Chapter 8

The multitude of American flags seemingly look down on General Classified as he witnesses the sight in front of him.

He has expected a fight to happen in the shadowy hall of planning that he had taken back from OWCA, but he didn't expect that it would end with two of his fellow conspirators, Skunky-poo and Krabby Kakes, ended up frozen in place right in front of him.

And by his favorite animal of all things.

Taking off the Inator-wristwatch inator that Agent Doof had given him earlier, Perry the Platypus looks at the shadowy figure fearlessly as he gets into a fighting stance.

Behind him is Major Monogram, along with fellow Agent E the bald eagle and Agent B the bulldog.

The major produces a pair of handcuffs and approaches the shadowy figure.

"General Classified!" Monogram announces. "You are under arrest for theft of government property and conspiracy to commit fraud! Surrender peacefully, and you will not be harmed!"

The general is unfazed by what he had just heard. He smirks at Monogram and the three animal agents.

"Oh, Major Monogram. You think I haven't thought about what I'd do in the case of my animal bodyguards not being able to protect me?"

"General Classified! Step forward! This is your final warning!"

The general didn't do what he was told. Instead, he reaches into his coat pocket, frightening the major. "Darn it! Why didn't I bring a gun with me!?" Monogram thinks to himself.

But the general didn't pull out a gun. In his right hand is the iconic orange box of Reese's Pieces candy.

"Are… are those Reese's Pieces?" Asked Monogram. What's he going to do? Eat them?

What the general did next was something that took everyone off guard. He purposely spilled the orange and brown pieces all over the floor right next to the frozen bodies of his animal acquaintances.

As the four OWCA agents look down, a voice from above echoes through the room.

"Woo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo!"

The agents slowly look up to see something jump from flagpole to flagpole above them. Eventually landing in front of the candy.

The purple, hairy, genetically-modified creature with four arms created by GESH: Geshy.

Gathering up the courage to speak, Monogram says to his agents.

"Agents… don't let that… thing scare you! It's just another living, breathing creature that we have to deal with!"

He points at the candy-eating creature. "Agents B and E, neutralize it!"

The fedora wearing eagle and bulldog follow Monogram's orders and charge at the purple creature.

Geshy, noticing this, decided to show his fangs.

Literally.

The second the bulldog and eagle saw the two dozen razor sharp teeth of the creature as it roared at them, they fled in a panic. A look of fear plastered on their faces.

Not just them either, Monogram and Perry stood still like trees.

"An… apex predator." Whispered Monogram. Perry looks up at him.

The major then fell to his knees. Trying to understand what he had just seen.

"The lion does not feel guilty when it kills a gazelle. People don't feel guilty when they accidentally squish an ant."

Perry looks at Geshy again. It feels like he's staring literal death in the face. With teeth like that, that thing could chew and swallow him whole in less than a second.

But if he stays behind and tries to fight it, it could give Monogram some time to flee.

Taking a sweet, deep breath, the platypus enters his fighting stance while thoughts of Phineas and Ferb play with his mind. Everytime that he puts on the fedora over the years, he knew that there was a chance that he may never see the two again.

Now the day that he has feared has finally come. He's staring death in the face and that face is purple.

Monogram, now realizing what's happening, yells out of Agent P. "Agent P! There's no shame in retreating! I'll be damned if I let you die!"

General Classified then stands up from his seat. "That's quite enough, Geshy!"

A folder in hand, he moves in between Geshy and Perry.

"Listen, I'm willing to pay almost any price so that the United States becomes the undisputed ruler of the world, but I'm not going to hurt a majestic animal like the platypus just to get OWCA off my back."

He politely hands Perry the folder he's holding.

"THIS is what happens to an animal after they get a little too close to Geshy, here."

Without thinking, Perry snatches the folder from the shadowy figure and opens it. Only to wish he hadn't a second later.

If he had ever seen a photograph that's more graphic than the one he's holding right now, he couldn't remember it.

The amount of shock that he had felt was so great, he instantly lost all his strength and collapsed in front of the major. His fedora slipping off his head and ending up falling off the platform the four are standing on.

Monogram couldn't believe what he was seeing. What was possibly his best agent fainting in front of him. "I can't believe it. There isn't anything we can do. If we don't do this, who will?"

General Classified looks down the hole the fedora fell into.

"Yeah, I'll get one of the other shadowy figures to get that hat for you. Sorry about that."

"Memory is a reward of your personal experience.

It is a record of trial and error; defeat and success.

Past failures will warn you against repeating them. - Wilfred Peterson."

JFK shakes his head at what he just read. "That chowdahead Lincoln thinks he's acting all clever when he posts quotes on the internet."

He puts his phone back in his pocket.

"Last time I check out social media while doing my morning jog!"

As he jogs past the trees leading up to Teen Sex Cove, he notices that it's getting pretty windy.

