took her head in his hands, driving the knife into her throat with a glare. Ellie let out one last cry as she felt her body betray her, making everything go black around her. The last thing she saw was Joel standing over her, his bloody knife in his hands with a satisfied smile.
"No…" Ellie murmured, shaking and shivering in her dream, tears covering her skin as sweat raced from her pores. Joel scrambled to her, quickly awakened by the cries and screams. He frowned, knowing exactly what this was and he took her body in his arms, heaving her on his lap like he did so many weeks ago during the Winter. "Riley…" Ellie whimpered, her eyes screwed shut in the death-grip that the dream held on her.
Joel caressed her cheek, blowing a sweaty strand of hair out of her face. He shook her gently, cupping her jaw with his palms. "Ellie… Ellie, wake up, baby girl." He whispered, shaking a little harder as a chastising scream ran through his ears, making his eardrums feel as if they were going to burst. "Ellie, get up!" He croaked, shaking her once again as a near seizure took over her body, making her shake in a violent matter. "Ellie, please, you're scarin' me." He sounded louder and louder as more cries released from her small body, making mental wounds cut each inch of his body.
"Please… don't do this… Joel…" His eyes widened and he shook her harder, desperate to get her out of the terror she was living. "Don't leave…" He felt tears beginning to sting through him, leaving his eyes in a quick manner as he shook her harder, begging her to wake up.
"Ellie, please… baby girl, come back to me. I'm right here, come back to me." He whispered in her ear, taking her in his arms and just hoping she would wake up and feel safe in his presence again. Joel didn't want to think of what she was going through in the dream, all he wanted was for her to wake up. Finally, an abrupt screech escaped her lips, quickly making her jump awake in Joel's arms. "Thank God…" He whispered, squeezing her tighter as he peeled her from his arms, looking her in the eyes.
Her eyebrows knitted together in pain as he met her shining eyes, speaking a thousand words with a gaze. "Joel… y-you're-"
"I'm here, I'm right here." Joel promised, feeling her dive back into his arms as the ocean of pain and whimpers dawned over her, controlling her body and panicked inhales. Ellie looked around her, trying to make herself sure that she wasn't really in the mall anymore and that Joel still loved her.
"Do… Do you care about me?" She whispered, cries breaking her sentence with every second as she shook in his grip. He squeezed his features together, wrinkling his skin and cringing at her question. I love you more than you know.
"You're my baby girl… You have no idea how much I care about you, kiddo." He swore, feeling her cries increase in his chest. They were muffled by his shirt and he frowned, rubbing her back and humming a tune to her. Ellie squinted her eyes shut, seeing the horrific vision of Riley in her eyes. I need to tell him about… about our kiss. What if… what if he calls me a… A pit devolved in her stomach as she looked up, trying to steady herself. "Was it… was it the same one?" Joel asked her, pouting when she shook his head. His eyes shifted with a paternal gaze, feeling her let out another, quieter sob as she surfaced from his chest, looking up at him.
She looked like a child again in his arms and he stared down at her, his eyes full of concern and pain looking at her state. "Do… do you want to talk about it?" Joel asked, his voice hoarse. His tears dried on his wrinkled, dry skin as he awaited her response, clearly curious as to what had gotten her so upset. "I can help you better if you talk about it, baby girl."
Ellie let out another shaky cry, hiding her head in Joel's neck, feeling the bottom of his beard scratch her and she knitted her eyebrows together, scrunching her features up in pain. Another wave of pain ran through her abdomen and she grabbed at it, letting out a small moan. She felt Joel rubbing her back in an attempt to comfort her, though it didn't do much. "I… I'm afraid of what… what you'll say." She whispered through cries, feeling Joel shake his head.
"Nothing you say can make me change what I feel about you, kiddo." He swore, hugging her tighter and swearing at the thought she could even consider that. Ellie let out another shaky exhale, trying to calm herself down but desperately failing. Her hair fell in her face, sweaty both with her sweat and tears that coated her face and now the center of Joel's flannel.
"I… I lied to you." Ellie muttered, thinking back when he had asked her about Riley and she simply looked down, too overcome with grief to respond. It didn't go unnoticed. "Riley, she… she wasn't just my friend." Ellie's voice quivered as she felt like she was going to puke, savoring the feeling of Joel loving her like it could be the last time she felt it without him judging her.
Joel hugged her tighter, feeling her anxiety. He listened carefully, awaiting her explanation to her fear and terror of what she'd seen. "I… I kissed her." Ellie whispered, barely loud enough for Joel to hear, but he heard it. He shook his head in pain, sensing how nervous she was about his response by the cries and whimpers that escaped her after she had admitted her 'crime.'
"Oh, baby girl…" He sighed, feeling sick that she was so anxious and he didn't even see it. Ellie shut her eyes, awaiting his rejection or the horrible slurs he had called her in her nightmare. She winced, but only felt a kiss on her forehead. She opened her eyes in confusion, feeling Joel frame her face with his palms, making her look up at him.
"You… you don't hate me?" Joel let out a chuckle, shaking his head violently and caressing her wet cheeks gently, making her feel only worse. What if this is a trick? She thought, remembering back to how Joel had killed her in her nightmare because of her kiss with Riley.
"Ellie, it don't matter to me who you like. You're my baby girl, and nothin's changing that." Joel swore, feeling Ellie collapse into a wave of cries in his chest, all of the worry she'd been experiencing about his response to her sexuality coming crashing down her as it washed off of her. "Oh, baby girl… it's okay. I never, ever will leave you."
Ellie looked up at him, her eyes full of tears and her tears damp. "I had… I had to shoot her, Joel." Ellie croaked, sobbing once again. Joel felt physical pain as Ellie let out another whimper, hiding in his chest like a toddler. She felt so weak like this, but the climate that Joel created with her prevented her from having a full blown anxiety attack in his arms. "She died and… and I'm still here."
"Baby girl, that… that ain't your fault. You stopped her pain, you did the right thing." Joel whispered in her ear, brushing his hands through her hair carefully as he allowed her to release all of her stress and fear onto him, hiding her in his arms.
"Do you promise?" Ellie asked him, wiping her face with her sleeve and looking up at him, being gifted a slight break in her cries. Joel nodded violently, scooping her up in his arms and letting her kneel on his lap. She felt him completely surround her with his arms and hide her from the world, sealing her off.
"I swear on my life." Ellie's cries slowly divided down into whimpers and weeps as he squeezed her, trying to think of something to say. "I'm right here. I ain't going anywhere." Ellie let out another, final cry as she remembered what he had done in her dream and he looked down, prompting her to explain. "What happened, tell me." He asked gently, feeling her take his hands and squeeze them until she had no strength left.
"You… you said these… horrible things. She… she said you were going to leave-" Ellie recalled, not wanting to see Joel after she told him he had murdered his own companion. Joel felt a shiver run through his body as Ellie went still for a moment, like a corpse. She awaited his response, desperate for an ounce of comfort.
"That's not happenin'." Joel cut her off, promising with his whole existence that he wouldn't leave her under any circumstance. "I am never, ever leavin' you. We're a pair, okay? I don't care who you like, as long as you're here with me."
Ellie's sobbing quieted and she roped her hands around his neck, just hanging there and savoring his scent and the feeling of him wrapped entirely around her. I love you, Joel.