This didn't stop him however, from finding a place to sit down and continue writing his Mario fanfiction. Mark had told him that there's inspiration everywhere and that there's no shortage of it in nature.

Pulling out a small notebook and pencil, he starts writing.

"A cold chill travels down the spines of the Mario brothers as they witness the toad rebel not fall to his death, but defy gravity as the crown that he is wearing starts to glow.

Hark! This thing writes itself!"

He then feels a sudden gust of wind caress his face before pelting him with a Twix candy bar wrapper. He quickly grabs on to it.

"Ugh! Who the hell would litter in a place as beautiful as this!?"

As soon as he asked that question, a familiar voice then spoke from the inside of his head.

"Thanks for sharing that Twix bar with me, Jackie Boy. I don't know if I could actually finish the whole thing."

He scratches his head. "Huh? Jackie boy?"

The familiar voice then speaks again, this time, seemingly from behind him.

"We had some good times together, didn't we, Jackie boy?"

He stands up and turns around, only to take a step back at what he's seeing.

A clone. About the same age as he is, only transparent and seems pretty roughed up. Tears in his clothes, a plastic bag over his head, a banana peel on his shoulder, and a six pack soda ring tying his hands together.

Finding the courage to speak. "You're a… you're a… g-g-DEAD GUY!"

The figment of JFK's imagination sighs. "Oh brother, not this again. You know me, JFK! Come on! All your memories have GOTTA come back by now!"

JFK raises an eyebrow. "Memories? What the hell are you talk-"

He then stops talking, as multiple images of an old friend start to get more clearer in his mind. His eyes widened at the realization.

"Ponce de Leon?" "Eyyyy. Ring a ding ding! Give the man a prize!"

Overcome with joy, JFK jumps up and down. "Ponce! You're back! Man, I haven't seen you since…"

His giant smile slowly fades away at the realization of what had happened to him.

"Ever since… you know… Ever since before the… OH MY GOD!"

JFK puts his hands on his face as Imaginary Ponce moves closer to him.

"Yeah, it's all coming together, isn't it Jackie boy? The fact that you were born in 1987 and not 2006; I STILL can't believe that!"

"We were FROZEN in place for 20 years!?" Shouted JFK. "And NOBODY ELSE has noticed!?"

Imaginary Ponce tries to console him. "Hey relax, man. Just relax. You're here in 2023 now. It's not the end of the world. Just let it go…"

JFK shoots an angry look at Imaginary Ponce. "Let it go… Let it go… Turn away and slam the door! Wow! Even in death you can be a real, er uh, comedian, Ponce!"

Another thought then crosses his mind. He runs his hands through his hair.

"Oh my god. I was frozen when Frozen 1 and 2 were in the theaters! HOW DO I KNOW THIS!?"

Imaginary Ponce frowns. "You think just because I'm dead, I know everything?"

Watching JFK talk to himself on his monitor, Scudworth rubs his head.

"Oh no… this isn't good."

Walking across the courtyard of Clone High, Caligula speaks to Vergil.

"How many times have you been rejected?"

"Four. And you?"

Caligula sighs. "Six. Three of those were from the Bronte sisters. Apparently, they didn't consider fanfiction to be literature."

They walk into the main building together. Vergil speaks again.

"Did you see how many girls tried to ask Mark out to Winter Prom? I'm surprised they didn't try to get to us so that they can try to get to him."

He then notices that Caligula had stopped walking; something had caught his eye.

"Huh; what are you look-"

He looks in Caligula's direction only to be as astonished as he is.

It's not just the two guys either. Everybody in the hallway has their attention on one girl.

Joan of Arc.

"That's Joan!" "By the beard of Zeus!" "What a fox!" "Is it cliche to say hubba-hubba!"

The stylistically changed teenage girl with a new makeover then trips over her heels, silencing everybody.

As she gets back up, Vergil looks at Caligula. "I call first dib-"

Caligula wasn't having any of it however, as he pushes Vergil onto the lockers. "Out of the way, loser!"

He quickly approaches Joan. "Joan of Arc! How would you like to go to prom with the clone of the brave Roman emperor who raged a war on Poseidon himself!"

Joan's response was exactly how one would think she'd respond. She karate chopped Caligula in the neck. Making him fall to the ground and start struggling to breathe.

It was then that Vergil ran up to Joan, jumping over his suffocating friend on the way.

He gets on his knees as he follows Joan around.

"I'm just a clone of a shy poet and one that never knew a woman. So will you please go to the prom with me?"

Joan saw right through Vergil's facade and elbows him in the face. "OW!"

"I'm waiting for someone SPECIAL to ask me… someone more like…"

She then hears Dante's voice from down the hall.

"Abe, if you want to ask Cleo to prom, just ask her. It doesn't have to be special."

He's having a discussion with Abe.

"Yeah, but she's the clone of Cleopatra the Seventh." Said Abe. "Everything's gotta be perfect, you know?"

Dante shakes his head. "Yeah, and Beatrice can bench press 250 pounds. I simply asked her to prom, despite her going to a different school, and she was cool with it. What's your point?"

Abe was about to hand the argument over to Dante when he sees a familiar face. "Oh, hey Joan, what's-"

It was right then and there that his mind went wandering off elsewhere. Joan looks different and he knows that he's seen her in that way before.

Not believe. Know.

As Joan stares back at him, Abe pieces together everything that had happened during the time that Joan had gotten a makeover.

The magical night at the meat locker. The floating Joan heads over Cleo's privates.

I, uh, didn't see it coming either. And by 'it' I mean ME!

Seeing her in bed with JFK. The guy who had led him into that freezer.

All in the year 2003. Seemingly three years before he was even born.

"Augh!" Abe sputters out while placing his hand on his forehead.

Joan looks at him with concern and so did Dante.

"Abe, are… are you okay?" She says to him.

Abe waves her off. If he told her everything that he had just seen, she probably won't believe him. "I'll… I'll be fine, Joan… I just need some fresh air!"

He runs off, leaving Joan and Dante behind.

Dante crosses his arms. "What the hell is HIS problem!?"

Nearby, JFK is crying at the sink of the girl's restroom.

Whether it be 2003 or 2023, the ladies don't seem to mind as much as long as it's him and not some other pervert.

He speaks to his reflection. "What do I do now!? Where do I go? Now that I know my whole life's a lie!"

It was then that his reflection starts talking back, just like it did back many years ago. "Those are some pretty big questions for you to ask yourself, pretty boy! Especially since this whole thing was YOUR fault in the first place!"

JFK raises his hands. "Whoa whoa! Where did THIS come from!?"

His reflection talks back. "Don't play stupid with me! The room that you and Joan just so happened to be in was the same flash freezer that froze everybody. If only you tried to take a lady HOME with you, instead of STAYING at that prom where you KNEW you couldn't be prom king for the third year in a row."

JFK closes his eyes and covers his ears. "Shut up. Just SHUT UP!"

His reflection didn't shut up. It keeps talking.

"You could've been the hero of Clone High. You could have saved everybody from that freezer, but what did you do instead? You paid more attention to your ding-a-ling than your brain! Who the heck has sex in a freezer anyway!?"

JFK breaks down in tears. "AUGH! You're right! Everything WAS my fault! I'm sorry! I'M SO SORRY!"

His reflection speaks. "Don't tell me you're sorry, tell THEM you're sorry! Especially JOAN! You PROBABLY hurt her the most!"

JFK sniffs. "But HOW have I hurt-" "JFK?"

He turns around to see the very familiar face of Joan of Arc staring back at him. The real knock-out betty herself.

His eyes wander all over the bathroom. "Joan… I...I er uh…"

Joan continues staring at him as he falls to his knees in front of her. "Oh, Joan! I've been a fool! Joan, it's all my fault that you're standing right in front of me this very second!"

Joan takes a step back. "You're… kinda preaching to the choir, JFK. But exactly are you talking about?"

"An old friend came to visit me from… from my head. I thought everything was going well for me until he showed me a bunch of HORRIBLE things!"

JFK stands back up. "I don't know why I'm saying this to you. I'll… I'll show myself out now."

Just as JFK was starting to walk out of the room, Joan grabs his arm.

"This friend of yours…" She says to him. "He wouldn't be Ponce de Leon, would it?"

JFK slowly looks back at Joan. "Nobody else remembers Ponce, Joan. That means… you have your memory back, too!"

Joan then bursts out laughing, catching JFK off guard. "HAHAHAHA! Oh JFK, you are so funny! I would have had to LOSE my memories if I had to get them back!"

"You… you don't have any new memories?" Said JFK.

Joan keeps smiling. "When I found out that I've awoken in the year 2023, it took every ounce of my willpower to not freak out at everybody. Am I alive? Am I dead? Was I never born to begin with? I asked myself those questions over and over again every day since August."

"Is that why you haven't told Abe how you feel? Because you needed some time to, er uh, get a grasp on the future?"

Joan points at JFK. "Ring a ding ding. Now that you know my secret, keep it to yourself! I have sacrificed EVERYTHING that I am so I can try to get Abe to love me! They WALKED in on us, JFK! My plan WORKED! And it's going to work again! I know it!"

"Oh, I can do a lot more than just keep a secret, Joan!" Said JFK. "You've said it yourself, you've used me before and you can use me again!"

Joan scratches her head. "Abe still chose Cleo over me even though I had a makeover. That could work. But tell me one thing… how do I know you're not trying to… get intimate with me… again!?"

JFK looks away from Joan. "I guess… I want to try and make things right."

He exits out the bathroom, leaving Joan all by herself.

That didn't last long, because he walked right back in.

"Forgot to wash my hands!" As he turns on the faucet, he nods at his reflection.

His reflection nods back.

It's now early in the evening and a shirtless Abe is holding up his silver painted golf club with both hands.

He closes his eyes. "I am Abe Lincoln, clone of the 16th president of the United States." He takes a deep breath. "And I am no coward!"

He then goes on to strike the tree in front of him with the golf club. Effectively denting the protective bark.

A familiar voice then shouted behind him. "Abe, what the hell are you doing!? Trees have feelings!"

He looks back to see a concerned Cleopatra looking back at him.

Before long, they are back at his house, in the kitchen with Abe pouring a bottle of non-alcoholic beer into a blender with ice in it.

"Abe, I'm worried about you." Said Cleo. "I still can't believe that you were out there for an hour. What if you get sick before the prom!?"

Abe goes on to add a cup of greek yogurt into the blender.

"I'm not a stranger to the cold. Or to pain."

"I've NEVER seen you like this before, Abe!" Said Cleo. "Please tell me what's bothering you!"

"You'll never understand!" Said Abe as he adds some frozen strawberries into the blender. "Not just you either. NOBODY can understand!"

"I still want to know what's troubling you so I can help!" Cleo says as Abe scoops some peanut butter out of a jar and into the blender.

"And why exactly DO you want to help me!?" Said Abe as he slams the jar on the counter.

Seeing this, Cleo composes herself a little before speaking. "Because I am your girlfriend, Abe! I'm supposed to help you when you're troubled with something!"

Abe sighs. There's no point in arguing.

"Okay Cleo, there's this guy who… I want to hurt really bad…"

This took Cleo off guard. "Oh my. Um… Why DO you want to hurt him?"

Abe opens a can of Ovaltine drink mix. "I guess… he hurt me in a way that I'll never recover from."

Cleo looks at the floor. "Abe I… I know the feeling."

After adding a few spoonfuls of Ovaltine, Abe closes the blender. "You do?"

Cleo nods. "I… want to tell you something, Abe. It's my deepest, darkest secret that I don't want you to tell ANYONE, you understand!"

Abe holds the lid of the blender down as he presses the pulse button a few times. "Your secret is safe with me, Cleo."

Cleo sniffs. "Abe… I'm not sure how to say this, but…" She raises her hands up. "I'M NOT THE CLONE OF CLEOPATRA!"

That caught Abe's attention. He held his finger on the pulse button for a few seconds before letting go.

"What!? But… how!?" Said Abe. "They dug up Cleopatra's body just like they dug up Abraham Lincoln's and everybody elses, right? Otherwise you wouldn't BE here!"

Cleo takes a deep breath. "Abe, for the past 2,000 years, NOBODY has found the tomb of Cleopatra! That fact came as a shock to me!

They… they found a bunch of mummified corpses in Taposiris Magna, I… I THINK my clone mother is a high priestess that lived there during Ptolemaic Egypt!"

Absorbing this information, Abe rubs the back of his head. "Hmm… it makes sense. It also makes me wonder how many clones are out there who aren't really clones of historical figures. But why are you telling me this?"

Cleo explains. "Abe, for the longest time, I've acted like a clone of a pharaoh even though I'm NOT! That's because every day, I walk along people who ARE clones of historical figures, including YOU!

But when I'm with you, I feel like I can be MYSELF, not what other people think of me."

She looks down at the floor again as Abe pours the contents of the blender into two glasses. "Let's go to the living room." She hears him say.

Before long, they're close together on the couch. Cleo's feeling a little better as she sips Abe's drink. "This smoothie tastes good."

Abe looks at his. "Does it? I just threw together a bunch of random stuff. Heh."

They stay silent for a little while before Abe speaks again.

"Cleo, I have something important to ask you."

Cleo looks up at Abe. "Hmm. What is it?"

Abe gives a warm smile. "There was a time in my life where I had a crush on you only because of how you looked, but over time, and even right now as I'm talking, I started to learn something very important.

There's more to a girl than her looks. Behind every girl is a life that she has to maintain in every way like a guy's. You've helped me realize this.

I know this isn't a fancy or elaborate proposal, but you've… always been the one for me.

Cleopatra Smith, as a clone of a priestess and not the last pharaoh of Egypt,

Will you be my prom date?"

Cleo's eyes then lit up. "YES! Of course I'll go with you!"

She quickly puts her drink down and wraps her arms around his neck; planting kisses all over his face and neck.

"This prom is so going to be the night of our lives. The theme is totally kickass compared to the last two years: A Night at the Magical Forest!"

She kisses her finger and rubs it on Abe's earlobe, causing him to chuckle.

"Heh heh."

The next chapter is going to be the last one. It's probably also going to be the longest.

So look forward to that.